Why do I miss her?

[Lemm]

We split up at the end of January. Well, we actually split up a week before Christmas but we reconsiled like couples do.

 

However, in January it really bombed badly. She has basically not been working (after she impulsively quit) since April of last year, and with her two teens living with us, things just got too much to deal with. On top of that she developed a nasty drinking habit, blaming it on the stresses we were facing. Problem was, that with the drinking, came a real aggressive side to her I could not deal with. Then, there was the sober abusive behaviour as well....

 

Anyway, things were bad. And we split. Well, I left.

 

Setting up a new life after 3 years wasn't easy. Cos of her lack of employment and me trying to pull us through, I am badly in debt. Yes, life lessons... But, I'm slowly getting on my feet again.

 

Now, why do I miss her so much? The three years we were together brought with it massive struggles we faced, and for a lot of the time things weren't too rosy, and the last 3 odd months together was pure hell.

 

Again, why do I miss her so much?

We still talk. We tried no contact... No luck... And it's evident we both miss each other dearly, and in all honesty, I've never really loved someone as much as her, despite the issues.

 

I recently met someone else. But, after two weeks of hanging out, I called it off. I just didn't feel the way I felt with her. Yes, we had serious issues to deal with, but I loved her immensely.

 

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

Edited June 3, 2017 by Lemm

[ItIsNotMe]

sort of Stockholm syndrome - loving the person who has hurt you the most. Stockholm syndrome consists of "strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other."

[Gr8fuln2020]

We split up at the end of January. Well, we actually split up a week before Christmas but we reconsiled like couples do.

 

However, in January it really bombed badly. She has basically not been working (after she impulsively quit) since April of last year, and with her two teens living with us, things just got too much to deal with. On top of that she developed a nasty drinking habit, blaming it on the stresses we were facing. Problem was, that with the drinking, came a real aggressive side to her I could not deal with. Then, there was the sober abusive behaviour as well....

 

Anyway, things were bad. And we split. Well, I left.

 

Setting up a new life after 3 years wasn't easy. Cos of her lack of employment and me trying to pull us through, I am badly in debt. Yes, life lessons... But, I'm slowly getting on my feet again.

 

Now, why do I miss her so much? The three years we were together brought with it massive struggles we faced, and for a lot of the time things weren't too rosy, and the last 3 odd months together was pure hell.

 

Again, why do I miss her so much?

We still talk. We tried no contact... No luck... And it's evident we both miss each other dearly, and in all honesty, I've never really loved someone as much as her, despite the issues.

 

I recently met someone else. But, after two weeks of hanging out, I called it off. I just didn't feel the way I felt with her. Yes, we had serious issues to deal with, but I loved her immensely.

 

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

 

Sorry. I have never been in such a situation, but have friends that WERE. You have a strong emotional tie to her, better or for worse. It is b/c you both put so much energy, passion (positive and negative) into the relationship that you have become accustomed to such. You have a relatively lengthy history and shared dreams, some happiness. Also, b/c you haven't found that person, that healthier person, to take her place or replace her.

 

Some of my friends got over their exes by remembering why they broke it off. The reasons why they broke it off were the most important aspects of the relationship to confront and it helped them MOVE FORWARD.

 

You maintain communication and you say that you miss one another. WHY? Have you two vocalized why? You have huge debt. Is she helping you pay it off or is she leaving you to take care of that? Frankly, if I had an ex that left me that kind of situation, that would be enough to END it all outright.

 

Anyway, not certain why other girls haven't worked out, but you need some time to mend and not necessarily by continuous contacting your ex. There is no mending or moving forward if you continue that.

 

Please not that I did not once mention love. To be honest, I don't know if you love her, her you or if you two are co-dependent.

[Marc878]

You want to stay in limbo? Keep in contact.

 

Worse thing you can do. It's your life though. Waste it if you want.