HowLongIsWinter Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 Hello everyone, I've been following this site for a few months and I decided that I would love to be apart of it. I felt the need to share my story in hopes that I could help someone who is struggling. I went through two devastating break ups in less than 2 years. I was left in both situations, since then I have moved on from the first break up, but the second was emotionally draining. In that relationship it was all about him and his constant conquest for his soul mate. He had a scarred past full of multiple infidelities and painful interactions with ex's. Despite our distance, I stayed by his side, and was determined to be there for him. Suddenly I realized, I was losing myself, and when he cheated on me (then came back to rub it in my face months later). I was devastated. It's been weeks since I heard from him and my heart is broken. How can I love again? How will I find someone who won't use me again? I'm hurting but I still smile, no one knows. Any advice would be encouraging as I start over. I've also been on a few dates but I don't feel much, I can't imagine anyone who would be willing to put up with a broken hearted woman Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 Make this a learning experience. Don't give your heart too soon and put more in than you're getting back hoping to win someone. And if you look backwards now, you'll see there are red flags you chose to ignore. Take time to do that. Sorry you're in pain. It totally sucks. You can't trust people to take care of you for the most part, so always be sure you keep ethics intact and boundaries in place and look for red flags and heed them. You have to watch out for yourself. No one else is going to do it but your mother and father. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 (edited) it's only been wks since you've heard from him yet you've been on dates already. Man l just do not not get people these days. Two break ups in two yrs, you need some time out girl. Take 12mths, hell take as long as you want, the world won't come to an end, be you , live you for awhile, heal, find your feet again. And what Paragh said. Edited June 1, 2017 by Chilli 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HowLongIsWinter Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 Thank you so much for your replies. The break up actually happened back in January, it was only a few weeks ago that he informed me that he was still seeing the girl he left me for and that they were in a relationship. The few dates I went on have been unfulfilling. I can't get actively involved in the dates, I feel like a bystander. I want to move on, but with the recent contact with him I find that it's only a regression naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 (edited) At least the positive is that you're out of this bad relationship. You can start to rebuild and find yourself again. How to avoid being used again? Avoid relationships which can be described like this >>In that relationship it was all about him and his constant conquest for his soul mate. He had a scarred past full of multiple infidelities and painful interactions with ex's. Despite our distance, I stayed by his side, and was determined to be there for him. <<. Also, I don't believe that his adult past can be so bad without him contributing to it in some way. Nobody is that unlucky! Your partner shouldn't be close friends with exes, but by the same token, if they say they've been poorly treated by so many people, it does raise a red flag about their choices and/or behaviour. Edited June 2, 2017 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HowLongIsWinter Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 Thank you for the responses! I read them whenever I feel down. I've been focusing on work so much for the past few weeks, and really thinking through the relationship and what it was, remembering the bad times versus the good, and weighing what I've really lost in the end. My thoughts tend to go to thinking of them together and it makes me ill (I wonder if that's what he wanted all along). I forgot to mention that he wants to meet me, he said he was excited about it even, but I know I couldn't handle even hearing a word about her. I have to stay focused and it's a challenge. I've recently taken up reading self-help books and fiction and I'm trying to figure out my path. I want someone to spend my life with, someone whom I can give my all too...I just wonder when he'll come around or if I should give up for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Suddenly I realized, I was losing myself This struck a chord with me for some reason. I think it's really unhealthy to lose yourself in any relationship. I have some friends that behave in that way. They get a girlfriend, and suddenly disappear. They turn up again after the relationship ends like little lost souls. It's a lack of boundaries. It's important to still see your friends, family, have hobbies, have a secure sense of who you are. Perhaps you suffer from co-dependency? Link to post Share on other sites
babysacay Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Hello everyone, I've been following this site for a few months and I decided that I would love to be apart of it. I felt the need to share my story in hopes that I could help someone who is struggling. I went through two devastating break ups in less than 2 years. I was left in both situations, since then I have moved on from the first break up, but the second was emotionally draining. In that relationship it was all about him and his constant conquest for his soul mate. He had a scarred past full of multiple infidelities and painful interactions with ex's. Despite our distance, I stayed by his side, and was determined to be there for him. Suddenly I realized, I was losing myself, and when he cheated on me (then came back to rub it in my face months later). I was devastated. It's been weeks since I heard from him and my heart is broken. How can I love again? How will I find someone who won't use me again? I'm hurting but I still smile, no one knows. Any advice would be encouraging as I start over. I've also been on a few dates but I don't feel much, I can't imagine anyone who would be willing to put up with a broken hearted woman Our stories are SO similar!!! I felt like I was losing myself with the ex who brought me here because I was being WAY too flexible in when we could talk and spend time together because he wasn't putting any more effort in making time for us. He also told me that almost all of his exes have cheated except for a few...I can't remember who said it, but no one is that unlucky. Though, it's always the cheaters decision to cheat, if it's a pattern like that, there had to have been something both of our exes were doing that led to that. For mine, I think it might have been because he's so rigid and inflexible and not willing or able to take responsibility for his effect on other people. And not being a good listener. I wonder if your ex was the same way? My ex always told me he had trouble keeping a job so he was pretty much stuck at his current one because he has trouble interacting with people. Which I thought was weird because he had so many friends...and so many female friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts