(B)romance

[dompalix]

Hello everyone,

 

(I don't even know if I am in the right place, so moderators, feel free to move it where it really belongs.)

 

So, let me tell you a bit about my story. I'm 24, I've been single for a couple of months now. Breaking up from my ex-girlfriend has ween really harsh. She went off with another guy.

 

Thru a friend of mine, I've met a guy with whom I got on well very quickly. He's 10 years older than me. We're interested in the same things, we've been on holiday together... Some call it a "bromance". It's evident, I think my feelings towards him are changing. For me, the fact that he's a guy doesn't really matter. In fact, it doesn't matter because it's him.

 

The big problem is the lack of communication. We don't say anything to each other about our feelings that tend to be obviously romantic. He's married to a woman and have a toddler. His couple starts to fall apart, he confides in me about that with no shame (and she looks like being the problem.. but I try to remain as neutral as possible, as she by extention is also a friend of mine).

 

I'm also shaken by the way he can text me all the time, learning about what I like, what I do, wink at me, flatter me as soon as he can physically, and the way he talks about gay men as fags. He looks pissed off when a guy tries to flirt with him but looks to have no problem "flirting" with me.

 

So, I just can't say how he could take it if I opened up about my feelings. The fact that he's married is also a problem, I don't want my group of friends to split up because of me receiving bad signals.

I'm kinda lost right now, It's difficult to unravel all of this.

 

What would you do ? How do you react to my story ?

[Grumpybutfun]

Honestly, my reaction is that this man may be leading you on to feed his ego. If he is disparaging towards gay men yet flirts openly with you, he may be playing some sort of ego game or he may be conflicted about his own sexuality. I simply cannot fathom the disrespect he is showing you by teasing you with the possibility of romance or sex.

Regardless, you need to protect yourself emotionally and set some boundaries if this feels uncomfortable to you. Being friends means being honest and open and he simply doesn't seem to be doing this with you. If he wants something more, he needs to reconcile this with his wife and you because you aren't pawns to be used to stroke his ego. Time for a sit down to find out his parameters.

Good luck, let us know how things go,

Grumps

[preraph]

Getting this out of the way: It's not all her fault because her husband is flirting with another man or other men.

 

You two men have an attraction to each other and it's developing slowly I guess because one or both of you are uncertain. Anyway, just realize he's married and if he's going after other men, that's not a very ethical person. It's best to resist it when someone is supposed to be committed to another. It will eventually blow up in your face.

 

I had a bromance but it wasn't bros but this woman back in college came on real strong to me (I'm female) but I was too naive to think she was bi at the time and just thought I had this really attentive worshipping new friend. Turns out she was actually being pimped out by this little druggie lady and I didn't even see it coming because I was young but she tried to drag me into it and when I cut her off, stalked me and got a job where I worked as a server. So I don't trust people who are all lovebombing, even under the guise of friendship. They usually are off some way or are up to something. Just saying.

[dompalix]

Wow, thank you for bringing your vision. I actually didn't see it from this angle.

 

When I said that his wife was the problem, let me explain more clearly : I don't think his wife is guilty of anything. I think quite the opposite : flirting with me might be a consequence and not a cause, even if I can't figure out how she doesn't see something as plain as the nose on the face.

Their couple is falling apart because they're both bored and they don't want to admit it.

 

I may take a wrong turn thinking that as we have the same tastes, we think the same way. I now think that questioning his sexuality in his mid-30's adds to the need of feeding his ego, with anyone, as you said previously. Although I remain convinced he's into me.

 

So, I will let things go, try to not expect anything, unless he makes the first move and opens up. After all, I have nothing to lose.

 

Any other reactions to the thread are welcome =)