4 year relationship ended, dont know what i feel

[vurtne]

I think its good to not rearrange your life to avoid her, but keep in mind seeing her might bring about some intense feelings within you, and it could be difficult.

 

Id just play it cool. If you run into her, say hi, smile, and move on. Dont seek her out and dont linger around her. Just try to behave as if she is some random acquaintance at the party but dont know that well. Friendly greeting, and keep mingling with other people and try to keep away from her without making it obvious. Just try your best to act normal and ignore the fact that she is there.

 

Hi,

 

Thanks for the tip.

 

I am starting to think this might be a "GIGS" breakup as she seems to want to party alot now posting **** like "after this summer i Will need a rehab" etc etc.

 

Also last week while out she uploaded on her Mystory while she was on some party and really fkn tried to show like "Hey i am with other guys" atleast it seems like it.

 

She seems so empty and hollow now from her snapchats :s

[springy]

Seems like normal behavior of a 22 year old newly single woman. Her first time "free" as a single adult. Nothing out of the ordinary here. You should probably stop following her so you don't over analyze everything you see.

[jamili]

Springy is right. You are not doing NC if you are looking at her social media profile. You are breaking NC and delaying your healing.

 

She's 22, you have to take it for what it is - she's super young still. Has a LOT of growing and maturing to do before she can have any serious long term relationship. As you can now see from her social media updates and pictures, she's still a kid. Let her do her thing, and disappear.

 

Date other women. Go grow and learn too.

[vurtne]

Getting more and more Confused dwelling on My thoughts here, this breakup doesn't make Any sense.

 

I was her first everything her first boyfriend her first love she always Said i was the only one for her forever it was always gonna be me.

 

All she Wanted was Me to move to her city and live with her.

 

Its like i am trying to fit a puzzle here together i am so fkn confused.

 

Why Did she say things like when we broke up "if we are meant to be we Will find a way back" "it could be 1 month 6 months 1 year or 5 years"

 

Also afterwards texting things like "i hope we find our way back"

 

Have not gotten anything from her not a miss you nothing, 4 years and its like nothing?

 

So damn Confused, have not contacted her anything Ofc still.

 

Can Anyone give Me answers??

 

I really dont have Any other choice here but to try to date new people and experience new things right, just move on?

Edited June 21, 2017 by vurtne

[Blanco]

Getting more and more Confused dwelling on My thoughts here, this breakup doesn't make Any sense.

 

I was her first everything her first boyfriend her first love she always Said i was the only one for her forever it was always gonna be me.

 

All she Wanted was Me to move to her city and live with her.

 

Its like i am trying to fit a puzzle here together i am so fkn confused.

 

Why Did she say things like when we broke up "if we are meant to be we Will find a way back" "it could be 1 month 6 months 1 year or 5 years"

 

Also afterwards texting things like "i hope we find our way back"

 

Have not gotten anything from her not a miss you nothing, 4 years and its like nothing?

 

So damn Confused, have not contacted her anything Ofc still.

 

Can Anyone give Me answers??

 

I really dont have Any other choice here but to try to date new people and experience new things right, just move on?

 

If first loves were usually final loves, it wouldn't be as remarkable as it is to hear about it happening. I'm sure your ex meant these things in your heart at the time. But people change, especially when it's over the course of our teens and twenties. It sucks, but it is not really wrong of someone to grow as a person and realize that what they thought they wanted forever isn't actually so.

[vurtne]

If first loves were usually final loves, it wouldn't be as remarkable as it is to hear about it happening. I'm sure your ex meant these things in your heart at the time. But people change, especially when it's over the course of our teens and twenties. It sucks, but it is not really wrong of someone to grow as a person and realize that what they thought they wanted forever isn't actually so.

 

Yeah i know,

 

I just dwell back and forth its so insane.

 

Like i dont understand if it were to be like 2 more months i would probably have to finish this relationship myself as i started to think i Wanted to be single, had to study myself as well....

 

I really dont get it why Did i feel that way? And once she Did the dumping the tables just turned completely? Her stock just went through the roof.

 

Why is that? I dont get it..

 

It was always something with his girl that was missing during our last 2 years i always thought There was something Little missing..

 

Its sort of feels like i am in Love with the Idea of her and maybe not her...

 

Can Anyone explain?

 

Maybe what i am missing is just feeling in Love?

Edited June 22, 2017 by vurtne

[vurtne]

Hey,

 

Yesterday was a hard day, was at a party with some friends and other women just could not stop comparing Them to her.

 

How can i stop comparing other girls to her? It seems impossible.

 

Had sort of a breakdown yesterday when i got home and just fkn cried for an hour. How could she leave us? How could she our families? We were going go venice just like last year she had beeen hoping for this trip the whole year.

