Wrong choice!

[jacquelyn]

The other day, out of curiosity, I asked my bf whether he'll be with the skinny girl with really small breasts or with a thick girl with DD? His shocking answer was, "None. I rather be single then be with any of them."

 

Obviously, he didn't see that I was referring the skinny girl to myself. That answer made me realize how much looks mattered to him. He never denied that it didnt, as a matter of fact, he always said that it was a big deal and that was why he was with me. Then when I told him that I'm the skinny girl. He just said, "well you have boobs. Or at least your bra lies to me."

 

He's a breast man in case you haven't caught on yet. So one day, I jokingly asked whether he'll pay for my breast implants or not and he said he would.

 

All this information from him brings my self-esteem down. It makes me question myself whether he'll leave me for a younger girl when we're old and wrinkly. Of course, he said that he'll never do that because I'm "the love of his life" and he'd rather be with me than anyone else. But how can I believe that after his answer?

[Devildog]

Yeah, I'm thinking this question falls under the same category as "does this dress make my butt look big?" or "Honey, do you think I'm fat?".

 

The way you worded the question here, if that is how you asked it, I would get the impression that you were asking "If we broke up, would you date this kind of girl or that kind of girl?" So his answer if that was the case is he would rather be single than try to replace you. So why would you be upset about that?

 

Afraid he is gonna dump you for a younger woman when you get old a wrinkly? Please, he will be old and wrinkly too! Unless he is filthy rich the likelihood of a 20 year old hottie giving his wrinkly butt the time of day is next to none.

 

Stop stressing out. And this bit of useful advice for all women: don't ask questions you don't want the answer to.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by jacquelyn

All this information from him brings my self-esteem down. It makes me question myself whether he'll leave me for a younger girl when we're old and wrinkly. Of course, he said that he'll never do that because I'm "the love of his life" and he'd rather be with me than anyone else. But how can I believe that after his answer?

 

Devildog is right - if you have low self-esteem, why set it up to take this kind of knock?

 

And what would you have done if he had picked the "right" answer? Carried on until he got a wrong one? "Honey, do you prefer blondes/greeneyes/tall girls..."

 

If you're really asking about long term fidelity, this is soooo the wrong approach. You're just assuming he's shallow and working from there.

[jacquelyn]

I don't have low self-esteem. But I admit I have my occasional break down. Otherwise, I'm very positive about everything.

 

 

Devildog, I think you've misunderstood. me.

 

See at first, I only asked the question because I thought he wouldn't be able to decide and we'd have a laugh from it. But after he answered, it made me think, "Hey wait a minute. That skinny girl IS me!"

[Grinning Maniac]

I think DevilDog understood you just fine, honestly.

 

What is the point of asking such questions? It doesn't really tell you anything relevant and only serves to make you feel bad about yourself, regardless of what answer you get. It's disturbing. If he had said "thick with DDs" you'd start getting paranoid about your cup size. If he said "skinny girl" you'd probably start thinking you're not skinny ENOUGH. We can't win. As DD already pointed out, your bf seemingly gave you an answer that equates to "It doesn't matter. I choose you." and here you are, STILL freaking out.

 

I would love to know what you hope to gain from "jokingly" asking some weird question and then taking the answer 100% seriously. Where did the "joke" part go? You did that twice in just this one situation you've mentioned. You asked some question as a joke and then started biting your nails over the answer. Wha?

 

Cripes... Why do women do this?

[lindya]

Cripes... Why do women do this?

 

Well, the moment a female hits puberty the process of assessing and categorising her physical appearance begins. The sprouting of a pair of bee-stings will generally be greeted with a combination of interest and derision - as well as the odd invitation to examine "proper" fully developed breasts in porn magazines. That's the way it was in my school playground, anyway. Maybe that explains some of the strong feelings that get expressed in the threads about porn. People still feel stuck in that school playground where they're being taunted about not having 38D boobs at the age of 13.

 

I guess how well girls cope with this stage depends on personal temperament as well as the support they get from friends and adults. The ones who don't cope very well probably find it difficult to ever stop inviting criticism about themselves - even well into adulthood.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by lindya

I guess how well girls cope with this stage depends on personal temperament as well as the support they get from friends and adults. The ones who don't cope very well probably find it difficult to ever stop inviting criticism about themselves - even well into adulthood.

 

Fair enough. But the man you love is your ally in this, not your enemy.

[lindya]

Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo

Fair enough. But the man you love is your ally in this, not your enemy.

