4 year relationship ended, dont know what i feel

[BC1980]

Hi,

 

I guess it really is what i have to do. Grieve and move on.....

 

Its just insane How she can throw all we have away for wanting "the butterflies" "the honeymoon phase" .

 

Is she Confused on what she Wants or wtf?

 

No. People don't just wake up one day and leave a 4 year relationship. Likely, she's been thinking about it for some time now. Once someone gets to the actual stage of dumping someone, they are sure. People don't leave relationships unless they really want to. 4 years is a good run for a relationship, especially one with your ages. Like donnivan was saying, your 20s are a prime time to date around because everyone is single. It's a time to experiment. Settling down was not even on my radar until I reached my late 20s.

[Midnight.Amber]

yeah i guess it is normal i just dont get How she can just turn into this complete ice Cold rock?She Wanted everything with Me it was Me for her forever. She Wanted to move in with Me have kids.

 

Right, and YOU didn't want her, remember?

 

 

And now i am completely ****ing nothing in a timespan of 3 months??!

 

Why the uck Didnt she communicate anything with Me?

 

Same reason YOU didn't communicate with her.

 

 

 

Just think the whole breakup is left in such super confusion. Its like i am 100% i Will hear from in a romantic way again in the future.

 

Just so ****ing Confused.

 

There is no confusion. Like you've been saying throughout this thread (in between your phases of longing and self-imposed ego-destruction), you grew apart, the love has DIED, you don't want her, she doesn't want you, you felt NOTHING when you saw her last week (nor did she), so LET IT GO.

 

It's over which is what YOU wanted, what you've been wanting for a long time, just didn't have the guts to tell her. So she beat you to the punch.

 

This is about your ego. Once you realize this, it should make the moving on process a whole lot easier.

 

As always, best of luck.

Edited July 5, 2017 by Midnight.Amber

[Midnight.Amber]

vurtne, maybe this will help.

 

Think about how you felt when you last saw her, last week. How you felt while in her presence, last week.

 

You said you felt nothing and it was then you accepted that it was, in fact, over.

 

You had grown apart, the love had died, and you were OKAY with that, even good with it.

 

You kept stressing to us that you felt nothing when you saw her. No sexual or romantic feelings whatsoever.

 

I asked you this earlier in the thread but will ask again.

 

So what has changed since then and now?

 

Why this switch to what you were feeling before you saw her? The longing, the obsessive thoughts.

 

I could almost guarantee you that if you were to see her again, you would feel nothing again.

 

I have read so many stories about this. Guy breaks up with girl believing he doesn't love her anymore.

 

Then weeks or months later wants her back. Contacts her, heck I've even heard of men actually crying while expressing remorse and proclaiming his deep love, what a big mistake he made ending it, that everything will be different this time.

 

So she takes him back and almost immediately thereafter, he disappears again! Leaving her, once again, emotionally distraught and confused.

 

Fortunately, this is not the case with you and your ex, because she knows better. She ended it with you, and has moved on.

 

But please think about it. You sound very very conflicted.

 

And if you don't figure it out, there is the potential for hurting many women in the future, because of these conflicting feelings.

 

I really do wish you the best though, you sound extremely distraught yourself.

 

As I suggested, it might not hurt to seek out professional help for this. It could be caused by a number of things, anxiety re commitment for example.

 

But you should get to the bottom of it before you start dating again, imo.

 

Or, just stick to casual relationships, for awhile.

 

Best.

Edited July 5, 2017 by Midnight.Amber

[vurtne]

Ladies and gents,

 

I took her for granted i could bot ****ing Love her i miss her so fuxking Much its something i cannot describe.

 

I just couldnt ****ing leave My Job My friends and everything flr her k just couldnt jckkng do it but why the **** Didnt i?

 

I was her world and i just fuxking pissed on her like complete sjit. I lost ****ing everything My Job My girlfriend and ko ****ing Idea KF i Will get into university.

 

I am the most ****ing unhappy piece of sjit on this earth i cannot ****ing stop missing her.

 

 

WHAT THE **** HAVE I DONE???!!!! Why Didnt i ****ing appreciate her??!!!

 

I just begged to god tjat we would get back together and everything Will be fine. I miss her so ****ing Much.

 

The regret i feel about not moving in with her when thats all she Wanted is so ****ING insane i literally cannot believe How ****ing stupid i was.

 

But at the the time i just Did not fuxking Love her and i cannot help itZ

 

Why the **** am i feeling this way???!!!!!!

