No reply to my messages

[coffe]

So I met this amazing girl last night at a bar - my friends went to the toilet and I was left on my own for a few minutes. I saw she was going back and forth on her own since apparently her friends were with guys so I approached her - I asked that she "keep me company while my friends are away". Of course we kept talking after they returned too.

 

She was very cool! She was fun, likes to drink like me and we could talk about meaningful stuff - it was real easy to sit back and have fun with her, that's just how it went.

 

Her friends, though, sucked. When whoever they were talking to went away or didn't want to be with them, they suddenly wanted to go and prompted her to leave or to leave me, etc. Then another guy would show up and since this time THEY wanted their chance with the new guy, of course they changed their mind and wanted to stay all of a sudden. Yeah, that went on for a while.

 

My friends asked if we wanted to play beer pong - she was all for it but her friends just wanted to go. My friends sort of distracted the others so we could have some time on our own and in the end when they came to hurry her she said she'd stay while they went somewhere else; if they needed her she would be here (how COOL is that!!! I was marveled I wanted to hug her)

 

We talked a lot and it was all very fun, all throughout - we were keeping a look on the clock hands hoping her friends wouldn't come back and we could have more time together.

 

In the end she did have to go, but she told me "do you wanna stay or do you come with outside" of course I went with her; half-way to the exit I asked if I could properly say good-bye before she left, she said of course and that's when we kissed. We kissed for a while until the friend came again; that's when I realized I hadn't added her number - she gave me the number and I asked her "wait, what do you do tomorrow? I wanna get some drinks with you. Or the weekend." She said she wasn't sure if she could the day after but of course, we kissed again and then she left, and I stood there stupified hoping to see her again.

 

So I messaged her today after thinking for a good while about what to say, but I always slap myself over not being very spontaneous over whatsapp - so I decided to go for sth a little cheesy maybe... I though it'd be fine given last night... (her name is XXXX and mine's YYYYY)

 

"XXXX <3 I'm YYYYY!

How are those drinks treating you today?

The guys chickened out of beer pong after you left...."

 

Actually instead of the heart emoji I used that WA emoji of the smiley that has hearty eyes, idk I've been sent that before and it didn't really mean much - we'd been close and I thought it'd just come off as cheesy/flirty/stupid but maybe she was freaked out... agh.

 

Anyway, so no, she did not reply. Hours have gone by and she didn't reply. After 4 hours of having sent that message and seeing her coming online every 4 minutes more or less (alright maybe I'm exaggerating, but not too much), I sent a "you there?"; this time she did read the messages (all of them for the first time), and didn't reply. Then again came online and offline and online.

 

Maybe she was freaked out but I don't get why any of this should be that big a deal anyways!! Ppl are overly cheesy over text and almost always it doens't mean anything, that can't be it right???

 

It just seems so unfair that everything was so nice last night and we just clicked on so many levels - it's very hard for me to find someone like that, and then to have it taken away so easily.... Without a chance to talk properly with her! I swear if we at least could talk over the phone everything would be awesome again - but no, she just doesn't reply and I'm left here stranded without a clue what went wrong.

 

I know I'm a mess stressing like this over it, but this time I really cared. I know if I see her again it'd be great and I can't say that about a lot of people. What do you guys think? Should I just wrap my hopes up and forget about her altogether? Why didn't she reply? Could her friends have said sth that made her change her mind? She didn't seem to care about that and I admired that about her. She seemed like the sort of girl that you go out with, but who is also your very good friend.

 

This thing where I kiss someone or am with someone a given night and they leave me their number, then don't ever reply happens to me too often too - and I don't have a clue what to do about it, I'm exasperated. It just doesn't seem very fair; what could I do about this in general?

 

Thank you very much for your patience whoever does read all this, sorry about the bliblical paragraphs but I needed to get it out and felt it was important to set the background to the problem. Any word of advice is very welcome!

[CC12]

This thing where I kiss someone or am with someone a given night and they leave me their number, then don't ever reply happens to me too often too

 

Don't drunkenly make out with drunk girls. Some of those girls might not have kissed you if they were sober. You don't want to be the drunk mistake that they just want to forget about.

