First Meeting - Other Side Of The World

[rainy_daze]

She's from Belarus, I'm from The US... We've been in contact for about 3 months and I decided we should meet... From a world away, I don't thik it's possible to know if we're in love - a face-to-face meeting feels like it's really the only way to know if we have a future.

 

Because I know she can't afford to pay for her own flight, I offered to fly both of us to Italy for a meeting. I've gotten each of us separate hotel rooms and will basically be paying for the entire trip, planes, hotel, meals, rental car, etc... The day we will meet also happens to be her birthday.

 

I was already thinking of bringing her a small gift to give to her when we met - taking the advice I've heard not to over-do it on gift-giving - but because it's her birthday, I feel like I want to do more. I suppose it could be said that the fact that I'm paying for her vacation in Italy is gift-enough... but I still want to get her something.

 

I don't want to appear as though I'm trying to buy her affection... and I don't want to set a ridiculous standard, giving her the impression that I'm wealthy (which I definitely am not). Should I get her anything at all for her birthday... or is paying for the trip enough? What I WANT to do is to get her something very nice - but given that the whole thing could go off the rails once we've met in person, I'm loathe to spend too much.

 

Any advice on first-meeting-also-birthday gift-giving?

[RecentChange]

Go with thoughtful but not expensive.

 

What are her favorite things? Perhaps something that would be helpful for the trip?

[Chilli]

Just get your women a present for crying out loud, it's only a present.

But anyway , love your plan and l hope you both fall madly in love.

And if your worried about her thinking your rich just tell her how it really is, no biggie.

good luck anyway and let us know later how it went eh .

Edited June 3, 2017 by Chilli

[preraph]

It's already too much. Hope you had being a sugar daddy in mind because I can't imagine what else she could take you for.

[SoleMate]

A small token would be best. Something thoughtful, but not lavish.

[mightycpa]

She's from Belarus, I'm from The US... We've been in contact for about 3 months and I decided we should meet... From a world away, I don't thik it's possible to know if we're in love - a face-to-face meeting feels like it's really the only way to know if we have a future.

 

Because I know she can't afford to pay for her own flight, I offered to fly both of us to Italy for a meeting. I've gotten each of us separate hotel rooms and will basically be paying for the entire trip, planes, hotel, meals, rental car, etc... The day we will meet also happens to be her birthday.

 

You couldn't find a hotel in Belarus?

Any advice on first-meeting-also-birthday gift-giving?

The trip sounds like a pretty good gift for someone you haven't met yet.

[Els]

I don't think you should bring a gift, considering that you are paying for the trip and it's the first time you are meeting in person. It would be too much at this stage. If the two of you are still together next year, by all means give her a nice gift then.

 

I'm curious why you are flying both of you to Italy instead of just you going to her or the other way around. 2 tickets to Italy are a LOT more expensive than just one ticket that goes a bit further. Was Italy decided by her or by you?

 

I know some couples choose a neutral third place to meet at, but in those cases money is usually not a big concern and both parties are paying for their own travel.

[coolheadal]

She's from Belarus, I'm from The US... We've been in contact for about 3 months and I decided we should meet... From a world away, I don't thik it's possible to know if we're in love - a face-to-face meeting feels like it's really the only way to know if we have a future.

 

Because I know she can't afford to pay for her own flight, I offered to fly both of us to Italy for a meeting. I've gotten each of us separate hotel rooms and will basically be paying for the entire trip, planes, hotel, meals, rental car, etc... The day we will meet also happens to be her birthday.

 

I was already thinking of bringing her a small gift to give to her when we met - taking the advice I've heard not to over-do it on gift-giving - but because it's her birthday, I feel like I want to do more. I suppose it could be said that the fact that I'm paying for her vacation in Italy is gift-enough... but I still want to get her something.

