Can anyone explain my ex's behavior

[italian3]

Heads up people, this one is very long and complex.

 

Good day people. Let me give you some background into my situation. Last year she and I met on the weirdest of ways. After saving her life we started knowing each other better and went out on casual dates. I confessed her my love for her and she felt the same way but was indecisive because of past experiences with her ex boyfriend, who was verbally abusive. He cheated on her with her friends,etc. Little by little I got her to lower her guard and let me in her life. After that she confessed to me that I was the only guy she had truly fell in love with. We texted each other or chatted through Facebook when we didn't see each other. I omitted a lot of how we met and how was our daily relationship dynamic cause its very cheesy and I want to get the point across. I met her family, a little brother and her mother. As time went on we grew closer and closer to the point were they all considered me the fourth member of her family. But as we got into the fifth month of our bf/gf relationship, I started arguing with her. The reason wasn't she did anything wrong, I simply felt the sudden anger. It wasn't only her but in college and many other environments, I started lashing out against anyone for no reason. As the days passed I felt more depression and anxiety. Then one day during last December, her , her brother and me went to the movies. That day we had argued during the morning and I felt angry then sad then angry all day but I had told them that I would go, so I wasn't going to break my word. After the movies I started talking nonsense against them when it wasn't there fault. She was heartbroken and both were very sad. I didn't realize what I had done until it was too late. She asked me for space and after a month I saw her again in college and she broke up with me. Her family avoided me and passed me by without ever so much looking at me. During the breakup days we'd argue and she called me among other things a lire.

 

We stayed friends and I tried talking to her but she seemed to be avoiding me also but was less than know. We talked, then we would argue. I got to a point where I felt like something was wrong with me.

 

After about march , I decided to go NC so I could have some time off and as well as to protect her from my anger. During the time that we broke up, she started feeling colder towards me and stopped having the initiative of writing me and her messages got shorter and shorter. It was very weird because she had never being like that even when we were getting to know each other. During that time I went through multiple check ups, I was diagnosed bipolar. It felt like a bucket of cold water on me cause no one I knew was bipolar. When I felt I was ready to talked to her, I tried to reestablish contact with her but she didn't reply to me and I let the days go by. I wrote her a text after a week and a whatsapp message to no avail. She left me on read in whatsapp. Then after a couple of weeks my birthday came around and she wrote to me. Some days passed and and she wrote to me about some money that she owed me and wanted to sent it to me by electronic transfer. The weird thing is that for that, she had the information, cause we had our accounts together. Then she asked me what was my cellphone number, but she knew it cause I hadn't changed it. I wrote her saying thanks for the wishes and didn't write her again. Before I went NC, she was cold but at least she replied on a daily basis. It was during that time, during her birthday in march, that she confessed to me while that they were scared of talking to me or being around me cause they feared that I might hurt them again and she said she didn't know if her trust in me could be regained. If I had only knew that I was bipolar, I would have told her prior to all that happened. She believes I acted like that cause I wanted to, but I swear I can't control it. I'm now on therapy to control this but I'm a long way from controlling it. In a couple of weeks I'm leaving college and my country to start on a new work. Honestly, I still have my feelings untouched for her as we were very close, but I don't want her to suffer by my side. I don't want her or anyone to suffer cause of my actions. I would like to say goodbye to her before I leave forever, but I don't know whats wrong. It seems that going NC made her resent me more. The weird part of the last time we chatted, she was writing like a normal person would but was dodgy I would like to know if some females could shed some light into my situation. Also do you think I should tell her I'm leaving. Also do you think that one day she would understand that what caused our relationship to end was something that I couldn't control?

 

Update 1:

For anyone that can help that might think that she might be seeing someone or being with someone, I did something very blunt on my part, lemme explain. She and I had a very direct way of talking without putting excuses or avoiding questions, so if something bother the other she or I would ask the question without any excuses. My bluntness, I think, was that I asked her if she was seeing anyone, and what I got was the verbal bitch slap of a lifetime, where she basically said and I quote "You're a jackass and a idiot cause you think I would forget you so easily and quickly. I can't believe you asked that." And after that I got nuclear heat, cause she thought I had insinuated she was a whore. This happened 3 months ago, then after getting that verbal bitch slap is when she started acting colder and colder towards me and the messages got shorter and shorter. I thought to my self after countless hours on the internet, hey even though(lets call her for example mary) me and mary where super close, to the point we had a very close relationship and shared many memories and I was presented as her boyfriend to everyone and her family before the incident loved me, she moved on. She's cold to me and seems uninterested in everything to do with me, she moved on, so I'll go nc and heal etc and find a way to control my disorder. Great, so I went not nc but completely disappeared. No social media, no bumping into her, no etc. I seemed to be dead as no one heard from me during that time which lasted for about a month and a half. What happened after NC its written in the previous paragraph.

