Will she get back to me? Has she really moved on?

[Rivermind]

My girlfriend and I broke up a month ago after a two year long mostly fantastic relationship. I mean it was fairytale beautiful in a way I've never experienced before.

And she said that she knew she love me and that I was the right one for her but she just could be in a relationship at the moment because it gave her too much pressure. She didn't officially break up, it was more of the "I need a break" basis. This was the second time around, the first time I talked her out of it with little effort, but I thought that this time it might actually be a good idea to get some space between us to figure things out on our own.

 

We had a tough few months prior to the breakup. I was in a deep depression and she had a huge amount of work to do for school. Being the caring person she is she just felt that it was too much to worry about me and everything else, which resulted in her blocking her feelings for me (I am pretty sure that's what happen).

 

After the breakup I tried hard to keep the no contact-rule despite her contacting me a few times (boy did it hurt not to respond). A couple of weeks later I couldn't stand it anymore and contacted her asking if she could bring a few of my stuff over and we could have a talk. Well she did bring my stuff over but she said she didn't have to time to talk and that we would do it soon.

 

I tried to get her to book another time for a talk but she never responded. The last time I tried it I got a very cold and hard response. "I don't think it's appropriate to talk. I want to move on. And so should you. We will go separate ways from here on."

It felt as if someone had ripped out all the organs of my body. I have never seen her write so coldhearted to me. She is the most loving, caring and sweet person. I would have thought that at least she would have had the decency to meet up with me and give it to me gently.

I asked "Why don't you want to talk?" to which she responded "Just because. I don't have any feelings for you anymore. Please leave me alone!"

I tried several desperate times to get her to speak to me because I had no clue what made her change her mind so quickly. Two weeks before she had said that I was the love of her life and now this? I was devastated and torn to pieces.

 

A couple of days later I found out by snooping her social media that she had entered a relationship with another guy shortly after our breakup. It was obvious to me that this was something she jumped into because she couldn't bare being alone. Also, the guy is very good looking with a good body so she is most likely looking to have a lot of sex with him. Something I do actually understand since she has only been with me and one other guy and she has often talked about experiencing other people sexually but didn't want to do that when we were together.

Seems that she now jumped at the first good looking guy that gave her some attention. She didn't know how to break it to me so she just responded coldly to my messages. This I get, and I'm totally fine with it. I don't have any desires to have sex with anyone besides her (unless she's with me in a threesome or something), but if she wants to this would be the time to do it. And I'm not feeling threatened by the guy since he's not someone what would connect with her on a deeper level.

 

But the moving on part I am bothered about. Well worried is a mild term. I can't sleep at night because the thought of her not being in my life is eating me up from the inside. And I did make the mistake to contact her about it in desperation a few times making a fool out of myself which certainly didn't improve my chances.

She has since then gone into great lengths to show that she has moved on. She has deleted all pictures of me on social media (although it took a week for her to get to it), and she has asked to get all her belongings back, she has blocked me on social media etc.

 

She is quite a lot younger than me and I get that she sometimes feel that she missed out on her playtime and is trying to catch up now. Personally I'm done with all that. She's the only girl I care for and I although I can find others attractive, even better looking with more impressive traits, they can never compete with "my" girl because she owns my heart, speaks my language.

We have a deep connection to each other that I have never felt with anyone before, and I've had quite a few great relationships. She has only had one relationship before me so even though she feels the same connection she is not sure of how rare it is to find. I'm thinking that she might be looking to find that out on her own.

 

Somehow I don't think that she has really moved on yet. How could she knowing the connection we share and the beautiful relationship we've had? Especially since the guy she hooked up with now is more or less just a piece of meat and not exactly marriage material for her.

But then I have doubts. So, what if she has moved on? What if all she'll be looking for for the next few years is shallow sexual relationships. And the thoughts keep spinning in my head, eating me up from the inside.

 

Since I am not able to speak with her, I have not been able to explain that i understand her desire to play around and that I accept it (although it hurts), but that I want her back in my arms again when she's done with it because my commitment is for life.

Perhaps she thinks that I will never want her back because of what she did?

