4 year relationship ended, dont know what i feel

[vurtne]

......................

[dumbass2]

That text conversation was shall we say, just a wee bit over the top.

 

Go ahead and read through that stuff and get it all out. Time to go through the break up stages so you can heal on move on as she is.

[vurtne]

Saw her today, think she saw me as well but she looked into her cellphone maybe she Did not want to look at Me or wave.

 

I guess it is still hard for her to be indifferent just as i told her it Will be.

 

She looked so beautiful, like an angel.

 

If i could post a picture of her here i would, you would be amazed trust me.

 

I just wish that her laugh and eyes could penetrate Me while we were together but thet couldnt.

 

When i saw her my heart skipped a beat i hope her did as well or atleast that she got nervous.

 

I thought about her a lot today wondered How she felt about our closure talk, i really hope everything works out for both her and me in life, i know that she Will find someone better someone who can give here everything i never could.

 

I just wish it was not like this between us i really do. When we broke up i told her that my dream is not to study in another city but to study with her and that we should be happy with eachother but we were not, atleast not from My side for very long.

 

 

When we broke up i went for a long walk along the beach and cried. I wrote our initials in the sand and watched the waves easy it away. I begged to god that day that i was going to find love agai but not with her.

 

It was so long i was in love i have almost forgotten how it feels like.

 

The first time i mer her i was a complete douchebag, i was 18 years old drove my fathers old beaten up Harley Davidson without a license.

 

I blasted on the highway with her on my back i probably drove over 180kmh/h passning through lanes like an complete idiot almost Killing us Both. Maybe i had drove that motorcycle 5 Times in total before that

 

She Held on to me tight i could tell she was afffaid. She never had been on a motorcycle before.

 

I've grown so much because of this girl, i was a complete ******* before i was very lost before.

 

I Will always appreciate what she learned Me in life, to be kind and loving and to not fight and be destructice.

 

I Will keep My diary here until i get into Uni or whatever Will happen until the autumn.

 

A part of Me hopes we Will fall in Love with eachother someday, but i know we dont fit together.

Edited July 1, 2017 by vurtne

[d0nnivain]

UGH.

 

That whole conversation you posted had no business being a text. You need to learn to talk -- using your voice -- to your partner.

 

If you can manage to talk to your SO, your next relationship will be so much better.

[vurtne]

Ladies and gents,

 

Is There anything i can do to get this girl to want Me back as her boyfriend ?

 

Is There really nothing? Just stat in NC and move on is that the only way There is a small chance?

 

Br

[BC1980]

Saw her today, think she saw me as well but she looked into her cellphone maybe she Did not want to look at Me or wave.

 

I guess it is still hard for her to be indifferent just as i told her it Will be.

 

She looked so beautiful, like an angel.

 

If i could post a picture of her here i would, you would be amazed trust me.

 

I just wish that her laugh and eyes could penetrate Me while we were together but thet couldnt.

 

When i saw her my heart skipped a beat i hope her did as well or atleast that she got nervous.

 

I thought about her a lot today wondered How she felt about our closure talk, i really hope everything works out for both her and me in life, i know that she Will find someone better someone who can give here everything i never could.

 

I just wish it was not like this between us i really do. When we broke up i told her that my dream is not to study in another city but to study with her and that we should be happy with eachother but we were not, atleast not from My side for very long.

 

 

When we broke up i went for a long walk along the beach and cried. I wrote our initials in the sand and watched the waves easy it away. I begged to god that day that i was going to find love agai but not with her.

 

It was so long i was in love i have almost forgotten how it feels like.

 

The first time i mer her i was a complete douchebag, i was 18 years old drove my fathers old beaten up Harley Davidson without a license.

 

I blasted on the highway with her on my back i probably drove over 180kmh/h passning through lanes like an complete idiot almost Killing us Both. Maybe i had drove that motorcycle 5 Times in total before that

 

She Held on to me tight i could tell she was afffaid. She never had been on a motorcycle before.

 

I've grown so much because of this girl, i was a complete ******* before i was very lost before.

 

I Will always appreciate what she learned Me in life, to be kind and loving and to not fight and be destructice.

 

I Will keep My diary here until i get into Uni or whatever Will happen until the autumn.

 

A part of Me hopes we Will fall in Love with eachother someday, but i know we dont fit together.

 

I'm not trying to be funny, but I thought you said you didn't love her, and the last time you had sex, it felt like you were with a sibling. There's a really weird disconnect going on here.

