i probably wont get a better SO than my ex, what do i do?

[small_hand_of_power]

im not looking for sympathy or anything, just wanted to know if anyone else could relate to this issue im having and if they found themselves to be wrong.

pretty much i had literally a perfect gf for about a year and a half. we ended up breaking up due to something out of our control and we will never get back together.

 

she had all the qualities i would look for in a gf, infact more than i would look for. she really was really cool and good.

 

so pretty much what im asking is, has anyone else had this problem? where you're pretty sure the best SO is in the past? how did you deal with it?

[mightycpa]

I cried for weeks on end, wrote letters I never sent, resigned myself to it. What else can you do?

 

It's a lot easier when as least one of you has a dealbreaker complaint.

 

Later on in life, I actually did find a couple better ones, so that was helpful too.

[GunslingerRoland]

If you really feel that way, what is the show stopping reason that you can't avoid?

 

But there are 4 billion women on earth. I don't really believe there can only be 1 that is perfect for you.

[d0nnivain]

You stop thinking like that. There are lots of good people in the world. You will find somebody else.

[small_hand_of_power]

If you really feel that way, what is the show stopping reason that you can't avoid?

 

But there are 4 billion women on earth. I don't really believe there can only be 1 that is perfect for you.

 

well theres a couple of reasons, beyond pure lust, (she was easily one of the most beautiful people i have ever seen in real life) she also taught me a lot of things and changed my outlook on how i see the world. she also got along very VERY good with my family and friends. she enjoyed a lazy day of watching tv as much as she enjoyed going out. everyone liked to be around her, she liked doing random things like driving around aimlessly, listening to music (the same music I liked too for the most part), singing in the car together. i dont know, i could go on probably for several pages.

[d0nnivain]

Lots & lots of people have those qualities. You just feel stuck right now because you are sad that the relationship ended.

 

 

You will heal. You will live to love again.

 

 

Right now the biggest obstacle is your negative attitude but you can chose to change that & over time you will feel more optimistic.

[small_hand_of_power]

Lots & lots of people have those qualities. You just feel stuck right now because you are sad that the relationship ended.

 

 

You will heal. You will live to love again.

 

 

Right now the biggest obstacle is your negative attitude but you can chose to change that & over time you will feel more optimistic.

 

it actually ended nearly a year ago. i used to think about her constantly every day, all day, but it has since changed into my original post.

[rushed]

I'm sure she had her faults as well. Take her off that pedestal. Start dating other people. Everyone has something different to offer. Each guy I've been in a relationship with has been completely different from the others. One guy I dated about five years ago seemed perfect - tall, gorgeous, fit, nice as all hell. But things didn't work out with us. So I moved on. You should, too.

[small_hand_of_power]

I'm sure she had her faults as well. Take her off that pedestal. Start dating other people. Everyone has something different to offer. Each guy I've been in a relationship with has been completely different from the others. One guy I dated about five years ago seemed perfect - tall, gorgeous, fit, nice as all hell. But things didn't work out with us. So I moved on. You should, too.

 

yeah, i know that they're all different, ive had 3 serious gfs in my life. the one i am having difficulty getting over is actually the second one. the 3rd one only reaffirmed my fear that i talked about in the original post.

[preraph]

What is so big that you can't be together?

[small_hand_of_power]

What is so big that you can't be together?

 

her and my mom had this huge fight over something. we were living together at the time at my parents house. she moved out and never spoke to my mom again. we broke up about 4 months later. as much as I tried to get them to reconcile it never happened. thats about as much as I want to get into it.

 

shes also in a LTR now.

[preraph]

Seriously, a lot of parents don't like their kids' choices in partners, but if you're a man, you stand up to them and tell them they're not to treat her like that or else they won't be seeing you either. I guess you don't care enough about her to stand up to your mother.

 

You need to move out of your mother's house and be on your own anyway before you try to find a partner, because partners want someone who can live independently and take care of themselves and not answer to mommy.