Perhaps she doesn't even care if she gets me back? Perhaps I'm the only one left thinking we had a once-in-a-lifetime relationship.

 

I can't wrap my head around what is going on really. It feels unreal to me.

Any thoughts?

Edited June 3, 2017 by Rivermind

[preraph]

If she was that much younger, then she has some catching up to do and you know how younger people tend not to stay in long-term relationships forever. She seems pretty sure it's over. She's giving you no encouragement. My guess is she lost that magical feeling at some point. It doesn't last forever for many people.

 

It wouldn't really be proper for her to discuss her dating life with you and you should get off her social media and stop torturing yourself and move on. If you can love one woman that way, you can love another. That love comes from within you and you take it with you when you go -- but first you have to go!

[Hurtingguy]

Man I'm sorry you're going through this..I know the pain you're feeling brother I feel the same way about my ex going through all the same feelings and emotions you are...it's been about 3 weeks since my girl left me...let me assure you I feel a lot better then I did 3 weeks ago..the pain is still there all I wanna do is talk to her and be with her but I cznt and neither can you...Shen most likely is going to someone else to experience what it would be like to be with someone else..she says all these negative things right now cause she's confused u have to let her be let her realize on her own that nobody else is gonna make her happy I know it's tough..the more u try the further your gonna push her away she needs to have fun and be happy...she didn't just stop loving you trust me hearts don't work that way she still thinks about u and remembers all the memories she's hurting to and this is her Way of trying to make herself feel better...u don't have to let her go buy give her space sty far away from her social media cause ir will eat you up...go out with your friends stay with family a few nights it helps try and keep yourself busy and when u wanna text her or call her don't. Not yet...what helps me is I write everything I wanna to say to her down on paper everything I'm thinking feeling....u can't make her come back u can't make her talk to you only time will tell what will happen...if you love her that much do this for yourself you need to heal brother be confident again let her know your the strong man she fell in love with but until that day comes she's not gonna want u trust me...we will get through this and we can do it together if u wanna talk PM me and I'll be there with you to get through this tough time good luck brother I wish u the best

[Rivermind]

My guess is she lost that magical feeling at some point. It doesn't last forever for many people.

 

Certainly, she doesn't feel that kind of attraction to me anymore, and I certainly see why considering the shape I've been in during the depression. There was not much left of me then although I gave everything I had to show her how much she meant to me. That alone wasn't enough however.

But those feelings can come back. I know that from experience. And like she said when she broke up "we are perfect for each other". And we really are, we have enough in common to have fun together for a life-time and enough differences to keep things interesting. And we share pretty much the same dreams of the future.

 

It wouldn't really be proper for her to discuss her dating life with you and you should get off her social media and stop torturing yourself and move on.

 

No no, I'm not stalking her on social media, I know better than that. The pain of not being with her is more than I can bear already.

I only started digging there because I was desperate for an answer to why she suddenly was acting so cold and harsh.

Of course I don't want to discuss her dating life with her. But since she left me hanging in uncertainty over if she really wanted to break up, and ended with the words "If there's anything I can do for you, anything, don't hesitate to ask. I will always love you." it would have been nice of her to agree to meet up with me and discuss our feelings and if we should break it off for certain or not. Instead she texted me a cold hard punch in the guts with no explanation as to what had happened. Not very respectful and it certainly doesn't make it easier for me to move on.

 

Thing is. If she had truly moved on then what harm would it be in meeting me once to talk things over?

And when she came to drop off my stuff, she handed me my guitar case and I reached out to grab the handle and our hands touched. We looked up and our eyes met. There was certainly electricity in the air. I could see that she wanted to run up to me and give me a hug, so did I. But we restrained ourselves and agreed to meet up another day to talk.

 

I think that experience scared her. Because by that time she had just hooked up with that other guy and I think that seeing me again could possibly mess things up a lot for her.

That's my guess why she was acting so cold all of a sudden. It's a defense mechanism.

I asked her "If you truly have moved on and don't have any feelings for me, then what harm would it do you to agree to talk for an hour? I just want to sort things out in order to be able to move on myself." I got no response.

