"Our Song"

[RewindRomancer]

I'm 4 months NC with my exMM, and suddenly I find myself crying every time I hear "Our Song." This afternoon I was stopped at a major intersection and "Our Song" came on the radio. I started bawling like a baby because I missed him so much.

 

 

Songs are a trigger. I hear the music and I remember *those* moments...and I completely lose it. So much grief washes over me I feel like I can't breathe. Mind movies run through my head - all those special times - and I can't stop them.

 

 

I can block exMM on social media, delete all of his pictures, lose his phone number - ALL OF THAT. But I can't control the D.J. on the radio. I feel like my healing takes a hit every time this occurs. I'm a wreck for the next few hours.

 

 

Does this happen to anyone else? How do you handle it?

[BreakingWave]

It absolutely happens. There are so many songs that I've either heard with MM, or that contain lyrics that land in just the right (or wrong) way. How I handle it depends on my mood - if I'm feeling particularly sorry for myself, I sing along and have a cry. If I don't want to allow that sadness spiral to start, I change the station. I've been listening to the news stations pretty much all time time for a few months because sad songs make me cry, happy songs make me upset, etc.

[MidnightBlue1980]

I'm 4 months NC with my exMM, and suddenly I find myself crying every time I hear "Our Song." This afternoon I was stopped at a major intersection and "Our Song" came on the radio. I started bawling like a baby because I missed him so much.

 

 

Songs are a trigger. I hear the music and I remember *those* moments...and I completely lose it. So much grief washes over me I feel like I can't breathe. Mind movies run through my head - all those special times - and I can't stop them.

 

 

I can block exMM on social media, delete all of his pictures, lose his phone number - ALL OF THAT. But I can't control the D.J. on the radio. I feel like my healing takes a hit every time this occurs. I'm a wreck for the next few hours.

 

 

Does this happen to anyone else? How do you handle it?

 

Well. I had a lot of anxiety in the 18 months since it ended. The first year was the worst. I'd always think I saw him and I'd have a panic attack. Anyone who remotely looked like him would bring it on. Since I had to see him, it would happen often and often result in my being unable to speak and shaking, spilling coffee all over the floor. I took medication for the first 6 months as I was in a very bad place.

 

What I learned is that you can't really block it out and avoid it. You need to go through it. Each time it hurts a little less. I can tell you that at 18 months it is mostly gone. A little pain but that is about it.

[Kjrrg]

I was doing this on purpose until a few days ago. I don't know, I feel like it helped me get more of the pain out when I did. Also because sometimes I feel like torturing myself. We had many songs. Today I listened to a few and felt overwhelmingly sad, but didn't break down. You will get there -- this is coming from someone who never thought they would, and still believes it's going to take a long, long time. But you will.

[MidnightBlue1980]

I was doing this on purpose until a few days ago. I don't know, I feel like it helped me get more of the pain out when I did. Also because sometimes I feel like torturing myself. We had many songs. Today I listened to a few and felt overwhelmingly sad, but didn't break down. You will get there -- this is coming from someone who never thought they would, and still believes it's going to take a long, long time. But you will.

 

I have done this too, with social media. It does dull after time. Regarding music, I have youtube songs from a year ago on my list and now when I see them, I no longer have any triggers. But it does take a really long time.

[anika99]

I'm 4 months NC with my exMM, and suddenly I find myself crying every time I hear "Our Song." This afternoon I was stopped at a major intersection and "Our Song" came on the radio. I started bawling like a baby because I missed him so much.

 

 

Songs are a trigger. I hear the music and I remember *those* moments...and I completely lose it. So much grief washes over me I feel like I can't breathe. Mind movies run through my head - all those special times - and I can't stop them.

 

 

I can block exMM on social media, delete all of his pictures, lose his phone number - ALL OF THAT. But I can't control the D.J. on the radio. I feel like my healing takes a hit every time this occurs. I'm a wreck for the next few hours.

 

 

Does this happen to anyone else? How do you handle it?

 

You can control the music on the radio too; by turning it off or changing the station.

 

A few years ago I suffered a great loss and I found that lots of music made me weep. That's how I got into listening to talk radio. I got tired of crying in my car everyday so I started to listen to a station that is all talk all the time and I found I rather enjoyed it.