[JuneJulySeptember]

It's only been a day (right?) so give it some time. There were times where I was like you, stressing or cursing that woman hasn't responded, and eventually she does.

 

Assuming she doesn't, welcome to the world of women.

 

It could have been a number of things. Including that she kissed you when drunk and feeling a bit lonely, then woke up sober and remember how high her standards were (likely), she had a boyfriend (less likely), or you freaked her out with a text message that was too soon or too forthcoming (not likely).

 

She also probably didn't think you clicked nearly as much as you did. Women rarely do. Women operate (at least IMO) on a less logical, more guttural level of attraction than men do.

 

So, while men come out of an encounter with "We had a good conversation and she was cute. Game on." women are much more selective.

[hippychick3]

People do stupid things when they're drunk and regret it the next day. Don't expect anything to come from a drunken kiss at a bar. For all you know, she has a bf or is married.

[JuneJulySeptember]

People do stupid things when they're drunk and regret it the next day. Don't expect anything to come from a drunken kiss at a bar. For all you know, she has a bf or is married.

 

Funny. I've never regretted being drunk and kissing a woman.

[mightycpa]

The first text was fine, the second text after 4 hours was a mistake, so now all you can do is wait. Don't make the same mistake again of being needy.

 

If you send another text, it should be after about three days, and you need to send that text like a man:

 

XXXX - are you sure you're not interested? Last chance.

 

Oh, and absolutely kiss drunk girls, as many as you can. Nothing wrong with that, just try not to get so invested in them.

[preraph]

I just have to tell you on this friend blocking you that you're convinced happened, that usually if friends block you, it's because the girl you're talking to let them know she wanted them to. Think about it. If you had guy friends who blocked women interested in you, would you even still be friends with them? No. Neither will a woman. A woman's girlfriends know the type of guys she likes and know when she's just being polite and also may be protective if they know she gets loose when she's drunk and then regrets it later. Also, if you blame a woman's friends, you are disrespecting that the woman has her own brain and basically inferring that she is too weak and stupid to run her own life, and no woman wants someone who thinks like that OR will try to isolate her from her friends. So just something to rethink.

 

That said, wait another day and see if she ever responds. She may be at work, she may be under her parents' nose, she may be under her husband or boyfriend's nose. Or she may not be interested and regret she got carried away, but it could go either way, so don't text her any more.

[mightycpa]

A woman's girlfriends know the type of guys she likes and know when she's just being polite and also may be protective if they know she gets loose when she's drunk and then regrets it later.

 

Isn't that exactly what OP was complaining about?

[anika99]

I just have to tell you on this friend blocking you that you're convinced happened, that usually if friends block you, it's because the girl you're talking to let them know she wanted them to. Think about it. If you had guy friends who blocked women interested in you, would you even still be friends with them? No. Neither will a woman. A woman's girlfriends know the type of guys she likes and know when she's just being polite and also may be protective if they know she gets loose when she's drunk and then regrets it later. Also, if you blame a woman's friends, you are disrespecting that the woman has her own brain and basically inferring that she is too weak and stupid to run her own life, and no woman wants someone who thinks like that OR will try to isolate her from her friends. So just something to rethink.

 

That said, wait another day and see if she ever responds. She may be at work, she may be under her parents' nose, she may be under her husband or boyfriend's nose. Or she may not be interested and regret she got carried away, but it could go either way, so don't text her any more.

 

I don't think it's likely that she asked her friends to block him considering that she opted to stay behind with OP when her friends did leave to go somewhere else. Then she spent time kissing him before she left. She was enjoying his company but I think for her it was just a fun night and nothing more.

 

OP if you want a real relationship with someone maybe try looking in places where the atmosphere is not so party like. When people are drinking they become uninhibited and conversation, flirty actions and physical attraction comes easily and without objectivity. Then the booze wears off, the party's over and real life returns. People like to flirt and talk and feel attractive and have a good time when they are out drinking in the clubs. Nothing wrong with that but you can't really tell what is real and what isn't in that setting. Not saying you should never approach or go out with a girl you see in a club just saying take it all with a grain of salt and consider other places to meet women where there is no alcohol and people are being their true day to day selves.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Her friends, though, sucked. When whoever they were talking to went away or didn't want to be with them, they suddenly wanted to go and prompted her to leave or to leave me, etc. Then another guy would show up and since this time THEY wanted their chance with the new guy, of course they changed their mind and wanted to stay all of a sudden. Yeah, that went on for a while.