 

I have never seen someone so desperate to try to move on before. All this, blocking, deleting, acting cold, jumping at the first guy she meets.

To me that says that she tries to move on, wants to move on, but certainly has not moved on yet. Could I be wrong?

[d0nnivain]

Stop trying to read her mind. You have to accept the facts in front of you: You two broke up. She said she lost feelings for you. She is now in a new relationship.

 

 

She's not coming back so stop wishing for that. You have to let go of that hope because it's keeping you from healing & moving on.

 

 

Here's the thing about break-ups, reconciliations & NC. There is sometimes a small short, sweet spot after the words I want to break up are said when you can get back together. It involves talking. When you go NC, that silence further solidifies the break up. NC is about helping you heal & keep your dignity, rather than chasing after a person who is running away from you. When she was reaching out that was your window. You squandered it. You were cold to her then & it led her to conclude that you were done. By the time you changed your mind she had moved on. I suspect that it was in the wings while she was ending things with you so don't think you drove her to him.

 

 

You also can't conclude that he's a rebound. I was usually emotionally "done" with a LTR before I officially pulled the trigger & ended things. I never dumped somebody when my feelings were ambivalent so I had a short looking recovery time before starting up the next relationship. If your EX is like me, this guy is not a rebound. He's simply her next relationship.

 

 

All this fairy tale business is drivel. No relationship is perfect & your inability to see the flaws & cracks in yours didn't help. If you didn't see the problems you couldn't fix them. Going forward keep your head in reality & stop projecting perfection. Good relationships are work.

[Rivermind]

Stop trying to read her mind. You have to accept the facts in front of you: You two broke up. She said she lost feelings for you. She is now in a new relationship.

 

 

She's not coming back so stop wishing for that. You have to let go of that hope because it's keeping you from healing & moving on.

 

Thank you for the bitter cup! I need to hear that too, no doubt.

But I've had it happen to me twice that a girl broke up with me, hooked up with another guy and then came back with regrets. So it's not that it never happens.

And if there's a slight chance of getting this girl back despite my huge mistakes (like not responding as you mentioned), I will not give up without a "fight".

I know I would regret not trying for the rest of my life.

 

I will of course try not to obsess over it. She certainly won't take back a guy who is an emotional wreck that spent the last few months planning how to get her back. I will need to shape up even more.

In fact, that was the reason I waited too long before contacting her again. I wanted to be able to prove that I was doing better. I put all my efforts into getting my life back together so that she would be able to notice the differences and feel more secure going back into the relationship.

Never did I think that she would move on so quickly. Especially not since she said that she didn't want to be in a relationship for a while.

 

All this fairy tale business is drivel. No relationship is perfect & your inability to see the flaws & cracks in yours didn't help.

 

I am not unable to see the bad stuff. As I said, that last few months was pretty tough for both of us.

But it was the most beautiful relationship I have been in no doubt. I've never felt such a deep connection to a person.

[d0nnivain]

There is no longer anything to "fight" for. She has a new BF. Anything you do will be dangerously close to crossing lines about stalking &/or harassment.

[springy]

Thing is. If she had truly moved on then what harm would it be in meeting me once to talk things over?

 

The meaning of moving on is leaving it all behind. Not talking about any of it anymore. So it's not so much that there is 'harm' in meeting up, but rather, no desire to do so. Besides, she's seeing someone else now. Seems like an unreasonable request to me at this point.

 

From experience I can tell you that there is no desire on the part of the person who has moved on to meet up to talk about a relationship that (in their eyes) is over. I did this one time many years ago because I realized the guy was really hurting and thought it might be helpful to once again talk about the relationship. The conversation was a lot of him trying to talk me out of it, tell me about the good times, tears, begging. Him projecting feelings and whatnot onto me that I was not experiencing..."I know you still feel xxx, I know you feel this connection..." Then he took a day or two to analyze the convo and kept calling me to clarify this and that. I never said anything confusing - nothing that would give false hope. The whole thing was a mess and certainly didn't do him any good. In fact, I believe he was worse off for it for a time. I felt awful for having added to his pain, although unintentionally. Never again.