[BC1980]

Ladies and gents,

 

Is There anything i can do to get this girl to want Me back as her boyfriend ?

 

Is There really nothing? Just stat in NC and move on is that the only way There is a small chance?

 

Br

 

No. If anything, you will push her further away if you try to win her back. She said she no longer had feelings for you, and, once that is gone, it's done.

[Blanco]

You're all over the place, which is understandable to an extent. What you must do right now is avoid contact with her at all costs, because in your current state of mind, you're probably going to end up coming off like a lunatic if you talk to her enough about this stuff.

[vurtne]

Such damn regret now i know i cant do anything its just so sick How i feel.

 

I feel like a damn zombie just walking completely Dead currently death cannot find happiness in anything....

 

Why is it that when she was mine all i Wanted was to get out. I could not move to her city i Didnt have a Job There and i wouldnt get into Uni.

 

Why is it that now she is gone all i want is to ****ing have her back? And once i meet with her i Didnt feel a ****ing thing?

 

Wtf is wrong with Me can Anyone explain?

[Blanco]

You're 22. You don't know what the hell you want. You just broke up with the girl you've been with since you were both barely legal adults. Your head is going to be all over the place for a while, but you need to be aware of this and try your best to stay grounded in reality.

 

Just about everyone goes through a breakup. They aren't easy. They suck. They hurt. But they usually can't be avoided and people who try to do so at all costs usually end up in relationships they chip away at their soul.

[vurtne]

You're 22. You don't know what the hell you want. You just broke up with the girl you've been with since you were both barely legal adults. Your head is going to be all over the place for a while, but you need to be aware of this and try your best to stay grounded in reality.

 

Just about everyone goes through a breakup. They aren't easy. They suck. They hurt. But they usually can't be avoided and people who try to do so at all costs usually end up in relationships they chip away at their soul.

 

Yeah, i just keep going sooooooo Much back and forth have never felt this insane wave of emotions before in My life.

 

Can it be that i Didnt realize what i had before i lost it?

 

Its so sick that i just miss her so fkn muxh but Then when i met her i Didnt feel anything it was like meeting with My grandma?

 

Cannot explain it. For the last 6 months i had such an insane anxiety everytime i was with her in her city like i cannot explain sometimes i just Wanted her ro go away.

 

I was so ****ing bored of her, No sexual attraction as all.

 

 

Now that she is ****ing gone forever i just want her back but i dont feel that anxiety anymore?

 

Its so damn wierd, if Anyone can explain please do.

[vurtne]

Also i think it kinda fits in with the GIGS syndrome tbh.

 

First relationship (x)

She went into Uni (x)

Her friends have boyfriends who they just met and they tell her about the honeymoon phase (x)

She Said she Wanted to feel butterflies with something new(x)

Love but not in Love (x)

Breakup out of the blue (x)

 

Saying things like if we are meant to be together etc.

 

Instantly trying to flirt with other guys.

 

Why Didnt she tell Me something like i think yoy are Taking Me for granted or saying she Wants to work on some of our issues?

 

Its so ****ing wierd tbh i just dont get this.

 

The worst line she told Me "when i meet someone i dont want you to come in between" WTF IS THAT who even says something like that.

 

Even fuxking telling My grandma that she hopes everything Will be ok as we still Love eachother and that she hopes we get back together as well.

 

Its so fkn sick its like i want her back miss her then wuickly change in My mind to not wanting her back because i know it is not the right thing...

 

What on earth is going on in her hed?

 

How can she not be sad? Is this going to hit her later on?

 

She just Said that it was like a Switch and all feelings faded? Wtf?

 

Is she mistaking Love for the honeymoon phase?

 

So ****dd

Edited July 3, 2017 by vurtne

[BC1980]

Such damn regret now i know i cant do anything its just so sick How i feel.

 

I feel like a damn zombie just walking completely Dead currently death cannot find happiness in anything....

 

Why is it that when she was mine all i Wanted was to get out. I could not move to her city i Didnt have a Job There and i wouldnt get into Uni.

 

Why is it that now she is gone all i want is to ****ing have her back? And once i meet with her i Didnt feel a ****ing thing?

 

Wtf is wrong with Me can Anyone explain?

 

That's grief for you. Is this the first time you've experienced a significant loss? You are so young. Breakups are interesting because they illustrate the larger reality that nothing in life is permanent. Life is all about change. But we all crave stability and permanence. That's the real irony that everyone deals with during their lives.

