Second chance?

[Aurorakl]

Me and my ex have been no contact for 6 months now but I am starting to miss him more as time goes on. We started off amazingly and fell for eachother pretty hard. I had alot of stress in my life at this point with things in my life and quite a few times I got snappy with him over small things which he didn't like but we seemed to get past it. Then I became really jealous of his friend as they spent so much time together. He spent alot of time reassuring me nothing had ever happener with her and never will as he sees her like a sisger but we argued so much about it we broke up. Then after some weeks he said he realised he didnt do anything to help the situation and was willing to put mlre effort into me and making me a priority and would ultimately see her less. I was still such a mess at this point and we only lasted a few weeks.

 

But after all this time I miss him more and realise all the mistakes I made in the relationship. He did actually make alot of effort I just was too wrapped up in other things to notice and became insanely jealous rather than focusing on the relationship. I want him back in my life and want to attempt to reconcile. What would be the best way to reach out?

[d0nnivain]

There isn't a good way to reach out. That person is still his friend. Even though you have addressed the stress in your life, she hasn't gone away.

 

 

If you must reach out (& I already know you will despite how many people here tell you not to go backwards in life) do a social media search to determine if he has a new relationship. You have been apart for 6 months after all. If he's coupled up, stay away. If you think he's single, send a quick text, something like --

 

 

You've been on my mind. My life has settled down tremendously since we last saw each other. I think the timing was wrong then & would love to get together to talk about possibly trying again. Get back to me if you'd like to meet. You pick the place; my treat.

 

From his perspective this will be way out of the blue. You have been apart probably close to 5-6 times longer than you were together. You can't be vague.

 

 

If he doesn't respond favorable & no response is a rejection, you need to move on.

[Aurorakl]

There isn't a good way to reach out. That person is still his friend. Even though you have addressed the stress in your life, she hasn't gone away.

 

 

If you must reach out (& I already know you will despite how many people here tell you not to go backwards in life) do a social media search to determine if he has a new relationship. You have been apart for 6 months after all. If he's coupled up, stay away. If you think he's single, send a quick text, something like --

 

 

You've been on my mind. My life has settled down tremendously since we last saw each other. I think the timing was wrong then & would love to get together to talk about possibly trying again. Get back to me if you'd like to meet. You pick the place; my treat.

 

From his perspective this will be way out of the blue. You have been apart probably close to 5-6 times longer than you were together. You can't be vague.

 

 

If he doesn't respond favorable & no response is a rejection, you need to move on.

 

I know she is still in his life but thinking back she was less intense near the end of our relationship and she started dating someone herself. I guess now I just feel it was stupid to make such a big deal out of a friend he has for years when it was me he chose as his girlfriend.

 

Would you not recommend sending attempting anything then?

[springy]

"Insane" jealousy does not just go away. You have tried this twice already. This probably isn't the guy for you.

[Aurorakl]

"Insane" jealousy does not just go away. You have tried this twice already. This probably isn't the guy for you.

 

I know technically it was twice but it was only a few weeks in between. It was more like a break. But I see your point. I just dont know why I miss him so much at the moment. I feel like we have broken up days ago. Maybe you are right and shouldn't do anything. I just dont know how to get him out of my head. At least if i contacted him and he said he didnt care anymore/seeing someone else that would give me closure

[Sweetfish]

6 months is a long time. He may have processed the breakup and has moved on and now you as the dumper is realizing your faults in the demise of the relationship.

 

As a dumper.. going back gives power to the dumpee.

 

This can and will change the dynamics of the relationship. So the relationship is forever changed. Many times the dumpee loves the dumper more than the dumper loves the dumpee. When a breakup is excuted there can be a shift in power as the dumpee will gain insight into them selves and see all your faults clearly. So you need to fix your faults before you make a move.

[Aurorakl]

6 months is a long time. He may have processed the breakup and has moved on and now you as the dumper is realizing your faults in the demise of the relationship.

 

As a dumper.. going back gives power to the dumpee.

 

This can and will change the dynamics of the relationship. So the relationship is forever changed. Many times the dumpee loves the dumper more than the dumper loves the dumpee. When a breakup is excuted there can be a shift in power as the dumpee will gain insight into them selves and see all your faults clearly. So you need to fix your faults before you make a move.

 

I wasn't the dumper, it was sort of a mutual decision. I'm just not sure what to do.

[Superchicken]

You sound and acted very young. I hope, and assume your like 18 ?..

 

 

Jealousy always raises its ugly head if your "New" to serious relationships.

Or have had very, very few loves in your life.

However, you did have a legitimate concern about the time he spend with his "Friend".

Again, being young doesn't help, and so you have a double whammy.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't see maturity here on both sides.

Nothing wrong with either of you (At your age), as maturity is gained over you lives.

 

 

At the end of the day, only you need to decide whether you want to make a go with him again.

Pointless we telling you, as you will do what your heart tells you too anyway.

Just need your brain to keep its analysis to a minimum. Nip jealousy out first, then contact him with a friendly "How you doing", and see where he is with his status.

Mention you have been rethinking about him, go over what you said here to him.

 

 

Geez, I cant understand why so many people write up such sad, and sweet stories on how they stuffed up, and yet, don't just say the same words to their lost love ones..

Instead they write them up here, and think they need help..

 

 

Maybe just a push is needed.. So go for it. You have nothing to lose, and one thing to gain (Him).

 

 

Nothing melts a man more than a face to face talk on how his "Women" was wrong...

Oh, and yeah, and loves him too. But more that she was wrong .......Sweeeeeet !.

 

 

Ted.

[Aurorakl]

You sound and acted very young. I hope, and assume your like 18 ?..

 

 

Jealousy always raises its ugly head if your "New" to serious relationships.