 

, why am i still so damm sad even two months after? How long does it take?

 

Why isnt she sad att all? She just seems to be living on her life like i am completely indifferent... its so hard to explain what i feel its like i all i am is air to her now.

 

I have gotten nothing, not a i miss you not Any breadcrumb absolutely nothing.

 

Its just so hard for Me to understand hos a person which just thought you were everything for so long now sees you as nothing.

 

There is nothing i can do nothing i can say i have to move on.

 

It gets quite annoying when she is still trying to be in semi contact with My family through social media why cant she detach from them as me?

 

It feels like she just tries ro show into My face How happy she is without Me uploading so many party mystorys and so many Good looking selfies etc is There Any chance she is doing this so i get jelous or is it just her having fun and a great time?

 

 

I just don't get the breakup it was so out of the blue she just went Cold 1-2 weeks and a bit off Then the "we need to talk came"

 

Why Did she say things like "it can be 1 month 3 months 1 year or 5 years"

 

"There might get someone in between"

 

"I hope we find our way back" this she Said 2 fycking days after breaking up with Me, sho the **** says i hope we find our way back after breaking up with someone?

 

"If we are ment to be we Will find our way back"

 

 

"We keep in contact and see where we get" - she has not ****ing Said anything to me "How are you" or anything for the last 1 ****ing month.

 

"Right now i just want to finish this" - Uni which is s BIG fkn lie

 

Also the fact that she broke up right before her school semester so we would be available to see eachother the whole fkn summer, i really dont get it.

 

Writing in pure frustration and just had to get out My thoughts.

 

I really Did Love this girl i really did, its just sad seeing her change into something else.

 

Br

Edited June 24, 2017 by vurtne

[vurtne]

Wow,

 

Was at the same party yesterday i saw her just grinding on some other Guy i think she saw Me.

 

We Did not speak a Word only "ran into her once".

 

Anyways still from her snapchat she seems like a COMPLETELY changed person just ****ing drinking and partying i have never seen her acting like this before?

 

Its just like the old girl just fkn died?

 

Had a pretty ok night in general flirting with some other girls etc and i had fun:cool:

 

Doing My best to grieve heal and move on but **** it is hard.

[JJNY]

Same as before, man. Each time you have contact with her, her attraction to you and respect for you drops. Each shred of communication you have, the chances of you two getting back together drops more and more. I know its hard to accept this because its counterintuitive thinking, but its just how it is after a breakup.

 

If you really are unsure if you want her back or not, then never contact her again and let life happen - this way you can at least leave the door open for future reconciliation. If you decide that you definitely never want to be with her romantically again, then feel free to contact her and hammer those final nails into this coffin. Even then, its still a bad idea, because you will just disrespect yourself, and her, and that's never a good feeling.

 

This is some of the best advice I've heard on here, thanks. It really is counter-intuitive. Wish I saw it a few days ago. Hopefully OP (and myself, and everyone else in our situations) are able to listen.

[vurtne]

I have not contacted her directly at since last time all only form of contact is that we are liking eachothers instagram photos and watching eachothers mystorys on snapchat thats it.

 

I sort of try to put a happy face on have never posted anything sad or depressivt just a lot of workout and a Little when i am out partying, nothing to try to make her jelous or anything.

 

Is there really nothing else i can do but just simply try to make myself happy? Try to go out on dates etc and try to move on?

 

Shall i just keep doing what i am doing?

 

Is she putting on some kind of mask now herself with all this partying bull**** etc? Is she trying to run something in My face How Much fun she is having without Me?

 

Is she even ****ing missing me at all? Does she even think about Me ?

 

Its so Strange that i havent gotten anything from her

Edited June 25, 2017 by vurtne

[vurtne]

Did some self torturing today read some of her old blogg posts about me How Much in Love she was with me...

 

Literally 55 pages about How much she loved me in total..

 

I just want to call her and say "what the **** are we doing (name) cant we just solve this)"

 

Is NC really the only way here?!?!. I want to fight for this girl

 

What the hell has happend she began Uni i guess she got taste of all the partying.. maybe she got her eyes up for someone else? i dont recognize her, its like she has completely changed Over These two months where is the girl i fell in Love with?

 

Please Any advice i might have to cave in maybe it is already to late????

Edited June 29, 2017 by vurtne

[Blanco]

There's nothing to fight for.

[vurtne]

There's nothing to fight for.

 

Damn its so insane.. i know this myself as well.

 

Just cannot understand How she cannot want Me anymore..

 

Doesn't she miss me at all? Its like i am completely forgotten...

