Gifts from your MM, AP, OW, etc. that opened your eyes?

[Daisy2013]

Just wondering if anyone ever received a gift that made you go ? I am thinking of a b'day gift I received for a milestone birthday from my MM. We didn't typically "exchange" gifts, but for his b'day I'd usually give him a token gift. This past year, I took time to put together a gift bag of items I knew he'd like for his outdoor bag, nothing extravagant, but nice items, and took the time to choose carefully. He loved it.

 

The same year, he said he didn't know what to get me ... we had been together 5 years and have been friend more than 10. I mentioned a charm for my bracelet would be nice, or anything he'd like to get, but didn't have to.

 

My bday rolls around and he says "I have your present, let's meet up." I was so excited because I don't usually receive gifts and my H hardly acknowledges my bdays and this one was ignored as well (even before A).

 

I open it and it was a cheap gift from a drug store. I love any gift, don't get me wrong, but this one perplexed me. I told myself he was a guy, and probably thought it was an awesome gift, as he had bought himself one. My friend was like "really?"

 

It was good though because this was what opened my eyes, even after posting here, and reading here, how little he must have thought of me, and helped me to start moving on. I found myself thinking this is what I am worth to him when all I do is show him how much I love him, while his W gets gold jewelry, and he claims they have nothing, and that he doesn't love her.

 

Anyway, this came to my mind and I was just curious did anyone else ever receive such a gifts? Or did you expect better? Or nothing? I struggled with feeling ungrateful and that I wasn't even deserving of that gift, but it really hit hard for some reason. Maybe I am selfish thinking that way, but maybe I'm not.

[Chica80]

That would make me think too.....but gifts are one of my "things" like how I express love or get love I guess.

It doesn't have to be anything extravagant just something that says oh this reminded me of you.

 

When he goes out of town he usually brings me something it's always something dumb like a small souvenier. Or if it's another country something that is unique to that place.

 

Christmas two years ago he gave me a tool box and a lovely cook book, traditional food from his country.(I love cooking) I thought the tool box was dumb and so impersonal it's actually turned out to be a really great gift. I used it all the time "to help me be more independent.

Last year I got jewelry.

 

For bdays 1st one 2 yrs ago. He bought this beautiful cake from this nice bakery. It was dinner, drinks dancing with friends. That was this year too.

 

I gave gifts alot. A book of his childhood stories, a small stupid trinket that's an inside joke, or meaningful in some way.

[aileD]

Kinda something with a different perspective.

 

My H's xAP gave him a necklace--a dog tag with "you're my person" engraved on it. (Side note, that's what he has always says to me!)....and she also bought him (and herself) a ring...like wedding band type ring.

 

I found these while rummaging through his truck one time when we were together. I was disgusted. But that was in the middle of all the back and forth.

 

Later after R, he got rid of them and they came up in conversation.

 

He said that one day they met and she gave these gifts to him. He felt uncomfortable. He was still married although separated but still in the affair bubble to the rest of the world, playing the perfect H. He said she was getting upset that he wasn't wearing them and that was just a ephiphany moment.....it's like he "realized" finally that he was still married. He told her, "I can't wear these, I'm married." She wasn't happy. Something a single OW just doesn't understand I guess. Or at least not a 20 year old one.

 

So yeah. Her gift to him made him realize that what he was doing was really f'd up. It was the reality and fantasy worlds colliding and opening his eyes.

Edited June 1, 2017 by aileD

[lostgirl87]

I give gifts as a way to show someone how much I care about them so I expected nice things, at least thoughtful things, from my MM. I love to give! If I would have gotten something from a drugstore for my BIRTHDAY I would have been so hurt. I can understand how that would be an eye opener for you. I don't think you're selfish at all- this was a man you were involved with (no matter how unconventional) and any woman in a relationship wants to feel like her man appreciates her and gifts are a way to show that appreciation.

 

MM gave me random gifts such as nice perfumes or would buy my expensive makeup for me or pay for my manicures. The odd thing was I made/make significant more money than him but he enjoyed feeling like a man and taking care of me so of course I let him I also enjoyed having someone care and want to take care of me. For my birthday he gave me a beautiful necklace with a heart pendant. Although for his birthday I have him a very nice camera so we both cared to give nice things to each other. Side note: his wife told him to get rid of the camera when she found out about our affair. He told her no and still uses it (he likes to make videos of his car stuff). Awkward...

