lilymelrosa Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 (edited) my ex broke up with me almost two months ago after dating for 2+ years. we had a very special connection but, towards the end of our relationship, we started arguing more and things got rough. mainly it was due to my own fault, but i believe i have changed a lot through this rough times. i still love him and want him back, especially because i feel like we would be happy together and he is still not over me. he wanted to stay friends and some days ago, he offered to help me with something i needed and today we met for the first time after breaking up. we were having a really good time, we were getting along, acting like before (obviously without the girlfriend-boyfriend dynamics and manners). but then, to my own surprise, he hugged me and kissed me and we cuddled. only for him to tell me (and i'm quoting) "we shouldn't have done it", he "isn't confused", he "didn't want it to happen", he wants to "be my friend but he doesn't want to date me" and thought , in the moment, that we could just "share a kiss without commitments" but wants me to move on. i just wonder, why did he kiss me then, why was it so intense, why would he initiate that and then blow me off again? i don't know what to think, i don't know if it's a sign that he still likes me or he just wants his physical needs met. please, help me understand this Edited June 1, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 I hate to tell you this, but the one thing a lot of guys miss after a breakup is just the sex. So a lot of guys would keep just having sex with you while dating other women if you would put up with it. So I'm glad he said it was a mistake at least so maybe his ethics will keep him from trying to do that to you when he knows you're not the one. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 I doubt he's celibate so write it off to hormones combating big brain stuff regarding commitment. It was a nice moment, if you feel it was nice, and leave it at that. I dealt a lot with the other side of this, starting to date ladies who had gone through breakups like yours where the ex was still planting seeds and they'd poof without notice or explanation in the moment, with the 'ex and I are back together' (lie or truth I had no idea) later. What I took away from it, and dating, and being married is that things are what they are in the moment and each moment is no guarantee of another moment so dismiss expectations or analysis and just live the moments. In your case date other men if you aren't already. We know the drill that you're still attached to the guy you broke up with, for now. That's how life works. Welcome to LS Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 He just wants sex. My ex mislead me that way - well, I mislead myself... He said he doens't want to date me but was 'dating' me nearly 6 months after our break up (on/off, before then we lived together and were planning to marry...) I thought he's crazy - he was just missing the sex and intimacy in general, and I was a low hanging fruit Don't become one. Close this page so he doesn't confuse you and waste your time. He has made his mind a long time ago/ my ex broke up with me almost two months ago after dating for 2+ years. we had a very special connection but, towards the end of our relationship, we started arguing more and things got rough. mainly it was due to my own fault, but i believe i have changed a lot through this rough times. i still love him and want him back, especially because i feel like we would be happy together and he is still not over me. he wanted to stay friends and some days ago, he offered to help me with something i needed and today we met for the first time after breaking up. we were having a really good time, we were getting along, acting like before (obviously without the girlfriend-boyfriend dynamics and manners). but then, to my own surprise, he hugged me and kissed me and we cuddled. only for him to tell me (and i'm quoting) "we shouldn't have done it", he "isn't confused", he "didn't want it to happen", he wants to "be my friend but he doesn't want to date me" and thought , in the moment, that we could just "share a kiss without commitments" but wants me to move on. i just wonder, why did he kiss me then, why was it so intense, why would he initiate that and then blow me off again? i don't know what to think, i don't know if it's a sign that he still likes me or he just wants his physical needs met. please, help me understand this Link to post Share on other sites
Justyaaveraggurl Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 I'm so sorry you had to experience that. Unfortunately I have to agree with the other posters. He was probably hoping that, though the commitment part of the relationship was over, the physical part can continue. I would focus on self-care. Focus on getting your self back to a healthy stable place without him. That may mean cutting him out of your life until a period where you can see yourself living life without him. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 Some people also find comfort in dragging a breakup along until they're completely ready to let go. Whether physical or emotional, don't let him use you like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilymelrosa Posted June 9, 2017 Author Share Posted June 9, 2017 it's been almost two months since my ex broke up with me after 2+ years together. for some stupid reason, i agreed with being friends with him and he initiated text conversations with me almost every day. i thought staying friends was the way to get him back (stupid, i know). some weeks after the breakup, we even met once, as he offered to help me with something. in that day, we were really getting along like before and HE kissed me, and i thought i was finally getting him back as i still love him so i felt super happy but then he told me he doesn't actually want to date me, it was just a 'thing of the moment'. 6 days ago, we started no-contact, as i need to heal, and as he said he needs to "distance things" (he was the one dumping me, breaking all distances with the kiss, and then he tells me he needs space). i plan to stick to no-contact for more time, even if he contacts me. curiously, in the day we stopped talking, i randomly ran into him in a store and he, who acted all stoic during all this time, looked like a sad puppy and was noticeably worried and feeling somewhat bad for seeing me. im trying to move on with myself but it is so difficult as i thought we had a real connection. i regret not starting no-contact right away after the breakup though. i know i've improved some things already, like exercising more often, eating better, finding a summer job, improving myself in general. but it still hurts. does it ever get better? is it really "out of sight, out of mind" or is it "absense makes the heart grow fonder"? both for the dumpee and for the dumper. Link to post Share on other sites