Edited July 6, 2017 by vurtne

[Blanco]

Are you bothering to read and process anything anyone is saying here?

[d0nnivain]

You could have done every single thing you are not beating yourself up about not doing & the result would have been the same. The relationship ran it's course for her.

[vurtne]

Got into Uni today in a different city 3 hours away from eachother.

 

She texted Me today asking if i got in and where i got in.

 

I told her where and what i was going to study.

 

She was happy for Me and congratulated i Said thanks.

 

I am happy that i got applied for Uni as i now have a very very clear direction in life.

 

I am happy that it i got in otherwise i would not know what i would do. Now i have a Nice education to look forward to.

 

That is Nice

[d0nnivain]

Congratulations.

 

Getting a fresh start in a new location will be the best thing for you

[vurtne]

Indeed, its a bit scary as well moving away from family and friends.

 

But it Sure Will be an awesome experience.

 

Had some wierd dream about her yesterday, that we were going to sleep together before i moved away.

 

Damn it is so hard when she still is in the same Town for anothe 1.5 months.

 

I still feel pretty bad but getting better i am not walking around like a zombie anymore.

 

A wierd thing is after our closure talk she has stopped "rubbing in" her happiness all Over the place.. maybe overanalyzing but wierd.

 

Might be relief thats starting to cool down?

[vurtne]

How can i get rid of the anger towards her?

 

I really dont want her anything bad in life but My emotions are just all Over the place once Möre

 

Today after i came home from a party i felt so damn frustrated and angry at her for pissing at us two right in the face.

 

How can she be so damn indifferen? Is she even ****ing sad at all?

 

How can she be SL ****ing Cold like i never knew her?

 

I still cry Every ****ing day like a piece of **** and i am so damn mad at myself because apparently this does not affect her at all.

 

"I was sad for two days" WTFFFFF

 

 

It makes Me sick to My stomach

[BC1980]

How can i get rid of the anger towards her?

 

I really dont want her anything bad in life but My emotions are just all Over the place once Möre

 

Today after i came home from a party i felt so damn frustrated and angry at her for pissing at us two right in the face.

 

How can she be so damn indifferen? Is she even ****ing sad at all?

 

How can she be SL ****ing Cold like i never knew her?

 

I still cry Every ****ing day like a piece of **** and i am so damn mad at myself because apparently this does not affect her at all.

 

"I was sad for two days" WTFFFFF

 

 

It makes Me sick to My stomach

 

Anger will pass when you no longer care, and that can take awhile. Your goal is indifference. The more time and distance you get, the more irrelevant she will become. One day, you'll realize you just don't care anymore. But it takes time to get to that point.

 

In the meantime, I'd suggest using exercise or an unsent letter to get it off your chest. It'll make you feel better to offload that anger. Even venting to someone else is really helpful.

[vurtne]

Still feeling so much anger towards myself and her. When i am with friends i dont Think about it that much but when i am alone my head starts driftint.

 

I cant stop thinking about her it is so wierd missing what we had missing being happy its like i am in a depression.

 

I am starting to Think very nostalgic as well, remeniscing our good Times and keep thinking things like "wtf have we done" its almost as if i have forgotten the reason we broke up its a very wierd feeling.

 

I miss what we used to have i really do miss her as a friend as well, miss her family etc.

 

1.5 Months until i move away from here. Constantly thinking if she is sad because of that or just happy for my sake.

 

Yesterday i got a text from her as i got a New phonenumber made an fb post with my new number and instantly got a text from her.

 

"Hey , here is my number as well / xxx :)"

 

Just replied thanks thanks and deleted the number.

 

Why does she even bother texting me so i get her number, what shall i do with it? What Should we talk about?

 

Shouldnt our lines of communication be closed?

 

 

Br

[springy]

Well yeah the lines of communication should be closed...but they aren’t because apparently you are still connected on social media. What was the point of changing your number and then announcing it on Facebook??? ��

 

You had to know she would see it...if you were looking for a reaction you got it.

[vurtne]

Well yeah the lines of communication should be closed...but they aren’t because apparently you are still connected on social media. What was the point of changing your number and then announcing it on Facebook??? ��

 

You had to know she would see it...if you were looking for a reaction you got it.

 

Always post a new phonenumber on fb so my friends can send me a text with name. I have unfollowed her on FB as when you breakup facebook gives you that option i assumed she had done the same.

 

I was not looking for a reaction or anything just found it quite wierd that she texted me with her number at all..