 

Again, don't feel ungrateful or selfish. That is a completely normal reaction to have when your significant other puts so little effort and consideration into a birthday gift. I mean you clearly put tjovujt into his gift! It's not about the money... it's the effort. When you care, you put thought into what to give. You want that person to love it and be happy. Grabbing something from a drug store doesn't show effort or even a desire to get something good for someone you supposedly love and care about. It's lazy and very "oh crap. I have to get a gift for so and so". It's hurtful. Did you ever say anything to him about it?

[Daisy2013]

No, I never mentioned it, although he would ask if I was using it. Didn't wantvto seem ungrateful. Gifts are one of my Love Languages and may not be his. I am happy with a flower picked from the yard! I was just dumbfounded at this one because I had given suggestions and even had he given me similar to what I had given because we had the same interests, I'd have been flattered. It was a big milestone b'day, and I thought after 5 years, he might, just might, do something special, since we didn't typically exchange gifts.

 

Perhaps this was his way of sumliminly separating reality from fantasy, as another said. He always said he valued our friendship first and it came before anything else and was special to him because every other relationship with women / his wives had gone sour. So, perhaps, too, he gave me a friend gift and truly thought it was good.

 

My friend said that it was BS and thoughtless, and I was just thinking about it for some reason. Memories....

[Midwestmissy]

I've always thought that gifts had meaning. Not the cost, but the sentiment behind them. If someone I care about mentions loving a specific coffee ice cream, I'll grab some on my way to visit, just because I know they will appreciate it and feel good. Or a flower, or a chocolate - I do this for men, women, kids. Any host. Never pricey, I try to have fun with it by remembering events, conversations, whatever. I jot things down in a notebook. However, I will never just grab a whatever because it sends a distinct message too. The message is "I care about how I appear more than how you feel. And I'll act hurt and incredulous if you point this out to me."

 

When my wh cheated, the gifts I received from him were horrific. They were things he grabbed off the shelf while he chatted with the mow on the phone. The gifts were about HIM, and making himself a "good guy". Because good guys don't cheat on their wives, good guys buy them gifts. But since he wasn't being good, it totally reflected. He never bought the mow gifts, because that would have made it a relationship, and he decided that what he was doing with her wasn't cheating (it totally was) so with mental gymnastics, he was being a great gift giving husband who was not sleeping with his underling. And it was so because he said it was so. And he had an unappreciative bratty wife who burst into tears on Mother's Day when finally at 5pm when he threw a drug store bag at her with an iTunes gift card in it. I had 3 kids consoling me as I cried on the bed. Then I threw up in the shower. Again. True story. He was so mad at me (ahem, himself) because I was reminder that he was truly behaving like a nasty dog. I just didn't know the facts, but my body screamed at me.

 

If a gift gives you a weird stomach feeling, there's a reason. A handwritten note takes no time to write, even on a piece of scrap paper - but it involves emotion, feeling, authenticity. Those are my favourite gifts from my kids. That's hard to fake when you're not feeling those things. You reacted the way you did for a reason. Listen to your body more than him for a bit, his actions are most telling.

[pheonixrisen]

Just wondering if anyone ever received a gift that made you go ? I am thinking of a b'day gift I received for a milestone birthday from my MM. We didn't typically "exchange" gifts, but for his b'day I'd usually give him a token gift. This past year, I took time to put together a gift bag of items I knew he'd like for his outdoor bag, nothing extravagant, but nice items, and took the time to choose carefully. He loved it.

 

The same year, he said he didn't know what to get me ... we had been together 5 years and have been friend more than 10. I mentioned a charm for my bracelet would be nice, or anything he'd like to get, but didn't have to.

 

My bday rolls around and he says "I have your present, let's meet up." I was so excited because I don't usually receive gifts and my H hardly acknowledges my bdays and this one was ignored as well (even before A).

 

I open it and it was a cheap gift from a drug store. I love any gift, don't get me wrong, but this one perplexed me. I told myself he was a guy, and probably thought it was an awesome gift, as he had bought himself one. My friend was like "really?"

 

It was good though because this was what opened my eyes, even after posting here, and reading here, how little he must have thought of me, and helped me to start moving on. I found myself thinking this is what I am worth to him when all I do is show him how much I love him, while his W gets gold jewelry, and he claims they have nothing, and that he doesn't love her.

 

Anyway, this came to my mind and I was just curious did anyone else ever receive such a gifts? Or did you expect better? Or nothing? I struggled with feeling ungrateful and that I wasn't even deserving of that gift, but it really hit hard for some reason. Maybe I am selfish thinking that way, but maybe I'm not.