 

So my thoughts are when someone tells you it's over, believe that they mean it and get busy moving on. State your case in that moment, or as soon as you can and if they aren't feeling it, leave them be. And no, I'm not saying it's easy. It's a frame of mind and you have to fight your thoughts in order to move forward. In reading your story I think she knows you want her back - that being the case she will contact you if she ever changes her mind.

Edited June 5, 2017 by springy

[Blanco]

Do not preoccupy yourself with false beliefs that her current boyfriend is a blip on the radar. I've done that in the past and then saw those relationships last for years. Don't put your life on hold assuming that any day now, she will "wake up," discard him, and come running back to you.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, your pain is leading you to project your feelings onto her. But she evidently doesn't feel the same way you did, or she wouldn't be with someone else now. That beautiful deep connection you feel...well, that is how you feel. Not her.

 

She is done, yes. You say you've had girls come back before - so where are those girls now? It didn't work out the second time around either, did it? I point this out because the vast majority of "reconciliations" of that nature don't last. You're living proof of that. So even if she had a total change of heart and came back, chances are high that she would leave again because she's just not invested the way you are.

 

What you're not getting is that she doesn't owe you anything now. Harsh, but true. There is zero reason for her to meet you in person, and if she's respecting her new boyfriend, then of course she won't be meeting an ex (you) She knows you're still in love with her, and she's refusing to meet you for two reasons: 1) it's completely disrespectful of her new relationship, and 2) it will give you false hope.

 

You need to let her go. She's tried repeatedly to tell you that. Listen to her and believe her when she says she wants you to leave her alone.

[Rivermind]

She is done, yes. You say you've had girls come back before - so where are those girls now? It didn't work out the second time around either, did it? I point this out because the vast majority of "reconciliations" of that nature don't last.

 

Well to be honest I rejected both of them because lack of trust. One has moved on but the other one still hasn't gotten over me last I heard.

 

You need to let her go. She's tried repeatedly to tell you that. Listen to her and believe her when she says she wants you to leave her alone.

 

Yep, you are right. I need to let her go. If it happens to be a rebound I'll find out eventually but I'm not going to wait around for it.

[Rivermind]

Do not preoccupy yourself with false beliefs that her current boyfriend is a blip on the radar. I've done that in the past and then saw those relationships last for years. Don't put your life on hold assuming that any day now, she will "wake up," discard him, and come running back to you.

 

You are right. I might be totally wrong about it.

[Rivermind]

After much pondering I've realized that one of the reasons I've not been able to let go of all this is that I feel that I never got closure since she didn't want to talk things through.

So I've decided to write her a letter to show my gratitude for the wonderful times we have had and to say goodbye. I think that will make it easier to move on.

Who knows what might happen down the road. But I won't sit around waiting for her to come back. And to be honest I feel that she needs to mature a bit for me to take her back. Not once during our relationship has our age difference been an issue, but her way of handling this breakup shows that she has a lot to learn before she is ready to commit to a serious relationship. So perhaps it's for the best after all.

 

I still love her deeply and can't see my life with someone else. But you are right, I need to move on.

Edited June 7, 2017 by Rivermind

[desertsession]

Please do not write the letter.

 

You have already made your position clear to her, and well-worded letter isn't going to clarify anything for her.

 

The most hope you ever, ever have of speaking to her again is to show her what life's like without you so that she has to come to terms with her decision. She could either be happy with her decision, or regret it. But a letter won't change it.

[Rivermind]

The most hope you ever, ever have of speaking to her again is to show her what life's like without you so that she has to come to terms with her decision. She could either be happy with her decision, or regret it. But a letter won't change it.

 

Certainly not! Writing a letter would be to support my ability to move on, to get closure. Not to win her back.

 

But I guess writing the letter and not sending it to her could be an option. I'll try that first.

[desertsession]

Try starting a journal, in a pad or on your phone.

 

I started a few weeks ago when my own relationship ended. At first, I was writing 'I did this, I did that, I feel this'.

