still in love but broken up

[Hurtingguy]

OP what don't you get stay the F away from her you caught her going out with another Man either way he's not chasing her she's going want him and planted seeds for a relationship. you come off as very pathetic and weak, because you crumble at any contact she gives (breadcrumbs) every time you engage with her, and her eyes you become even more pathetic and extremely weak which is a complete turn off to any woman. Look she's telling you she's going to go to her friends (hello the other man) most likely to sleep with him to consummate the relationship with him... are you that clueless.? "but she still wants to hang out Sunday" that means if it doesn't work out with plan A man... who she really wants to be with her new lover.! she has you as her back up plan you are nothing but plan B to her now wow..! she does not like you or respect you at all. Another words this relationship is over with please be advised it over.! the sooner realize and understand and concede that this is your reality and Face this situation and go complete NC Real NC with her you're you will continue to backslide showing this woman that does not have your best interest at hand. You will continue to appear pathetic and weak and she will know that she made the right decision by moving on. She truly does not care about you I don't care what she says to you.!!!

 

As much as that hurt to read I think you may be right it's jus hard to move on when I'm still so in love I told her not to contact me anymore and we won't be seeing each other this weekend?

[jamili]

Been in a similarish situation myself (read my original thread). Ex dumped me while we lived together. I had to find my own place, and in the meantime my ex was wanting to text random stuff all the time, share photos with me, cook dinner together, watch tv and movies together, etc. But any time i tried to bring up working things out or reconciliation, she would push me away.

 

The solution was NC and to be OUT of the house when she was home. Avoding her at all costs, and ignoring her volley of breadcrumb texts. I also spooled the turbo on getting the $#%& out of that place and getting my own apartment ASAP.

 

Springy is right, this caused incredible amounts of increased interested from her and even some respect. Did it ever come to anything? No, she still never wanted to reconcile. But, it was healthier for the both of us and i probably gained some self respect back in her eyes by doing it like that. I am not a doormat pushover weak pathetic loser in her eyes, so the possibility of reconciliation sometime in the DISTANT future might still exist. If i had kept in contact, hung out with her, been friendly and stuff to her... my chances of that would have been destroyed and she would forever see me as a doormat weakling and would never be able to develop sexual attraction to me again. Sounds harsh - but that's the psychology behind it.

 

It FEELS counterintuitive but as others are saying you must "180" ASAP, move the %$#@ out ASAP, go NC ASAP (stop responding to her texts! Completely ignore or block!). The sooner you do this, for real, the higher your chance of 1. Moving on faster, and 2. Potentially reconciling someday. Keep in mind, you need 1. before 2. will ever happen. You wont reconcilie with this woman until the both of you have completely moved on.. and you both have a long way to go so start now.

 

Also, you must stop deluding yourself about "another guy" in the photo. You dont know! And, to be quite honest, based on the information you presented, I think it sounds likely here. Just assume it's possible and gtfo of there TOP PRIORITY! One of the most emotionally and psychologically difficult things ive ever had to do in my life is cohabitate with my ex for 4 weeks following the breakup while i waited to move into my new place. Its the WORST.

[Hurtingguy]

Been in a similarish situation myself (read my original thread). Ex dumped me while we lived together. I had to find my own place, and in the meantime my ex was wanting to text random stuff all the time, share photos with me, cook dinner together, watch tv and movies together, etc. But any time i tried to bring up working things out or reconciliation, she would push me away.

 

The solution was NC and to be OUT of the house when she was home. Avoding her at all costs, and ignoring her volley of breadcrumb texts. I also spooled the turbo on getting the $#%& out of that place and getting my own apartment ASAP.

 

Springy is right, this caused incredible amounts of increased interested from her and even some respect. Did it ever come to anything? No, she still never wanted to reconcile. But, it was healthier for the both of us and i probably gained some self respect back in her eyes by doing it like that. I am not a doormat pushover weak pathetic loser in her eyes, so the possibility of reconciliation sometime in the DISTANT future might still exist. If i had kept in contact, hung out with her, been friendly and stuff to her... my chances of that would have been destroyed and she would forever see me as a doormat weakling and would never be able to develop sexual attraction to me again. Sounds harsh - but that's the psychology behind it.

