Friend has not been replying to my e-mails lately.

[sadfriend]

Let's call my friend Mary.

 

My bf (husband now) and I talked to Mary online and my bf and I became good friends with May whom lived several hundred miles away from us.

 

My friend Mary at one time let her feelings for my bf (husband now) go from friends to a crush on him. She did not tell him this nor myself. Let's just say she was not happy when we got engaged and she let her emotions spill out about her crush.

 

Well, of course with her not being happy, she did not talk to us for quite some time. Finally, one day I was online and she was on but I did not IM her. A few mins later she IM's me. Asking me how I was doing and such and then how my hubby (bf back then) was. And if I had bad feelings toward her and stuff. And she was saying how it was all in the past and she told me she met a guy and she is getting married and how she is so happy. And we talked again not too long after that by e-mail and she was telling me that her man and her were going to go get their pictures taken and stuff. So knowing her I figured she would e-mail me a copy of the picture of her man and her so I could have a copy. And since she has this new guy in her life and is getting married and said that her crush for my bf (now hubby) was in the past I didn't think anything of it. I thought she would enjoy a laugh at some of my hubby and I's wedding photos. We had some good funny ones from the reception. Well, I sent her a reply to her one e-mail and attached those photos.

 

Since then I have not heard a thing from her.

 

Any comments or any ideas on what is up?

 

I am a forgiving person so I thought it would be nice for her and I's friendships to get back on track. Now, no responses to my e-mails.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Sometimes, people outgrow their needs for a given friendship. Perhaps your friendship represents to her a time in her life, where now that she looks back on it from a different perspective in her life - she associates it with negative or unhappy things, and chose to put it behind her. You can't force a friendship. If you don't hear back from her, you'll have to accept that she chose to move on and you'll have to put the friendship behind you as well.

[Marshbear32]

I would question wither she really has a b/f and is getting married. People will lie about things so you will think they are moving on with their lives. She has no real reason not to respond to your e-mails unless she is avoiding you.

 

I would just forget it as she seems very immature and do you really have a need for her in your life.

[sadfriend]

If she looked at our friendship as a bad experience then why would she want to IM me and talk to me again?

 

I just don't like losing any of my friends and with this one since I thought she was over everything, it just makes me wonder what her problem is now.

[winnie_05]

Do you think she IM you to see if you and your husband were still together?

 

She may be lieing about getting married because she is jealous.

 

I hate to say it but even good friends can be jealous.

 

I had a best friend for about 9 years, and in the last year she has turned funny with me and ignored me,she won't answer my calls, texts, anything. I know she is ok. She has totally changed with me. It still really upsets me. I don't honestly know what I have done. A couple of people I know think it may be because I have a boyfriend and she hasn't, or she even likes my boyfriend. I'll never know now. She chose to ignore me, she must be jealous of something.

 

I suspect your friend is jealous and has no picture to show.

 

Winnie

[sadfriend]

I'm starting to wonder if she is lieing about getting married. I hope she is not lieing. I don't know what to think about her especially since it took her from the time we all met online till the time she found out we were getting married to bring up the fact that she had a crush on my husband (bf at the time). I still have not heard from her. I know her schedule is getting to be more busy this time of year but I still would of thought I would have heard something from her, I know most of the year she has to be online one night a week due to her job. She knows how to get ahold of me by e-mail, phone, and letter.

 

I don't know if she was trying to see if my husband and me were still together or not. I have no clue on that one.

 

But now that things are getting stranger and stranger with her, I'm getting worried about the field she works in. She works with children. If she is acting this way with adults, how is she with children? Understand, where I'm coming from?

 

Any other comments or advice?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Why do you want to be friends with her? Once attraction and 'crushes' enter the equation, the dynamics change. You will never go back to being friends the way you were before this attraction reared its ugly head. I would think that inviting a 'friend' like this into your life is pretty much asking for trouble, particularly after she expressed an interest in your husband. You getting married to your H wouldn't have changed the fact that she was attracted to him, and perhaps she feels it is better to not even think of putting her hands in that fire again.

[EnigmaXOXO]

If she looked at our friendship as a bad experience then why would she want to IM me and talk to me again?

 

Curiosity?

 

I am a forgiving person so I thought it would be nice for her and I's friendships to get back on track.

 

Sadfriend, are you sometimes too nice for your own good?

 

I realize we don't have all the facts, but from the little bit I can gather from your post, this online acquaintance, (however likeable) sounds like a bit of a head case. For your own good…and for the benefit of your marriage…it might be best if you let this one go. It's already fading out (through no fault of your own) and it might be better to leave well enough alone and allow it to dye its slow death.

 

Consider it good fortune and a blessing in disguise. My guess is this poor lonely lady was probably friendly towards you only as a means to stay connected and in contact with her "crush." It probably hurt her when you sent her the wedding photos. She may have even misinterpreted your actions as "rubbing it in."

 

I don't know how keen your people intuitions are, but this one would certainly be creepy enough to make the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.

[BeachQueen]

I guess nothing makes you uncomfortable, huh?

 

As soon as your online friend told you that she had a crush on your boyfriend, the friendship should have been cut.

 

It could only get ugly from there.

 

Thank your lucky stars that she voluntarily left the picture.

[whichwayisup]

Ask yourself this. What good does she bring into your life as a friend. Can you confide in her, trust her 100%? IF you and your husband had a fight and you needed to vent - Do you believe that she would be helpful - Or would she secretly be happy you two weren't getting along. My best bet would be the second choice.

 

Concentrate on the friends you have now in your life, the ones you can count on and don't have feelings for your husband.

 

It is hard, but in life sometimes it's best to just let a friend go...Doesn't have to end badly, just let it fizzle out. Don't make any effort.

[Sal Paradise]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

Ask yourself this. What good does she bring into your life as a friend. Can you confide in her, trust her 100%? IF you and your husband had a fight and you needed to vent - Do you believe that she would be helpful - Or would she secretly be happy you two weren't getting along. My best bet would be the second choice.

 

Concentrate on the friends you have now in your life, the ones you can count on and don't have feelings for your husband.

 

It is hard, but in life sometimes it's best to just let a friend go...Doesn't have to end badly, just let it fizzle out. Don't make any effort.

 

Very good advice. You should follow it.

[sadfriend]

I'm giving up on Mary ever getting back with me. I have not heard from her since early July. If she is trying to play games, I'm not playing them. I even had some good news to tell her. I found out that I am pregnant with my husband and I's first child. You know everyone always wants to tell their friends good news especially about the soon-to-be birth of child but I'm done with trying to be a nice friend in dealing with her.

[MJTig]

let me play devil's advocate here, maybe she had good intentions and thought she was over your hubby but the pictures made her realize she was not over it, and couldn't deal. Plus, I think not telling her about your soon-to-be-child is for the best. As out-of-bounds or psycho as you or other may think she is... that might be pouring salt in the wounds.

 

Best just let the friendship fizzle.

[sadfriend]

She might have had good intentions and that is great if she did but I don't feel one bit sorry for Mary. She knew that she was never going to get him. She played mind games with herself. She should learn from it and get over it.

[LucreziaBorgia]

She should learn from it and get over it.

 

Perhaps that is exactly what she is doing, and part of doing that means severing ties in order to get that done. There really is no reason to push for friendship with her given the history.