hercules22 Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 it's been almost two months since my ex broke up with me after 2+ years together. for some stupid reason, i agreed with being friends with him and he initiated text conversations with me almost every day. i thought staying friends was the way to get him back (stupid, i know). some weeks after the breakup, we even met once, as he offered to help me with something. in that day, we were really getting along like before and HE kissed me, and i thought i was finally getting him back as i still love him so i felt super happy but then he told me he doesn't actually want to date me, it was just a 'thing of the moment'. 6 days ago, we started no-contact, as i need to heal, and as he said he needs to "distance things" (he was the one dumping me, breaking all distances with the kiss, and then he tells me he needs space). i plan to stick to no-contact for more time, even if he contacts me. curiously, in the day we stopped talking, i randomly ran into him in a store and he, who acted all stoic during all this time, looked like a sad puppy and was noticeably worried and feeling somewhat bad for seeing me. im trying to move on with myself but it is so difficult as i thought we had a real connection. i regret not starting no-contact right away after the breakup though. i know i've improved some things already, like exercising more often, eating better, finding a summer job, improving myself in general. but it still hurts. does it ever get better? is it really "out of sight, out of mind" or is it "absense makes the heart grow fonder"? both for the dumpee and for the dumper. why did you two breakup in the first place. out of sight out of mind isnt always true especially in your situation in my experience that only works if u never got to connect with the other person or if i didnt get to anything serious as they wouldn't occupy your mind for to long so then that statement can come into play for example. its mostly all about time and no contact for moving on i dont think u done a bad thing u seem to be doing better for yourself and kept yourself busy but you hoped u would get back together which unfortunately didnt happen so your gonna have to let go if your ex has no intention of getting back together Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 lilymelrosa, I am sorry you are going through this and I know how much it hurts. However, the only way for you to heal is through NC. You need to erase all memories of him from your life by getting rid of anything that will remind you of him. That's photos, presents, etc etc. Remember - he is your EX and that was his choice. And , yes, it does get better. Stay strong and keep moving forward. Good luck xx Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 NC is about your behavior. If he contacts you, ignore him. As you already know, seeing him screws with your head, allows kisses to happen & doesn't get him back. You move on by taking one day at a time. Healing is not linear. You will have to go through the stages of grief. Don't wallow but a good cry might be in order. Tears are cathartic. If you haven't done it already get rid of all the stuff he gave you & the trinkets that remind you of him. If you can't throw them out, put everything in a box; tape it shut like Fort Knox so it's a real p.i.t.a. to reopen & store it in the deep recesses of the attic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilymelrosa Posted June 9, 2017 Author Share Posted June 9, 2017 why did you two breakup in the first place. out of sight out of mind isnt always true especially in your situation in my experience that only works if u never got to connect with the other person or if i didnt get to anything serious as they wouldn't occupy your mind for to long so then that statement can come into play for example. its mostly all about time and no contact for moving on i dont think u done a bad thing u seem to be doing better for yourself and kept yourself busy but you hoped u would get back together which unfortunately didnt happen so your gonna have to let go if your ex has no intention of getting back together we broke up due to constant arguments in the last few weeks of being together. we would talk things out and he would tell me it was okay, it got solved when in fact he kept dwelling on things. a lot of the arguments were created by me for stupid reasons, mostly my own insecurity in myself and i totally own that, but i also can assure that i've changed those things in myself and i'm learning to love myself much more Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilymelrosa Posted June 9, 2017 Author Share Posted June 9, 2017 lilymelrosa, I am sorry you are going through this and I know how much it hurts. However, the only way for you to heal is through NC. You need to erase all memories of him from your life by getting rid of anything that will remind you of him. That's photos, presents, etc etc. Remember - he is your EX and that was his choice. And , yes, it does get better. Stay strong and keep moving forward. Good luck xx thank you so much! sometimes it hurts to think about how he actually was the one wanting this when i thought he loved me but it's good to be remembered of that. thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilymelrosa Posted June 9, 2017 Author Share Posted June 9, 2017 NC is about your behavior. If he contacts you, ignore him. As you already know, seeing him screws with your head, allows kisses to happen & doesn't get him back. You move on by taking one day at a time. Healing is not linear. You will have to go through the stages of grief. Don't wallow but a good cry might be in order. Tears are cathartic. If you haven't done it already get rid of all the stuff he gave you & the trinkets that remind you of him. If you can't throw them out, put everything in a box; tape it shut like Fort Knox so it's a real p.i.t.a. to reopen & store it in the deep recesses of the attic. he didn't simply allow kisses to happen. he literally initiated it himself by hugging me and then starting to kiss me. and only then, even after he said he didn't want it to happen, he allowed me to kiss him (did it when we said goodbye because i was so hurt and needed some comfort - i shouldn't have done it though). i've been doing a lot of crying lol. thank you very much for your input! