experiencing quarter-life crisis

[SethDamien]

Hi everyone, i was recently dumped by my gf, probably because i was always worrying and stressed out. She got tired of always seeing me 'not in the moment', zoning out, etc. she got bored, she said she was no longer happy with me. She even told me i was shallow, indecisive, and always looking conscious or agitated.

 

I am a self employed architect, 25. Business is slow, but I have some projects now, but my clients either don't have the money to pay, or are always delayed.

I once had dreams of owning a large firm, but seeing the mundane tasks i have to do daily just to survive, it just looks like a pipe dream forever. Nothing's really going on and i'm in debt but only a little.

 

I always believed my "destiny" was to become an entrepreneur with my GF as my partner and wife, but everything seems so far away. I guess it was too much to ask.

 

My mom just told me to just find a job instead. I'm at a threshold in my life where i believe will determine what i'll be for the rest of my life.

 

Just feeling really down right now. I don't even know what my life's purpose is anymore.

 

What do i even want? Love, Happiness, Success? or just settle with contentment so that i don't have to worry about anything?

[d0nnivain]

Reenergize your business. Have gone to the local SBDC or SCORE for business advice? What are you doing to network? If you have the soul of an entrepreneur feed it -- network your tail off to get more business: chamber of commerce meetings; making the rounds to every builder & engineer in town, etc. As you grow happier because you are having fun building your dream, the rest will fall into place. While you are networking for clients, don't forget too look around the room for dates; I met my husband at a business card exchange.

[SethDamien]

That's just it, I've gained all my first projects because of close, personal references. But i haven't done any 'real' networking before. Now, I'm running out of contacts.

 

I know the importance of selling ones self, but I'm not a talker. I just simply love doing what i do, that's it.

 

I'll join of our chamber of commerce, i guess being present in their meetings is a good start.

 

I'm also thinking of applying for a job and work on my business on the side. I know i cant give my full attention to my business though, but i really need the security right now, what do you think?

[preraph]

Delayed payment or "net" whatever, 30, 60, 90 is pretty standard in business. But not sure about architecture. I'd think that might be more like construction, where you contract to be paid at stages of the planning and construction.

 

Anyway, at least take a weekend job for now. It's about all you can do. Don't give up on your dream though. Keep being proactive to find jobs.

[d0nnivain]

I think you need to go to SCORE & the SBDC before you make this decision. They will give you the skills you lack to build a business.

 

 

Professionals often struggle with the desire to practice their craft & not be bothered by the nitty gritty of running a business -- networking, dealing with accounts receivable & payable, handing personnel etc. If those business things don't excite you, then you need to be somebody else's employee.

[SethDamien]

Yes, we get paid in stages. Upon engaging me, there should already be 30% dp. That is, if any of my clients are willing to pay.

 

I give them contracts, they ask for favors instead. And because of my desire to hook the client, i allowed it. Never thought some of them would be unscrupulous.

Next time though i wont be doing any work without an agreement.

 

This is my first year of running the biz, so im still getting the hang of it.

 

Thanks for all your advises,

 

I posted this thread to find the balance of work and relationships. I'm mostly torn up about how my failures in biz caused my break up.

[d0nnivain]

Going to a chamber of commerce meeting without knowing how to work a room is a waste of time.

[SethDamien]

Professionals often struggle with the desire to practice their craft & not be bothered by the nitty gritty of running a business -- networking, dealing with accounts receivable & payable, handing personnel etc. If those business things don't excite you, then you need to be somebody else's employee.

 

I have the accounting outsourced, and have a virtual team of draftsmen, and have completed projects with this team. But i admit i haven't been hands-on as much as i should be.

 

As for networking, zero.

 

Your advice is well taken. I may not be the center of attention, but i can socialize. Difficult it may be for me, but as i said, its a great start!

[preraph]

Always write up a contract so you have something to fall back on if someone doesn't pay you. Google your state and architecture contract and see if there's any standard.

[d0nnivain]

If you are on willing to work ON the business meaning drive customers to it which is the way it grows & you make money, & you would prefer to work IN the business, meaning do the architecture you enjoy, be an employee.

[SethDamien]

I plan to work ON the business, design is only a portion of architecture.

 

I'll gladly do the designs and marketing, while a partner can do the technical aspects such as engineering, permit documents, details, supervision, specs, etc.

 

I've done some marketing already i.e. website, and social media, even gave out some pamphlets to brokers. Eventually, I want the business to run on auto pilot so i can go out and start a new one. My ultimate goal is real estate.

 

But as I've said, everything is still in its infancy, and my business' most important asset - me, is currently a wreck.

 

I can do as you guys advised. But right now, its as if a train hit me realizing she's no longer mine and all my plans and dreams seems to have lost its meaning. I know its stupid, but i can't seem find my motivation now; and i hate it.

[preraph]

Yes, we get paid in stages. Upon engaging me, there should already be 30% dp. That is, if any of my clients are willing to pay.

 

I give them contracts, they ask for favors instead. And because of my desire to hook the client, i allowed it. Never thought some of them would be unscrupulous.

Next time though i wont be doing any work without an agreement.

 

This is my first year of running the biz, so im still getting the hang of it.

 

Thanks for all your advises,

 

I posted this thread to find the balance of work and relationships. I'm mostly torn up about how my failures in biz caused my break up.

 

I will tell you a secret I learned in business. They will not respect you if you do not stand up for yourself. But most of that MUST be in the form of a contract or agreement. In business, yes, people are quite ruthless. They'll respect you more if you don't put up with it and cave in on things.

[d0nnivain]

I've done some marketing already i.e. website, and social media, even gave out some pamphlets to brokers.

 

Just like you can't build a romance via text & the internet, unless it's an internet business you need more then a website. People do business with people they know & trust. You need to get involved in your community. You need to be attending 2-3 networking functions PER WEEK.

 

Read all the business books you can get your hands on.

 

Throwing yourself into the business will keep you busy & Your mind off your break up.

[SethDamien]

Thanks d0nnivain! I understand this isn't a merchandise business im running where customers just go in and out of the store.

I own a business where personal connection to clients is important.

[sam light]

Perhaps working for a firm will add to both your experience and contacts, for a possible future of self employment again.

 

 

Also, an active career will get you out there amongst potential dates.