emma50 Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I don't really want to go into details on here but long story short. I'm 25, ex is 27 and we have a 9 month old son together. After he left me due to jealousy and clinginess, I begged and pleaded....for literally the past 9 months!! He was very attracted to me with a lot of spark but I think the way I have been for the past few months has killed any repsect, spark, chemistry he felt for me. Without going into anymore detail, all I would like to know is how on earth am I supposed to get him to feel any kind of attraction/spark/chemistry with me and for him to get the respect he had for me back?? I spoke to him about me not contacting him for a couple of months (only to see each other when I drop our son off) and to see if we can start afresh but he says its too late... He isn't involved with anybody else for sure. Although recently he has been going out to bars with his friend and has admitted to me today that he has been getting girls numbers and adding them on facebook to hang out with as friends.. (without going into detail I do know this is actually true). Please help me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author emma50 Posted May 23, 2017 Author Share Posted May 23, 2017 I should add that we have been a little on and off since, we never officially got back together as boyfriend and girlfriend but we were acting like a couple and I guess you can say we were dating. It didn't work out because he says he just wasn't happy as ''we have a jaded history'' . I gueniually thought we were okay! But I guess there are quite a few negative emotions after everything we went through and I just want to get rid of that negativity so we can be happy together again. We have been stayed good friends in all of this. Probably my mistake as I was always around and he never had the chance to miss me.. I would love to go no contact for a little bit but I'm honestly scared this will help him to move on from me even more. (He told me today that as I hadn't contacted him for the past week it made him realise how much more happier and relaxed his life would be if we weren't together and he just wants me to move on. Now I regret giving him space as I feel it made him realise that he should move on. Ahhhh help and please be gentle! Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I guess you don't want to put much detail out there so I just have to go with the information that I have. From what you are saying, it really does not look good. You guys had some issues, maybe someone cheated, of you guys fought too much, whatever. He really just sounds done to me. You two don't sound like a good match so far. Why did you guys have a kid together? Here is an example, one of my GF's that I had been with off and on for about 5 years, had kind of an issue. About once every 3 months she let her anxiety get out of control. She would get some drama going at work or drama with the kids and kind of invent drama with us. Eventually, this would lead to a big fight and maybe a breakup for a while. I started to recognize the pattern and I had several talks with her about it. I mean like 5 to 10 talks about it. The next to the last time it happened, and we got through it, I told her that if it happens again that was it. It happened again and that was it, I was done. If you have any chance of getting back together you have to leave him be and work on yourself and get more healthy and focus on your child. Maybe if you grow and get over whatever issues you have, he will take notice. But begging and pleading will not work... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 You'll get respect back by not giving a crap what he thinks, feels, says or does. Maybe not his but your own self-respect. You should never have to beg someone to stay. Y'all aren't dogs. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Sorry OP, but I think it's too late. He does not sound at all interested in reconciliation and is in fact already trying to meet other women. He associates you with negative feelings and he lost interest. Giving him space didn't cause this, though. He was already gone. Your best way forward would be to stop trying to think of ways to get him back. Take all that energy and focus on healing and being a great mom. It's not impossible that he will come back, but I don't see it happening any time soon. Don't waste your heart's precious energy trying to force it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 You probably can't but if there is any possibility it will take time -- I'm talking years. You live your life. You deal with the baby's father about your child & that's it. You be aloof. When he sees that you have your life together & don't care about him, he may want you back. The irony is by the time you get there, you won't want him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emma50 Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 Thanks everyone for your kind and honest replies. I guess I just need to back off now, and it hurts like hell Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 I agree with others, where you need to make yourself come first. If you need to vent, post here.. Always someone that has gone through the same stuff. Its a diverse cesspool, and has good and bad suggestions. Put on your trunks, and dive in. At worst, you have a place to pour out your grief's. Ted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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