[whatnot]

...so pretty much what im asking is, has anyone else had this problem? where you're pretty sure the best SO is in the past? how did you deal with it?

That's not an easy question to answer. It's a good question, just difficult. If there were easy answers, they'd be no LS.

 

For me, it's been a life long process of learning to come to terms with my life by taking responsibility for my actions and accepting the outcomes. The answer to this question never gets completely answered, as I continue to make mistakes and have to learn, and sometimes re-learn, the answers.

 

Acceptance is key. In my own journey, it's questions like this that helps me to see things more clearly. And more realistically.

 

It's not abnormal, nor uncommon, to feel as if the best SO is behind us anytime an important relationship ends. In it's ending, it's important for us to accept that they were not the perfect SO for us, at least forever, or it would not have ended when it did. Either the timing was off, or there were other factors at play that caused it to end. But end it did. It's been said that there are seasons, and reasons, for everything under the sun. It's imperative that I believe that statement to be true.

 

Good luck. And take good care of you small_hand_of_power. (I like that, btw....)

[whatnot]

You ask hard questions lol

 

don't stop

[small_hand_of_power]

Seriously, a lot of parents don't like their kids' choices in partners, but if you're a man, you stand up to them and tell them they're not to treat her like that or else they won't be seeing you either. I guess you don't care enough about her to stand up to your mother.

 

You need to move out of your mother's house and be on your own anyway before you try to find a partner, because partners want someone who can live independently and take care of themselves and not answer to mommy.

 

haha, trust me, i was not on my mothers side at all through out the entire ordeal. my ex and my mom were originally actually really good friends. there was days where she would be upstairs talking to my mom for literally hours while I just did other things. something happened that neither of them could forgive each other. just as things were seeming to get better (they were going to talk literally it seemed at any moment) it all just re-exploded one day, and that was the end of it. again, i was on my ex's side throughout the entire thing, because i felt as if she was right. it severely damaged my relationship with both my parents at the time, but that is at least better now.

 

as for moving out, yes, i am going to be moving out, going to college within the next year. definitely soemthing i am looking forward to.

[preraph]

Them being good friends is actually not really normal. Sometimes it's better not to let that happen and keep the parents at arm's length from your relationship.

 

Now, what did they blow up about that made it so she didn't just stop being friends with your mom but you too?

[small_hand_of_power]

Them being good friends is actually not really normal. Sometimes it's better not to let that happen and keep the parents at arm's length from your relationship.

 

Now, what did they blow up about that made it so she didn't just stop being friends with your mom but you too?

 

well, there was the original, her moving out. that was extremely ****ty for both of us. we were spending way less time together, and the time we spent was more strained because the environment was worse i guess? her parents were living with her dads sister, so there was random kids and adults everywhere, im bad around peoples families, quite the opposite of her. i mean i could deal with it but i didnt really like to, i did anyway.

 

so just as things were getting better (i thought) the second fight happened. and we were both sitting on the floor of her parents house (they had get their own house by this point) and i was like "i cant do what we did before again" and she said "i dont think i can either" and just like that i immediately regretted what i said, but it was too late, we broke up.

 

looking back on it though, it seems like she was going to probably be breaking up with me shortly. i remember her saying, when a girl that i used to talk to wished me happy birthday "haha if you end up going out with her im going to laugh"

 

stupidly i didnt think anything of this for some reason lol, we broke up a little over a month after she said that.

[preraph]

I think she was ready to break up anyway. Sorry. Far too many family members around and involved if you ask me. That's for kids.

[josi334]

She may have all the "qualities" you think you want your SO to have but the main one that is the desire to be in a relationship with you she does not. I would rather be with someone that may not have all the qualities I want in a SO but has the desire to be with me!

[todreaminblue]

I believe god wants what is best for us even if we disagree on that best.......that he has an intricate plan a plan that has love in every woven thread...... so everything that happens.... happens for a reason that theres a purpose and a design....we just have to trust...have faith...a lot of hope....