 

And when it boils down to it, a lot of the grief, fear, and anxiety from breakups can be explained as fear of the volatility of life. Oh, you miss your ex alright, but you can get over that. The human brain is truly hardwired to fall in love multiple times and largely to forget people and memories when necessary. We survive by making new memories and falling in love again. But living life means you are constantly reminded of how impermanent all of this is.

[d0nnivain]

Ladies and gents,

 

Is There anything i can do to get this girl to want Me back as her boyfriend ?

 

Is There really nothing? Just stat in NC and move on is that the only way There is a small chance?

 

No. Sorry there is not.

 

When this was mostly about the distance, you took a shot, tried to move & that didn't work. You tried. There is nothing left for you to do.

 

The reality is this is over.

 

Focus on getting a new job.

 

 

The worst line she told Me "when i meet someone i dont want you to come in between" WTF IS THAT who even says something like that.

 

What on earth is going on in her hed?

 

How can she not be sad? Is this going to hit her later on?

 

She just Said that it was like a Switch and all feelings faded? Wtf?

 

Is she mistaking Love for the honeymoon phase?

 

Because this was her 1st relationship she's not handling the break up cleanly. That doesn't mean she doesn't want to be apart. She has outgrown her relationship with you. Every nice thing she say is because she is not a mean person & she would prefer not to be the source of your pain.

 

However, she is smart enough to realize that you two can't remain in each other's lives right now because any new people you date will not like an EX hanging around. She phrased it politely, that she doesn't want to come in between you & your next relationship but what she really means is that she wants you gone so she can date.

[vurtne]

What on earth has flown into this girl i dont ****ing get it.

 

Was it bcz i took her for granted Did not go visit her often? Why Did she not visit Me as well? Why the **** Didnt she tell Me if she thought something was wrong?

 

I AMS o damn ****ing pissed on our lack of communication otherwise everything would be fine.

 

 

Is There really NOTHING i can do?!?!

 

What improvements can i make to myself for gain of attraction etc?

[Midnight.Amber]

Such damn regret now i know i cant do anything its just so sick How i feel.

 

I feel like a damn zombie just walking completely Dead currently death cannot find happiness in anything....

 

Why is it that when she was mine all i Wanted was to get out. I could not move to her city i Didnt have a Job There and i wouldnt get into Uni.

 

Why is it that now she is gone all i want is to ****ing have her back? And once i meet with her i Didnt feel a ****ing thing?

 

Wtf is wrong with Me can Anyone explain?

 

Shaking my head here literally.

 

You felt this way last week too, then you met up with her and said you felt NOTHING.

 

Now you are back to longing for her again?

 

I agree with BC1980, there is real disconnect here.

 

Could almost guarantee that if you actually were to meet up with her again, or worse get back together, you'd be back to feeling meh, and not being sure about her again.

 

DONT do this to her, or yourself vurtne

 

Get yourself together, figure yourself out.

 

I can understand the back and forth to a degree but I was talking about having good days and bad days.

 

You seem very conflicted about your feelings/emotions in general.

 

This is crazy-making for those you become involved with, not to mention for yourself.

 

I am not a big fan of therapy anymore, but perhaps in your case it might be worth considering.

 

As always, best of luck.

Edited July 4, 2017 by Midnight.Amber

[vurtne]

Shaking my head here literally.

 

You felt this way last week too, then you met up with her and said you felt NOTHING.

 

Now you are back to longing for her again?

 

I agree with BC1980, there is real disconnect here.

 

Could almost guarantee that if you actually were to meet up with her again, or worse get back together, you'd be back to feeling meh, and not being sure about her again.

 

DONT do this to her, or yourself vurtne

 

Get yourself together, figure yourself out.

 

I can understand the back and forth to a degree but I was talking about having good days and bad days.

 

You seem very conflicted about your feelings/emotions in general.

 

This is crazy-making for those you become involved with, not to mention for yourself.

 

I am not a big fan of therapy anymore, but perhaps in your case it might be worth considering.

 

As always, best of luck.

 

Yes indeed, i have never been this Confused in My entire life fir My feelings....

 

Its just so insane to have the thought of her being witg someone else but me.

 

I cannot explain it i really dont have the feelings to be in s relationship with her for now, i really dont.

 

Its maybe the feeling of rejection?

