queenie01 Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Ok i need some major help over here.... I keep wanting to email my ex my photos from my 2 recent vacations....I was just going to include him in the mass email i send out with the photos.. It will probably do some damage wont it? Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJ Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 if u have been in nc why put each other through the possible pain it may cause. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted August 3, 2005 Author Share Posted August 3, 2005 Its been NC for the most part....we see each other at work, but we dont really talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 (((Queenie))) You've got to stop worrying about this Guy, it isn't good for you sister... Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted August 3, 2005 Author Share Posted August 3, 2005 Thanks Merin, thats what i needed was for someone to yell at me! I get the hint! I wont send the photos and wont send the letter and i just wont contact him again period! Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen_Angel Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Sounds as though you need some reinforcement!! I called my ex last night...wrong move. I think I need to put a rubber band around my wrist and snap it whenever I think about him. Negative reinforcement could help you break the habit. What do you have to gain by e-mailing him? Nada, unless you count pain as a gain. Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
francis Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Queenie, i think you are having great trouble getting over this guy... you need to do something constructive in a way to move forward in your life that now doesnt involve him... it is hard when you dont want to let go... you reach a point when you get so exhausted with holding on, you just have to pick yourself up off the ground and act... what about seeking promotion? getting out there and meeting new people? something new and exciting and fresh in your life? seeing that there are other people out there. a possible change in direction in your life which could take you on to a new chapter and move you onwards to the next stage in your life...full of fresh new beginnings i am left clearing up the mess my ex left me in, i failed 4 of my degree courses and have to pick up the pieces my life has left because he decided he didnt want me anymore...but i've come from sitting on the bathroom floor in tears every day, to actually looking forward to the future that doesnt involve him...and why? BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO... an end means a new beginning too... Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Share Posted August 4, 2005 Yea im slowly learning... its just VERY hard for me because I run into him at work. Seeing him is very hard because i just think of "us" and seeing how we didnt have a bad relationship its even more hard because i lost a great friend, a workout partner and my boyfriend. I never did give him the letter, i figured it was really going to do me no good. I guess I was just hoping for him to contact me in any way shape or form but i really do think that now he knows i want nothing to do with him, especially after i ignored his bday. I guess i shouldnt feel bad either because he was the one who wanted it this way. I am not going to email him or contact him at all either, just going to steer clear of him.... And i have been meeting TONS of guys, just really am not interested right now.... Link to post Share on other sites
francis Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 yeah, the very thought of some guys coming on to me made me wanna die or be sick or both...but hopefully you'll meet someone who makes your tummy flip flop again! its sad when you think things can turn so cold so quickly... i flew to HK from the UK after my ex ended things so that i could just talk things through with him...i was there for two weeks, stayed with friends...he agreed to meet me for a rushed 45 mins before he ran off to a soccer match for the whole time i was there...he was a coward, couldnt face talking to me to my face...but was quite happy to email me for three months afterwards because it was 'important' that we kept in contact... i've been out of touch for a week and its been the best week so far, without his heavy burden over me... i feel for you having to see him regularly, it will serve as a constant reminder of course...i think it's good you did keep your feelings to yourself...you sure have your dignity intact... but do think about a change of direction, doing something constructive, think of your new found freedom as a blessing that you can do whatever you want to do now without anything holding you back...i've got a new job and a new place, moving to London so i'm undergoing a lot of changes now that just dont involve my ex...and it feels like a cleansing experience!