 

I don't want to appear as though I'm trying to buy her affection... and I don't want to set a ridiculous standard, giving her the impression that I'm wealthy (which I definitely am not). Should I get her anything at all for her birthday... or is paying for the trip enough? What I WANT to do is to get her something very nice - but given that the whole thing could go off the rails once we've met in person, I'm loathe to spend too much.

 

Any advice on first-meeting-also-birthday gift-giving?

 

My, my where do I start with you. Are you two fully committed to each other. Meaning you love each other 100% She is always there for you, she talks nothing about anything but you. She smiling happy to talk to you. I hope your on Skype so you know what she looks like.

 

I have lot experience with this since I started about 20 years ago looking. Why are you getting two hotel rooms. If you too are into each other get one room. Each suite has king and sofa bed. If you have to go two room option. I would never spend that extra on extra room. Waste of money. Take that money and buy her the gift you want. That gift should be you! You can get her roses or did you not ask her what she likes in flowers.

 

Why did you just fly her to you and then take her out and show her who you are in the real. Why did you go overboard. Not thinking in the box. I hope this experience goes well for you as you might soon find out it might not.

 

One mistake I've made over the years is that key element is does the woman really adore you or is she just after what you have? Is it all about money, your house (size of it). Make sure you really know if she's really into you and not what you think she is into. Did she say she told her parents about you. That would suggest she was really ready to be with you 100%.

 

Also was she raised by two loving parents and were you. Because if she was then you have that perfect girl to go and see. If not then you're not going to be happy with her.

 

So many factors today.. If you already spend all your money on this trip buy her some roses, because you have already shown her you are made of money. This is not the way to do it....

[Els]

Why are you getting two hotel rooms. If you too are into each other get one room.

 

They have never met before - it's fairly common for LD couples meeting for the first time to get separate rooms. Personally if the guy I was meeting insisted on sharing a room on the very first night, I would find that rather disrespectful and would call everything off.

 

I do agree that there's a lot of money that appears to be spent unnecessarily though. Not the room (frankly 1 room vs 2 for a few days is a small expense in the grand scheme of things), but it makes zero sense to me that they must meet in Italy.

[coolheadal]

They have never met before - it's fairly common for LD couples meeting for the first time to get separate rooms. Personally if the guy I was meeting insisted on sharing a room on the very first night, I would find that rather disrespectful and would call everything off.

 

I do agree that there's a lot of money that appears to be spent unnecessarily though. Not the room (frankly 1 room vs 2 for a few days is a small expense in the grand scheme of things), but it makes zero sense to me that they must meet in Italy.

 

I understand that but if he got a suite it comes with it's own master bedroom he can put her in there as he can take the other room mostly the spare bed. Full kitchen an etc. Save a lot of money. I've done that way. But I find that the woman you have spoken to for such a long time will end up in the same bed with you at night. That trip is a waste of money. Who's idea was that? His or hers? If it was hers then we both know what that means.

[Chilli]

How did this turn out , have you two met yet ?

[rainy_daze]

We are meeting at the end of July... I'll post back and report on how things went. Thanks for your attention.

[elaine567]

This is all just too much, especially as you say you are not rich.

After 12 weeks you hardly know the girl and you are going to literally spend thousands of dollars on her...

 

I don't want to appear as though I'm trying to buy her affection... and I don't want to set a ridiculous standard, giving her the impression that I'm wealthy (which I definitely am not).

 

You have already given her the impression you are wealthy by this grand gesture.

[rainy_daze]

This is all just too much, especially as you say you are not rich.

After 12 weeks you hardly know the girl and you are going to literally spend thousands of dollars on her...

You have already given her the impression you are wealthy by this grand gesture.

 

It's not thousands, but definitely hundreds. I suppose I saw it as a necessary expense to pay for her travel if I wanted to meet her. I did it more for myself than for her - but your point is taken. I've decided to make a gift for her instead of buying anything more. Perhaps more meaningful, anyway.

[Chilli]

Oh well, l hope it goes really good for you guys anyway and who knows eh, maybe 20yrs time your sitting on the porch growing old together eh.

