My mother-in-law is doing my head in!

[Els]

Is moving an option for the two of you? (not an entirely tongue-in-cheek question either, if feasible it sounds like the absolute easiest way to resolve the problem without decades of drama)

[Chardonnay Renée]

Is moving an option for the two of you? (not an entirely tongue-in-cheek question either, if feasible it sounds like the absolute easiest way to resolve the problem without decades of drama)

 

How far were you thinking? It would have to be to a totally new city in order for our distance to be unfeasible for MIL to travel. Currently we're about 10-15 minutes drive away, depending on the time of day.

 

Would I want to move? Absolutely not. We built this house three years ago and it's exactly how we wanted it. It's our dream house, in our dream suburb and is built with provisions of the growing family in mind.

 

Can I go on another twenty odd years of putting up with my MIL? Doubtful! Can we uproot easily? Almost impossible given my husband's ever-expanding business which is geographically dependant.

 

Something will have to give at some point, though. Just what it is exactly that gives remains to be seen.

[BettyDraper]

Yes, I'm very aware of that. What I've wanted for a while in for my hubby to back me up and show some empathy. He's a fantastic man in most ways, but when it comes to dealing with his own Mother, he seems disinterested.

 

This woman clearly has issues. I don't know whether she gets off on pissing people off, feels empowered by watching people get upset by her put downs or is just generally ignorant of just how poor her behaviour is, but it's very draining either way.

 

I know that my hubby sticking up for me would have made her furious. She would still be seething right now. She will absolutely come to the party, though. Not because she would massively care about missing thr party, but because not being amongst the happenings of the family just isn't who she is.

 

She needs to involve herself in everything. It's why she hangs around my place all the time. Not because she absolutely adores the kids. She loves them to some degree, obviously, and she doesn't even dislike me (I don't believe) - it's just that she feels the need to constantly make her presence known and felt.

 

I'm very concerned that now my hubby has backed me up, she will get very dirty with her tactics. The gloves will be off, in her words, with how she will go about things from here. She will absolutely try to drive a wedge between hubby and I. We're about to get tested, and hubby's resolve is going to get a big workout.

 

Many MILs feel jealous of their DILs because the younger women are now the most important in their son's lives. This comes out in being meddling and sometimes extreme behavior when the MIL has a personality disorder. Look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The description fits your MIL to a T.

 

I hope that this experience makes your marriage even stronger. Sometimes coming out on the other side of trials bring a couple closer together. Being a united front is very important.

[Chardonnay Renée]

Many MILs feel jealous of their DILs because the younger women are now the most important in their son's lives. This comes out in being meddling and sometimes extreme behavior when the MIL has a personality disorder. Look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The description fits your MIL to a T.

 

I hope that this experience makes your marriage even stronger. Sometimes coming out on the other side of trials bring a couple closer together. Being a united front is very important.

 

I've suspected for a while she's been narcissistic. She's definitely got more than one issue, though.

 

If my hubby can back me up to resolve the situation, our marriage will be strengthened for sure. He just needs to find it in himself to do what's right and stick to his guns.

 

As I expected, my FIL sent me a text and said to not worry about Evelyn's carry-on, they're coming tomorrow. It was never going to be any other way.

 

Tomorrow will be interesting indeed. I have SO much to organise today. I've asked hhbby to pick up a few things tonight and he wasn't impressed as it was going to eat into Friday night drinks time! LOL. The poor thing!

[BettyDraper]

Hey CR. I hope the party went well. Happy birthday to your precious baby boys!

[Chardonnay Renée]

Hey CR. I hope the party went well. Happy birthday to your precious baby boys!

 

Thanks Hun!

 

Yes, it went really well, except for one incident which, of course, involved my MIL! Evelyn made a very snide comment to her nephew's wife who is comfortable enough to breast feed her three-month-old in public and elected to do so without going inside.