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Share Posted August 4, 2005 Wow francis, sorry to hear your story but at least hes long distance and you wont have to run into him. I truly do feel in my heart that my ex and i had something amazing and i do think he felt the same way. Not sure what lead up to his abrupt decision to end things but whatever the case may be he did. I dont like to ignore him and come off as cold hearted but what else can i do? He deserted me, pretty much threw me in the trash as far as i can see. As far as the letter sure part of me still wants to give it to him, but part of me says...he doesnt deserve an ego boost. I asked a guy friend for his opinion and this is what he said: "What goal are you trying to accomplish with the note? Are you trying to get him thinking about things or is it just for your own piece of mind to get past things? If you are trying to help yourself fully move on then I say sure, go ahead and give it to him. But if you have any motive towards the two of you being together, I would not give it to him. Cuz in that sense you seem like you are trying too hard. I know to a woman, a little letter like that would mean all the difference and make you re-think things, but I guys brain don't work that way. He's just going to continue to think "Hey, I still got her if I want her" and things will cotinue down the path they currently are. You know best, keeping him on his toes, keeping him wondering what you are up to, keeping him wondering who you're with, etc... these are the things that are going to keep you fresh in his mind and make him wonder about things. The less he knows about how you actually feel the better." Funny part is that most guys agree with him... even my prior ex told me "dont do it" I guess i am just going to go about my business, meet new people and concentrate on my training...i workout everyday and am training for a nike run. Link to post Share on other sites
francis Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 that is useful insight, there is actually NOTHING more attractive than someone desperate...i can see that plain and clear now...lets just say, i learnt the hard way! i guess a lesson to us all should be not to become the sad, desperate clinger-on...its pathetic and cringe-worthy... thats great to have some goals in sight, i admire your committment to the gym and you have your goal of the nike run... respect to you! ha ha...i wouldnt be able keep that up! go girl!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Share Posted August 4, 2005 I do give myself credit with this time around because honestly with this breakup I havent bothered him one bit, havent called him once, havent even text messaged him. All I ever did was email him and I havent even initated one of those since June… I do miss him a TON but I am being strong and doing what I need to do for myself. After all whats meant to be will be I guess. I think being desparate is extremely unattactive to me, they like independent woman and they also want what they cant have. My only concern is that I don’t want to come off too bitchy, I mean I really do still care, even tho in his eyes it probably doesn’t seem that way at all. I don’t think he has any intentions of trying again tho, at least not for now…he is going to experience life and whats out there… who knows maybe the grass wont be any greener for him. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 Its been NC for the most part....we see each other at work, but we dont really talk. In that case, it would look like you're trying to get back together with him, seduce him with your pictures, and make him long for you. That's at least what I would think if I were him. If he's not good for you then don't do it. But if you really want to be with him again, it might serve the purpose. But you may get hurt at the end. Plus if he broke up with you the it's a bit humiliating. If he wants you back, he will let you know. if you're the one who broke up with him and you know he wants you and you want him too then just tell him that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Share Posted August 4, 2005 no he broke up with me!! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Whatever you do probably won't change much. Why would you send him the pic anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Share Posted August 4, 2005 My only motive would probably be to see if i get a response. All of my guy friends tell me to keep my distance and ignore him...that will do more damage then sending him pics... By damage i mean, it will get him thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Your guy friends are right queenie01. The more you leave him alone the more he will wonder and think about why you are doing that. Just keep doing what you doing and he will either make his move or you find that you have moved on to bigger and better things before you know it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Share Posted August 4, 2005 So funny, his mom emailed me today to see how i was doing and if i had any neat vacations planned for this summer. I wonder if he knows she emails me or if she tells him what i say back? I never bring him up...just say how great things are! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 No, I actually disagree; if you send him the pictures, he might desire you. But what if he just comes back in your life shortly and disappears again? It's always better to wait for him to make a move than if you do. In any case I don't see any damage done to him since he's the one who broke up with you. If there's no chance for you to be together then just move on and don't think of sending him pics.. just my $.02. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 ll of my guy friends tell me to keep my distance and ignore him...that will do more damage then sending him pics... By damage i mean, it will get him thinking. You wanna piss him off? Go right ahead. An ex did this to me, and I lost all respect for her. Prior to that I was cool with her, but now I know she's just a vindictive bitch who successfully burned her bridges forever. I'm out of her life for good, and I'm glad she came out of her shell the way she did, because she saved me a lot of time and speculation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Share Posted August 4, 2005 What do you mean? Do i want to piss him off? I havent done anything to make him upset, just keep my distance and ignore him. My guy friends think that will bother him because it will get him wondering... Link to post Share on other sites
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