 

Just reading to much into it.

 

Im starting to think that she might found someone else at UNI not sex or anything but maybe some flirting etc that makes me very sick if i were to found out she had done something like that to us.

 

just want to get rid of the thoughts that she will come back etc i know she wont by now i don't want her back either she is not the girl i fell in love with. Never seen someone who once was so warm towards me be so cold.

Edited July 21, 2017 by vurtne

[Zolatola]

Christ, you have to block her, like, yesterday.

 

This thing is so dead not even divine intervention will resurrect it.

[vurtne]

Finding it so hard to sleep this week, been thinking more and more about that i am leaving for university in 1 Month i feel very excited but still have this wierd feeling that i am leaving her just as i said i would to her.

 

I have been crying like a whimp today, missed her so much earlier on missed how we used to be so caring and loving for eachother. Missing her family and when she cooks for me basically missing what we used to have.

 

If we were still together i would have had to ended it myself soon, i know that.

 

It almost feels like i have broken up with her i feel so terribly guilty, it is all my fault it feels like.

 

Constantly thinking about the what ifs what could have been if we were still together.

 

The best way i can describe the feeling is killing something you used to love. Each week that passes something just feels like its fading away.

 

I cannot describe it, i just wish our love was unconditional.

 

Tomorrow a Couple we spent a lot of time with are throwing a party everyone of my friends are invited she as well hur not me. The girl in this couple is one of her better friends.

 

Guess she would find it hard to see me or just simply wants me gone as i assume she has gotten her to not invite me.

 

The bf in this couple is one of my better friends....

 

Also a mutual friend of mine told me it was wierd i was not invited.

 

Hopefully i wont experience this again in life by far one of the Most ****ed up feelings i have ever experienced.

 

These 3 months has been the Most ****ed up in my life.

 

Never have i faced such a rollercoaster of emotions.

Edited July 22, 2017 by vurtne

[vurtne]

Deleted all our old conversations today read through some of them.

 

It was a bit sad reading through some of those conversations but i just felt like i had to before i deleted them all.

 

I am starting to not feel this super intense longing anymore the headache is gone i get way better sleep and i am not constantly worrying and thinking about what she is up to.

 

I still miss her and think about her often but i have stopped romanticizing our relationship and starting to see if for what it actually was for the last half year.

 

I miss what we once were, feels a bit bad that we did not go to Venice amd Croatia this summer as well as we planned to..

 

I feel like she has calmed down a little i don't know how to describe it but she aint posting like 10 super wierd and not her things per day anymore as she used to in the first 2 months.

 

 

I miss her and she probably misses me in her life as well to some degree, she is still in touch with my mother on FB so likely she misses their prescensce in her life as well i know i miss her family atleast.

 

Really sucked it ended this way but it was for the best it really was...

[The411]

Vurtne,

 

Every time you read old conversations or look at social media stay in contact you are breaking no contact. Each time you break no contact you go back to the beginning of your healing process.

 

You will not be able to break this cycle until you do full complete no contact for 21 days. It's not going to be easy but breaking addiction is difficult and right now you are getting high off your fantasy of what you think and want this girl to be.

 

Women typically don't just break up long term relationships. They think about it long and hard and they will give hints to their partner that there are problems. When the break up happens usually 3-6 months after she began to think about it, she's already done all the processing and has moved on. Most guys are clueless and don't pick up the signs and think they are being dumped out of the blue.

 

Your ego is causing this mess. Had you been the one to break up with her thus wouldn't be happening. However, because she did and didn't pout about it, it made you question your feelings and now you've worked yourself into a frenzy believing that this woman is the greatest thing since sliced bread, when the reality is that you guys were good together, but you both changed and things weren't meant to happen.

 

In the future to avoid this be the first to dump, and if you get dumped act happy and carefree. It confuses the hell out of the dumper and puts them into the state you are in.

[vurtne]

Vurtne,

 

Every time you read old conversations or look at social media stay in contact you are breaking no contact. Each time you break no contact you go back to the beginning of your healing process.

 

You will not be able to break this cycle until you do full complete no contact for 21 days. It's not going to be easy but breaking addiction is difficult and right now you are getting high off your fantasy of what you think and want this girl to be.

 

Women typically don't just break up long term relationships. They think about it long and hard and they will give hints to their partner that there are problems. When the break up happens usually 3-6 months after she began to think about it, she's already done all the processing and has moved on. Most guys are clueless and don't pick up the signs and think they are being dumped out of the blue.

