Afraid

[mortensorchid]

I have posted somewhat about this topic before, but I noticed today I was being a bit ... Too cautious. I was driving for Lyft and got to chat with some passengers, the one sitting next to me asked what my hobbies were. I said I don't have them, you? He then told me about some of his. I said to him that I also liked some of the things that he named but I choose not to talk about them with others. He asked why.

 

It was one of those moments when you don't realize something until a certain moment. I'm afraid to. I'm afraid to joke with people anymore, I'm afraid to talk about things with people anymore. Why? Everyone I feel is overly critical and they are going to find something wrong with me and tell me. I've been ripped to shreds by many over the years - so called "friends", coworkers, bosses, etc. - and I am now a tightly contained person. I think my last turning point moment was when my sensai told me what he thought of me a few years ago and I went home and cried for a few hours. I said then and there I would close myself off once and for all, even long trusted friends hate me for my bad behaviors. So if I can't be perfect, I'll be in the shadows at least. That way no one can come in and hurt.

 

Am I wrong? Am I being too emotional? Am I being irrational? Tell me what you think.

[Grumpybutfun]

It is human nature to protect yourself against being hurt or slighted. With that said, I often wonder why people give their power to other people? Eleanor Roosevelt said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

 

I think she meant that we have the ability to have so much compassion and love for ourselves that we realize that other human beings are fallible and will make pronouncements about us based on their life experiences, not necessarily ours.

 

In the military, I had an XO who seemed to emotionally react to everything that was said to him in way of conflict. He got angry and withdrew and alienated himself from others. Instead of protecting him though, it just opened him up to another form of rejection. Rejection from himself. He stopped listening to his own intuition, his own counsel and started hating himself. It was a sad day when he came to me , unable to hold onto his family because he had lost the ability to think he was worthy of them due to his experiences with mentors and colleagues. I'm not sure if this resonates, but the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes our biggest rejection comes from ourselves and if we can't believe in our own value, no one else will.

No one else should take away your ability to attach and care for others. They don't deserve that power over you regardless of what stupid, inane things they said to you.

Good luck,

G

[preraph]

It depends what your hobbies are you're talking to a stranger about. Obviously, it's not good to tell a random Lyft passenger too much about yourself because they could be not a good person. You aren't mentioning your hobbies as you call them, so I'm trying to think of a sinister hobby and all i can think of is witchcraft. If your hobbies are something normal, then apart from being careful what you tell a stranger, yes you have a residual problem from past criticism and you should consider the source and motive for ranking you like that.

[jjgitties]

Am I wrong? Am I being too emotional? Am I being irrational? Tell me what you think.

 

Here's my take on it. And mind you, I don't know what you were chatting about or what sort of discussion you were hoping to make out of it.

 

Its generally going to be very hard to even begig to try to get to know someone or even begin to embark on a trusting relationship (this could be pure friendship or romantic -- whatever you are looking for) if you don't let your guard down, take a leap of faith and try to trust and assume the best of them until you are proven wrong. If you are proven wrong or if you pickup strange vibes, then you can put your guard back up. But approaching an interaction with another human with your guard up is guaranteed to have them pick up on that and most probably they will also put up their guard up.

 

It's kind of like, "you get back what you put out" in the world.

[mightycpa]

No. You live in a world where people can become offended by the slightest thing, and the next thing you know, they are campaigning to have you thrown off your job because you have the wrong politics or you said something "insensitive" or you committed a microagression, and they swooned from a bad case of the vapors!

 

You have no idea who you're talking to, and people are nuts today.

 

I don't blame you for staying completely arms-length from your customers.

[thefooloftheyear]

You will eventually reach an age where you really don't give a shyt what anyone really thinks or says...It happens to most of us anyway...

 

As an aside, once I started reading your post, I thought that perhaps you were spooked by picking up a male customer..I know there are safeguards and all, but I gotta believe most women would kinda get uneasy picking up some male riders,,,Heck, I know that sometimes when I am in an elevator with a woman by herself, I can sense sometimes they are scared shytless of me, even though I move far as I can and deliberately don't make eye contact..

 

Sorry for the thread derail, I was just curious and wondered why someone doesn't start up an Uber type business that feature only female drivers picking up only women....??

 

TFY

[mikeylo]

It will pass. Life takes a toll on the best of us. If personal relationships are suffereing, everything becomes immaterial.It shouldnt, but thats how most of us are wired.