 

It FEELS counterintuitive but as others are saying you must "180" ASAP, move the %$#@ out ASAP, go NC ASAP (stop responding to her texts! Completely ignore or block!). The sooner you do this, for real, the higher your chance of 1. Moving on faster, and 2. Potentially reconciling someday. Keep in mind, you need 1. before 2. will ever happen. You wont reconcilie with this woman until the both of you have completely moved on.. and you both have a long way to go so start now.

 

Also, you must stop deluding yourself about "another guy" in the photo. You dont know! And, to be quite honest, based on the information you presented, I think it sounds likely here. Just assume it's possible and gtfo of there TOP PRIORITY! One of the most emotionally and psychologically difficult things ive ever had to do in my life is cohabitate with my ex for 4 weeks following the breakup while i waited to move into my new place. Its the WORST.

 

Thanks for your comment that just kind of gave me some strong will to move on..I have moved out minus my furniture and have started NC...its very hard to do when your love someone so much it's just hard to push her away like She is doinftk me. But you are all right I am being a doormat a weak pathetic loser he Shen knows will always be there for her as much as I don't want to I have to for my own sake...I'm just losing my mind over here I feel alone with nobody to talk to and have all these feelings stuck inside me and can't let them out...I wanna tell her everything I feel but I know I can't I just want her to be happy but I guess I should worry about myself for once in my life...this is the hardest thing I've ever gone through and I just hope this pain goes away soon

[jamili]

Thanks for your comment that just kind of gave me some strong will to move on..I have moved out minus my furniture and have started NC...its very hard to do when your love someone so much it's just hard to push her away like She is doinftk me. But you are all right I am being a doormat a weak pathetic loser he Shen knows will always be there for her as much as I don't want to I have to for my own sake...I'm just losing my mind over here I feel alone with nobody to talk to and have all these feelings stuck inside me and can't let them out...I wanna tell her everything I feel but I know I can't I just want her to be happy but I guess I should worry about myself for once in my life...this is the hardest thing I've ever gone through and I just hope this pain goes away soon

 

I feel ya man. But, you shouldn't tell her anything. Realize that very likely ANYTHING you could possibly say to her will push her further away. Unfortunately you must now deal with those emotions without her. It takes time, and NC.

Edited June 2, 2017 by jamili

[Hurtingguy]

So been a tough week nc didn't work out I caved into her...I'm home now with our dog as she's out for the night..:my. Choice I missed him and can't take him to my dads..:we've talked on the phone everyday before bed and every morning...I don't feel as sad anymore but non the less still very hurt...she told me she loves and misses me but still can't be with me I didn't ask for anything she brought it up...she wants to me to stay tomorrow till she gets home so we can have dinner together... I know it's not the right thing to do but I do miss her deeply and would like some time with her again knowing it's gonna hurt...I just wish we were back together but I know this isn't possible...why does my heart take over my better judgement? Why can't I stay away from her knowing she doesn't wanna be with me? She send me pics of herself everyday with the saddest look on her face its breaks my heart... I just want her to be happy and I just wanna be happy... I know I'm weak but this is what love does to me this is what she does to me...I asked her to go nc but she doesn't want to she doesn't want me out of her life completely she doesn't take pics of us off her social media...can someone please tell me what is going on with her? I know she's still in love as am I...this is soo hard I hate this

[Marc878]

Ok so if you where to look at my previous posts you will know my situation..

I'll explain it quicky tho...ex and I together 2.5 years living together for 2

 

She ended it with me for good about a week and a half ago..said there are things she can't get past like man things u said and my jealousy problem..

 

So found out Sunday she went on a date that her fiends set her up on I called her out she said it was a big mistake and felt so guilty and hurt..

 

We spent all day and nigh together Monday had a great day we also cried together cuddled kissed hugged told each other how much we love each other held each other all night (no sex) and then Monday morning I took my clothes and came to my dads..

We agreed to keep contact with each other..

 

She's been texting me back and forth all day since I left and calling at night and talking for about an hour or so everytime..

 

She wants to hang out one day this weekend if she doesn't go away to her gf house who lives a few hours away and she said even if she god she wants to hang out on Sunday.

 

What's going on here everyone?

 

What's going on in her head?

 

I would still get back with her is that possible here?

 

She dumps you and immediately go out on a date?

 

I think you're being fed some lies here man.