 

Evelyn turned up her nose up to poor Krystal, who's the most gorgeous person you'll ever meet and an amazing first-time Mum, and said very loudly: "Walls were built with privacy in mind, darling. Shame on Renée for not articulating that well."

 

I just stood their thinking "OMG... this won't end well." Her hubby, Evelyn's nephew returned serve exceptionally well. He said: "Au contraire, aunt Evelyn. Walls were built as barriers and what we're doing here is smashing down those barriers."

 

It was as funny as it was poignant. His calmness in response was epic; she had been put in her place and didn't say boo for the rest of the party. She just sat there, sulking while snapping orders at her husband. It took the heat off me, which I was happy about.

 

My Mum and husband were both fantastic! My Mum is an amazing cook, as is hubby with niche dishes. My Dad did the barbecue, so that made him feel like he was doing something. The weather was fantastic for most of the day and given that it's Winter here in Oz and can be very cold in the Adelaide Hills, we were stoked.

 

I think my parents thought we went a bit OTT with the candy buffet and chocolate fountain, but it was the boys' first birthday so we wanted to make it special. I won't be doing such an extravagant party next time. The amount of work involved was full-on. It wasn't until much later in the afternoo before I could relax with a glass of chardonnay. LOL.

[BettyDraper]

Thanks Hun!

 

Yes, it went really well, except for one incident which, of course, involved my MIL! Evelyn made a very snide comment to her nephew's wife who is comfortable enough to breast feed her three-month-old in public and elected to do so without going inside.

 

Evelyn turned up her nose up to poor Krystal, who's the most gorgeous person you'll ever meet and an amazing first-time Mum, and said very loudly: "Walls were built with privacy in mind, darling. Shame on Renée for not articulating that well."

 

I just stood their thinking "OMG... this won't end well." Her hubby, Evelyn's nephew returned serve exceptionally well. He said: "Au contraire, aunt Evelyn. Walls were built as barriers and what we're doing here is smashing down those barriers."

 

It was as funny as it was poignant. His calmness in response was epic; she had been put in her place and didn't say boo for the rest of the party. She just sat there, sulking while snapping orders at her husband. It took the heat off me, which I was happy about.

 

My Mum and husband were both fantastic! My Mum is an amazing cook, as is hubby with niche dishes. My Dad did the barbecue, so that made him feel like he was doing something. The weather was fantastic for most of the day and given that it's Winter here in Oz and can be very cold in the Adelaide Hills, we were stoked.

 

I think my parents thought we went a bit OTT with the candy buffet and chocolate fountain, but it was the boys' first birthday so we wanted to make it special. I won't be doing such an extravagant party next time. The amount of work involved was full-on. It wasn't until much later in the afternoo before I could relax with a glass of chardonnay. LOL.

 

Glad you had a glass of your favorite drink!

 

Ugh! I don't understand the ridiculous outrage when a woman breastfeeds in public. When I see a woman breastfeeding, I perform a magic trick called averting my eyes. Why would I want to stare like a creeper? A good friend of mine visited me with her infant daughter and asked if she could breastfeed her daughter in front of me. We had a good laugh when I said "No! Let your baby STARVE!!"

 

I'm so glad that someone put your monster-in-law in her place That's what narcissists need. I was worried that she would make a huge scene. Let her pout like the toddler she is emotionally. I'm sure it helped that your parents were there. I'm so happy to read that your husband was great as well.

[Chardonnay Renée]

Glad you had a glass of your favorite drink!

 

Ugh! I don't understand the ridiculous outrage when a woman breastfeeds in public. When I see a woman breastfeeding, I perform a magic trick called averting my eyes. Why would I want to stare like a creeper? A good friend of mine visited me with her infant daughter and asked if she could breastfeed her daughter in front of me. We had a good laugh when I said "No! Let your baby STARVE!!"