 

But then, inevitably I started wanting to say things to her 'for closure' as you say, at which point I began writing 'to' her in the journal. Once it's written, at least some of it is out of your mind. It really helps.

[GianKal]

"And she said that she knew she love me and that I was the right one for her but she just could be in a relationship at the moment because it gave her too much pressure."

Nope! Think about it.. you wouldn't risk losing someone you love. She was most probably lying.

 

" (boy did it hurt not to respond)" why would you not respond..? she contacts you, you respond.. YOU don't reach out to her unless she reaches out to you. But I think if you want this girl back, you have to respond to her otherwise she will move on..

 

"but she said she didn't have to time to talk and that we would do it soon" it's not a good sign..

 

"It felt as if someone had ripped out all the organs of my body" I am very familiar with this feeling... I describe it more as if all your bones in your body break to small sharp pieces ripping your skin open.

 

"I have never seen her write so coldhearted to me." I am also very familiar with this... It is as if she is a different person.. It is almost an eerie feeling!

 

"Two weeks before she had said that I was the love of her life and now this?" is your ex girlfriend my ex girlfriend?!?! two weeks before she broke up with me, we were talking about marriage...

 

"And I'm not feeling threatened by the guy since he's not someone what would connect with her on a deeper level." you don't know that.

 

"desperation a few times making a fool out of myself which certainly didn't improve my chances." Dude, don't contact her! You are pushing her further into the other dude's arms! please stop now!! I know it is very hard but you have to stop contacting her. Look at it this way, by contacting her you get a temporary "fix" and a huge PAIN when that "fix" goes away, and she gets more power over you and the situation making her more sure about her decision.

 

Ok dude... I am in a very similar situation. My ex girlfriend which I knew for 10 years broke up with me and pretty much anything you say almost reflects my story.. That doesn't mean that our stories will have the same outcome but still.. You are still at one month post-Breakup.. I am at 4.5 months and nothing has changed! I remember in the first two months going through the internet desperately trying to find other people's success stories and I have to tell you that is just a huge waste of time! I know you will not listen to me, I wouldn't.. You are probably counting days, going through forums like this one (I am still going through them), going through "How to get your ex back" sites, thinking that it is impossible that same person that was confessing her true love towards you just two weeks before will never contact you again, wishing, praying that she will eventually miss you and all that you had and return... well she most probably will not, at least for now.

 

Imagine I knew mine for 10 YEARS, into which we were best friends 7 years prior to the relationship. Imagine that...10 YEARS! I still (almost 5 months later) cannot comprehend how the hell she was able to do that! She was obsessed with me, she was confessing her undying love for me just two weeks before breaking up with me over the phone giving me NO REASON at all.

 

All the reaching out that you do pushes her further into the arms of the new man, and also makes her more angry towards you minimizing your chances of leaving the door open for her to come back at some point. Also it hurts beyond words.

PLEASE DON'T reach out to her. I didn't except three weeks after the breakup, which I got either cold responses or no responses at all. It hurt as hell itself, so I didn't contact her until one day 4 months later she contacted me to meet up. We met and NOTHING changed, she was more sure than ever for her decision which made me frustrated and got me to month 1 all over again, and also to this forum again. That being said, I think that if you want your ex back when she reaches out you should risk that, who knows she might regretting her decision.

 

 

p.s Reading what I wrote, I realize how bitter and pessimist I sound, and I was angry when I was reading such posts from other people... It seems that it turned me into one of them now.

 

Oh, and.. eventually, when you realize what she did to you (she replaced two years of loving relationship with another dude) and see the way she really treats you (like garbage), you will get really ANGRY! believe me, I though I wouldn't.

 

I would idealize her and trying to find out what went wrong, or what I did wrong untill eventually (at 3 months mark for me) it hit me: she was able to betray me, and replace 10 years of memories, love and support and treat me like the most unwanted garbage (you even miss garbage if you have them for 10 years), giving me no reason at all! Then you will feel a sense of control over the situation and you will realize that it is not the person that you miss but what you thought she was (I know cliche but it is true). The person you thought she was would never hurt you or betray you. You will be able to say that you don't want this person in your life and you will literally feel repulsed and disgusted by her. You will also crave revenge. If you have any items that she wants back, at this phase you will throw them away as an act of revenge. You will want to break NC not to beg for her back but just to hurt her with hurtful words. That being said, unfortunately when (and if) you meet up with her, all the pain will once again hit you like a ton of bricks.