 

This is just my perspective not trying to be harsh

 

From where I come jewellery besides being a love gift is also considered an investment..not your cheap kind but gold /diamond etc .so someday you can pass it to your daughter or next generation etc..

 

So giving you a jewellery if there are no intention of ending up with you would be a waste... his wife is there to stay so I am sure men don't think twice about that .

 

Or he is just a thoughtless person

 

My dh gift (I did not know they were from ow until dday)But he did not use they were just sitting in cupboard in the bags he brought them in and on Dday I threw them out he did not blink an eye .

 

Affairs are great it just sucks you out of your time /emotions

Money till all person involved directly or indirectly are left feeling more worse for wear then it all started:)

[Daisy2013]

Yes, I suppose you are correct about the giving of jewelry. My charms aren't expensive, under $100, many well under.

 

Thanks for you who have replied. I picture everyone being lavished and loved so wanted to see what others had experienced. Not sure why I was thinking about it. I think it brought some pain and more reality of what was compared to my fantasy. But, it's a walk (pain) we go through to get to the other end!

[Babsinhealing]

My MM and I always joke that what we want from one another can't be bought. He's bought me a few small gifts throughout our A but they were always small and held a private meaning between us... I would never want or expect anything big. The smaller gifts have more meaning in my opionion. His time and the effort he gives me is and has always been more important to me than anything materialistic.

[Daisy2013]

My MM and I always joke that what we want from one another can't be bought. He's bought me a few small gifts throughout our A but they were always small and held a private meaning between us... I would never want or expect anything big. The smaller gifts have more meaning in my opionion. His time and the effort he gives me is and has always been more important to me than anything materialistic.

 

I agree re small meaningful gifts with special meanings. I don't like gold and diamonds, and fancy things, actually. My bracelet is silver. A handwritten note would have been the best ever, but he never put anything into writing. He once brought me a magnet for my fridge from a place he vacationed because I told him I liked to collect those from friends who travel. I treasure it.

 

Thanks for your reply.

[somanymistakes]

We haven't exchanged any presents during this whatever-it-is that's going on between us now, but we both still have and treasure the gifts we gave each other back from when we were officially dating. Each other's class rings, stuff like that. We're saps.

[MidnightBlue1980]

I got a few beers and some hummus with vegetables once. Does that count?

 

Here is my take on the gifts based on my life experiences. There are two types of married guys who have affairs - the amateurs and the professionals. The amateurs buy you beers and hummus and if you give them anything (I gave him a candy bar for his bday), they are really uncomfortable with it as they are really just there for the free sex and attention. They don't want to make more of it than it is (which is really nothing). These are the guys who will one day pull back and ghost you. They really are having an affair because of unresolved issues in their lives and their marriages and are generally not comfortable with the whole thing, the last thing they are going to do is be shopping for you because they don't think about you at all. It's like you don't exist outside of the little box they put you in. When it ends they will hate you, blame you, and be terrible to you.

 

The professionals give nice gifts, expensive things, they will wine and dine you. Maybe they take you away, especially if they have money. These guys like to have a girlfriend and a wife. They actually enjoy having both relationships as it fits their life - the wife for the house and kids and the girlfriend for the extras in life. It gets confusing as it feels like a real relationship but it's not. Eventually it ends because the single person (and they tend to pick single women as they do not want to deal with a husband, plus they want to go to the woman's place and like the idea of her sitting, waiting for them - they do not share) wants more and eventually leaves. It's hard to get away from these guys though. They like having you there, you belong to them in a warped way. Finally you break free and the guy gets a new girlfriend. Repeat.

Edited June 1, 2017 by MidnightBlue1980

[Babsinhealing]

I agree re small meaningful gifts with special meanings. I don't like gold and diamonds, and fancy things, actually. My bracelet is silver. A handwritten note would have been the best ever, but he never put anything into writing. He once brought me a magnet for my fridge from a place he vacationed because I told him I liked to collect those from friends who travel. I treasure it.

 

Thanks for your reply.

I'm not a jewelry person and I have a high paying job, so I can buy myself whatever I want. He bought me a really cute t-shirt once- told me he thought of me the second he saw it. To me, that was better than diamonds lol

[Ahurtgirl]

You are not alone on this.

