How to date someone who is grieving?

[Casper.]

Apologies, your quote here doesn't look quite right without the parts you quoted of mine.

That's alright...I spend most of my time talking to myself anyway

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to write all that, especially as I know it must of been so hard for you!

I completely understand what you mean now about how I wasn't being open with my intentions! I guess maybe now I don't feel such a fool for what I said above about loving her. I guess now at least she knows totally where my head is, if i'm honest I didn't realise I wasn't being clear, that's why i was so caught off guard when she asked me, but after reading what you wrote i understand much better now. I thought my actions were making that clear - but i guess at such a difficult time actions can be misguiding! Everyone treats you differently than they would normally. She now knows, without doubt, that I see her as much more than a friend and she'll do with that information what she will.

 

I lost my Mum after a long illness, many years later I lost my Dad following a long illness too - I cannot therefore begin to imagine how GG is feeling with a sudden loss of both her Mum and Dad. When my Dad died my stomach shut down almost entirely. I found help with acupuncture. I only had 7 years of a parent being well in my life. To lose both so quickly - so shockingly - I have no words.

I'm so sorry to hear that!

Ah i know! I can't even imagine that kind of pain!! They sound like they were such a close family too! They had a lot of fun together! When she shows me like photo albums and that every photo has like a mad story to go with!

 

I haven't been through anything close to what you or GG (I'm gonna call her that too know haha) have been through. But like i said my dad got went to prison for armed robbery when i was 10, and like up till then he'd been my best friend, my hero. I know how hard it was to adjust to life without him, and he hadn't even died or anything! I acted in loads of ways that weren't my character, I was so so angry, and once you fall into that pattern of behaviour and make a name for yourself its hard to climb out of it.

I only joined the army because my twin sister got pregnant at 16, and no one else was going to support her my mum was always MIA, so i signed up, i wanted to provide a better life for my nephew, but in truth signing up turned out to be my saving grace too!! I loved it! It was the family I didn't have! And when i got hurt and had to come home, the not knowing what to do next was way scarier than the prospect of war for me!

It's a complete drop in the ocean compared to what she's been through, it's nothing, but I can relate to the feeling that your worlds just fallen apart!

 

Looking back now, probably only as recently as having met her, I realise all those feelings of anger i had were mostly because, i missed him! I havent seen the man since i was 10 years old, all that time i've held some resentment to him, and a lot of that is just because i missed him and i missed all the times we should of had. So I do, on some tiny level, understand how your emotions can make you feel and do things you wouldnt have before. I'm sympathetic to that.

But i do think we are genuinely a good match, I think we have a lot in common, we share a sense of humour, we gel really well, i think it goes deeper than just her emotions being all over the place. I hope it does anyway.

 

I don't know if GG has dated much or had many relationships but I had, prior to this only dated one guy for 3 weeks around 8 months before my Mum passed away.

She has had past relationships, but she has been single for, i believe, over a year.

 

There was a girl at work around my age who I had sort of become friends with and she was a big support to me right after Mum died. I invited her to the funeral but in hindsight I really wish I hadn't to be honest. She hadn't known Mum, my Dad and Brother didn't know her. I wasn't thinking straight.

In hindsight me inviting her was for me to have support which I felt I needed but in reality it was totally disrespectful to my family and to my Mum too. I feel utter shame that I did it and an enormous amount of pain and sorrow for doing it towards especially my Dad and my brother.. The tears are flowing now as I type.

I guess you can only do what feels right at the time, and at such a difficult time you can't really kick yourself for the decisions you made, if its something that you needed at the time

 

When me and Paul would see each other (often over those 3 months) we would kiss. He initiated it in the beginning - I can't recall at what point

I've never done this. I've never initiated anything physical like that since I hugged her that first night we met.

 

Through all of this though he was still my rock, my support, my fun days and nights out - and the person I would kiss because it felt - I don't know how it felt but we fell into it. It was only later I realised he instigated it and I went along - for fear of losing the rock I had to cling onto.

Yeah, i hear you! That's not what i want, not at all!

 

Dad knew that the way Paul was behaving and what he was saying was manipulative and a tactic to get me to depend upon him.

