How do I get a second chance when I don't know what happened?

[ResidentAutist]

DILEMMA:

 

So today we had our first argument. We are in a group chat with some of my friends and some of hers and she decides she wants to call; the problem is, with me, she is never free to call during the day usually and this quite upsets me; I think she doesn't want to spend her days calling me (we usually call at night) so I get into a bit of a mood that lasts about 30 minutes altogether.

 

She stops talking TO EVERYONE when I am in my mood; utter silence. Her friends hadn't heard from her, my friends hadn't, I hadn't; the group chat was silent in awkwardness.

 

Suddenly she messages me:

 

"I'm sorry that I've upset you if you don't want to call now that's okay"

 

I respond almost immediately stating that she hadn't upset me, I had overreacted, that I had been a bad boyfriend and that she deserved better as I had been quite grumpy and she didn't have to (and shouldn't have had to) put up with it; I also state I love her and that she means the world to me, I enjoy spending time with her and I enjoy talking to her.

 

Her reply is something along the lines of;

 

"Okay good you aren't a bad boyfriend but I just want to be left alone for a bit"

 

Now - have I messed this relationship up with our first argument?

 

BACKSTORY:

 

We've been together for four months now and this is our first argument. We usually talk throughout the day through text (as we have to juggle work, for me, and the senior year of college for her) but at nights our messaging is constant to-and-fro between one another and we usually call each other two or three times a week for a period (which varies) of 3-5 hours on those nights deep into the early hours of the morning.

 

We tell each other we love one another, we talk about our future, we talk about our meetups (the first one is coming on Wednesday, I hope) and we just talk and talk all night. It's great.

[Arieswoman]

RA, it might help if you said how old you both are?

[ResidentAutist]

me 18

her 16

[Arieswoman]

RA, You need to grow up.

 

she is never free to call during the day usually and this quite upsets me; I think she doesn't want to spend her days calling me

 

Don't you guys go to work or school? Why should she spend all the hours God sends texting you or anyone else? Haven't you both got a life that doesn't revolve around your phones??

 

so I get into a bit of a mood that lasts about 30 minutes altogether.

 

You're 18, so an adult in UK and old enough to join the US Army and serve your country. And you're having moods?

 

This is the second thread I've seen on this topic and really you guys need to get over yourselves.

[d0nnivain]

You are both young. Frequent chats through electronic means does not a relationship make. Until you meet in person, this is a fantasy of sorts.

 

 

It was one tiff. Don't let it get to you. It seems you were both "in a mood". You sniped at each other & then came back together.

 

 

Best wishes for when you actually meet on Wednesday.

[Els]

There are bigger issues than just one argument here. Why are you so upset that she talks to you at night? Don't you have work/ school and other obligations during the day? Even in a local relationship, it is expected that people would not be spending every waking hour with each other as well.

[ResidentAutist]

I have been with my LDR for 2 months now and I have to say it is going well. We've had a small quarrel but nothing serious and we get along perfectly; we talk throughout the evening on SnapChat and then, every 2-3 days, settle down to a nice phone call on Skype from about 10 until the early hours of the morning (about 1-2ish).

 

She says she loves me, I say I love her and that's that. However, we have yet to meet and everytime we go to plan a meetup she begins to get nervous regarding it and tends to cower away and back out from plans.

 

I think she is suffering from slight social anxiety because her friends also state that she is "deeply likes" with me, despite not meeting me in person (yet), and she always says that "I do want to meet you" and "I want to hug/kiss" you all the time.

 

How would I go about advancing the status of the LDR to make sure that in the future we do proper meetups and she will stick by her word to attend them (I haven't been stood up, though, she stated she would never do that to me)?

 

Do you have any tips on how to handle a nervous/anxious LDR partner?

 

INFO:

 

Ages: 17 (me), 16 (her)

[NLNJ6200]

That's not really an argument. More of a misunderstanding. I highly doubt you've ruined anything! Couples have WAY worse arguments than that and they pull through. Arguing is something that happens with all couples.

 

No relationship is 100% perfect. I can see why you'd be upset though because she's calling you at times it's only convenient for her. A relationship is a 2-way street. You should create a schedule for her on times you can and can't call.

 

However if you two are going a while without talking then that's not good for your relationship. Communication is a huge part and if you don't have that, it ain't gonna work. Hopefully all goes well. Good luck

[justwhoiam]

have I messed this relationship up with our first argument?

You are having unreasonable expectations from a minor.

 

1. You've never met her, hence she's not your girlfriend. Not yet.

2. You didn't build up any complicity. If you had, it would have been enough to give you a one- or two-minute call and then call the group to have fun together.

3. #2 happened because of #1.

[ResidentAutist]

[]

 

She blocked me, unblocked me and then blocked me when I had found out she had unblocked me. I still have major feelings for me and she claims to "still love but me but can't do a relationship right now" because of, as she puts, arguments, stress and also the feeling that she is helpless in wanting to see me more but being unable to see me more.

I am happy with the current arrangement of the relationship (seeing one a fortnight, calling 2-3 times a week and texting throughout the day) and want her back.

Is there any solution to getting her back? Could I encounter her in person and perhaps challenge her on the real reason for the breakup because I don't really see a reason, for a breakup, in the message; she is focused too much on not wanting to hurt me but she doesn't hurt me because I love her and am happy to see her.

 

Girlfriend dumped me because she doesn't think that it is right her hurting me (even though she doesn't hurt me) and that she isn't giving me enough time.

 

She says she loves me but cannot be in a relationship right now; which is unusual considering she is the one who asked me out and we have been close except for yesterday, which was out of the blue as she was sending me naked pictures and talking about how she wanted to **** me at the weekend when we were supposed to see each other again.

 

She is always mentioning a Cinderella-story future between us and it is a future we both want but for some reason she has randomly dumped me.

 

She has depression and is under a lot of stress from parents and her current exams but she had been managing to fit me in well with a once a fortnight visitation routine and 2-3 calls a week with regular texting throughout the day.

 

(P.S. : The last argument was 1 month ago.)

Edited May 24, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Image redacted and threads merged into LDR

[ExpatInItaly]

Look, she's 16. She isn't going to be able to give you some big commitment. Don't put any weight on this "Cinderella-story future" she's talked about. She's daydreaming and nowhere near ready to make that future happen.

 

Listen to her and believe when she says she doesn't want a relationship with you any longer.

 

She is way too young to be making any commitments and her behaviour reflects that. When someone isn't even an adult yet, you cannot expect a serious relationship from them, OP.

 

EDIT: I just re-read your previous thread. On April 11, you stated you hadn't met her in person yet. Clearly, you have met since that post, but how many times? Also, expecting a LDR with a 16-year-old isn't very realistic.

Edited May 24, 2017 by ExpatInItaly