 

Ideally, but it doesn't always happen that way in practice. As the OP pointed out, her bf has said he would be prepared to pay for her to have implants put in. In that case, it's not surprising if she feels a little insecure...albeit, I appreciate that she was the one who raised the subject of breast size in the first place. I'd be willing to bet that she hoped he'd say "don't you dare risk your health with those things. You're perfect as you are."

 

Am I right, Jacquelyn?

[SoftDrink]

you ask him for honest answers (to some pretty ridiculous questions, in my opinion), and then get mad at what he says.

 

see the problem?

 

if not, then i think he's the one who should be complaining that he would love everything about his girlfriend if it were not for the constant headgames

[Grinning Maniac]

No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-NO! [/kingsley]

 

@lindya:

 

her bf has said he would be prepared to pay for her to have implants put in.

 

...What part of "she was joking" did you not understand? She said that she asked that question JOKINGLY. Meaning that it was a JOKE. So don't you think it's a little...insane to take an off the cuff comment to somemade said entirely in jest as if it were a response to some serious conversation that you were having? What the hell? Women do this crap too much. If you're not joking and *really* want to know the answer to the stupid questions you think about, then please let us know that you're serious and we'll go from there. But please...please don't start joking with me, and then start wanting to cut yourself over what comes out of my mouth at that point. I always thought that joking around meant that you didn't have to be taken seriously. If I said I wanted you to make your tits into hot-air balloons during a *joke*, would you start investigating some weird Frankenstein surgery to turn your jugs into a mode of transportation? SHTOOPID!

 

@SoftDrink:

 

You're exactly right. Only the situation is even more non-sensical consider that she WASN'T asking him for honest answers. She's asking him things jokingly and then getting stressed out over his responses! What kind of entrapment **** is that?

[lindya]

...What part of "she was joking" did you not understand? She said that she asked that question JOKINGLY. Meaning that it was a JOKE.

 

To borrow from your weary old cliche, I didn't misunderstand any part of the word. If you enjoy cluttering up your posts with repetition, capitalisation and inarticulate rants then fire away. A bit more analysis and a lot less reliance on trying to flame others out of posting views that differ from yours might improve your dubious debating skills though.

 

Had the OP indicated that her bf was joking in his response (ie about the breast implants), then my post, and your oddly inflamed response to it, would both be redundant. Perhaps the OP can enlighten us on that one.

[New_Wife]

I didn't see it that way. If she asked the boyfriend if he'd pay for implants - and he said yes - how is there a crime in that? Guys don't hyperanalyze every last thing. If I ask my husband if he'll pay for my coffee, he assumes I want coffee and will buy it for me. If I ask him if he'd pay for some sort of cosmetic surgery, by the same token, he'd assume I wanted it and pay for it for me. That's what's cool about guys. They don't do all of that wacky "I'm asking this but I really mean this" BS. If they ask you if you've gotta poop - it's not an insult, most likely you're holding your tummy and farting a lot.

 

To the OP, we're all gonna get old, wrinkly & hairy. Either that or die tragically young. Certainly it's advisable to take care of yourself and try to stay attractive for your own benefit and to continue to titilate your mate, but I don't think it's advisable to stress every last detail. The average guy is not picking you apart the way you are. 9 times out of 10 he's thinking "nekkid woman! yeay!"

 

As to the butt looking big question, my son asked me what he should say, and I told him to leer and say "hmmm.....let me see it some more." Duh! A girl is asking you to look at her butt! What more can a teenage boy hope for?

[SoftDrink]

Originally posted by New_Wife

I didn't see it that way. If she asked the boyfriend if he'd pay for implants - and he said yes - how is there a crime in that? Guys don't hyperanalyze every last thing.

 

seriously.

 

my boyfriend would assume i had already decided i wanted them, and that i was simply asking for help in paying for them.

 

 

if the original poster had asked (and wanted an honest answer to) "do you think i need implants" she may have had a slight right to be annoyed if she got an answer she didn't want...buuuuuuuuuuuuuut........

 

it is extremely hard for guys though, because some girls only want a straight answer when they don't get one.

 

if a guy says yes, he's all about the implants, he's a creep for not appreciating her body.

 

if he says no, he'll get a smile and "yeah right, my boobs are, like, soooooooo small. i would like them bigger, and so you would you, you don't have to be afraid to tell me. it's not like i don't know they're small."

 

and then if he dared to comment, such as, "well, i might like them a little bigger, but i like them whatever way they are" then the conversation turns into an argument of how he doesn't love her, never did, and how she always sees him eyeing up bigger boobs on waitresses and strangers on the street, and that she only wanted implants to make HIM happy in the first place, plus the lack of attention and the jealousy are eating away at her feelings and making her emotionally unhealthy--she probably can't have sex tonight because she's not feeling loved and is now made very self-conscious.