Yeah yeah. I don't want her to depend on me, that's not a healthy relationship anyway! I don't want her to feel like that, but obviously I can't give her her parents back, so i've just been trying to do the stuff i can do to help her out, during such a tough time, you know?

 

 

I felt so stupid, I felt and feel disgusted writing and thinking about this today.

Paul very gently manipulated me, he had a ulterior motive but never once said that he was after me as a girlfriend - he didn't give me enough respect to figure that I should have a choice - and that is what hurt the most.

Still, I was gutted that I had lost my rock and to me a friend I had trusted, counted on who was all and everything I needed right there, right then.

30 years later this still saddens me. I would love to be his friend but I cannot trust him.

 

This is why I said you should tell her how you feel - let her think about it and choose you if she WANTS to choose you.

It's like you have an ulterior motive or agenda just now (just like Paul did with me) as you are hiding your feelings. She might see you romantically but she might not too. Give her the respect, give her the choice.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense! I understand!! I probably still wouldnt of blurted out 'i love you' if i had my time again! I think that would be wayyyy too soon in any relationship, but I've had this problem my whole life - the words come out before the brain hits gear! But, i see what you're saying now and i think you're right, I think with me better off saying that than if I'd kept saying nothing!

 

In your posts you mention a 'grief-fling'. It may just be that (as I posted earlier - the worst kind of rebound) - and you need to bear this in mind for not just weeks/months but a good few years if you get properly together.

That risks on me though, and i just think that, it's worth taking!

 

Edited to add: I totally collapsed after this was done and over - no one could understand me - this whole thing stopped me from grieving when I should have been. It was a fake reality.

Looking back I was I had gone under like my Dad and Bro did and not stepped up - I would likely be much less affected to this day and for the rest of my life.

Mmm I get that. This is one of the things I worry about with GG, she doesn't have other family in this country, her dad was an only child, so i know she feels like she HAS to stay strong a lot of the time because its down to her to look after her little sister. Her sister, being only 11, is struggling a lot - obviously really when you think it is something that would bring adults to their knees! And GG was working in her dads business, so she wants to try and keep that going. So theres a lot of pressure on her to 'stay strong' and 'step up' you know? I worry about that a bit because she's also just a 22 year old whos lost both her parents! Which is why i step in where i can, to try and take some of the pressure off...

 

 

Thank you though! For your post, and for sharing your story with me!

Edited June 3, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix one quote

[Casper.]

:laugh:

 

If that's the way it was to be known , then so be it. Now at least you know that both of you are in same page. It can always be a good memory to tease down the lane! And you thought you were smart and mature

 

Just make sure the other guy doesn't sneak in !

 

The more positive you think about everything, better your actions will be and it result in a happy you and her !

 

If you see, you both have quite a bit of similarities. Similar parental stuff, she has a little sis, you have a little nephew, ages are appropriate. Again , not to feed your head anymore, seems like meant to be !

 

Think positively.

Its like an infliction man! Words just come tumbling out before my head catches up!

 

Yeah I think you're right. I think i just need to stay positive and let her decide for herself how she feels!

 

Yeah theres actually only 3.5 years difference between her sister and my nephew so we have had similar experiences in that regard!

I love kids though, I work with 10 - 17 year olds, so thats my speciality age group haha!

[GemmaUK]

That risks on me though, and i just think that, it's worth taking!

 

About the grief-fling thing - no, it's not, the risk is not on just you at all it's mostly on her. Do you not see that?

[mikeylo]

Its like an infliction man! Words just come tumbling out before my head catches up!

 

Yeah I think you're right. I think i just need to stay positive and let her decide for herself how she feels!

 

Yeah theres actually only 3.5 years difference between her sister and my nephew so we have had similar experiences in that regard!

I love kids though, I work with 10 - 17 year olds, so thats my speciality age group haha!

 

I was actually refering to your and her ages.But its an icing on the cake with the kids being similar ages as well Anyways , fate, destiny , meant to be, whatever--- as long as you both are being sincere and on the same page, nothing else matters.

 

Now see, thats what I was saying , when you say she " HAS to stay strong " , HAS to step up --- many women would lose it. Its hard being single young woman with a girl child along , no family and in different country.

 

She might be strong in one sense of the word but also vulnerable in the other!