 

I wish to see how would you react to the way I went NC.

she: How are you? Are you free?

she: remember you had lend me the money? I have it, lets meet up to give it to you.

Me: I can't i'm busy(I don't remember if I said how are you too)

she: oh ok, are you coming to college soon?

 

After I saw that, I simply logged out of facebook and went NC. I'm a noob when talking about this NC thing, but from what i've seen you its something you do for yourself without telling you're ex.

 

 

Summing things up this are formally my questions: (If any women could give their women's point of view into this it would help me a lot but guys you're also welcome to give me you're two cents on the matter)

1) Was it an appropriate way of going NC or could she be pissed for that?

2) Why would she be ignoring me like that? Could she be scared of me or something else?

3) Do women hide their true feelings from their ex's?

4) If it were you're case, why would you act the way she does, could it be she knows she would feel something for me still and thus doesn't want to talk to me cause of the pain and etc or here ego, cause she never admitted when she was wrong?

5) Should I tell her i'm leaving the country or do you believe she wouldn't ( to put it bluntly) give to sh*ts.

6) Should I tried to (if given the correct opportunity) tell her all that the doctors told me about my disorder. Not for pity, but rather to leave everything clear and in good standing between us before leaving. Also to evidence, what I said from the begging, that I had no control of what happened.

7) Could she be feeling regret about our breakup or how she treated me during it and after it?

8) Was the question about someone else inappropriate? And why would she react the way she did.

9) Do you think she misses me? And if so, why would then she not write , thus going silent, to me at least like friends. Like how are you or what have you been up to.

 

This behavior is rather confusing to me cause she would constantly say to me after the breakup how important I was in her life. How it was due to my intervention, as she said, that I got her brother from going down a bad road in life and got hes doing great now, how I got her and her mother to reconcile, watching over her health constantly when she was down on her health and many other things.

 

Its also confusing because each time that my mood changed after our breakup I would ask her if she was scared of me or if she was bored while talking to me or if it wouldn't have been better if we didn't met. She got angry and told me to not ask her that and that I knew the answers, which were no, no , no. She also said after our break up how she liked to talk to me and how much she liked to be around me, but now she is silent to me.

 

I have always assumed she moved on, cause of her way of acting. So no need to tell me to move on, i'm just a dude that would like to get some insight into the female mind so that it may help in the future. So anyone that might know something that could answer my questions will be greatly appreciated.

 

P.s. Before I forget, when I mean we were very close, it got to a point were there were many guys and girls that tried to separate us and the couldn't cause we knew the importance and love we had for each other and we would stay even closer and we never argued cause of a third person in our life. Our arguments were more cause of my eternal depressions and mood changes that I didn't know I was bipolar.

[d0nnivain]

If she is your EX GF & you are NC that means you don't communicate through any medium. It's means you are not friends. It means you don't give one whit about how the other feels about you.

 

 

So what exactly do you want here? Do you want her back? Do you want to be her friend? You can't be her friend. It doesn't work that way between EXs.

 

 

If you want to apologize to her because you hurt her as a result of your illness, tell her that but don't expect it will magically fix things. You also insulted her from her perspective.

 

 

No I don't think she forgot you but I do think she wants you to stay away from her. Give her that. Leave the country as you plan & leave her alone.

[mightycpa]

Let me take a stab at it.

 

She was detaching from you slowly. You sped up the process.

 

1) appropriate

2) ignoring you = her NC; she is not afraid. she is doing what you are doing.

3) during NC, yes. Otherwise, sometimes yes, sometimes they are not hiding, you just can't believe the things she really thinks about you.

4) I would act that way because I am done with you and your crap

5) a) no

b) doesn't matter if she cares or not

6) no, don't make excuses, even if they are the best of reasons

7) maybe. It doesn't matter. She seems committed to the breakup process.

8) a) no, you were friends. Friends can talk about who their friends are dating.

b) because you're not really her friend. you are her ex.

9) she might miss you, but she wants to detach a lot more than she misses you