Girlfriend doesn't want to be have sex anymore, need some clarity

[Waynebrettski]

Hello,

 

So me and my girlfriend started dating last August. We quickly became fond of eachother and put the label of it being a relationship shortly after. We were holding hands and making out with eachother a few months into the relationship, but I noticed she would remove my hand whenever I wanted to get frisky. I figured she wasn't ready yet and just decided I'd give her more time and waited it out. Until about 5-6 months into our relationship I finally needed answers and decided to inquire about why she was still hesitant to progress further sexually. This is when I found out she was a virgin (to my surprise, although I somewhat sensed that she might be by how innocent she was) and that she wanted to wait till marriage. As most can imagine, I wasn't thrilled to hear this but I didn't over react and instead took some time to process what I felt my intuition was telling me. I decided I'd give it a few months to see if I could come to grips with the reality and then decide whether or not I would continue the relationship. Note I pay for everything when we go out, she never has to chip in or worry. I also drive out to her which is 40 minutes away to see her, in which she never has to worry about driving out to me. I like to think I keep it exciting by trying new things and going to new places. Anyways, moving on in my story----around Valentine's Day we ended up getting frisky and her telling me that she wanted me. I refused as much as I could knowing she was just in a moment of weakness but with her continual urging to penetrate we ended up having sex. Afterwards I could sense she was off. I asked her about it and she said she felt guilty and asked me if I thought that, "god would forgive her?" After that night she said she craved me and wanted to continue having sex because we already had done it and there was no going back. Everything was great up until a couple days ago when she told me she didn't want to have sex anymore because she felt guilty. She explained that she felt disconnect from everything in her life and saw a video where the speaker was explaining why he decided to wait until marriage to have sex and that it persuaded her to wait. Keep in mind I trust her and know that there's no one else in the picture. I know she loves me and I feel like I love her too. I just can't help but feel defeated as a man. I don't want to be upset by it but every time I think about it it makes me feel down and a little depressed. I feel like maybe my ego is a little hurt in the rejection, possibly? I don't know. Anyhow, she's 24 and I'm 27. She's Mexican and still lives with her parents who are somewhat strict. She has a curfew, is not allowed to spend the night and are very traditional Mexicans in their culture.

 

Bottom line is, she is a very sweet, caring thoughtful girl. She's loyal, down to earth and really the whole package being extremely beautiful and smart. She has great values and i do feel like she accepts me for me. The part I am having trouble with is her beliefs differing from mine and whether or not I want to wait until marriage to have sex, being a super sexual person. I feel like I'd struggle to let her go because I personally think she is in more ways than one perfect for me and would be a great mother one day. What do I do? I feel like I might get bored if sex isn't in the equation because I go to college and there is a lot of temptation around me. There are tons of beautiful girls out where who may share more of a belief system with me that I wouldn't have to worry about the same issues I do with my current gf. Am I over reacting? Any advice? Do I wait it out? I feel like I would want to marry her, but don't want to ask her just because I've only known her for 10 months. I would want to be sure before I ask someone to marry me, and that could take another couple years?? Also there is no guarantee she would say yes, bc people do change. Does anyone relate to her and can maybe explain why she doesn't want to have sex or why she feels guilty? Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

[somanymistakes]

Does anyone relate to her and can maybe explain why she doesn't want to have sex or why she feels guilty? Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

 

I was a lot younger than 24 when I went through a guilt crisis but yes, I did go through a big guilt crisis over my first sexual experience, and I'm not even super-religious. So much of popular culture focuses on how important virginity is, how it's this almost magical purity and once you lose it you can never get it back and you're now worth less as a person.

 

I mean, it's not really TRUE, but it's certainly a thing girls are told to think. Nice girls wait, there are only two types of girls, if you have sex you're a slut and used and gross and all that. Even though my first time was with someone I loved who was good to me, I still felt horrible about myself afterwards. I thought I had become a bad person. And then I started to panic about diseases and pregnancy and all kinds of things, and then he felt really guilty too, and so we both backed off for a while after that.

 

We got over it in a few months, and now I just feel sorry for my teenage self for being so scared and confused with no one to tell her it was okay.

[thefooloftheyear]

I got exhausted just reading the post...I can't imagine how you must feel to actually live it....

 

Anyway, she's entitled to her opinion/values and as a man its only proper to honor that, esp if you care as much for her as you do..., But from my experience with women, if they are into sex, they are....if they aren't the tradition thing is probably just an excuse and she has some kind of hangup...

 

You need to get to the bottom of that, IMO...I could be wrong, but its your life here and no matter how good she is, if you are a sexually driven person(as most people are), then its going to be a pretty miserable and frustrating existence...

 

Good luck, admittedly its a tough dilemma..

 

TFY..