[mikeylo]

About the grief-fling thing - no, it's not, the risk is not on just you at all it's mostly on her. Do you not see that?

 

Arent all love relationships a risk anyway ?

 

Is there ever a time to fall in love? There will always be something going on in everyones life , so no situation is best situation.

 

I'm sorry what happened to you but lets not generalize that OP and her girl are onto same result.

 

Unbeknown to the other and even themselves, they met , and found themselves to coming from similar but yet so different life experiences, similar but yet again different heartaches. If they both fell in love then who am I or you or anyone to stop what is meant to be?

 

You were lucky to have your dad and brother to help but this girl has an added responsibility of the little girl and that too not in her own country. Since OP is genuine ( from his posts anyway ), then isnt it great they met?

[coolheadal]

G'day!

I've never posted here, on on anything like this, before so here's a little about me - I'm 25, I've been (mostly) single for a little under three years now. I went in the army at 16, I loved the life, went to Cyprus, Belize, Afghan (briefly), and spent a lot of time in Africa. Long story short I was medically discharged a year and a half ago, which was totally devastating at the time. Anyway, I retrained and now I work at outdoor activity centre for kids and teens - so i basically get to be a big kid all the time!

Anyway that's me in a nutshell!

 

So I went for a big night out for a mates birthday, and I meet this girl. I'd clocked her earlier because i thought she was beautiful, and I clocked her again later because she was wasted, like completely gone, and she didn't seem to be with anyone and there were guys hanging around i didn't like the look of, out in the smoking garden they were hassling her a bit and I told them to back off, and then she was kinda sick on my shoes before telling me how her parents had been killed 3 days! prior in a car accident.

 

Long story short she was a hot mess, and I was honestly concerned about her, so i took her home with me (before one of these other guys did). I Had fancied her earlier, but at this point my intentions were purely genuine! (I have a twin sister, I'd hope if she was in that situation someone would do right by her!). I gave her my bed, i slept on the sofa, nothing happened!! I didnt intend for anything to ever happen.

 

I took her breakfast (and paracetamol ) In the morning. I thought that would pretty much be that, but we ended up chatting for hours!

[she's 22, she's half Greek, she's got an aunt/uncle/cousin all the way in Greece but no other family apart from her 11 year old sister, she works in her dads landscape garden/architecture business].

 

I hadn't expected it but sober, we got on so well. We clicked better than I've ever clicked with anyone!

We did obviously talk about her parents and her situation now but we also talked about everything else under the sun from hats to tectonic plates (who knew I listened in geography! ).

So we exchanged numbers, and I saw her again the next evening.....

 

1 month later:

Here's the thing right, I really like this girl. Like I reallyyyyy like her! I have never felt like this. For the first time in my whole life I feel like I am actually in the right place in the right time and by her side feels more like home than anywhere I've ever known.

 

But i don;t know how to play this! I don't have a clue!!

 

We're not boyfriend/girlfriend. I've not had sex with her. But we kiss, we talk every day and we spend a lot of time together.

 

I don't know what she really wants and I'm so scared to apply pressure because, how is that remotely fair when the only life shes ever known is in tatters!!

I'm scared that if i push this too hard then its just going to be some grief-fling-type-thing and burn out. But I'm scared that if I don't then I'm going to fall into like some friendzone. What do i do!!?

 

She asked me to go to there funeral with her, which did not please her aunt one bit. The fact is that her parents were well off, they have a beautiful family home and land, and a good business. And I come from quite a different background and i know her aunt's worried that i'm like swooping in for money or something. Which I'm not! I couldn't care less, I'm falling for the girl!

But i know that she's probably planted that seed in her head, which makes it even more complicated!

 

I don't want to give up. I feel so strongly about this that I can't not fight for it, but I don't know how to fight for it!

 

Just play this day-by-day. Nothing else you can do right now just be there as her best friend through this time. Because what you do now will be always remembered by her. This will be a good thing to get on her best side. I see high hopes for you both just please give it time and respect her as you doing right now. Never listen to others who try to stop you two, you know in your heart what you want but have to put that to one side for now until she can cope again in her life and any sort of relationship with you. It will happen trust me on this my child.

[Casper.]

About the grief-fling thing - no, it's not, the risk is not on just you at all it's mostly on her. Do you not see that?

