anw Posted May 8, 2001 Share Posted May 8, 2001 My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years...about 3 years ago we were out to dinner for the first time in a few months. He had 2 jobs and besides sleeping and eating at home, we had maybe 5 hours a week together to talk. Anyway, a pretty woman caught his eye...I tried to ignore it but after we returned home it blew up into a fight. After a few days we talked about it and I explained to him that he has 14 hours a day away from home to ogle...I would appreciate that the when we are together so few hours a week, I would expect his full attention. He agreed that it made sense. But since that talk...it has become so obvious to me that he has taken that knowledge and now uses it against me to deliberately hurt me when we are out together. He tries to make the situation look completely innocent. No, I am not imagining things...I have studied his behavior to MAKE SURE that I am right! I have tried to pretend like I don't notice because it is the reaction that he wants...Psch 101 says to not give the reaction and it will stop. That is difficult to do when he just tries even harder...This Sunday is our 10th anniversary and we were going to go to dinner. I have decided to cook at home as I am afraid it is a set-up, He knows that the worst most hurtful time he could do this would be this very day! What does this say about how he feels about me? What does this say about me for staying in this hurtful relationship besides I'm in love?Please help.Angie Link to post Share on other sites
ReallyConfused Posted May 8, 2001 Share Posted May 8, 2001 Hi Angie, If you see my post below yours you'll see I'm also in a troubled marriage. I can tell you that I have actually done what your husband has done. Maybe deep down inside I was hoping to cause a fight so she would leave me. My "logic" was; if she got angry and left because of an "innocent" comment I made or look I gave to a beautiful girl, the breakup would not be entirely my fault. I know that may sound a bit strange, but I think it's a way to divert the blame (at least in my mind). It gives me the ability to argue "it was only an INNOCENT comment" - then SHE is the one overreacting. It's also my way of trying to hint to her that things are not going well. I guess I'm trying to get her to ask the same questions you are asking right now "What does this say about how he feels about me?" I know this makes me sound like a real jerk, but hopefully it will give you some insight. However, please remember I am a totally different person in a totally different relationship/situation. Therefore do not take this as the absolute truth - it is only my perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 8, 2001 Share Posted May 8, 2001 If your main problem here is your husband taking a glimpse at other women here and there while he's with you, I don't see this as grounds for divorce. While it is rather rude, I will tell you that many men just appreciate a good looking female and, to tell you the truth, I find them very hard to avoid looking at myself. You ought to join him in looking and the two of you together could critique each one of them. It could be a family event. Unless you have an extremely low self image, you should not take his musings as a sign he is not attracted to you. Just because you get married doesn't mean your husband becomes blind. From a visual standpoint, a beautiful woman is no different than a pretty car, a nice house, or a sculpture. The only difference is that the woman is a possible threat to you if you see it that way. Again, it is rude. If it's something that just drives you nuts, then you'll have to do something about it. But I think the better route to take is to stare at them yourself...and stare at men too. Who knows, you might enjoy looking at some of those hunks in the mall and your husband won't be able to say a thing. There are many women who post here who have problems with their husbands' adddictions to pornography, naked pictures of women on the Internet, girly magazines, porn videos, etc. Relative to all these things, my opinion is your husband is pre-kindergarten from a visual standpoint. Link to post Share on other sites
ReallyConfused Posted May 8, 2001 Share Posted May 8, 2001 Excuse me? I think you replied to the wrong message. Link to post Share on other sites
ReallyConfused Posted May 8, 2001 Share Posted May 8, 2001 Nevermind - I am an idiot - the message board reads down & I didn't realized I had moved to a different subject. I apologize. Link to post Share on other sites
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