A little worried [about work related meeting - update: affair ended]

[Blu72]

I don't want to make you uncomfortable, chasing you will accomplish nothing, so my last comment on the topic. Im not talking about blaming your husband, I'm talking about drawing a connection between your marriage and your affair. Taking responsibility for the damage done to your husband and kids (don't recall you mentioning kids). I'm talking about understanding that you have to take to give, you take away from husband to give to MM. You seem to operate under the delusion that the two are separate that your affair has no impact on your marriage. I've have never seen the total lack of connection here from any other WS. I don't think that's a bad thing, I think to a degree you love and respect your husband, but have still been too selfish to allow yourself to make the connection doing so would mean accepting that you had to end the affair. As i said, to me it seems the only way you could have done it. Like wearing two faces. Impossible to have them both on at the same time.

 

I'm not trying to get you to talk about it here, just something to consider. Don't feel obligated to respond.

 

No I totally get what you are saying. Trust me..I live with it. And I know I have been incredibly selfish and delusional amidst this mess. Obviously or it wouldnt have continued so long. But I am painfully aware the impact this has had on everything. That's why I had to finally end it...I could no longer bare it.

[DKT3]

No I totally get what you are saying. Trust me..I live with it. And I know I have been incredibly selfish and delusional amidst this mess. Obviously or it wouldnt have continued so long. But I am painfully aware the impact this has had on everything. That's why I had to finally end it...I could no longer bare it.

 

I believe you understand how it's impacted things from your view and how you feel pain. I'm not sure you've grasped the impact on others ie husband, if you did, confession/offering him a choice on his life and marriage would take priority over any of this stuff with the other guy.

 

Don't get me wrong, you are making progress, this won't happen overnight....

[Blu72]

So after work today I was walking out with a co-worker talking about the day. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw MMs car drive by. Couldn't be because there would be no reason for him to be there. I shook it off and continued saying goodbye to my co-worker. Went into the parking garage to my car and got in and sitting in my passenger seat was something MM had left for me. He knows where I park my car and I have a bad habit of forgetting to lock my car. He knows this and has gotten on me about it in the past. So it was him I saw. He must have waited till he saw me from afar coming out...and put the stuff in my car so he would know only I would see it and then left.

 

What he left was something of mine I had given to him in the beginning. It started out as an inside little thing between the two of us. When we worked together he always kept it on his desk after I gave it to him. When he left to go to the other company he went to give it back because he knew how much I loved it. I wouldnt take it back and told him he could have it. At that time I couldnt bare to have it in my presence knowing he was gone and knowing some of the symbolism behind it. Anyway, throughout the years we would joke about it. About a month ago I had asked him if he still had it. He said he did, but he never unpacked the box when he left and it was in his attic still in the box of stuff. Well today it was sitting there on my passenger seat with a note. "I thought you would want this back. I know how much you love it. And I want you to know how special it was to me as well. I lied when I said it was still packed away in a box in the attic. I took it to the new job 4 years ago and it's been on my desk the whole time where I could look at it everyday." I could tell because it was faded and worn from the last time I saw it. He ended the note with "Again I am truly sorry for everything. For any hurt I caused you and for pulling you into this mess with me. I blame myself and I am sorry. Please take care of yourself and know you will be forever in my heart. Love always -MM"

 

I sat there griping our "trinket" and sobbed. It is finally done and knowing he is giving that back I know he gets that it's over. In the past, I would joke about how I wanted it back and he would tell me "no that it was in safe keeping". So the fact he gave it back means he knows it's truly over. When I got home I put it in the trash because I couldnt bare looking at it or having it knowing what it meant to the both of us.

 

This is hard...but I can't go back.

[elaine567]

The reason it was not in the attic at home was because his wife or other family member may have found it and asked awkward questions about it, it was safer with him at work...

 

You are doing very well, keep it up.

[Imajerk17]

Whenever you find yourself feeling sad or sorry for yourself about the end of your affair OP, keep in mind the pain you are feeling is NOTHING compared to the pain you are putting your husband through, forcing him to be living a lie all these years.

Edited May 31, 2017 by Imajerk17

[William]

As it appears the work-related meeting and interaction has been resolved and affair ended, I'll close this up. If the member wishes to start a thread on their marriage in our MLP forum, feel free to do so. Thanks for the input and helping the member.