 

The worst thing you can do is chase!!!! It'll just push her farther away.

 

You can't even keep nc for 24 hours.

[Marc878]

So been a tough week nc didn't work out I caved into her...I'm home now with our dog as she's out for the night..:my. Choice I missed him and can't take him to my dads..:we've talked on the phone everyday before bed and every morning...I don't feel as sad anymore but non the less still very hurt...she told me she loves and misses me but still can't be with me I didn't ask for anything she brought it up...she wants to me to stay tomorrow till she gets home so we can have dinner together... I know it's not the right thing to do but I do miss her deeply and would like some time with her again knowing it's gonna hurt...I just wish we were back together but I know this isn't possible...why does my heart take over my better judgement? Why can't I stay away from her knowing she doesn't wanna be with me? She send me pics of herself everyday with the saddest look on her face its breaks my heart... I just want her to be happy and I just wanna be happy... I know I'm weak but this is what love does to me this is what she does to me...I asked her to go nc but she doesn't want to she doesn't want me out of her life completely she doesn't take pics of us off her social media...can someone please tell me what is going on with her? I know she's still in love as am I...this is soo hard I hate this

 

She says she loves you and misses you but dumped you? She's so sad? you're are still getting dumped though.

 

You're in a huge case of denial. If she loved you as much as you think she does she wouldn't be dumping you.

 

I'll bet shes out on another date and you are making yourself look like a needy, clingy loser. Extremely unnattractive to women.

 

Better wake up to what you're doing.

 

You won't listen but maybe you'll learn a good lesson at some point.

Edited June 4, 2017 by Marc878

[Hurtingguy]

She says she loves you and misses you but dumped you? She's so sad? you're are still getting dumped though.

 

You're in a huge case of denial. If she loved you as much as you think she does she wouldn't be dumping you.

 

I'll bet shes out on another date and you are making yourself look like a needy, clingy loser. Extremely unnattractive to women.

 

Better wake up to what you're doing.

 

You won't listen but maybe you'll learn a good lesson at some point.

 

Maybe your right but I try not to think about that...it's easy for you to say all this but it's a lot harder to do...we had a very close relationship....she told me today that my ex was a big cause if this I have 2 kids with her and my current ex was never able to meet them cause my kids mother is a crazy "B" and even kept them away from me cause I as with someone else who i lived with and loved

[BluesPower]

Listen brother... It is not a question of whether marc is right or not. The man know what he is talking about, just like a lot of us do. We know because we have been through it, we know because we are older, and while no man will ever have women figured out as a whole, we know a thing or two about women as well.

 

If you act the way you are acting, if you are weak and needy, you will be stomped on by women like her and all your exes for the rest of your life.

 

So wise up and figure out how to be a strong man, and maybe you will attract a not crazy woman and if your lucky you might learn how to be happy.

 

NEVER EVER be weak with a woman, ever.

 

These are just standard facts, learn them...

[springy]

Maybe your right but I try not to think about that...it's easy for you to say all this but it's a lot harder to do...we had a very close relationship....she told me today that my ex was a big cause if this I have 2 kids with her and my current ex was never able to meet them cause my kids mother is a crazy "B" and even kept them away from me cause I as with someone else who i lived with and loved

 

You and everybody else on the board. Not trying to be cruel here, but we all think (or thought) we had something super special, super unique. Your case is no different, no more special than any one else's. If it was so close she wouldn't have left the relationship. She is running the show while you act as though you are helpless to make your own decisions. She doesn't want nc because she wants to keep you in her life? You need her permission for that? Do you know the countless numbers of dumpers that have fed the dumpee that line? You are totally being manipulated.

 

She's out for the night having a good time and here you are sitting at home with the dog. Come on, you gotta snap out of this. You will learn the hard way.

 

Not sure what the rest of your post is saying.

Edited June 4, 2017 by springy

[Hurtingguy]

You and everybody else on the board. Not trying to be cruel here, but we all think (or thought) we had something super special, super unique. Your case is no different, no more special than any one else's. If it was so close she wouldn't have left the relationship. She is running the show while you act as though you are helpless to make your own decisions. She doesn't want nc because she wants to keep you in her life? You need her permission for that? Do you know the countless numbers of dumpers that have fed the dumpee that line? You are totally being manipulated.