Right, I see its a big risk for her to invest emotionally in anything right now, or take a chance on anyone.

But what i mean is - I'm not going to hurt her! Like, as long as she wants me here, I'm here!

I'm not saying I'm perfect or anything, but I am all in, and I'll give her 100%, unless there comes a time she doesnt want me too.

 

And if she turns around in a couple of months and says she's not really into this, then, what can i do? That's the risk im taking.

Although really any girl could say that so I guess its a risk you always take, im just dont think ive ever felt so strongly about something so i guess ive never really cared before.

[Casper.]

I was actually refering to your and her ages.But its an icing on the cake with the kids being similar ages as well Anyways , fate, destiny , meant to be, whatever--- as long as you both are being sincere and on the same page, nothing else matters.

Oh Yeah we're similar ages...

Fact is that if i'd met her that same night in that same bar, and she hadnt of suffered the tragedy she has and she wasn't getting smashed, I would still have gone up to her and talked to her (Lets be honest if she was sober, i'd of hit on her) because I thought she was a total knock out!! So we could potentially of crossed paths anyway, and whos to say where that would or wouldnt of lead. So like the attraction, the age, the location, like that was all there for me right from the beginning.

 

Now see, thats what I was saying , when you say she " HAS to stay strong " , HAS to step up --- many women would lose it. Its hard being single young woman with a girl child along , no family and in different country.

Yeah. And to be fair she puts a lot of that pressure on herself, to try and hold stuff together. Plus shes not really someone that asks for help, which makes it hard for extended family/friends/etc to know how to help you! (I can't really talk because i find it hard to ask for help too, im someone who tries to fix everything on his own. But thats probably why i find it easier to see where she needs help even without her saying so)

 

She has lived in this country since she was 9 or 10, i can't remember, so it's not like she's completely stranded over here. She did still use to visit Greece a three or four times a year, but this is her home too!

 

She might be strong in one sense of the word but also vulnerable in the other!

Definitely!

[mikeylo]

It does look like all pieces are falling where they should.

 

I agree, take it day by day and let it develop slowly. Go on dates , some , where you just have fun and others where you can just talk about serious stuff and develop emotional intimacy. The more you guys talk , better it is. It helps both of you to understand each other better.

 

You will know when is the right time for physical.

 

Of course you will have hard times where you disagree and that will be a test. If you can weather the storm ( there will be. There should be) , you will know you can make it far.

[Casper.]

I agree, take it day by day and let it develop slowly. Go on dates , some , where you just have fun and others where you can just talk about serious stuff and develop emotional intimacy. The more you guys talk , better it is. It helps both of you to understand each other better.

Yeah yeah, I'm spending a lot of time at her house, obviously because she's got lots she's responsible for there - sister, dog, & general household stuff - but also because I think half the time she just doesn't feel like going out anywhere, which I get - it's gotta be exhausting putting on an act for the world!

But when she does say to me or text me like 'let's go out' then I'll plan like some where to eat or something fun to do! I figure if she wants to go out the Lin she wants to do something that makes you 'in the moment'.

But because we spend so much time at hers we do have loads of private time to just talk or chill or whatever

 

You will know when is the right time for physical

I haven't initiated anything physical, I've just followed her lead. She is fairly touchy, she wants to cuddle &'hold hands and even just naturally in conversation she's one of these people that's quite touchy, shel touch my arm while she's talking that kinda thing.

And I feel like that's all good but I don't feel like it's the right time to escalate stuff, even if she Iniciated, I just feel like she needs more time to process what's happened and be sure this is what she wants. But hopefully we'll get there eventually

[Shepp]

Casper I've been meaning to reply to this for a while!

 

You sound like a good bloke and I wish you all the luck in the world, but a bit of my own experience - my wifes mum died when she was a young teen. This was a couple of years before we met but it had a massive effect on her and on our relationship!

 

Things like that change people - they change the way people see things!

Im not warning you off, i wouldnt do that! People warned me off plenty and where would i be if id listened!

 

But you should keep it in mind. My wife found it hard to trust and to put her heart on the line, because although its no ones fault, its a tragedy, for my wife it was trust issues wayy bigger than you might get from being cheated on or something!

