OldAtHeart Posted May 29, 2017 Share Posted May 29, 2017 Me and my boyfriend have been together for more then five years now. From the start of our relationship he has always been talking to some other girl. Usually some damsel in distress. Nothing sexual happens between him and these girls but emotionally yes. Till about the third year, then it stopped. Anyway the other day he cracked and told me everything that he has been hiding from me. Everything he told me was fine except for this one thing.... one night about two years ago he went to a party with with school friends. He got drunk and stayed over. He slept in a bed with a girl , no sex but apparently he "accidentally" might of cuddled with her. The next few weeks at school he talks to this girl. I think at this point we were a little on the rocky side and he told her that. So not sure if we're going to break up ... he has this girl... probably waiting for me to be out of the picture. Then he goes to another party with her there. They get really drunk and he walks her home. He said he was going to take a bus but she insisted he sleep over. He went in and went to the couch to sleep. She comes over and "pressures" him to come into her bed. She starts taking her clothes off and taking his off. He said his underwear were still on but she had her breasts out. He also said that there was no kissing or no touching other than taking clothes off. So he says no and sleeps in the bed. I don't think they talked after that. The next day he left, went home and cried. Apparently he has been killing himslef inside for two years because of this. He was cheated on in a previous realtionship so I'm sure that made him feel worse... but it also makes me feel worse about it. Since this incident he hasnt been talking to a girl on the side. I'm assuming because this one went too far. I really don't know how to react to this. He is a really good guy. He is my best friend. And he was also my first for everything. I don't know if we should split or I should give him a second chance? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 29, 2017 Share Posted May 29, 2017 OP, he's not a really good guy if he was hooking up with another girl behind your back. He's been lying by omission for quite some time. Would you lie to your best friend like this? I would imagine not. Think about what that says regarding how differently you each viewed each other. The great guy you thought you knew had some pretty big secrets. Also, keep in mind that cheaters rarely tell you all the sordid details. He's likely giving you the sanitized version of events, meaning there's probably more he hasn't revealed. I'm not sure why he's chosen to tell you now, but I would not take what he's telling you as gospel truth. I would see this as the end of the relationship. He may be your first but that doesn't mean you should stay when he's taken a giant dump all over your relationship. A man who is really in love with you and respects you and sees you as his best friend too would never treat you this way. Time to move on and close this chapter of your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OldAtHeart Posted May 29, 2017 Author Share Posted May 29, 2017 OP, he's not a really good guy if he was hooking up with another girl behind your back. He's been lying by omission for quite some time. Would you lie to your best friend like this? I would imagine not. Think about what that says regarding how differently you each viewed each other. The great guy you thought you knew had some pretty big secrets. Also, keep in mind that cheaters rarely tell you all the sordid details. He's likely giving you the sanitized version of events, meaning there's probably more he hasn't revealed. I'm not sure why he's chosen to tell you now, but I would not take what he's telling you as gospel truth. I would see this as the end of the relationship. He may be your first but that doesn't mean you should stay when he's taken a giant dump all over your relationship. A man who is really in love with you and respects you and sees you as his best friend too would never treat you this way. Time to move on and close this chapter of your life. Ugh you're right. We've been together for so long now I don't even know where to start saying goodbye Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 29, 2017 Share Posted May 29, 2017 It's hard, but staying with someone who is capable of deception like this is much harder. I'm speaking from experience. Your relationship would never be the same and you would never trust him again; it's not worth the heartache. Saying goodbye isn't easy. But really, he did most the leg-work when he cheated. You are still quite young, I'm guessing. It's not what you want to hear now, but you have so many options ahead of you. If you open yourself up to it, you will someday be glad you didn't waste any more time with a guy who doesn't love you enough to stay faithful and be honest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted May 29, 2017 Share Posted May 29, 2017 I'm not saying you can't forgive someone and still try, but I don't like the fact he took so long to come clean and I'm pretty certain he is lying about what really went down. I think he feels guilty, but he should have felt that way right after it happened. Most of the time, from my experience, when someone comes clean about something, you still don't get the full story and trust is extremely hard to get back unless your relationship has just been so wonderful and there was full disclosure and you really feel the others remorse and believe the story. I don't believe his story. At all. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 If you believe his story that nothing happened then I have a bridge to sell you. Seriously OP, wake up and smell the coffee. Drunk guy (presumably early twenties) goes to a party and sleeps in a bed with a girl who he "accidentally" cuddles. Then does it again, this time he gets nearly naked with her. Do you really believe nothing happened? Come on - you're more likely to win the lottery than that story being true. If nothing happened then why would he go home and cry about it and be "killing himself inside"? If nothing happened then why the guilt? If nothing happened then why tell you at all? OP, he's playing you for a fool. You don't know half of the story yet. He has told you the smallest tip of the iceberg to see how you react. If you forgive him then next week he will tell you ohhh there's one more thing well maybe my underwear accidentally fell off you know how this happens when you're drunk........ Google "trickle truth". Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 If you believe his story that nothing happened then I have a bridge to sell you. Seriously OP, wake up and smell the coffee. Drunk guy (presumably early twenties) goes to a party and sleeps in a bed with a girl who he "accidentally" cuddles. Then does it again, this time he gets nearly naked with her. Do you really believe nothing happened? Come on - you're more likely to win the lottery than that story being true. If nothing happened then why would he go home and cry about it and be "killing himself inside"? If nothing happened then why the guilt? If nothing happened then why tell you at all? OP, he's playing you for a fool. You don't know half of the story yet. He has told you the smallest tip of the iceberg to see how you react. If you forgive him then next week he will tell you ohhh there's one more thing well maybe my underwear accidentally fell off you know how this happens when you're drunk........ Google "trickle truth". Exactly. And perhaps it happened much more recently than he claims, or maybe he's been in contact with this other girl the whole time and she or someone else has threatened to tell you. The point is, there's almost surely more to this than he's confessing, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
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