Migration and related issues (Updated)

[Alice3]

Well, I'm 21 years old and it's been about 10 months that I moved to the US. I've been through lots of problems since I moved. I was alone and stressed out and my ex-boyfriend was not as supportive as he used to be. Adding long distance and time difference, I was really unhappy in first 4-5 months. Then my ex came to the US and we visited for like 20 days and I realized that I don't like him as much as I used to. So I told him and we broke up. After few days, I met an American guy and we dated for like 2 months and it didn't work. Then I decided to stop seeking a relationship until I feel happy as a single. After 3 months, my life is much more organized and I enjoy being alone. I'm living in a small college town and I don't like it at all so I have decided to apply to graduate school and will probably move in about 1 year.

I'm an introverted person and I've been always quiet and for me, it takes time to make friends. When I was in my home country, this was not an issue for me and I used to like myself the way I am. And I never felt that I have self confidence issues. But I really feel bad in the US. I think the main problem is the language. I hate it when I can't speak properly and it makes me much more quiet and then I feel stupid. I know it is normal not to speak perfectly but I can't overcome these bad feelings. I've tried to hang out with Americans. Once, I was in a party for 4 hours and I spoke like 3 words. I know that I should force myself to keep hanging out with native English people and improve my English but it just takes too much energy and I have lots of stuff to do. I can feel good being alone and concentrating on my studies for now but there are two main issues. First, I think I need to get out of my comfort zone and improve my English and second I miss being in a relationship sometimes. I mean, I'm busy and ok all day but some nights that I'm tired and alone, I really feel like I want to hug, kiss and have sex with someone that I love. It's not a constant feeling but it still makes me feel sad..

I think it would be worth mentioning that I'm a phd student in physics and there are just few girls in our department and lots of boys seeking a girlfriend and I am beautiful and smart according to the other people. So I guess I have a great chance to find someone to date and start a relationship if i just start spending time with people. But I have two concerns. One, I'm planning to leave and I would like to go slow and get to know the person well before we start a relationship and I think I don't have enough time for that. And if I find a right person and everything goes well, I will still probably leave and that would be difficult. Two, I don't know if it's worth my time and energy.

So what do you think? What do you suggest? What would you do in a same situation?

[CptInsano]

Okay, a bit to my own background, just so that you get an idea of how I may or may not relate. I also studied physics but stopped at an MSc and moved to the US after that. Though I worked for US colleges abroad before that. I was 25 when I emigrated. I'm also more of an extrovert than introvert.

 

The first thing that strikes me is your age, meaning that you are in a PhD program at 21. This sounds fairly advanced where most US students are in undergraduate studies. Your mindset is most likely very different from those around you, maybe with the exception of the PhD program you're in.

 

Your written English seems just fine, so what exactly are you having a problem with? Is it your accent, or is it that you were used to expressing your thoughts, especially in a professional sense, in your native language and that translation makes it appear clumsy? Or are the colloquialisms escape you, and you feel that the locals are speaking in a code? (Trust me, it took my a while to pick up on all the sports metaphors.) I used to have the same problem in my line of work, but it truly boils down to practice. You might have to consider learning colloquial English as part of your studies, as you will need it in so many ways to be successful.

 

As far as the conversational English goes, nobody really cares. You are who you are, and even if you identify as American you are likely to retain a certain accent at a minimum. I know it's so much easier said than done but please allow yourself to make mistakes. They are not really mistakes but opportunities to learn.

 

You are only 21, and I think you are overthinking love and relationships a little bit. You don't know where you will be in a few years. I would focus on the here and now. Don't limit yourself to fellow physics students, either. I know that it helped me broaden my horizons quite a bit by giving the humanities a try, at least when it comes to relationships.

[Alice3]

Okay, a bit to my own background, just so that you get an idea of how I may or may not relate. I also studied physics but stopped at an MSc and moved to the US after that. Though I worked for US colleges abroad before that. I was 25 when I emigrated. I'm also more of an extrovert than introvert.

 

The first thing that strikes me is your age, meaning that you are in a PhD program at 21. This sounds fairly advanced where most US students are in undergraduate studies. Your mindset is most likely very different from those around you, maybe with the exception of the PhD program you're in.

 

Your written English seems just fine, so what exactly are you having a problem with? Is it your accent, or is it that you were used to expressing your thoughts, especially in a professional sense, in your native language and that translation makes it appear clumsy? Or are the colloquialisms escape you, and you feel that the locals are speaking in a code? (Trust me, it took my a while to pick up on all the sports metaphors.) I used to have the same problem in my line of work, but it truly boils down to practice. You might have to consider learning colloquial English as part of your studies, as you will need it in so many ways to be successful.

 

As far as the conversational English goes, nobody really cares. You are who you are, and even if you identify as American you are likely to retain a certain accent at a minimum. I know it's so much easier said than done but please allow yourself to make mistakes. They are not really mistakes but opportunities to learn.

 

You are only 21, and I think you are overthinking love and relationships a little bit. You don't know where you will be in a few years. I would focus on the here and now. Don't limit yourself to fellow physics students, either. I know that it helped me broaden my horizons quite a bit by giving the humanities a try, at least when it comes to relationships.

 

Thank you so much!

 

The problem is that I cannot make sentences quickly and it makes me talks slowly and also I make lots of mistakes.

 

Yes, you are right! I need to focus on the here and now.