 

You girl doesnt have family in this country if i read you right? What is her support/social network like? You seem to be supporting her and her sis a lot, are the other people involved to the same extent or no?

[Casper.]

you sound like a good bloke and I wish you all the luck in the world

Thanks

 

But you should keep it in mind. My wife found it hard to trust and to put her heart on the line, because although its no ones fault, its a tragedy, for my wife it was trust issues wayy bigger than you might get from being cheated on or something!

Yeah of course, i cant say i understand because that would be fair when i havent experienced half of what shes feeling myself, but i do get it! That's why like, for once, I want to take it really slow, both emotionally and physically, because I can understand that nothing feels safe or secure or solid right now. I hope that one day she can see me as all those things but I know that it probably cant be right this second.

 

You girl doesnt have family in this country if i read you right? What is her support/social network like? You seem to be supporting her and her sis a lot, are the other people involved to the same extent or no?

You're right. She is quite close to her family in Greece though, shes always gone out to visit them multiple times a year.

Her social network... She's got lots of friends, she's popular. I guess the difference is that she always had such a strong family unit she's never had to think about her friends in that way, they've never had to be such a source of support to her but its like anything isn't it... I know she's got some good friends who have struggled to be there for her, who don't know what to say and who she says it is awkward with now. But she has also got some friends who have been really awesome, keeping in lots of contact, helping her out, etc, and some of her sisters friends parents have been super great as well, bringing them food, taking her sister to school, looking after her when Aria goes out etc.

I wouldnt say that these people are involved to the same extend as me, but I'm over hers a lot... She wants to see me, and where she lives is the same distance from my work as where i'm living but in the other direction but, and she lives literally 10mins from my rowing club, and im there 4/5 times a week, soo it doesnt make sense for me to be so close and not go see her.....Thats what i tell my self anyway :laugh:

She does have some neighbours who her parents were good friends with and they have been really good, often when im there the lady will come knock, pop her head round the door and just see how they're doing and that. But its hard, like i said in an earlier post i think, this girl isnt someone who finds in particularly easy to ask for help, which i understand 100%, and plus theres only so much anyone can help, they cant give them their parents back and really thats the only thing they want.

[mikeylo]

I want to take it really slow, both emotionally and physically, because I can understand that nothing feels safe or secure or solid right now. I hope that one day she can see me as all those things but I know that it probably cant be right this second.

 

This is actually the best thing you can do. If you are sincere, then I can assure you, that you are in. The emotional attachment is going to take you far but take care to not fall into friend zone.

[mikeylo]

How is it going man ?

[Casper.]

How is it going man ?

Hey bro!

 

Yeah we're good, well we're great to be honest, I'm crazyy about her but I'm trying to be a play a little bit coooool... don't want to come across like a complete sop, quite this early, eh!? :lmao:

 

I worry a little that i do think we've moved fast. I mean we moved slow, physically at least, in the beginning, but I think if you look at where we are now vs how long we've actually known each other then I think we have intensified fast, but then maybe thats only natural considering the exceptionally emotionally charged circumstances we met under.

 

He aunt/uncle/cousin are flying over next week, which is the first time they've been over since the funeral. I am a little nervous about this because i know her aunt has a fairly low opinion of me and hasnt been the biggest supporter of our relationship!

Buttt its a bit out of my hands really isnt it. You can only be yourself, if thats not enough for some people then it's not enough. I'm not unused to being judged dis-favourably quickly, its something ive hit up against my whole life. Obviously this time i care much more than i ever did before, because i care about her and i care about us, and she cares about her family. But I dont know, I can tbe anyone other than me, so its not like its in my hands.

Edited July 8, 2017 by Casper.

[Gaeta]

He aunt/uncle/cousin are flying over next week, which is the first time they've been over since the funeral. I am a little nervous about this because i know her aunt has a fairly low opinion of me and hasnt been the biggest supporter of our relationship!

 

Why her aunt feels like this about you? She did not even know you till 2 months ago and probably only met you once.

[Casper.]

Why her aunt feels like this about you? She did not even know you till 2 months ago and probably only met you once.

 

Yeah, I literally only met her the once. I think she thinks, well I know she thinks, that I'm playing a game, that I'm after their money.

 

I'm not.

But it's just words isn't it.

