Been away a while...for a good reason!

[Gaeta]

Two years dating before marriage is the rule of thumb.

 

There are very valid reasons to wait 2 years. In your case, not even 1 year in this relationship, you are still in the honeymoon phase and are about to make a life changing decision with an excess of oxytocin in your brain.

 

It's after the honeymoon phase and all that great hormonal drug fades away that we need to make our most important decision.

[WhirlwindGuy]

Two years dating before marriage is the rule of thumb.

 

There are very valid reasons to wait 2 years. In your case, not even 1 year in this relationship, you are still in the honeymoon phase and are about to make a life changing decision with an excess of oxytocin in your brain.

 

It's after the honeymoon phase and all that great hormonal drug fades away that we need to make our most important decision.

 

Been around almost 40 years now and not once has a rule of thumb made a difference.

 

I'll check back in next summer and let you know how things have went. Hopefully not on the divorce board! ?

[Gaeta]

Been around almost 40 years now and not once has a rule of thumb made a difference.

 

I'll check back in next summer and let you know how things have went. Hopefully not on the divorce board! ?

 

I wish you the very best.

 

See what I put in bold? to me someone that is ready to marry in his heart and soul would never say something like this. Those are the words of a man that is rushing.

 

I am 51 years old and always consider rules of thumb. See I have been dating my boyfriend for 1,5 year. My heart would marry him right away but my head knows better because of all my past experience.

 

Now the day I will marry this man I won't say things like Hopefully not on the divorce board next year, I will say things like I know deep down I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, I want us to grow old together, I want us to take care of each other through the years, and I love him so much I would give my life for him. It's when I feel like this that I marry a man not when it feels right at the moment and I cross my fingers it doesn't blow in my face.

 

See the difference?

[clia]

I took his "divorce" comment to be a joke.

 

Congrats Whirlwind Guy -- I remember you and am happy you found someone! I personally have never heard of the 2 year dating before marriage rule of thumb mentioned above. I tend to think one year (four season) together is sufficient, especially for people who are older. Anyway, I wish you the best!

[WhirlwindGuy]

I wish you the very best.

 

See what I put in bold? to me someone that is ready to marry in his heart and soul would never say something like this. Those are the words of a man that is rushing.

 

I am 51 years old and always consider rules of thumb. See I have been dating my boyfriend for 1,5 year. My heart would marry him right away but my head knows better because of all my past experience.

 

Now the day I will marry this man I won't say things like Hopefully not on the divorce board next year, I will say things like I know deep down I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, I want us to grow old together, I want us to take care of each other through the years, and I love him so much I would give my life for him. It's when I feel like this that I marry a man not when it feels right at the moment and I cross my fingers it doesn't blow in my face.

 

See the difference?

 

 

Gaeta, I am completely joking. I absolutely adore my Fiance and have no doubt in my mind that we will be together forever. We are best friends and generally just enjoy each others company. I have honestly never been more sure of something. Something just completely works with us. There is 0 doubt. She is a doubter normally, pessimist, and doesn't move fast. Her past relationships she was in for over 6 years, never married because she just knew it wasn't right. It is unexplainable really...I honestly never expected it. It just works, and it works well.

 

 

I will be completely floored if I end up divorced again. That said, my past 39 years have proven to me that anything is possible and even the surest of things are subject to change.

 

 

All I can do is hope for the best, enjoy the time I have and keep looking forward.

Edited June 5, 2017 by WhirlwindGuy

[Miss Peach]

Congrats Whirlwind. I've run into the same issues and it's amazing how difficult it is to find someone who is simply willing to talk through issues.

[Millhouse]

I was pretty regular on here for a while last year and then I disappeared. I don't know if anyone cares, but I wanted to check in with this board and report on what has been going on with me since then.

 

 

Last year, I was all over the place. Dating is a freaking nightmare, at least for me it was. I went on so many dates "fell in love" a few times, had a lot of sex, made a lot of mistakes...it honestly was fun, hell, scary, exciting, etc all at the same time.

 

 

Around mid-June last year I met her. It was after being ghosted for the second time with someone else, I popped on Tinder again and we matched pretty quickly (that was very rare). Turns out, she just so happen to be friends with a good friend of mine at work. That seemed promising. We started chatting and she was going out of town, so we didn't meet up for a couple of weeks. First date, I was just blown away at how awesome this woman was. She was good looking, down to earth, a great conversationalist, healthy, loved kids, didn't have any of her own, had to be something wrong?!? The date, and the next handful of dates, were just effortless and fun. No pressure, no sex, no OMG she didn't say that or did say this...was just natural and felt refreshing.

 

 

We went out a few times and just clicked more and more and more. I honestly never realized how good a good relationship was. It made me realize even more how terrible my marriage was before, and how terrible the people I had been dating were. It sounds silly, and so cliché, but when things are right it just works...You don't need to constantly come to loveshack to ask what X Y or Z means, those things just naturally seem to work themselves out, when it is the right person...and this just seemed to work. You just get used to crap, and think that is just how it should be...but it doesn't have to be that way.

 

 

She loves me, she loves my son, we enjoy our friend groups together, we enjoy our solo time, family time...we just generally get along and it is soooo relieving...

 

 

We have been dating around a year now, we are set to get married soon...crazy I know...I honestly thought I would never get remarried. Things are not always perfect, of course. We have our share of disagreements, but the thing is...We TALK about them, and communicate through them. That is something I never had, even in my 10 year marriage. I honestly feel like I met my best friend. We have a blast together in almost everything we do. About the only thing we don't agree on AT ALL are TV shows...but whatever, I can concede that one.

 

 

So anyway. thank you community for all the timely advice over the past year. I know I am getting married too soon, I should probably wait 10 years etc etc...but i'm not. I'm going to give it another go, and hopefully it will be the last. Life is most definitely a whirlwind, and even through the hurt, and uncertainty and craziness, I wouldn't change a thing.

 

 

Those of you feeling the pressure and hell that dating can be. Don't fret. It seems like when you least expect it, when you are going to just give up on it and become a hermit and collect cats...something like this may come along.

 

 

Hopefully I wont be back here in a few years on the divorce boards, starting over...but you only live once, right?

 

 

Cheers!

 

Great story. Life is for living. I'm following the same path.