 

 

Good Luck

Edited June 7, 2017 by GianKal

[Rivermind]

Nope! Think about it.. you wouldn't risk losing someone you love. She was most probably lying.

 

I actually don't think so. I just talked to one of her closest friends today in confidence who told me that she actually didn't mean to break up but it was rather a desperate attempt to provoke a change in the relationship.

Then when I moved away from her and refused to contact her she apparently realized that she had broken up with me and got real sad. Her way of dealing with that was to start dating others.

 

To be honest I think that I on some level needed the breakup and that's why I didn't respond to her. I do know that I could probably have gotten back with her if I had responded but I'm not sure if I was ready for it to be honest.

The good thing about the breakup is that it has given me space and time to reflect about my own mental health and what caused me to go into depression. I've also find it much easier to work on improving myself while being on my own because I don't have anyone around me to project a false image of who I am upon me.

 

So in a way I am thankful even though I miss her deeply. I've come to realize that even if she does not get back with me, I will have greater success in my next relationship thanks to it. That's my comfort in all of this. It has made me a better person.

 

" (boy did it hurt not to respond)" why would you not respond..? she contacts you, you respond..

 

I've asked myself the same question many times with much regret. But as I said, I don't think I was ready. I think I felt on some level that I needed that space.

Sure, it made her look elsewhere for what I didn't provide her and it's tough to realize. But it also shows that she has a lot to deal with if she can't stand being alone for two weeks.

 

"And I'm not feeling threatened by the guy since he's not someone what would connect with her on a deeper level." you don't know that.

 

No I don't. But I'm pretty good at profiling people. It all looks good on the outside but he seems like a pretty shallow guy that is having issues making deeper emotional connections. He does seem to get much better along with her friends and parents than I did however, which I think she appreciates a lot. I never got along well with her parents, they never liked me, I never liked them. Her grandparents and a few other relatives liked me a lot though which did help to balance it. But my relationship with her mother was actually a major reason why the relationship between me and my ex went downhill.

 

I'm sure they could get along well for years to come. But I don't think that he will be able to nourish the relationship on a deeper level. I might be wrong however. But I'm usually right about such things. I don't think she will be happy with him.

That doesn't mean that she would go back to me if they break up however, she might go on to someone else.

 

I know you will not listen to me, I wouldn't..

 

Actually, I have changed my thinking a lot since I started the thread.

Sure, I still have my weak moments when I want to reach out to her. And I do mourn and cry at times.

But when I talked to her friend today and realized that I was actually the one who broke up with her for real, I left her, and she panicked about it. I puts me in a much more powerful place.

Sure, she obviously wasn't happy with the relationship at that point and that's why she initiated the breakup. But she thought that I would fight for it like I did the last time and was very surprised when I ended up walking away from it.

Then she got scared and upset when I came back and she had hooked up with another dude.

 

Now I just feel that she can have the dude if she wants to. In fact I actually started laughing at the whole thing today. She could do much better than that guy, a lot better. It's a shame she doesn't realize that.

I would have taken it more seriously if it was some really great guy. Now it just looks a bit sad and pathetic to be honest.

 

I will let her waste her time on him while I continue to work on my flaws and spend time with my good friends. If she comes back and has not changed, I'm honestly not sure if I would take her back.

I was certainly not the only reason the relationship went downhill after the initial wonderful time. If she doesn't realize that and don't take care of her flaws then it won't be able to work if we have another go at it.

[preraph]

For some reason you assume that if she has any feeling at all left for you, that you can fan that into a fire. It isn't so. I'm sure she feels bad and likes you enough to wish you weren't hurting, but she's made it very very clear that it is over and she has moved on. She wants you to do the same. There is nothing more to talk about. It will only end in you getting humiliated and told the same thing once again and her starting to feel sorry for you in a "you're pathetic" way. So just stop now before you go down that road and leave with your dignity intact. Trust me when I tell you that when a woman returns your guitar to you, it is o-v-e-r. Been there, done that.

