Failure

[Fresnite]

I've realized a lot of different things over the past several weeks.

 

Biggest one is I'm a failure, overall I'm a failure. Yes, I have some successes and some things going for me, but I always ruin a good thing.

 

I realize at how much I suck at having a relationship. I can get a person and woo them, but after that its over.

 

I'm so sad right now. Relationships are so fickle. I want to have someone so bad, but I fail at being the guy they are looking for.

[Fresnite]

How do you have a relationship?

 

I'm not sure I actually know how to.

 

I've had a few actual girlfriends, now realizing this It's because they were physical and not what i wanted. I want depth and conversation and meaning.

 

I have no problem attracting girls, it seems keeping them is most difficult. Like, the last girl i was with, from my other posts. She told me not to [act like a woman] and she meant it as, not being so emotional and stuff.

 

It's like wtf, I'm a man who has a sensitive side and will cry over emotionally gripping movies or situations.

 

She claimed those are red flags

 

What the heck

 

Red flags for what?

 

So I'm on a path now and confused on how to actually have a relationship.

 

Like what do women want or look for in a guy?

 

I Just want something worth while and of substance.

Edited May 24, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language, merge threads and move to ISO

[CptInsano]

I've had a few actual girlfriends, now realizing this It's because they were physical and not what i wanted. I want depth and conversation and meaning.

 

This is problem number one. There are many smart and horny women. You can have sex and then compare Camus to his contemporaries. If you take sex out of the equation you will just end up with a friendship.

 

I have no problem attracting girls, it seems keeping them is most difficult. Like, the last girl i was with, from my other posts. She told me not to [act like a woman] and she meant it as, not being so emotional and stuff.

 

It's like wtf, I'm a man who has a sensitive side and will cry over emotionally gripping movies or situations. [/Quote]

 

Yes, women want empathetic men and not sensitive men, if I may generalize for a moment. You can cry during certain movies. But there are plenty of times where you just have to "nut up".

 

She claimed those are red flags

 

What the heck

 

Red flags for what?

 

Red flags for passivity and indecisiveness. The question of "what women want" is one of them. Aside that it is pointless to begin with. Who cares what women want in general? You're only out to find one person that fits you. The question is rather as to what you want and how to find her.

[amurb]

I've realized a lot of different things over the past several weeks.

 

Biggest one is I'm a failure, overall I'm a failure. Yes, I have some successes and some things going for me, but I always ruin a good thing.

 

I realize at how much I suck at having a relationship. I can get a person and woo them, but after that its over.

 

I'm so sad right now. Relationships are so fickle. I want to have someone so bad, but I fail at being the guy they are looking for.

 

I am so sorry you are going through these feelings, but trust me, you are not a failure, nor are you the only one who has ever messed up or not had luck in a relationship, honestly, I have been divorced twice and married now for the third time with three kids from three different fathers, all of which are still in the picture and I have to interact with them all daily. Also we won't even get started talking about the handful of times I have dated someone in my 33 years of life. The point is, you are not alone and don't ever feel like a failure because god doesn't make junk and the only thing that would make you a failure is if you gave up now, so don't give up, you will find that special someone when the timing is right.

[preraph]

Was she saying you were too clingy and needy? If so, maybe find out why you're like that and fix it.

[spiderowl]

Having a sensitive side is nice but a girl needs a strong guy who is going to look after her and who can be fun too. Perhaps you need to look at balancing qualities a bit more.

[d0nnivain]

You are not a failure.

 

Look at sports statistics. Some guy batting .326 in the major is considered a great player. That means he misses 67% of the time he gets up to bat. I always thought getting a 67% on a test meant you failed. Yet this guy is paid millions of dollars.

 

Thomas Edison tried & failed for years to invent the light bulb, until he finally got it right.

 

There is a reason success is based on perseverance. If you keep trying you are fine. Revamp your mindset & carry on.

[mightycpa]

I'm going to give you another way of looking at this. First, let's acknowledge that all of your relationships have failed. I'll go ahead and stipulate that you're not very good at the black magic which is known as keeping women interested. You also seem to have a sense for what's wrong, even though you may not understand why.

 

So from what you'v described, it seems to me that the problem is you are betraying too much emotion too early. Women want the comfort of knowing that a man is solid as a rock on the outside before they see the gooey center. They actually do like the gooey center, but it's a lot like eating one of those strawberry bon bons. They want a solid shell surrounding it so that it doesn't spill out all over the place. So there's that.