 

Its such an intense feeling as i have never felt it consumes My whole brain i cannot think about anything else.

 

Its like a force which just drags Me.

 

But its still like i am sad headache nervous etc just so conflicted if this is due to the breakup itself or if it is that i dont know where i Will be in 1 month everything is just very nervous atm in life.

 

Gosh,

 

Really gotta pull myself together :/

Edited July 5, 2017 by vurtne

[Blanco]

Well, you should get accustomed to the idea of her being with someone else, because at her age, it'll happen sooner or later.

 

Right now, your ego and the feeling that you aren't wanted by her is driving you up the wall; not the sense that you've lost your true love.

[vurtne]

Well, you should get accustomed to the idea of her being with someone else, because at her age, it'll happen sooner or later.

 

Right now, your ego and the feeling that you aren't wanted by her is driving you up the wall; not the sense that you've lost your true love.

 

How do i get My ego away? It really is not that i have lost My true Love but it feels like My brain is tricking Me into it it is very wierd. I have never thought about her this way as i Did 1 month ago.

 

Is There anyway i can get this longing and ego get away so i can continue My life?

 

Say if i were to get back together with this girl, would i not want her once i had her again? Why does it become this wierd after s breakup?

 

Why cant i just accept that the relationship ran its Course we Both Made mistakes with lack of communication and move on?

Edited July 5, 2017 by vurtne

[d0nnivain]

Right now what you have to do is focus on healing. Take some time. Grieve for the loss of the relationship.

 

 

Until you start to feel better & recognize that she's not coming back, there is nothing you can do to make yourself more attractive.

 

 

In a few months, when you are settled into your new job, then you focus on getting a new GF.

 

 

Life will move along. You will be happy again. Both the sadness & the anger will dissipate. Talk to your Grandmother. Allow her to help you heal.

 

 

Hang in there.

[vurtne]

Right now what you have to do is focus on healing. Take some time. Grieve for the loss of the relationship.

 

 

Until you start to feel better & recognize that she's not coming back, there is nothing you can do to make yourself more attractive.

 

 

In a few months, when you are settled into your new job, then you focus on getting a new GF.

 

 

Life will move along. You will be happy again. Both the sadness & the anger will dissipate. Talk to your Grandmother. Allow her to help you heal.

 

 

Hang in there.

 

Hi,

 

I guess it really is what i have to do. Grieve and move on.....

 

Its just insane How she can throw all we have away for wanting "the butterflies" "the honeymoon phase" .

 

Is she Confused on what she Wants or wtf?

[d0nnivain]

Its just insane How she can throw all we have away for wanting "the butterflies" "the honeymoon phase" .

 

Is she Confused on what she Wants or wtf?

 

 

She is not confused. She knows exactly what she wants: "butterflies" and to date guys who aren't you. That may not be a wise choice but it is her choice.

 

 

In college at her age I was what many here would call a female "player." I loved the thrill of the chase. I think my longest relationship was 2 months. I was having a blast -- meeting new guys, enjoying the excitement. I never lied or told anybody I wanted a LTR. I didn't sleep with most of these guys but I flirted & carried on, fliting from one guy to the next. My sorority sisters joked that my idea of a double date was having 1 boy take me to lunch & another buy me dinner. The last thing I wanted was to be tied down.

 

 

After college as grad school was ending, I settled down because it was time to grow up.

 

 

Your EX wants adventures.

 

 

You need to stop focusing on what you think are her bad choices. Take care of yourself.

[Blanco]

Please stop referring to her actions or the situation as "insane."

 

All of this is usually how first loves play out.

[vurtne]

yeah i guess it is normal i just dont get How she can just turn into this complete ice Cold rock?

 

She Wanted everything with Me it was Me for her forever. She Wanted to move in with Me have kids.

 

And now i am completely ****ing nothing in a timespan of 3 months??!

 

Why the uck Didnt she communicate anything with Me?

 

Just think the whole breakup is left in such super confusion. Its like i am 100% i Will hear from in a romantic way again in the future.

 

Just so ****ing Confused.

[d0nnivain]

No you won't here from her in a romantic way in the future.

 

 

You are confused because you mislead yourself into believing the breadcrumbs she was feeding you were a sign of renewed interest. It feels out of left field to you but she thought she was being clear by saying that she wanted to break up. She could have been clearer but most people get this stuff wrong; we're human & it's not always easy to hurt the feelings of somebody you once cared about.