 

Your ego is causing this mess. Had you been the one to break up with her thus wouldn't be happening. However, because she did and didn't pout about it, it made you question your feelings and now you've worked yourself into a frenzy believing that this woman is the greatest thing since sliced bread, when the reality is that you guys were good together, but you both changed and things weren't meant to happen.

 

In the future to avoid this be the first to dump, and if you get dumped act happy and carefree. It confuses the hell out of the dumper and puts them into the state you are in.

 

I see your reasoning here and it does makes sense if it would be two more months id probably lull the plug myself just so wierd she did it never Thought she would.

 

I have a small suspicion that she found / flirted with someone else at Uni.

 

Maybe the curiosity made her do this? Like feeling the butterflies as she explained.

 

Its very wierd still to me as all my friends and family dont recognize the girl. Even her mother told me "just have fun , you Will provably get back together in the future"

 

Very wierd

[vurtne]

Today a close friend of her told me she does not recognize her anymore that she has been acting very wierd latel. She told me she thought it was wierd that she is posting so many selfies and pictures of herself trying to look so damn good.

 

She explained it like someone has flicked a switch on her, she said XXX is gone.

 

She apparently stopped blogging as well my mother told me since our breakup, something she spent countless hours on for 5 years. Never a damn day without that blog.

 

I don´t recognize myself that much either tbh its like i am changing as well trying very hard to dress better act better and more maturely also trying to work out a lot and to get in good shape?

 

Is this normal after a breakup that both sides rapidly change?

 

I have never been through this before.

 

Before our breakup i sort of got a taste of how the single life might be, when i was out i sometimes tried to flirt with other girls etc. How could i be so ****ing stupid and not realize what i had home waiting for me.

 

My ex had only been with two people i think before me as far as i know, it really starts to feel like the curiosity in what it might be to with other guys got her to do this.

 

Having this little talk with her friend really felt wierd, its like the girl i knew is completely dead and never will come back. It´s just not her anymore.

 

Just have this wierd feeling that i am going to find out something i wont want to hear in the near future.

 

Its completely surreal to me that she is not coming back to me, us and our families.

Edited July 30, 2017 by vurtne

[Marc878]

You have some growing up to do. The world didn't end did it?

 

The sun will come up in the am like it always does.

 

Never project your feelings onto someone else. They like your X don't feel the same towards you.

 

First breakups are hard but you either live bitter or learn to live better.

 

These are what build out character and teach you how to handle your life. If you learn from them.

 

You can't ever make anyone do anything. The only control you have is over yourself.

[vurtne]

You have some growing up to do. The world didn't end did it?

 

The sun will come up in the am like it always does.

 

Never project your feelings onto someone else. They like your X don't feel the same towards you.

 

First breakups are hard but you either live bitter or learn to live better.

 

These are what build out character and teach you how to handle your life. If you learn from them.

 

You can't ever make anyone do anything. The only control you have is over yourself.

 

It is very hard not to project my feelings onto her i just cant understands how all this is so easy on her.

 

She really has done nothing to indicate any form of regret or sadness about it.

 

Anywats Uni is beginning in 3 weeks so soon i am gone. Just as i have been planning for 6 months.

[vurtne]

2 weeks then i am moving away....

 

Cannot sleep for the last 2 Days i feel absolutely horrible.

 

The longing is so intense over these two days way more than 2-3 weeks ago my body is screaming after her.

 

I am realizing there is no way in hell she is coming back, its so done....

 

I know it is impossible for us to reconcile as i will increase the distance between us, why isnt she calling me, why wont she ask me to meet up before i move.

 

How can she be completely unbothered?

 

Doesn't she really feel even the slightest for me anymore.....

 

How will i ever be able to find someone like her with her kindness and how we got a long. What the **** have we done......

 

The regret that i did not move in with her when i had the chance is unbearable i just want to go Into a time machine and give myself the hardest punch.

Edited August 3, 2017 by vurtne

[vurtne]

Got a text today from her.

 

"Hey, i just wanted to wish you good luck with the new school, the city and the apartment! So nice for you, you have been fighting and wanting this for long.

 

I hope everything goes well for you."

 

"Thanks, it will be fun i am just a bit nervous as everything is in English i hope the second year will be good for you as well."

 

"Whatever you are so good at English you know that, thank you i hope so as well.

 

"Don`t worry you will make it."

 

I care about her and she cares about me. Atleast that feels good.