 

She's out for the night having a good time and here you are sitting at home with the dog. Come on, you gotta snap out of this. You will learn the hard way.

 

Not sure what the rest of your post is saying.

 

Ok I know you guys are right and if i didn't I wouldn't be coming here for advice I appreciate all the help

 

So I had to give this a try and I know it's probably just going to hurt me more but I'm not ready to lose hope yet.

 

I spent the night with her last night made us dinner and then we watched a movie and cuddled few kisses and then went to bed together..we did not sleep together did not cuddle in bed cause it was just hurting me so I fell asleep and when I woke up this morning again she cuddled up on me before work.:

 

She started her new job today and called me and messaged ne all day telling me about it..she wants me to stay a few more nights for now.::I don't plan on being all cuddly and kissing face with her tonight it's just putting me right back to the really sad stage...

 

Why is she doing this to me I don't get it this ia my last straw trying for this to work my head feels like it's gong to explode please help me

[dumbass2]

This is why it won't work right now. Too much in your head. Time away allows that stuff to subside over some time. Makes for better second chances because you let things go. You can't do that right now.

[ExpatInItaly]

She isn't doing this to you - you are doing it to yourself now.

 

You're choosing not to draw boundaries even knowing she doesn't want to be your girlfriend anymore. You are letting her come and go and use you for affection and attention as she pleases. But at the end of the day? She's still walking out the door, single and free. But the day will come when the cuddles and dinners and sleepovers grind to a complete halt because she's met someone else and has no time for you anymore.

 

If you don't stop being your own worst enemy, you will never move on, man.

[Hurtingguy]

She isn't doing this to you - you are doing it to yourself now.

 

You're choosing not to draw boundaries even knowing she doesn't want to be your girlfriend anymore. You are letting her come and go and use you for affection and attention as she pleases. But at the end of the day? She's still walking out the door, single and free. But the day will come when the cuddles and dinners and sleepovers grind to a complete halt because she's met someone else and has no time for you anymore.

 

If you don't stop being your own worst enemy, you will never move on, man.

 

I know I'm doing this to myself but I feel If I keep trying I will get her back...so last night I went against my better judgement we had dinner together watched a movie which turned into us having a bath together then off to the bedroom to make love...I know we both felt a deep connection she told me she loves me and cuddled with me all night again ....how am I suppose to think she doesn't want us anymore when all this is happening...she told me she had to stop herself from crying a couple times while we were bring romantic cause she still loves me and isn't over me... Then when she left for work this morning she gave me a kiss goodbye and said she loves me....I've never been one to be like this after a breakup but this time I do really care and don't want to lose her I just want her back...everyone keeps sayin NC but that only works if u plan on not seeing her again and moving on with your life...I dunno what to think that's why I am here.

 

Does anyone have any feedback on what I can do to actually win her back without going NC? I feel as if I have started to win her back a bit but I'm not sure cause I'm not using my better judgement

[Zahara]

I know I'm doing this to myself but I feel If I keep trying I will get her back...so last night I went against my better judgement we had dinner together watched a movie which turned into us having a bath together then off to the bedroom to make love...I know we both felt a deep connection she told me she loves me and cuddled with me all night again ....how am I suppose to think she doesn't want us anymore when all this is happening...she told me she had to stop herself from crying a couple times while we were bring romantic cause she still loves me and isn't over me... Then when she left for work this morning she gave me a kiss goodbye and said she loves me....I've never been one to be like this after a breakup but this time I do really care and don't want to lose her I just want her back...everyone keeps sayin NC but that only works if u plan on not seeing her again and moving on with your life...I dunno what to think that's why I am here.

 

Does anyone have any feedback on what I can do to actually win her back without going NC? I feel as if I have started to win her back a bit but I'm not sure cause I'm not using my better judgement

 

You've received great advice. However, your insistence to do what you want to do makes it all futile. You are allowing yourself to be emotionally driven. You need to use your brain, moving forward.

 

She is a dumper. She is coming to you because dumpers also feel a sense of loss when they end it with someone. Their interest is based on a temporary need while they transition to singledom. So she will come to you because you are a crutch that provides her with some level of comfort while she goes through her phases. It's not because she wants the relationship back.

 

You need to draw boundaries. If she has chosen not to be with you, then she has to let you go and allow you to heal. And you need to walk away and implement NC. There is no sitting on the fence.