Good luck man.

[coolheadal]

It's not thousands, but definitely hundreds. I suppose I saw it as a necessary expense to pay for her travel if I wanted to meet her. I did it more for myself than for her - but your point is taken. I've decided to make a gift for her instead of buying anything more. Perhaps more meaningful, anyway.

 

Just be careful.. I going though this myself but the girl has two jobs and flying herself into where I live. She'll stay at my house. I am not spend money like your doing doesn't make sense to me to do so. Just make sure she really into you. If not then your blown your money already..

[Chilli]

Just be careful.. I going though this myself but the girl has two jobs and flying herself into where I live. She'll stay at my house. I am not spend money like your doing doesn't make sense to me to do so. Just make sure she really into you. If not then your blown your money already..

 

 

But l don't get that because she's taking the gamble then and spending the money.

My could fly mostly for free bar one short flight she had to pay for plus some costs while traveling but then l'd drive 3hours each way to pick her up and run her back so twice, and l'd pay for all our food and spending while she was here too so it all worked out pretty good.

[rainy_daze]

How did this turn out , have you two met yet ?

 

Sorry for the late reply - we met and everything was incredible, beautiful, perfect. Our first few days together, we just enjoyed being together without much physical contact. We were both keeping our expectations in check but affection between us was growing. Without kissing-and-telling, I'll say that our first meeting and our time spent together was beyond my hopes. Leaving each other was difficult, but we have plans to meet again in November. I went there hoping that our written and video relationship would continue in "real life" - but there was really no way to know, until it happened.

[Els]

Sorry for the late reply - we met and everything was incredible, beautiful, perfect. Our first few days together, we just enjoyed being together without much physical contact. We were both keeping our expectations in check but affection between us was growing. Without kissing-and-telling, I'll say that our first meeting and our time spent together was beyond my hopes. Leaving each other was difficult, but we have plans to meet again in November. I went there hoping that our written and video relationship would continue in "real life" - but there was really no way to know, until it happened.

 

Happy to hear that! All the best to you two.

[d0nnivain]

Glad it worked out. Do be cautious though.

 

 

Although it's very early, what are your preliminary plans to close the distance?

[rainy_daze]

How did this turn out , have you two met yet ?

 

Glad it worked out. Do be cautious though.

 

 

Although it's very early, what are your preliminary plans to close the distance?

 

We continue to chat every day since our meeting, and Skype on video a few times a week. We're trying to pace our expectations, but there has been discussion about "if all continues to go well", perhaps we might eventually marry and she would come to the US to live.

 

We've only talked about this "best case scenario" so that we both felt that there were no insurmountable roadblocks in our respective expectations. We're taking our time, but we're also pretty anxious to advance the relationship, given how well things seem to be going.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Sounds really nice!

 

Maybe you should write more about the meeting when you can? I've done a LDR in the past (like really long time ago) and although it didn't work out it was one of the best times of my life.

 

I remember him coming to see me from Germany. I was waiting in this street with a few girlfriends of mine (I was just 15, 29 now) and I had told him I'd wear the same shirt I wore in a picture I sent him (hey, no smartphones back then) and I remember seeing this car approach and I could see him inside it, and my eyes fell on his and I knew it was him and my stomach went all in knots, it was a feeling of fight or flight. I wanted to run but my legs failed me.

 

LDR seem illogical to most people who haven't tried it and they're so confused why you'd ever attempt one, but they don't know the extreme HIGH you do get when you meet them that makes it so worth it. Not something I would feel on a tinder coffee date.

Edited September 9, 2017 by Caramelpopcorn

[rainy_daze]

Sounds really nice!

 

Maybe you should write more about the meeting when you can? I've done a LDR in the past (like really long time ago) and although it didn't work out it was one of the best times of my life.