[Rivermind]

double post

Edited June 8, 2017 by Rivermind

[Blanco]

I say this with much compassion for what you're experiencing: You know far too much about this new guy and the dynamics between he and your ex and her friends and family, assuming you aren't just inferring most of it.

[GianKal]

But when I talked to her friend today and realized that I was actually the one who broke up with her for real, I left her, and she panicked about it. I puts me in a much more powerful place.

Sure, she obviously wasn't happy with the relationship at that point and that's why she initiated the breakup. But she thought that I would fight for it like I did the last time and was very surprised when I ended up walking away from it.

Then she got scared and upset when I came back and she had hooked up with another dude.

 

No man, that's b&^&*it! you didn't walk away. She walked away, it was HER decision to break up with you, not yours! She is just trying to justify herself to feel better about what she did to you. Don't fall for this crap! Think about that, she LEFT YOU and you WANT her back, so it doesn't matter if you walked away eventually. If she wanted you she would be there for you, even if you didn't try anything from the start!

[GianKal]

I actually don't think so. I just talked to one of her closest friends today in confidence who told me that she actually didn't mean to break up but it was rather a desperate attempt to provoke a change in the relationship.

Then when I moved away from her and refused to contact her she apparently realized that she had broken up with me and got real sad. Her way of dealing with that was to start dating others.

 

Same applies here. Would you risk losing someone you love, forever? Nope! Even if that is true on some level she was willing to lose you. It is hard to accept but unfortunately it is true. I am going through the same thoughts myself so I understand. You find it difficult to believe that this person doesn't love you anymore, so you try to justify their actions in order to feel valueable for them and thus hope that they will return. You are more willing to blame yourself than to accept that she doesn't love you and you are no more than an old toy for her that she played with and eventually got bored, threw it in the trash and got a new one (and that is her problem, not yours. It says nothing about your actual value). Sorry if I sound too harsh. Maybe you have to realize that first if you want her back eventually, because if you don't realize that you will make all the classic mistakes that will turn her further off.

 

Anyway, you will eventually get to that realization and when you do you will become really angry and bitter towards her. For now DON'T CONTACT HER!

 

 

When you get over her, ironically.. You can make her fall back in love with you. But it will take time and maybe you will get to a point where you will not want her back. I came to realize that if you don't burn bridges you can "reset" her attraction for you by being the person she fell in love with again. It happened to me with my ex-ex girlfriend. FOUR YEARS, after she broke up with me we became more like " good acquaintances". After my most recent breakup we spend more time together, and I could feel that chemistry coming back from her side. Unfortunately, I still want my most recent ex.

 

You have to change and you have to wait! Don't contact her, let her contact you, she most probably will at some point. When she does contact you, meet up and imagine as if you are meeting for the first time. Start from there and eventually maybe you will be back together.

Edited June 8, 2017 by GianKal

[GianKal]

And one last thing.. When you meet up (believe me, if there was ever something real between you two, you will most probably will), don't mention anything about the breakup. Just start over creating the feeling of the "new". As if your "relationship" starts that moment.. New memories, new experiences new people! It will be very hard not to mention anything. Maybe harder than not contacting her. When I met with my ex some days ago, I caved to my anxiety and brought up the breakup and it scared her! I actually saw her drifting instantly appart. It felt as if I was insulting her! fortunately I stopped early.

 

For now, start becoming a new person.

 

Hope that helps!

Edited June 8, 2017 by GianKal

[Rivermind]

I say this with much compassion for what you're experiencing: You know far too much about this new guy and the dynamics between he and your ex and her friends and family, assuming you aren't just inferring most of it.

 

I'm HSP. I read people and situations better than the average person. Doesn't mean I'm always right, but I've found that 9 times out of 10 my gut feeling is pretty much spot on. Of course my personal involvement in the whole thing will certainly affect my interpretation of the situation.

I'm not hiding in her closet if that's what you are getting at.