 

NC will allow each of you space and time to find clarity. Right now, you both are emotionally driven. Stop allowing someone to treat you like a convenience. You likely were very insecure then (jealousy) and you are still continuing that behavior by clinging on to dear life. There is no incentive for her to value you when you're right there being the emotional tampon that she needs. Disappear. That will force her to figure out what she wants.

Edited June 6, 2017 by Zahara

[Hurtingguy]

You've received great advice. However, your insistence to do what you want to do makes it all futile. You are allowing yourself to be emotionally driven. You need to use your brain, moving forward.

 

She is a dumper. She is coming to you because dumpers also feel a sense of loss when they end it with someone. Their interest is based on a temporary need while they transition to singledom. So she will come to you because you are a crutch that provides her with some level of comfort while she goes through her phases. It's not because she wants the relationship back.

 

You need to draw boundaries. If she has chosen not to be with you, then she has to let you go and allow you to heal. And you need to walk away and implement NC. There is no sitting on the fence.

 

NC will allow each of you space and time to find clarity. Right now, you both are emotionally driven. Stop allowing someone to treat you like a convenience. You likely were very insecure then (jealousy) and you are still continuing that behavior by clinging on to dear life. There is no incentive for her to value you when you're right there being the emotional tampon that she needs. Disappear. That will force her to figure out what she wants.

 

Yes you are right I have gotten great advice here and chose not to listen cause I'm still thinking with my emotions and not my brain...I know you have all been through this that's why I'm here....I just feel if I disappear she's gonna think I stopped loving her and caring about her that is honestly my biggest fear...I've left the house now cause it's just making it harder for me to go through this...everyome was right I'm gonna learn the hard way and I am and it hurts so much ?...I just can't ever stop thinking about her and I feel if we were to slowly part ways it would help me but I guess I'm just being foolish...ohh how I wish this could be easy for me

[Zahara]

Yes you are right I have gotten great advice here and chose not to listen cause I'm still thinking with my emotions and not my brain...I know you have all been through this that's why I'm here....I just feel if I disappear she's gonna think I stopped loving her and caring about her that is honestly my biggest fear...I've left the house now cause it's just making it harder for me to go through this...everyome was right I'm gonna learn the hard way and I am and it hurts so much ��...I just can't ever stop thinking about her and I feel if we were to slowly part ways it would help me but I guess I'm just being foolish...ohh how I wish this could be easy for me

 

You make it clear to her that she chose to end the relationship. And that now you have to keep no contact so that you can heal. You also tell her that you still love her and to contact you ONLY if she is willing to work on reconciling. No contact otherwise. And that she has to respect what you are going through. The decision then is in her hands because you have made your feelings and boundaries known.

 

Endings are not easy for anyone. We have all been through it. You don't have to tell us how it feels. It's devastating. But there comes a point when you need to embrace it and find the courage to push through it. What you're doing now is trying to escape the pain of an ending by clinging to her.

 

"Slowly parting" is a prolonged death. It's indefinite pain.

[Hurtingguy]

You make it clear to her that she chose to end the relationship. And that now you have to keep no contact so that you can heal. You also tell her that you still love her and to contact you ONLY if she is willing to work on reconciling. No contact otherwise. And that she has to respect what you are going through. The decision then is in her hands because you have made your feelings and boundaries known.

 

Endings are not easy for anyone. We have all been through it. You don't have to tell us how it feels. It's devastating. But there comes a point when you need to embrace it and find the courage to push through it. What you're doing now is trying to escape the pain of an ending by clinging to her.

 

"Slowly parting" is a prolonged death. It's indefinite pain.

I told her last night that I've accepted we won't be together again and I have accepted it in a way my heart is the one making me think irrationally...when I told her that tho she started crying her eyes out and came and hugged me and said that hurt her why would she react that way

[Zahara]

I told her last night that I've accepted we won't be together again and I have accepted it in a way my heart is the one making me think irrationally...when I told her that tho she started crying her eyes out and came and hugged me and said that hurt her why would she react that way

 

I told you. Dumpers hurt too and feel a loss. But that does not mean that they want the relationship back.

 

She didn't deny anything you said. Her silence was her agreement. What else do you need?

[Hurtingguy]

I told you. Dumpers hurt too and feel a loss. But that does not mean that they want the relationship back.