 

I remember him coming to see me from Germany. I was waiting in this street with a few girlfriends of mine (I was just 15, 29 now) and I had told him I'd wear the same shirt I wore in a picture I sent him (hey, no smartphones back then) and I remember seeing this car approach and I could see him inside it, and my eyes fell on his and I knew it was him and my stomach went all in knots, it was a feeling of fight or flight. I wanted to run but my legs failed me.

 

LDR seem illogical to most people who haven't tried it and they're so confused why you'd ever attempt one, but they don't know the extreme HIGH you do get when you meet them that makes it so worth it. Not something I would feel on a tinder coffee date.

 

I arrived for our meeting the day before she did. I wanted to make sure everything was prepared with our separate hotel rooms and that I knew how to get to the airport and back without getting lost - I drove the route 3 times

 

I left the hotel an hour before her plane was to land... and waited in the terminal with a simple bunch of flowers in my hand. One by one, faces emerged from the security area. A tall man, a short woman, a family with three kids, over and over, new faces, but not my face... not the one I was waiting for. And then, she walked around the corner... and the world tilted on its axis. It was really her. Simply dressed, she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. She walked to me, smiling and straight into my arms. I handed her the flowers and took her rolling suitcase and we walked, wordlessly, out into the afternoon sunshine.

 

That evening, we sat across from each other and ate pizza at an outdoor pizzaria... loud music making it hard to hear each other speak. After dinner, we found a gelato shop and bought two monstrously-large cones and ate them as we walked to the waterfront in Olbia to watch the sun set. The streets were crowded and I placed my hand on her lower back to guide her through the crowds. She admitted to me later that she had found that gesture very exciting and that it made her feel protected - imagine, feeling protected by someone you saw for the first time only hours before.

 

This was the theme of our week together - this idea of sharing a deep familiarity with a person we had only just met. Our experience speaks, I think, to the idea that people CAN develop real and meaningful closeness through the words they've shared, through the photos and video chats, through the sharing of their stories of the past and their dreams of the future.

 

Our first two days, I was more than elated just to be in her company and I had no idea in my mind of how we might first kiss or anything that may follow... but in the end, our first contact - and contact that followed - was like gravity pulling an object to earth. Effortless... perfect in how unplanned and spontaneous it was when it came.

 

What was incredibly meaningful was the fact that we both felt like we really knew this "stranger" in front of us. Through the tens-of-thousands of words we had shared, we had already built a bridge that we were now crossing from opposite sides to meet half-way. Before anything, we had become friends... from friendship, admiration and attraction grew. By the time our week ended, we both knew that we were at the beginning of something deeply important. Of course, there were nervous, uncomfortable moments... but there were so many other moments, where for some stupid reason, we laughed together like kids, or when we cuddled quietly together for hours, watching a movie in a language neither of us could understand.

 

We left that place full of cautious optimism, texting each other mercilessly as we each took to the sky to fly back to our respective homes. And then, upon arriving home, the real planning began.

 

As things stand today, my countdown app tells me that I will see her again in 70 days. This time, I go to her country where she will introduce me to her family and we will spend a week in her world. To me, this kind of "craziness" is entirely representative of the kind of love I have sought in my life. I want a love you will do anything to get and keep. I want a heroic story that we can look back on - no matter what the future holds. This is my one and only life. I didn't come here to live it half-way.

Edited September 9, 2017 by rainy_daze

[central]

Bridging time and space to meet a potential love interest is an amazing experience, and I'm happy to hear yours went well. I had a similar experience years ago, that was also wonderful. She stayed with me for a week while also visiting friends in the US, and then I visited her in her country (8000 miles) for several weeks. Although it did not work out for us, she is a treasured memory.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Oh I just squealed. I don't know what it is, maybe the fairytale vibe it's got, but mine is also a treasured memory too. I still remember so much details and how he looked, what he wore, how I felt. We never even kissed. I was so young.

 

Not to sound too inappropriate but at least tell us about the first kiss! Was it easy to sleep at night together? Did it feel strange waking up with a stranger and being "a couple" even though you're strangers?