 

Also, just like in math (for example), where you can't solve the problems and you don't quite understand the concepts, you have to re-read the material over and over again, and you have to attempt to solve the problems, and if you get them wrong, you have to review your work, and remember it. Just like with math, you can't limit yourself to ten problems, then throw your hands up in the air and proclaim you can't do it. I think that would make you a failure. But as long as you keep trying, keep learning, before long, you'll become an expert. That's really the only successful response to failure... keep failing until you don't.

 

In this case, I think it would be good for you to put aside your aspirations for a girlfriend, and stop trying to be the guy they want. You already are or aren't the guy they want. If the answer is no, there's nothing personal about it, even though it feels personal. They're not doing it TO you. Instead, you should date two or three girls at a time, and keep things light. Have the superficial conversations, do the frivolous stuff and have fun. Rate them. If after a few dates, you see that there's nothing there for you, find a replacement, let the other ones go gently, from worst to first, and rotate your crops. In other words, keep doing those problems. Before you know it, you'll see patterns, you'll become comfortable, and one day, one of those girls will ask you something intriguing. She'll be different. It always happens, but you have to realize that if that could happen with everybody, then it wouldn't be very special. It's rare, what you're looking for.

 

Be available, and help it find you. That's the trick to just about everything in life. The good things are not easily obtained. People who quit don't generally enjoy those rewards. You can't rely on luck. Luck is fickle, and will disappoint you every time.

[Fresnite]

I'm going to give you another way of looking at this. First, let's acknowledge that all of your relationships have failed. I'll go ahead and stipulate that you're not very good at the black magic which is known as keeping women interested. You also seem to have a sense for what's wrong, even though you may not understand why.

 

So from what you'v described, it seems to me that the problem is you are betraying too much emotion too early. Women want the comfort of knowing that a man is solid as a rock on the outside before they see the gooey center. They actually do like the gooey center, but it's a lot like eating one of those strawberry bon bons. They want a solid shell surrounding it so that it doesn't spill out all over the place. So there's that.

 

Also, just like in math (for example), where you can't solve the problems and you don't quite understand the concepts, you have to re-read the material over and over again, and you have to attempt to solve the problems, and if you get them wrong, you have to review your work, and remember it. Just like with math, you can't limit yourself to ten problems, then throw your hands up in the air and proclaim you can't do it. I think that would make you a failure. But as long as you keep trying, keep learning, before long, you'll become an expert. That's really the only successful response to failure... keep failing until you don't.

 

In this case, I think it would be good for you to put aside your aspirations for a girlfriend, and stop trying to be the guy they want. You already are or aren't the guy they want. If the answer is no, there's nothing personal about it, even though it feels personal. They're not doing it TO you. Instead, you should date two or three girls at a time, and keep things light. Have the superficial conversations, do the frivolous stuff and have fun. Rate them. If after a few dates, you see that there's nothing there for you, find a replacement, let the other ones go gently, from worst to first, and rotate your crops. In other words, keep doing those problems. Before you know it, you'll see patterns, you'll become comfortable, and one day, one of those girls will ask you something intriguing. She'll be different. It always happens, but you have to realize that if that could happen with everybody, then it wouldn't be very special. It's rare, what you're looking for.

 

Be available, and help it find you. That's the trick to just about everything in life. The good things are not easily obtained. People who quit don't generally enjoy those rewards. You can't rely on luck. Luck is fickle, and will disappoint you every time.

 

Thank you so much for that. That is how my brain works, i loved the way you broke that down and explained it to me. Thank you so very much.

 

It really is greatly appreciated, wish I could give like 10 likes.

[Mysterio]

Why does it seem to me that latley in society or at least our North American Society. There is this feeling of extreem alienation when it comes to being single or going out there to date.

 

It feels like those of us that are single. We are missing something. What if its more like this. We will be with multiple people romantically in our life time.

 

Nothing we can do about it. I just found out my childhood friend S, just got seperated after being with his wife for 29 yrs. My friend BD just started going out with his GF 2 months ago, after being divorced for 9 yrs. BD's wife left him when his son was 8 months old. She said she fell out of love with him.

 

For those of us that are single or have been for a long time. What are we really missing? Physical Affection?

 

Sometimes I think that being single is actually the norm. I am no failure. I am single. I will not submit to feeling that something is wrong with me for being single. Until a woman looks at me romantically and we both match each other to start dating and see what we can build together. My life is flying high.