 

She didn't deny anything you said. Her silence was her agreement. What else do you need?

 

But it wasn't silence she told me it hurt her she cried about the fact that I know her and I won't be together again...and why would she give me a kiss goodbye this morning thinking that I would still be here when she got home from work I left and she's expecting me to be home when she arrives

[Zahara]

But it wasn't silence she told me it hurt her she cried about the fact that I know her and I won't be together again...and why would she give me a kiss goodbye this morning thinking that I would still be here when she got home from work I left and she's expecting me to be home when she arrives

 

It's because you are an emotional tampon for her and she knows you will be there for her to fall on.

 

I'm not sure how else to explain this to you. Dumpers feel pain and loss too. They will cry. They will want to see you. They will want to have sex with you. Why? Because you are familiar to them and they still have a bond with you. They can't just sever that bond. But that does not mean they want the relationship aspect of it. They want the benefits while they transition to singledom. The dumpee's presence helps them avoid feeling their own discomforts of an ending.

 

When you said you know you both won't be together. She didn't deny it. There is your answer. You are focusing on the irrelevant stuff i.e. her crying.

[Hurtingguy]

It's because you are an emotional tampon for her and she knows you will be there for her to fall on.

 

I'm not sure how else to explain this to you. Dumpers feel pain and loss too. They will cry. They will want to see you. They will want to have sex with you. Why? Because you are familiar to them and they still have a bond with you. They can't just sever that bond. But that does not mean they want the relationship aspect of it. They want the benefits while they transition to singledom. The dumpee's presence helps them avoid feeling their own discomforts of an ending.

 

When you said you know you both won't be together. She didn't deny it. There is your answer. You are focusing on the irrelevant stuff i.e. her crying.

 

Ok I'm starting to understand it now I'm sorry you guys need to explain over and over...but if she keeps doing this is it gonna help her move on I don't get it...

What is honestly the best way for me to stop thinking about her all damn day it's driving me nuts u wanna move on and be happy I really do I just don't know how...she's always been the one to cheer me up and be there for me when I'm down and now I feel like I have nondy

[Zahara]

Ok I'm starting to understand it now I'm sorry you guys need to explain over and over...but if she keeps doing this is it gonna help her move on I don't get it...

 

You remember when you said "slowly part" -- that is what she is doing. She is slowly parting because for her it is an uncomfortable process too. If you disappear, she has to TRULY face the loss of you. You are not allowing that to happen. You are staying in her sights allowing her to have the best of both worlds. Remove yourself. She will have to face the pain of losing you. It will either force her to be with you because she realizes your value or move on because it was the right decision for her.

 

What is honestly the best way for me to stop thinking about her all damn day it's driving me nuts u wanna move on and be happy I really do I just don't know how...she's always been the one to cheer me up and be there for me when I'm down and now I feel like I have nondy

 

There is no way to stop thinking about her. It's not that easy. You just have to do the best you can one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. She's not your go-to anymore. You have to learn how to manage your own emotions. Turn to your friends and family. Post here. She's an ex. She's your pain, not your comfort.

[Hurtingguy]

You remember when you said "slowly part" -- that is what she is doing. She is slowly parting because for her it is an uncomfortable process too. If you disappear, she has to TRULY face the loss of you. You are not allowing that to happen. You are staying in her sights allowing her to have the best of both worlds. Remove yourself. She will have to face the pain of losing you. It will either force her to be with you because she realizes your value or move on because it was the right decision for her.

 

 

 

There is no way to stop thinking about her. It's not that easy. You just have to do the best you can one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. She's not your go-to anymore. You have to learn how to manage your own emotions. Turn to your friends and family. Post here. She's an ex. She's your pain, not your comfort.

 

That's the thing I feel like I have nobody to go to I try and talk to ,y dad and he tells me to just forget about her it's over move on why are u acting this way over a girl....I know he's right but I just feel like I need someone to get all my thoughts and emotions out to

[Zahara]

That's the thing I feel like I have nobody to go to I try and talk to ,y dad and he tells me to just forget about her it's over move on why are u acting this way over a girl....I know he's right but I just feel like I need someone to get all my thoughts and emotions out to

 

Then come here and write. Talk to your friends. And if you have no one to talk to, the solution is not your ex.