 

I get it, I'm understanding, she wants to protect her nieces, of course she does and they are vulnerable right now! And I, well I'm a jewellery shop robbers son, and people talk and mud sticks. I'm not passing any blame, I certainly haven't been a saint all my life, before I joined the army I was a bit of an idiot, I got suspended, I got in fights, I got drunk, I acted out.

 

I'm not that guy anymore, I'm not a bad guy, and i would certainly never screw anyone for money. A push for money blew my family apart, why would I go chasing it now!?

I have loved, like real love, two people in my whole life - my sister, and my nephew, every choice i ever made is for them, every penny i ever made in the forces i gave to them, i want the world for them, cause they deserve it. And now that list of two is up to three. And i know thats mad, cause its so quick and it seems impossible, but it's how i feel, it's how i feel about her. I might not be what her family had in mind for her, I might not be able to give her all that much, but i certainly would give her everything that i've got. I don't want to take anything from her and her sister, I never would, but it's words. And her aunt doesnt know me from Adam, so i guess she probably doesnt feel like shes got much reason to trust me.

 

The important thing is that my gf does trust me, and i know that she thinks its barmy and she doesnt question the authenticity of our relationship!

 

We are from different backgrounds, and maybe thats not always the 'norm', and theres been times when like i've been sat in the courtyard bit of her garden by her pool, watching her little sister riding her horse in the field opposite, and the voice in my head has been like 'im not sure you belong here boy' but the fact is the minuet she walks out the house and sits down next to me i know i do, i believe that i belong next to her, and i would want to be next to her under a bridge or in buckingham place, it just wouldnt matter.

 

Anyway, her aunt and that arrive on wednesday but im not back till thursday because im meeting army buddies in Valencia for a few days midweek, which i dont think is a bad thing, gives her family time to settle in without me there. And then i guess I'll head over there Thursday evening and, well thats all i can do really. Shes entitled to her opinion after all, i cant make someone like me.

[BaileyB]

Well then, prove her wrong.

 

Be respectful in her presence. Give their family time to grieve. Don't pressure her or demand anything from them. And, don't have any expectations related to the relationship or the money.

 

If you really do love this girl, meet her family without any self interest. That is the only way that you will gain their trust and respect.

 

To be fair, they are right to be sceptical of you. I'm not saying that you are not a good guy and that you don't love this girl. But, given their age and the loss that these girls have suffered, the family should be protective.

[Casper.]

Well then, prove her wrong.

 

Be respectful in her presence. Give their family time to grieve. Don't pressure her or demand anything from them. And, don't have any expectations related to the relationship or the money.

Aye yeah, like to be honest I feel like those are the things that I'm doing or at least trying to do anyway. I don't majorlyyyy feel like I need to put on an act or that for her aunt, and i don't mean that in a belligerent way, just that I genuinely try to give the very best of me to my gf all the time and I hope that that will just show for itself.

 

If you really do love this girl, meet her family without any self interest. That is the only way that you will gain their trust and respect.

What do you mean by self interest?

 

To be fair, they are right to be sceptical of you. I'm not saying that you are not a good guy and that you don't love this girl. But, given their age and the loss that these girls have suffered, the family should be protective.

Of course! I completely agree! If I was in their shoes and it was my sister or my nephew we were talking about then i would be mad protective and definitely sceptical! So I get it. I think I get it more than my gf does, I think she feels like they are just not supporting her, when shes trying to hold everything together and that!

[MrDuck]

I actually think you need to be slightly careful with this one man, the harder you 'try' the more its going to look like you are trying and where this normally might even be a good thing i think in this case if they think your 'trying' or putting any kind of act on they are going to pick up on that and if she already has suspicious that your game playing then you certainly dont want to come off like you are acting.

 

You just need to be as normal as possible.

 

My gf's parents had reservations about me because i wasnt necessarily what they expected but now we are all good, mostly because my gfs mum says she has never seen my gf so happy.

Thats your key, you dont need to be anything you are not, you just need to show that you make her happy, and perhaps in your case you really need to show that she makes you happy!

[mikeylo]

I guess you just be yourself and be there.

