Am I Wrong For Doing This?

[MIAho]

For about a year, I shared an apartment with my older brother. My parents live upstate and whenever we had family gatherings, I would drive him and sometimes his girlfriend as well. A few months ago, my older brother and his girlfriend moved to an apartment that is in another state that is 35 miles away from where I live.

 

Despite that, he continues to ask me to drive him and his girlfriend to my parents house for family gatherings, even though his girlfriend owns a car and he has a drivers license. My brother is very narcissistic and has a reputation for trying to mooch off of others in the family. Since his girlfriend is now pregnant, he claims that she is unable to drive, even though she still drives to work and he has a drivers license and often has to drive at one of his jobs.

 

Driving them is a major inconvenience. A one hour 70 mile drive each way becomes, a three and a half hour, 125-mile drive each way which includes at least $40 in tolls and cost me about $20 worth of gas. After my brother refused to contribute gas and toll money, I vowed never to drive them again.

 

On Mother's Day, I refused to drive him and my older brother told my mother who guilted me into driving him by accusing me of being selfish since I often use my car to drive to other places. My mother has always made excuses for my older brothers mooching and is often the enabler of his actions. For the next family gathering, I already told my mom that I wouldn't drive him under any circumstances and I've already threatened not come at all if she tries to guilt me again. I've already accepted the fact that I'm always going to look like the bad guy since I'm going to "forcing" my brother's pregnant girlfriend to take a train up to visit and eventually their child.

 

Am I wrong for doing this?

[Miss Clavel]

unless you work for uber or lyft stop enabling these two. tell them you won't drive them anywhere every again and stick to it. if they ask you why, don't explain and don't argue, just keep repeating, "it's too far'', ''i can't afford it", "use your own car".'

 

i suspect they think you're dumb. who in their right mind would spend 60.00 round trip to transport a couple of moochers?

 

put an end to the free rides, now, before they have you driving over their house every day to babysit their kid, for free.

[d0nnivain]

No you are not wrong.

 

 

As a compromise, offer to drive if your brother & his GF come to you 1st. Also get them to give you gas money. You are saving them hassle & wear & tear on her car. But no don't drive 70 miles R/T out of your way.

[mightycpa]

Take them up one last time. The moment you arrive, ask your mother for the gas & toll money (both ways). Do it in front of the brother and the girlfriend. If she refuses to pay, then refuse to take them back.

 

[Els]

You're not wrong for saying no, but I'm not sure why your brother's pregnant girlfriend should be expected to drive him either? Also how often are these long distance "family gatherings" expected to happen? Are all of you actually interested in coming together from long distances this often, or is it just because your mother guilt trips you? Honestly, it sounds to me like your brother is trying to use you as an excuse to not seem like the bad guy by telling your mother "no", since these gatherings are the only thing he has asked you to drive him to.

[MIAho]

You're not wrong for saying no, but I'm not sure why your brother's pregnant girlfriend should be expected to drive him either? Also how often are these long distance "family gatherings" expected to happen? Are all of you actually interested in coming together from long distances this often, or is it just because your mother guilt trips you? Honestly, it sounds to me like your brother is trying to use you as an excuse to not seem like the bad guy by telling your mother "no", since these gatherings are the only thing he has asked you to drive him to.

 

They don't happen that often just during holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, 4th of July...etc. When we lived together, he used to ask me to drive him to other places, ranging from the feasible, mostly to work on the weekends to the outlandish. He once asked me if I could drive 3 and a half hours to Atlantic City, where he was on vacation, to pick him up. Sometimes he's even demanded that I cancel whatever plans I had just so I could drive him. I never did drive him anywhere else but it just shows what doing one small favor grew into with him.