 

I'm so glad that someone put your monster-in-law in her place That's what narcissists need. I was worried that she would make a huge scene. Let her pout like the toddler she is emotionally. I'm sure it helped that your parents were there. I'm so happy to read that your husband was great as well.

 

I don't understand it either! But my MIL is a dinosaur when it comes to social progression. She's old and conservative.

 

My MIL never had a go at me for breastfeeding in public because I didn't breast-feed long enough. I developed horrible mastitis and I was in agony! My boys had an appetite like their father and I couldn't keep up!

 

After five weeks my milk ducts completely dried up and I was just feeding the boys formula from a bottle. I felt horrible and my MIL gave me hell for that! So there was no winning either way!

 

That's so funny how you responded to your friend! I don't know how the whole breastfeeding in public scenario is seen in the US (where I assume you're from) but here in Australia it's like a social tug-of-war between progressives and social conservatives.

 

We recently had a senator here in Australia divide opinion over her breastfeeding, given that she was moving a motion in Parliament only moments earlier. I thought it was fantastic, just personally.

 

Australian senator breastfeeds baby while moving a motion in parliament

[BettyDraper]

My mother is against public breastfeeding as well but she would never upbraid someone for doing it...especially if the woman was at a private family function.

 

So much guilt associated with being a mom and no matter what moms do, someone is ready to criticize you for your decisions as a parent.

 

How are you and your hubby getting along?

[Chardonnay Renée]

We're getting along fine, thank you. Ever since he booked that weekend away, we're both not as tense.

 

My Mum is over at the moment so it's given us time to ourselves which has been great. My Mum is just awesome with the two boys. They love being fed by Nanna - she just has a real way with them.

 

I guess time will tell. When my Mum leaves in another week or so, when my MIL inevitability comes around and annoys the crap out of me - when my hubby is drained from heavy bursts at work and I need some emotional support at the same time - that's when things get challenging.

 

All we can do is keep plugging away. I try to be supportive of hubby as much as I can. He knows he needs to support me emotionally, at times, or things will go down hill fast. If we can make time for a few more dinner dates and the odd weekend escape - I'm sure it'll help.

 

Thanks for asking. I hope all is well in your life, too.

[BettyDraper]

We're getting along fine, thank you. Ever since he booked that weekend away, we're both not as tense.

 

My Mum is over at the moment so it's given us time to ourselves which has been great. My Mum is just awesome with the two boys. They love being fed by Nanna - she just has a real way with them.

 

I guess time will tell. When my Mum leaves in another week or so, when my MIL inevitability comes around and annoys the crap out of me - when my hubby is drained from heavy bursts at work and I need some emotional support at the same time - that's when things get challenging.

 

All we can do is keep plugging away. I try to be supportive of hubby as much as I can. He knows he needs to support me emotionally, at times, or things will go down hill fast. If we can make time for a few more dinner dates and the odd weekend escape - I'm sure it'll help.

 

Thanks for asking. I hope all is well in your life, too.

 

Great to hear. Trips are so restorative aren't they? We're going to London and Paris this fall. I'm so excited!

 

I'm pleased that your mother is so supportive and gives you a break from your MIL.

 

Marriage is a lot of work-especially when children arrive. I hope you and your husband can make more time for each other. Maybe you can he can agree on scheduled date nights and trips. A date twice a month would do wonders.

[Chardonnay Renée]

Great to hear. Trips are so restorative aren't they? We're going to London and Paris this fall. I'm so excited!

 

I'm pleased that your mother is so supportive and gives you a break from your MIL.

 

Marriage is a lot of work-especially when children arrive. I hope you and your husband can make more time for each other. Maybe you can he can agree on scheduled date nights and trips. A date twice a month would do wonders.

 

That should be an amazing trip! Have you been there before? Paris is the most beautiful city I've ever been to. It's absolutely gorgeous.

 

I spent a few months in London back in 2004. It, too, is an amazing city. I've been back a few times since. I hope you have a fantastic time away!