amomwhoknows Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 Here is the think. You need to break free of the OW RIGHT NOW. Even if your marriage ends, you owe it to your children to not have this woman in your life. A good co-parenting relationship will not be possible if she is around and if your kids are old enough to understand her they will despise her and likely you. Be clear and firm with the OW. My children and my wife come first. If you continue to contact me, I will file an harrassment charge. Leave me alone, etc etc etc. But get it done. If you love your wife, you need to protect her feelings going forward even if you don't end married. Do you understand? Can you put someone above yourself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 (edited) It all came out this weekend, and my wife has forgiven me and wants to make it all work. I told my OW we had to be done...she said she will fight to have me and it is definately hard. As stupid as i am i know my wife and children are worth fighting for, but i do wonder if restoration is really possible Your wife has given you the gift of reconciliation. Don't waste the opportunity to make ammends and reconnect with your family - particularly not for another woman who has disrespected the boundaries of your marriage, and your family. Any woman who does not respect another woman's husband and attempts to destroy a family, to take a father from his children, is not a good woman. I would suggest that you take the gift of reconciliation and honor it with the love and care that your wife deserves. Edited May 30, 2017 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 It all came out this weekend, and my wife has forgiven me and wants to make it all work. I told my OW we had to be done...she said she will fight to have me and it is definately hard. As stupid as i am i know my wife and children are worth fighting for, but i do wonder if restoration is really possible You're going to have to totally block the other woman so she can't see your social media and you're not looking at hers and block her phone number or change yours. There is no chance if you go soft on completely shutting her out. This will be the number 1 thing your wife is going to want to be sure of. She can't fight for you if you don't give her access to contact you or your wife and warn any friends not to help her. If she comes to the house after you've told her once and only once not to contact you again, you tell her next time you'll call the police. You need to be totally transparent and let your wife see everything you do or say to the other woman to block her from your life. Transparency is key to any reconciliations after cheating. Give your wife your passwords and tell her you want her to look and see for herself so she has no doubts. And you still may need counseling. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Talltxn Posted June 8, 2017 Author Share Posted June 8, 2017 I told my wife about the affairs and that I wanted to leave and she told me no way and she forgave me and wants to work it out so. I am trying yet it is so hard, I broke it off with the other woman and have not been talking to her but i have emailed a couple of times and somedays I want to got to her and be with her. I am not but it is all so hard- I wonder why it can feel so passionate with someone else but not with my wife? I made a appointment for a counselor and I am trying that Mort Fertel marriage thing. My wife told a friend and her husband wants to talk and we are friends----So does it all get better or can it or is it all in vain----I dunno sometimes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 It'll get better. Your wife is very loyal to you. You need to totally stop emailing this ex-gf or you'll mess it up. She will just keep you stirred up. Get off her social media too. Your wife is willing to work on this and do counseling and all that and this will be a good thing for both of you and certainly worth the effort. If at the end of all that, you can't be happy, then since you worked on it together in cousneling, she will at least understand why and you should both know you gave it your best shot. So block that other one and give this your best effort. You know perfectly well that you are not going to be happy if you break up and then your wife gets another man you have to interact with because of the kids. This is when the focus of your unhappiness totally changes away from the gf and back to the ex-wife, and that unhappiness and unrest will make this about the gf seem just like a little twinge, because you have a good wife. Hang in there. Buy a motorcycle or something that rejuvenates you on another level. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 I broke it off with the other woman and have not been talking to her but i have emailed a couple of times and somedays I want to got to her and be with her. This is not no contact. You need to stop talking to the other woman or you will not be able to reconcile and rebuild your relationship with your wife. How can you possibly recoup next with your wife when you are talking to another woman. You can't straddle a fence. If you have made the decision to stay with your wife, then you need to man up and commit to that decision. End all contact with the OW - and no more pity party about "how hard it is." Just do it! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
magnesium Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 It sounds like to me the OP has already made up his mind about leaving his wife, like even before he decided to post here. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 l'm not suggesting this or that or anything else, and lsure don't know what OP's gonna do or should do, just saying. But falling out of love or losing desire and passion is a really really hard thing in marriage and tbh l don't know how people keep doing it if it has gone. Because what are you suppose to do if you just don't wanna sleep with her anymore ? And it's easily possible to still love someone in a respectful way but not be in love with them anymore . And what are you suppose to do about that too? You can't put either back or make either happen if it's just not there anymore that's the problem. One reason l'm glad l'm not married anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 But with such a good women and the family, hard to find man, l wouldn't be having affairs , l'd be trying to re'find what we'd lost. Link to post Share on other sites
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