 

girls. and i am one.

[New_Wife]

LMAO. I had that argument in my 20's once. I think all in one exhalation too!

 

OP, Honey, you're probably quite adorable. Obviously your man thinks you are if he still likes to take your clothes off and play with what he finds. Do the both of you a favor, and enjoy that!

 

The folks above are right - don't ask loaded questions with no possible good answers.

 

We're actually pretty lucky that way. There's only 2 guys ever ask: Am I the biggest? Am I the best?

 

We've got the answers to those figured before we even lose our virginity! Give the boys a break!

[SoftDrink]

Originally posted by New_Wife

LMAO. I had that argument in my 20's once. I think all in one exhalation too!

 

 

haha, i think that's usually how it is.

[Grinning Maniac]

@earlier post:

 

Soft Drink wins...."FLAWLESS VICTORY".

[jacquelyn]

Originally posted by lindya

Ideally, but it doesn't always happen that way in practice. As the OP pointed out, her bf has said he would be prepared to pay for her to have implants put in. In that case, it's not surprising if she feels a little insecure...albeit, I appreciate that she was the one who raised the subject of breast size in the first place. I'd be willing to bet that she hoped he'd say "don't you dare risk your health with those things. You're perfect as you are."

 

Am I right, Jacquelyn?

 

 

Yup. You seem to be the only person who's catching my drift.

[jacquelyn]

okay okay. softdrink and new_wife is right. but so is lindya!

 

see.. the way softdrink and new_wife phrased their words, it's MUCH MUCH NICER and easier to understand.

 

a little more of that wouldn't hurt guys.

[lindya]

Originally posted by jacquelyn

Yup. You seem to be the only person who's catching my drift.

 

So was he serious about paying for implants, or was it a joke?

[jacquelyn]

Originally posted by lindya

So was he serious about paying for implants, or was it a joke?

 

He was serious about paying for it.

[Mr.positive]

Not a fair question. Would the awnser really mattered no matter what he said.

[Grinning Maniac]

Originally posted by jacquelyn

He was serious about paying for it.

 

Wait a minute. How do you know he was serious if you asked the question as a joke? I have to reiterate, isn't it a bit misleading to say you're joking about something when you really want an "honest" answer, as you clearly did? Regardless, even if he did give you the "omg why would you want those you're perfect" line, as other poster pointed out, you probably would have just said he was only saying that to make you feel better and continue to lead him towards the "truth". You'd still be in the same spot you are now.

 

This is pointless. It's an endless cycle, and honestly, I'd think you were a little nutty if I were in your bf's shoes.

 

If you're joking with him about something, how can you be upset about what he says in response? After all...you weren't serious. *winkwinknudgenudge* This makes about as much sense as when a guy jokingly makes some lewd suggestion to a chick and when they get offended, we'll swear that we were only joking. But all of us know, in the back of our minds, that if the girl was up for whatever we mentioned, it would cease to be a joke and become a golden opportunity.

 

 

So yeah...just be honest about what you want from now on. Better yet, stop asking silly questions you DON'T really want the answers to. There's no good answer he can give you that isn't candy-coated bull**** to begin with. You know this is true. Give your boyfriend a hug. Headgames and riddles suck. They aren't going to make your relationship any better. Laters.

 

-GM

[jacquelyn]

Originally posted by Grinning Maniac

Wait a minute. How do you know he was serious if you asked the question as a joke?

 

-GM

 

 

Because I said, "wait.. are you serious?" And then................ "yeah. why not?"

 

 

 

I'm not too wrapped up in this as you may think, I'm just curious as to why a guy would want that.. you know?

[New_Wife]

Oh Honey, he probably likes your hooters exactly as they are, and he'd probably like them if they were bigger too. He'd like them up, down, in a bar or in a car, Sam I am. So if he thought you'd like to trick them out a little & he's offering to pay, I think that just makes him a generous boyfriend.

 

I promise, guys are not as complicated as we'd like to think. If he's with you, he cares about you. If he likes to see your clothes off, he likes what he sees.

 

You are thinking about this like a woman (duh, right? you are a woman) which is - if he'd asked you "If I got my dingaling enlarged, would you pay for it?" To which you'd have to dutifully respond "No no, it's perfect the way it is" because you don't want him running around with weenie-worry. You hear him say "I'm concerned I'm not big enough" and respond accordingly. He hears you say "I want this thing, will you get it?" and responds accordingly.

 

Just relax. Enjoy the fact that you probably have an adorable petite figure that looks great in all of the cute little shirts out there. Flaunt what you do have, and let it go on the rest.