At first he bought me a diamond ring when he proposed to me in six months of meeting him. Then after about a year and things were up and down, his gifts became very cheap but he would tell me about these gifts he would win in drawings, etc. and would say how he really wanted to give me a butterfly necklace or some other jewelry he got but that he felt forced to give it to his wife bease if anyone would ask if she liked the gift he won, and she didn't receive it, that would be a problem. Oh and then one Christmas I bought him an almost identical watch that his wife also bought him and he got pissed off that I wanted him to have the watch I bought him. It was just very hurtful to me. I really believe he didn't realize how much he hurt me over and over again with the whole gift giving and receiving experience throughout the affair.

[Daisy2013]

I got a few beers and some hummus with vegetables once. Does that count?

 

Here is my take on the gifts based on my life experiences. There are two types of married guys who have affairs - the amateurs and the professionals. The amateurs buy you beers and hummus and if you give them anything (I gave him a candy bar for his bday), they are really uncomfortable with it as they are really just there for the free sex and attention. They don't want to make more of it than it is (which is really nothing). These are the guys who will one day pull back and ghost you. They really are having an affair because of unresolved issues in their lives and their marriages and are generally not comfortable with the whole thing, the last thing they are going to do is be shopping for you because they don't think about you at all. It's like you don't exist outside of the little box they put you in. When it ends they will hate you, blame you, and be terrible to you.

 

.

 

This seems about right. Especially the bold, and that's what I am coming to grips with now! He was uncomfortable receiving my gifts at times, although nothing extravagant or that couldn't be explained because they related to his hobbies/interests. Once he said "I can't remember what I got," and so I gently reminded him and he said "oh yeah, I was thinking that you gave me those items just this morning as I was thinking you didn't seem to happy about your gift. But I'm a gadget guy and thought it was neat." I said it's "fine." And changed the subject.

 

I'm not certain he was an amateur, however, he was too careful and methodical. I wrote about that in another post what he did after his visits with me, etc. Cheap maybe, in addition to what you said. Gifts with his family and to them were never much - at least what he said. He said he always told his kids don't get him anything. He said sometimes the W would get him a card, sometimes not.

 

Thank you.

[Doublegold]

I love giving gifts and have given him many heartfelt, amazing gifts. I even commissioned a sculpture from another Country to be made because when I knew what I wanted to give him anything I came across didn't measure up. Now it is listed as part of a series (three pieces were created by the artist with one theme). That is my personal favorite but I can honestly say I almost topped it--he collects wine and once told me how this one 90 plus rating was one he hunted for forever and the vintner had an....interesting personal story. Well, I found it--in Switzerland! They had three bottles one red two white. The etching on the bottles are gorgeous, think Vargas Girl painting. The winemaker, creator Savannah Sampson--the NYT did a write up on her wine. Via Email The winery arranged for it to be brought to US via a traveler, I paid for it ,and the shipping to me once the American was back in the States. That holiday I had a cake made to reflect our song and presented the wine. I've gifted him many many unique and personal gifts, as well as the occasional socks and ties.

 

I put thought into any gift I give, for family, friends, or someone who needs some cheering up.

 

As far as me, the first gifts we exchanged were rare books. It was synchronicity that we showed up each bearing old favorite books of our own that we gave to each other. The second gifts he gave me were true treasures, antique perfume bottles. They are exquisite. He likes to forage antique shops and flea markets. I have a hat pin and an antique thimble that is engraved with a scene from long ago. These are extra special to me because he had the perfume btls etc for many many years. I keep them in an antique tin soapbox from him. Other than that, scents and products, clothes and paintings. But not shoes, he tried that but I never went for it.

 

One day he called and said you left something behind and I am going to bring it to you. I didn't know what that could be so when I saw him he told me a story. He cared for an elderly man who could be very cranky. AP enjoyed him though as he had quite an interesting life and was a collector like himself. This man and the W didn't like one another. At all. One day he handed AP an old tissue box with handwritten envelopes each containing letters. They were written during the 1920's to early 1930's and they were love notes. These love notes were written by him and a woman who were deeply in love, the elderly man and a woman when they were young. When he gave the box to Ap he said, one day I hope you find a woman to give these to who you love and who loves you like we did.

 

So he hands me the box and again says you left something behind--then goes on and tells me the story, and I open the first one and her name, the woman who wrote half these love letters to Issac-- her name was my name.

 

So many moments sharing trips, going to places together with friends or sitting on a park bench watching the river for hours and sharing figs. There has been gold and diamonds, rings that are very precious to me...artesian pieces and fun eclectic art pieces or jewelery that I love. Fancy dinners and running to the butcher and eating together and talking forever or just being in the same room and doing our own thing.