[Blanco]

It's hard to believe and process when it happens to us, but the unfortunate reality is that we are surrounded by hundreds of people nearly every day who have experienced such loss. It's of little comfort in these times, but it's important to remember that countless people have made it through the seemingly impossible and lived to tell about it.

[vurtne]

Struggling so hard to not contact her. I have never Missed a person this Mich in My entire life its a pain i cannot describe. on sunday i am going to Barcelona with some friends of mine for a week.

 

Seriously thinking about giving her a call when i get home....

 

Just try to see if she would like to meet up

[d0nnivain]

To what end?

 

 

The distance broke you up. Unless you have a plan to solve that, what are you doing?

[vurtne]

To what end?

 

 

The distance broke you up. Unless you have a plan to solve that, what are you doing?

 

I have left My Job in the city so i Will have to find a new one. And therefore i might start to search for one in her city

[d0nnivain]

If you get a job in her city, you might have a shot at putting this back together after you move. Don't move in with her.

 

 

Since she is only in school there, what happens when she graduates? Does she want to stay there for work?

[vurtne]

If you get a job in her city, you might have a shot at putting this back together after you move. Don't move in with her.

 

 

Since she is only in school there, what happens when she graduates? Does she want to stay there for work?

 

My plan is after My trip to ask if she would like to meet up and talk.

 

If she says yes id come to her and explain that i No longer have a Job in this city and that i have started looking for Jobs in her city. Id explain to her what i have Done wrong in our relationship and what i could do to fix These.

 

Also maybe buy her something Nice like roses perhaps?

 

After that id ask her if she would be open to try to work or issues out if i were ro get a Job in gothenburg.

 

Does Anyone think this is a Good or bad Idea?

 

Any suggestions please let Me know

Edited June 29, 2017 by vurtne

[d0nnivain]

No roses at this point.

 

 

You know her best. If you think talking to her about your lack of a job & plans to job hunt by her is a good idea, I have no evidence to the contrary.

 

 

If you get back together, then you can give her flowers for no reason about a month later.

[Blanco]

Sorry, but I think it's a mistake to majorly alter your life to chase someone at the age you are both at. You are operating under the assumption that being near her again will lead to you being a couple. I don't think it's as easy as that.

[vurtne]

Sorry, but I think it's a mistake to majorly alter your life to chase someone at the age you are both at. You are operating under the assumption that being near her again will lead to you being a couple. I don't think it's as easy as that.

 

Blanco,

 

Its just all the things she Said to Me and to My grandma "i hope we find our way back"

 

And to My grandma "i hope everything gets solved because we still Love eachother, who knows maybe he gets into UNI here etc"

 

Also this girl man.... 10/10 cooks and ****s like a goddess takes care of me is so caring to everyone around.

[BC1980]

Damn its so insane.. i know this myself as well.

 

Just cannot understand How she cannot want Me anymore..

 

Doesn't she miss me at all? Its like i am completely forgotten...

 

Because we project how we feel onto other people.

[vurtne]

Have decided today to try to talk with her and explain the situation and How i am feeling.

 

I am just thinking id i am missing this girl so ****ing Much, she has to miss Me as well.

 

I really hope this works out.

 

I was so ****ing stupid and couldnt realize what i had.

[d0nnivain]

almost 2 months ago me and my ex broke up, basically we have grown apart and lost feelings for eachother.

 

I told her we should lay low for a while mostly because i felt i was an emotional wreck and i needed to heal.

 

Reading your other thread, two things stand out:

 

- This became a long-distance relationship.

- She was the one to say she was losing feelings.

 

Have decided today to try to talk with her and explain the situation and How i am feeling.

 

I am just thinking id i am missing this girl so ****ing Much, she has to miss Me as well.

 

I really hope this works out.

 

I was so ****ing stupid and couldnt realize what i had.

 

 

Missing her is not a reason to get back together. If she lost feelings this may be hopeless. However, if she lost feelings because she couldn't hack an LDR & you were "out of sight out of mind" you really have to consider how strong your bond was.

 

 

I understand you are now looking for a job near where she goes to school. Yes, that will close the distance but if the feelings have already disappeared on her end you will simply end up living near somebody who doesn't want you in a place you never wanted to be in the 1st place. Plus what happens when she's done with school if she gets a job elsewhere? Relocating for a mere BF/GF is usually a lousy idea.

 

 

If she was the one who ended it, you realizing what you lost is meaningless. She's driving this bus not you.

 

 

If she's willing to talk, by all means talk to her but you can't beg. You have to find out what she wants. She may want to be free to pursue other relationships when she returns to school. At that point, you need to stay put & not move.

 

 

You are very emotional & that is not serving you well here. Have a little dignity. Approach things logically but get a new job soon. You have to support yourself.