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 He initiated the ill advised kiss & You let it happen. Either way you are vulnerable right now. The only way you can shore up your broke heart is to stay away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilymelrosa Posted June 9, 2017 Author Share Posted June 9, 2017 He initiated the ill advised kiss & You let it happen. Either way you are vulnerable right now. The only way you can shore up your broke heart is to stay away. maybe i allowed it because i thought it meant he wanted to get back together. i don't usually go around kissing people i don't have feelings for and i thought he wouldn't do that to me, knowing damn well i still have feelings for him. guess i mistaked myself yes, i know, thats what i will do, will remain no contact for some time Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilymelrosa Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 My ex broke up with me over 3 months ago after a 2+ year relationship. The breakup turned very weird because for 2 months, he kept chatting with me every single day, initiating conversations and all. He would say he didn't want to date me but, as I still loved him, I thought this would be the way to get back together. One day we even met (he offered to help me with something) and he kissed me. We made out, as I was under the impression that I was finally getting him back, but in the end, he told me he didn't actually want to be with me and it was just a "thing of the moment". He then proceeded in telling me we couldn't even be friends. I was very hurt but respected his wishes, not contacting him again. Earlier this week (around a month after he said that), he texted me, even after telling me he didn't want to be friends with me (he saw my instagram and congratulated me over something that happened and asked me a few things). A few hours later I replied and all i got was nothing, he didn't even reply with a polite "thank you". I thought I was feeling better since we stopped contacting. I was missing him less and less and feeling better with myself. But since he texted me, i really took a few steps back on my progress. I'm back to feeling really sad and empty, missing him and crying every day. I still have a few things of his at my house, so I was wondering if I should return them now, so I don't have any reason to talk to him again and possibly risking my future progress. But I'm scared of texting him in order to do that and I don't know how to act. Can somebody help me? Thank you if you read it all Link to post Share on other sites
mike.c Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Put all that stuff in a box and put the box somewhere out of sight. If he's not asking for it, then he doesn't need it. If he does ask, you'll just give him the box all ready to go. No reason to put yourself in harm's way by texting him and maybe never even getting a reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilymelrosa Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 Put all that stuff in a box and put the box somewhere out of sight. If he's not asking for it, then he doesn't need it. If he does ask, you'll just give him the box all ready to go. No reason to put yourself in harm's way by texting him and maybe never even getting a reply. maybe you're right. It just bothers me to have his stuff here now that we aren't even friends no more. but maybe i'm doing this just to see him Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Sounds like his ego enjoys having you on the string. He will keep you stuck in this limbo as long as you allow it. Go no contact and block him on the phone and all the social media. Get rid of his stuff. If it's valuable, mail it. If not, just discard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilymelrosa Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 Sounds like his ego enjoys having you on the string. He will keep you stuck in this limbo as long as you allow it. Go no contact and block him on the phone and all the social media. Get rid of his stuff. If it's valuable, mail it. If not, just discard. It's too much stuff to mail honestly, I don't wanna spend money on him no more. Sometimes i totally agree with that you said, of him having me on the string, but then i think of how he was not that kind of person when we dated and it makes me feel so confused. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
forumposted Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Ask a friend of yours to contact him and ask if he wants the things, that way you can go NC and move on completely with the freedom of knowing there's no way he'd ever need to contact you. It'll be hard moving on knowing there's a chance you'll have to contact over the stuff at some point, and if you hear from him, knowing it might just be to ask for things and not anything else. Once the stuff is gone, you can move on and do your own thing, knowing that if he does contact then it's for something else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilymelrosa Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 My ex broke up over 3 months ago after 2+ years together. The breakup was weird, he kept talking to me for 2 months, kissed me and said he didn't actually mean it and ended it by saying we couldn't even be friends. I was really hurt but respected his wishes and never contacted him again. On the beginning of this week, after one month of not talking, he texted me and, when i replied, he didn't answer it. With a simple text message, all my progress (feeling better with myself and missing him less and less) went away. I'm back to feeling sad, empty and being an overall mess. I still have his belongings at my place and I thought that maybe I should message him to deliver them now that I feel bad instead of putting at risk my future progress. If i deliver everything now, I won't have any reason to even consider talking to him in the future. But I don't know if that's the right option? I still love him and want him back but I can't handle feeling like this no more It's important to say that I am not considering it sending it by mail because it would cost me too much money and he is not worth of it. My parents offered to take his stuff, but I wanted to see him for the last time. Should I do this? Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Have your parents or a friend go drop off his stuff. Don't see him, unless you don't mind getting hurt more. I gave my ex her stuff back after about a week. No sense using that stuff to hold onto hope. If it's ment to be in the future then so be it. Holding onto stuff isn't the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Zolatola Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 No. You need to get rid of his stuff and not see him again. If your parents are willing to drop his stuff off then let them. Link to post Share on other sites
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