 

The greatest gift is the time we spend together.

[Daisy2013]

I love giving gifts and have given him many heartfelt, amazing gifts. I even commissioned a sculpture from another Country to be made because when I knew what I wanted to give him anything I came across didn't measure up. Now it is listed as part of a series (three pieces were created by the artist with one theme). That is my personal favorite but I can honestly say I almost topped it--he collects wine and once told me how this one 90 plus rating was one he hunted for forever and the vintner had an....interesting personal story. Well, I found it--in Switzerland! They had three bottles one red two white. The etching on the bottles are gorgeous, think Vargas Girl painting. The winemaker, creator Savannah Sampson--the NYT did a write up on her wine. Via Email The winery arranged for it to be brought to US via a traveler, I paid for it ,and the shipping to me once the American was back in the States. That holiday I had a cake made to reflect our song and presented the wine. I've gifted him many many unique and personal gifts, as well as the occasional socks and ties.

 

I put thought into any gift I give, for family, friends, or someone who needs some cheering up.

 

As far as me, the first gifts we exchanged were rare books. It was synchronicity that we showed up each bearing old favorite books of our own that we gave to each other. The second gifts he gave me were true treasures, antique perfume bottles. They are exquisite. He likes to forage antique shops and flea markets. I have a hat pin and an antique thimble that is engraved with a scene from long ago. These are extra special to me because he had the perfume btls etc for many many years. I keep them in an antique tin soapbox from him. Other than that, scents and products, clothes and paintings. But not shoes, he tried that but I never went for it.

 

One day he called and said you left something behind and I am going to bring it to you. I didn't know what that could be so when I saw him he told me a story. He cared for an elderly man who could be very cranky. AP enjoyed him though as he had quite an interesting life and was a collector like himself. This man and the W didn't like one another. At all. One day he handed AP an old tissue box with handwritten envelopes each containing letters. They were written during the 1920's to early 1930's and they were love notes. These love notes were written by him and a woman who were deeply in love, the elderly man and a woman when they were young. When he gave the box to Ap he said, one day I hope you find a woman to give these to who you love and who loves you like we did.

 

So he hands me the box and again says you left something behind--then goes on and tells me the story, and I open the first one and her name, the woman who wrote half these love letters to Issac-- her name was my name.

 

So many moments sharing trips, going to places together with friends or sitting on a park bench watching the river for hours and sharing figs. There has been gold and diamonds, rings that are very precious to me...artesian pieces and fun eclectic art pieces or jewelery that I love. Fancy dinners and running to the butcher and eating together and talking forever or just being in the same room and doing our own thing.

 

The greatest gift is the time we spend together.

 

Wow! Now, that's a love story! Brought tears to my eyes, so beautiful and rare. Yes, I'm a hopeless romantic. Thank you for sharing.

 

What ever happened? Are you still together? And yes, time is the greatest gift!

[Vivir]

xMM never once bought or made me a gift. I'm the person who showed "care" by gift giving. I bought things he liked that he could take home with him. the first and only major gift I gave was for Christmas a few months after it all started. I put his favorite snacks in a gift bag - along with a gift card to his favorite store. When I realized we not only weren't exchanging gifts for any occasion, but he went dark on my birthday, I scaled back to nothing for future gift-giving days.

 

He never bought anything for me or us, period - not dinner, not condoms, not even a candy bar. Perhaps, because he was married, this is as it should've been. But he took. and took. and took. I had been the fool who was willing to give - until I wasn't...

 

While this didn't have the impact it should've, it was a factor that helped me to close the door. I wonder how things might've been different had he given me gifts, but that ultimately was not my experience. I was, and will likely remain, a secret. And I decided that wasn't good enough. In buying him anything, in giving him anything, I was doing someone else's duty. So, in essence, I was taking care of me and him, and the resentment grew until it was not only unsustainable, but toxic.

[Daisy2013]

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds painful. Sounds like my MM had a brother and you found him. I hope things are going well in your life now and that you are on to better days!

[Doublegold]

Wow! Now, that's a love story! Brought tears to my eyes, so beautiful and rare. Yes, I'm a hopeless romantic. Thank you for sharing.

 

What ever happened? Are you still together? And yes, time is the greatest gift!

 

Hi Daisy, thank you for your sweet sentiments. Yes we are still together. We met over 8 years ago. There have been highs and lows, both our relationship and happenings in our families etc.

 

He has been there for me and my family during some dark days, and my family and friends love him. And I have been there for him as a supporter and listener when he was at his ropes edge.