 

when people split i feel it was a done deal...you have a certain amount of time together and closeness to learn to grow to enjoy to just be.....i believe that every person comes into your life for a reason and then they go or they stay ....when they go.....its hard...i hate goodbyes with a passion but sometimes goodbye is all that is left to be said and done

 

normally when i break up with someone or need to ...its distance and time is what it takes..... i never knwo how long that time will be...it all depends on my depth of feeling, the time we spent together, the closeness level...my hearts resilience and fight to love the unloveable in those i love........normally the time is long for me...i dont seperate from people easily.....

 

im a fighter and ill figth to keep people whom i love in my life.....but...in that ..i know people move on...and its selfish of me to expect people to stay.i havee to let go....and it hurts..but i do it.........i try to remember the good times if it is an acrimonious split.....and i keep moving forward with distance......

 

with my ex i moved 2000 km or more away...interstate to make it impossible fro me to give in and have him come round and us end up in bed together.....the relationship needed severing......and it felt like that i had severed part of me.....we talk on the phone now are friends but i have not seen him visually or physically for nearly a dacade....we have girls together.....and he has exprerssed an interest in being with me...not the way i believe i deserve and need and want in my life.....and that gets me down

 

my other ex because the depth of feelings i have werent there in a bf sense.....i can be around him....he feels like a little brother to me and theres no sexual or physical or emotive resonance or feelings there.....he is like family....and everyone in my family feels that way......he is like my brother..i will look after him.......

 

i have feelings for a guy actually they are not reciprocated....and the best way for me to deal with them is to keep my distance......and allow time to run its course......i havent dealt with thisi sort of situation before and its strange to me how long my feelings are not diminishing and lasting onsiderign there was no actual us against the world...........its actually causing problems i cant sleep i get sick easy.... .....but...what can i do .....im happy he seems to be getting on his feet but it was time for me to move on from him.....he doesnt need me in his life or loving him...he didnt even want my friendship i make him uncomfortable and that makes me cringe on the inside....because i do love him....when i am around him i feel really ...happy...and he doesnt feel the same........and realizing now..it would hurt me to be just his friend...he has that capacity to hurt me quite deeply........i am goign to maintain the distance..........

 

what he does need is the church and ward we both are members of so for that reason past and future...they rock...in awesomeoness. because of him with other reasons of late i havent been to church and probably wont go for a while...he needs to be there amongst his friends.....they are true friends to him...they are true friends to me....i love them.......but he was there first....and i feel i make him unccomfortable.....he seems to come back when i am sick and even gets up and bears testimony when i am not around....so.....yeah. i am sad about this distancing.....i have to do it though...life gets hard.....its meant to its how we grow and learn.........

 

its distance and its time ...they say that distance makes the heart grow fonder and time heals all wounds......im hopin and prayin the fonder part isnt true because i am way way too fond of him...... and i do believe time heals.....

 

its all we have on this earth is time...god grants us time......and how we spend it thats our agency...we can spend time with regret as a companion or moving forward to a hope filled place with faith and trust as companions....is our choice......everything happens for a reason...and sometimes it isnt reasons we understand......one day...hwoever ..we all will understand......i wish you well.....and i wish you peace....deb

Edited May 26, 2017 by todreaminblue

[Popsicle]

You may not believe it now, but there are other women out there.

[JuneJulySeptember]

If you really feel that way, what is the show stopping reason that you can't avoid?

 

But there are 4 billion women on earth. I don't really believe there can only be 1 that is perfect for you.

 

The question is not whether there is somebody as good or better.

 

The question is "What are the odds of finding that person?"

 

You say 4 billions women. Typically, you are restricted to women in your area. So that number comes down to say 1 million women. Then, there are women who are taken. Then age. Then race. Then height. Then income. You could realistically be down to a few hundred women or less as options.

 

All of this before you even open your mouth.

 

So, yea I can see how someone who had something pretty good going on could feel like that.

[preraph]

You're not restricted to anything in life if you make your own choices. I had to move towns to find my niche, for example. Now with online dating, I think lots of people are going to be moving to find love.