Or have had very, very few loves in your life.

However, you did have a legitimate concern about the time he spend with his "Friend".

Again, being young doesn't help, and so you have a double whammy.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't see maturity here on both sides.

Nothing wrong with either of you (At your age), as maturity is gained over you lives.

 

 

At the end of the day, only you need to decide whether you want to make a go with him again.

Pointless we telling you, as you will do what your heart tells you too anyway.

Just need your brain to keep its analysis to a minimum. Nip jealousy out first, then contact him with a friendly "How you doing", and see where he is with his status.

Mention you have been rethinking about him, go over what you said here to him.

 

 

Geez, I cant understand why so many people write up such sad, and sweet stories on how they stuffed up, and yet, don't just say the same words to their lost love ones..

Instead they write them up here, and think they need help..

 

 

Maybe just a push is needed.. So go for it. You have nothing to lose, and one thing to gain (Him).

 

 

Nothing melts a man more than a face to face talk on how his "Women" was wrong...

Oh, and yeah, and loves him too. But more that she was wrong .......Sweeeeeet !.

 

 

Ted.

 

Can I ask what in particular makes me sound immature and 18? For the record I am in my twenties and he was in his thirties.

 

I don't understand. As you said, I had a legitimate concern with how often he spent time with his friend. You even put 'friend' implying you dont believe it either? I don't get jealous all the time, but it did seem like she had strong feelings for him and was treating him like a substitute boyfriend. I think it's wise to be cautious in some situations rather than ignoring any red flag. That's when people get shocked and realise their partner has cheated.

Edited June 6, 2017 by Aurorakl

[Superchicken]

When young people get caught up in their normal life, their loves tend to be put second.

Example, they spend more time with their friends, cars, etc..

Of course, not always, as some study, and some just work too hard.

Stress, is also hard to control when younger. As every little thing is the end of the world.

So arguments blow out of proportion.

As one gets older, these little things don't bother us as much.

As you get older, you tend to be more decisive in what you want in life, and you are better at making decisions in and for your relationship.

Again, there are those, that still have these issues in later life.

Jealousy, "Usually" affects young people, or people not normally too confidant with themselves. This is just a normal part of dating, and relationships.

So I sort of felt that, you didn't like to share him with his friends.

Or at least too much of him, and of course, had a negative affect on both of you.

 

 

Reading your views, I also think he may have just spent a little too much time with friends, as you mentioned it quite clearly. But guys are guys, and stubborn.

 

 

There should be a good balance of friends and then also spending time with you.

The same back, you need to also allow him some time to spend with his friends.

Of course, only you, would know what your limit is here. Everyone is different, and actually in some long relationships, we "Like" a little time alone.

 

 

I hope yours turns into a long term relationship as well.

You sound like a nice person, and so maybe give him (Us Guys) a little rope. We tend to come around after a little play in the sand..

 

 

Good luck.

 

 

Ted.

[Aurorakl]

When young people get caught up in their normal life, their loves tend to be put second.

Example, they spend more time with their friends, cars, etc..

Of course, not always, as some study, and some just work too hard.

Stress, is also hard to control when younger. As every little thing is the end of the world.

So arguments blow out of proportion.

As one gets older, these little things don't bother us as much.

As you get older, you tend to be more decisive in what you want in life, and you are better at making decisions in and for your relationship.

Again, there are those, that still have these issues in later life.

Jealousy, "Usually" affects young people, or people not normally too confidant with themselves. This is just a normal part of dating, and relationships.

So I sort of felt that, you didn't like to share him with his friends.

Or at least too much of him, and of course, had a negative affect on both of you.

 

 

Reading your views, I also think he may have just spent a little too much time with friends, as you mentioned it quite clearly. But guys are guys, and stubborn.

 

 

There should be a good balance of friends and then also spending time with you.

The same back, you need to also allow him some time to spend with his friends.

Of course, only you, would know what your limit is here. Everyone is different, and actually in some long relationships, we "Like" a little time alone.

 

 

I hope yours turns into a long term relationship as well.

You sound like a nice person, and so maybe give him (Us Guys) a little rope. We tend to come around after a little play in the sand..

 

 

Good luck.

 

 

Ted.

 

Thanks for your reply. It was only this one female friend I had an issue with really. He would see her and talk to her as much as me and it made me feel as if I was sharing him with her. He didn't see his guy friends as much. He did spend alot of evenings at the gym and exercising which is understandable but it did seem like i wasnt a priority as for example he would only have a few evenings a week free and wouldn't stay over at my house on days when he was working.

 

Thank you for your thoughts.

 

Perhaps I need to rethink a few things as I'm now leaning more towards thinking he wouldnt be able to give me the sort of relationship I want

[Superchicken]

Well, I will look into my Crystal Ball, and tell you the future.

Hmmm, I see you questioning for the rest of your life "Maybe I should have said something to him".

 

 

So, do yourself a "Final" confirmation about him and his true feelings towards you.

You win both ways. One way, you will know his not for you.

The other, is that he does have the feelings you want, but couldn't man up to provide it.

 

 

Is it really that hard to waste 10 minutes of your life, rather than the rest of your life ?.

 

 

Keep us updated..

 

 

Oh crap.. I see my wife coming with a "Chick Flick" in my crystal ball. I gotta go..

 

 

 

 

Ted.

[marianjan]

oh come on. You wanna somebody who you love to use you? How many changes you to give? The second chance will be again and again like in the circle. If somebody does something one, can not do it again. But when somebody does something twice, will be doing again and again and again. I had the same problem and I found that that second chance will never end so I had to break up. It is only ONE good way

[middy]

"Insane" jealousy does not just go away. You have tried this twice already. This probably isn't the guy for you.

 

 

 

This right here