 

We love each other.

 

Vivir--I am sorry he was so selfish and uncaring. Reading your post reminded me of a saying;

 

There are givers and takers in the World. The Takers eat better, but the givers sleep better.

 

You are a giver, take care.

[jah526]

I got a used, broken fishing rod. Symbolic? Yeah, maybe.

 

Like Vivir, he wanted me to buy the condoms too, but I refused. Once after he left I found the crumpled receipt on my floor. Sort of struck me because it looked like a planned "accidental" drop.

[freengreen]

I got nothing ... He wrapped around his best behaviour around his birthdays (2 of them) and ' it so happened' that NCs were around mine (2 of them)...

 

I have this habit of gifting my loved ones, I have not expected anything back with anyone ( however, they did give lovely ones back). I never set a count or anything on any of those nor did my lovely people ... it was a pleasure and only pleasure gifting..... until A happened, it doesn't feel a pleasure to gift a person that doesn't give a shoot about you. They don't see the feelings which come with it, they only see the tag. I never expected or asked him to give me anything but what hurt me is that he actually never cared ABOUT ME, caring to gift me is a lesser issue.

 

My EA is done.Glad my pleasure gifting days are back again...

...but with a precious lesson.

[Daisy2013]

I got nothing ... He wrapped around his best behaviour around his birthdays (2 of them) and ' it so happened' that NCs were around mine (2 of them)...

 

I have this habit of gifting my loved ones, I have not expected anything back with anyone ( however, they did give lovely ones back). I never set a count or anything on any of those nor did my lovely people ... it was a pleasure and only pleasure gifting..... until A happened, it doesn't feel a pleasure to gift a person that doesn't give a shoot about you. They don't see the feelings which come with it, they only see the tag. I never expected or asked him to give me anything but what hurt me is that he actually never cared ABOUT ME, caring to gift me is a lesser issue.

 

My EA is done.Glad my pleasure gifting days are back again...

...but with a precious lesson.

 

Thank you for sharing. I hope things are going well for you now that you are out. Being "in" is a special kind of hell.

 

I will say it is interesting how things managed to get messed up when a special day arrives. You said you were in NC around your b'days. My mm many times seemed to act that way on my special occasions. Near a b'day, both daughters' high school graduations, whatever. Remember thinking "this couldn't wait and you had to say/do this now?"

[starswewillnavigate]

I got a few beers and some hummus with vegetables once. Does that count?

 

Here is my take on the gifts based on my life experiences. There are two types of married guys who have affairs - the amateurs and the professionals. The amateurs buy you beers and hummus and if you give them anything (I gave him a candy bar for his bday), they are really uncomfortable with it as they are really just there for the free sex and attention. They don't want to make more of it than it is (which is really nothing). These are the guys who will one day pull back and ghost you. They really are having an affair because of unresolved issues in their lives and their marriages and are generally not comfortable with the whole thing, the last thing they are going to do is be shopping for you because they don't think about you at all. It's like you don't exist outside of the little box they put you in. When it ends they will hate you, blame you, and be terrible to you.

 

The professionals give nice gifts, expensive things, they will wine and dine you. Maybe they take you away, especially if they have money. These guys like to have a girlfriend and a wife. They actually enjoy having both relationships as it fits their life - the wife for the house and kids and the girlfriend for the extras in life. It gets confusing as it feels like a real relationship but it's not. Eventually it ends because the single person (and they tend to pick single women as they do not want to deal with a husband, plus they want to go to the woman's place and like the idea of her sitting, waiting for them - they do not share) wants more and eventually leaves. It's hard to get away from these guys though. They like having you there, you belong to them in a warped way. Finally you break free and the guy gets a new girlfriend. Repeat.

 

Midnight - your posts are always spot on. My xMM was an amateur, ghosted me through guilt or when he got bored. And bounced back when he got bore. Blamed me for "tempting" him. Push/pull mental games. Did I get gift? Only the gift of ED and PE.

 

Currently with a professional (yes, back in OW land), a much different class. Takes me out, wines and dines me. If I was a materialistic person, I would probably be more princess-ish about the whole thing and expect gifts.

[SammySammy]

My health and fitness are very important to me. I have a very strict diet and regimen that I stick to in order to achieve my goals. She would often buy me gifts and they would always seem to include a basket of food that she knew I didn't eat. Snacks and such. I don't know if she was trying to be thoughtful or purposely trying to sabotage my diet.