[RewindRomancer]

Thanks you guys....you know exactly how I feel. It's so random, but so powerful. Catches me by surprise every time. Yesterday at that intersection, some trucker next to me, who could see down inside my van, just watched me sob. He looked confused like he thought he should do something. I turned my head to hide and almost missed the green light when it turned. Somebody honked and jerked me out of my fog.

 

 

Siiiiiiiiiiiigh..........

[amaysngrace]

I think you're meant to keep hearing that song, not to set your healing back but to move it forward.

[elaine567]

If it is a song that is going to be commonly played everywhere, then I would desensitise myself by choosing a spare night, a bottle of wine (opt.) and play the song over and over again and sob my heart out, till it all just seemed totally ridiculous.

 

Try not to wallow in nostalgia and melancholia, it can become a habit that is difficult to shake.

[deadsoul]

I think you have to go with it and feel the emotions... Like MB said, the only way out is through.

 

I still get triggered and it's hard, I keep thinking I'm over it and then something sets me off. So now I'm letting myself feel things and then move on.

[Babsinhealing]

Songs triggered me after DD big time. I traveled a lot for my job and couldn't listen to music on planes for weeks because I would start crying. But I love music so I started listening to classical (no words) and I created playlists that encouraged me and made me feel stronger. Those were huge steps in allowing me to get through those hard times.

[RewindRomancer]

deadsoul wrote: "I think you have to go with it and feel the emotions...."

 

 

I think the same thing...it .happened again today in traffic! (Is this some kind of sign???) I just burst into tears in the rain. 40 years worth of memories rushed through my mind and I JUST FELT SO SAD.

 

 

He was my youth, and since I've lost a second chance for him I feel like I've lost my youth and all the hope and possibility that goes with it. I miss him so much I'm thinking of breaking NC. But I know that's totally stupid. We're not in college and I'm not his "dream girl" anymore.

 

 

We're both just struggling with easing into a stable retirement. Hard choices have been made. I understand the decisions. I understand the ghosting. I *GET* it, I get it all. And I'll live with it.

 

 

But. I. just. miss. him. so. much.

 

 

And Our Song sends me to happier times, where hope and the possibility of a future together with MM once seemed almost real.

 

 

P.S. I've blocked him on all social media but I can still access his first wife and grown children. He's in lots of old their old pics. I see him and remember our college days. A long time ago we had a future together. But the future is here now, and he's not in it. And that makes me sad.....so I cry to old songs in the rain.

 

 

Pitiful.

[freengreen]

God yes... I thought I was the only one who feels 'rewinded' when few songs come up. It takes time, I still sometimes get reminded of him when I listen to them but Ihave been forcing myself to see the song for its own beauty and NOT attaching to him... I am getting there.

 

Just dont entertain that feeling... its not real

[Vivir]

I travel a lot for work and I have playlists on my iPod that make me feel better if I want to feel better, or cry if I want to do that. I change a lot of channels, too, like Breaking Wave, and I skip a lot of songs on shuffle on my iPod, too, because they make me angry or sad. A LOT of "love" songs make me so angry these days...

 

I also listen to talk radio, like Anika.

 

But I have found that audio books - especially the ones that are dramatized with multiple voice actors, help me to totally focus on something else altogether. My favorite of these are by Jim French Productions (The Mysteries of Harry Nile and The Further Adventures of Sherlock Holmes). I imagine the stories while I am listening, and for a time it is all I am thinking about.

 

BTW, I am currently listening to H.P. Lovecraft's short story "The Colour Out of Space" on Amazon Channels for Prime.

 

Maybe this will help someone

[Superchicken]

Hi rewind,

Look, crap like this will go on for a long time.

Things will bring up memories, but instead of thinking in the "Miss him" way, you need to think "What a balls up mess that was".

 

 

Do you think that you wont find some one else ?.

You should (And should have) look for the right person for you.

 

 

Look forward to times with you next man with "NO LIMITATIONS".

No sneaking around, no what if's, no guilt, and worst, no "The END".

 

 

Maybe its Karma getting you back with these music spots playing havoc with you..

 

 

But, like one of my own memories in the past, when my mum was waiting for me to get home (Really late), and I knew she was pissed, and waiting for me, to give me a wallop. I sucked it in, walked in, and ....

 

 

Oh crap, it smarted, but, same goes here for you. Your going through the pain, and it will go away over time.

Now every time a see a wooden spoon, it brings me back to that time.. But now I laugh.

By the way, that was a true story..

However, I still came home late after that event..

We men never learn, hopefully you did.

 

 

Ted.