 

Maybe once they have gone back , you may or may not see a change in her behavior towards you. That might tell you if she is being swayed or not. It's also possible that they have a guy in their mind whom they want to pair up with her and so don't want you in the picture? Money can make people do unbelievable stuff! Just because they are aunt /uncle , doesn't mean they don't want her money....

 

Next to her is where you feel you belong -- I wouldn't ignore this sentiment. When a 'person ' feels home , I guess that's when you've finally reached home !

[mikeylo]

I missed the part of your background! Of course they are going to be doubtful and I guess your gf too will think about it even though it's not a reflection on you !

 

With this new info , I don't think it's going to turn long term.

[Popsicle]

G'day!

I've never posted here, on on anything like this, before so here's a little about me - I'm 25, I've been (mostly) single for a little under three years now. I went in the army at 16, I loved the life, went to Cyprus, Belize, Afghan (briefly), and spent a lot of time in Africa. Long story short I was medically discharged a year and a half ago, which was totally devastating at the time. Anyway, I retrained and now I work at outdoor activity centre for kids and teens - so i basically get to be a big kid all the time!

Anyway that's me in a nutshell!

 

So I went for a big night out for a mates birthday, and I meet this girl. I'd clocked her earlier because i thought she was beautiful, and I clocked her again later because she was wasted, like completely gone, and she didn't seem to be with anyone and there were guys hanging around i didn't like the look of, out in the smoking garden they were hassling her a bit and I told them to back off, and then she was kinda sick on my shoes before telling me how her parents had been killed 3 days! prior in a car accident.

 

Long story short she was a hot mess, and I was honestly concerned about her, so i took her home with me (before one of these other guys did). I Had fancied her earlier, but at this point my intentions were purely genuine! (I have a twin sister, I'd hope if she was in that situation someone would do right by her!). I gave her my bed, i slept on the sofa, nothing happened!! I didnt intend for anything to ever happen.

 

I took her breakfast (and paracetamol ) In the morning. I thought that would pretty much be that, but we ended up chatting for hours!

[she's 22, she's half Greek, she's got an aunt/uncle/cousin all the way in Greece but no other family apart from her 11 year old sister, she works in her dads landscape garden/architecture business].

 

I hadn't expected it but sober, we got on so well. We clicked better than I've ever clicked with anyone!

We did obviously talk about her parents and her situation now but we also talked about everything else under the sun from hats to tectonic plates (who knew I listened in geography! ).

So we exchanged numbers, and I saw her again the next evening.....

 

1 month later:

Here's the thing right, I really like this girl. Like I reallyyyyy like her! I have never felt like this. For the first time in my whole life I feel like I am actually in the right place in the right time and by her side feels more like home than anywhere I've ever known.

 

But i don;t know how to play this! I don't have a clue!!

 

We're not boyfriend/girlfriend. I've not had sex with her. But we kiss, we talk every day and we spend a lot of time together.

 

I don't know what she really wants and I'm so scared to apply pressure because, how is that remotely fair when the only life shes ever known is in tatters!!

I'm scared that if i push this too hard then its just going to be some grief-fling-type-thing and burn out. But I'm scared that if I don't then I'm going to fall into like some friendzone. What do i do!!?

 

She asked me to go to there funeral with her, which did not please her aunt one bit. The fact is that her parents were well off, they have a beautiful family home and land, and a good business. And I come from quite a different background and i know her aunt's worried that i'm like swooping in for money or something. Which I'm not! I couldn't care less, I'm falling for the girl!

But i know that she's probably planted that seed in her head, which makes it even more complicated!

 

I don't want to give up. I feel so strongly about this that I can't not fight for it, but I don't know how to fight for it!

 

First off, you are adorable.

 

Second, when my father died, I was so emotional, I needed someone there for me soooo bad. If they had tried to kiss me or have sex, I likely would have done it. I clung like a baby and wanted closeness. I say do it.

Edited July 10, 2017 by Popsicle

[mikeylo]

First off, you are adorable.

 

Second, when my father died, I was so emotional, I needed someone there for me soooo bad. If they had tried to kiss me or have sex, I likely would have done it. I clung like a baby and wanted closeness. I say do it.

 

I'm glad you stayed safe

[Popsicle]

This girl is probably thinking "He kisses me (open mouth, I assume?) and tells me I love you, but can't take things to second base??"