 

I just have to tell you on this friend blocking you that you're convinced happened, that usually if friends block you, it's because the girl you're talking to let them know she wanted them to. Think about it. If you had guy friends who blocked women interested in you, would you even still be friends with them? No. Neither will a woman. A woman's girlfriends know the type of guys she likes and know when she's just being polite and also may be protective if they know she gets loose when she's drunk and then regrets it later. Also, if you blame a woman's friends, you are disrespecting that the woman has her own brain and basically inferring that she is too weak and stupid to run her own life, and no woman wants someone who thinks like that OR will try to isolate her from her friends. So just something to rethink.

 

So ... what you're saying is that a woman's friends know when a guy is too ugly for them, and think that talking them talking to any guy who is too ugly is a waste of their time.

 

I actually have seen it myself and it has happened to me a number of times when I was younger. I'd be talking to a woman and her friends would pull her away. I remember one time a buddy and I were talking to this woman in Williamsburg and being totally and obviously just non-romantic friendly and her friend kept trying to pull her away.

 

The world never ceases to amaze...

Edited May 26, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember

[anika99]

It's only been a day (right?) so give it some time. There were times where I was like you, stressing or cursing that woman hasn't responded, and eventually she does.

 

Assuming she doesn't, welcome to the world of women.

 

It could have been a number of things. Including that she kissed you when drunk and feeling a bit lonely, then woke up sober and remember how high her standards were (likely), she had a boyfriend (less likely), or you freaked her out with a text message that was too soon or too forthcoming (not likely).

 

She also probably didn't think you clicked nearly as much as you did. Women rarely do. Women operate (at least IMO) on a less logical, more guttural level of attraction than men do.

 

So, while men come out of an encounter with "We had a good conversation and she was cute. Game on." women are much more selective.

 

I think this is somewhat true but sometimes it's more about personality rather than genders.

 

I think that if someone is on the quiet side and meeting new people and having good conversations with new people doesn't come easy to them, when it happens it's going to feel special and meaningful. Whereas someone who is very outgoing and who meets and connects with new people very easily is not going to see such an encounter as being all that extraordinary or special.

 

Heck I've experienced that in platonic friendships where someone has told me everything about themselves, even deeply private and intimate things that people don't usually share with people they are not close to. I felt honoured to be trusted with so much personal information but then observed that this person just blabbed their life story and all its intimate details to whomever would listen.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think this is somewhat true but sometimes it's more about personality rather than genders.

 

I think that if someone is on the quiet side and meeting new people and having good conversations with new people doesn't come easy to them, when it happens it's going to feel special and meaningful. Whereas someone who is very outgoing and who meets and connects with new people very easily is not going to see such an encounter as being all that extraordinary or special.

 

Heck I've experienced that in platonic friendships where someone has told me everything about themselves, even deeply private and intimate things that people don't usually share with people they are not close to. I felt honoured to be trusted with so much personal information but then observed that this person just blabbed their life story and all its intimate details to whomever would listen.

 

Yes that happens too.

[Imajerk17]

Well OP, she might not have responded due to any number of things on her end, including being hung up on someone else.

 

There are also many many threads written about "great" first dates not leading to a second. Something similar might be happening here.

 

HOWEVER, when it comes to texting, to a certain point less is more. You (and every other guy) would really do yourself well to just, stay away from any of the fancier emoticons. If she was really feeling the connection, then I don't think your texts turned her off completely, but they didn't help.

 

All is not lost. Text her in a few days asking how her weeknd was or something. Short, simple, and no emoticons!

 

ETA: RE friends blocking, yes, a woman's friends sometimes do the unpleasant deed of rejecting a guy she isn't into for her, to save her from confrontation, from looking like the bad guy, ect. I do think she was having a genuinely good time w OP though. If she weren't, then he wouldn't have gotten all this alone time w her.

Edited May 26, 2017 by Imajerk17