NJ123 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 It just seems judging from online dating the women I message never reply back or even view my profile after I message them. I don't message them anything inappropriate or anything but I just don't get why some of them don't even view my profile after I message them. Also, I sometimes get messages from women but there's no physical attraction whatsoever to them. People tell me to just go out with them & try to build a connection but there's literally 0 physical attraction towards those women. I know for sure I'm decent looking in looks but not top tier looks but it just feels like to me that women on my own level of looks still think they're above me. I'd rate myself a 7 but do you have to even be above that these days to get with an attractive woman? I'm not expecting a supermodel or anything but I just don't get why anyone I find attractive wants to pretend I don't exist it feels like. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 If there was an answer I would tell you, but I don't have enough to go on. Do you have a stunning personality? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 4, 2017 Author Share Posted June 4, 2017 If there was an answer I would tell you, but I don't have enough to go on. Do you have a stunning personality? I'm introverted so that works against me probably. Not sure what else you want to know specifically. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 It just seems judging from online dating the women I message never reply back or even view my profile after I message them. I don't message them anything inappropriate or anything but I just don't get why some of them don't even view my profile after I message them. Also, I sometimes get messages from women but there's no physical attraction whatsoever to them. People tell me to just go out with them & try to build a connection but there's literally 0 physical attraction towards those women. I know for sure I'm decent looking in looks but not top tier looks but it just feels like to me that women on my own level of looks still think they're above me. I'd rate myself a 7 but do you have to even be above that these days to get with an attractive woman? I'm not expecting a supermodel or anything but I just don't get why anyone I find attractive wants to pretend I don't exist it feels like. Your question and the answer to it are in bold. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 4, 2017 Author Share Posted June 4, 2017 Your question and the answer to it are in bold. What? So you're saying women aren't physically attracted to me? Not sure if you misread me or not. I want to know what you mean. I've been going to the gym again regularly to put on muscle & some weight. I'm still not where I want to be since I want to get more muscular. So it can't be my body that's turning them off unless they prefer a really muscular guy instead of more lean with some muscle. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Every woman isn't going to be attracted to you. Just the same as you are not attracted to every woman. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 It seems to me you are purely focused on looks and not focused at all on substance. Do you even care about whether or not you connect personally, that you enjoy her company, and your personalities blend? If you feel you're being treated as "beneath" them, I question if they simply see how shallow you are...or appear to be by this post. Online profiles are not necessarily the "big picture." It's always good to meet in person. The women who take the time to message you are seen as "less than" by your personal standards and sub par. I'm really not clear what you want, but what you want seems to be very superficial and shallow. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Online dating benefits those who are in the top tier of desirability. Everyone wants "the best" for themselves and OLD brings "the best" right into everyone's sphere of contact. It is possible for anyone to message some of the best looking, most desirable people around, In real life you may have only one or two very good looking people in your circle and they would usually pair off with other good looking or desirable individuals and everyone else would pair off with everyone else. On OLD few want to pair off with Miss or Mr average as there is always better looking people around and everyone thinks they deserve better than what they can offer themselves. Every day new "better" people get added to the mix and the average people either feel they have to "date down" and don't want to do that, or they keep hoping they will somehow be chosen by the highly desirable people they pitch at. Faced with the "choice" of lots and lots of people, the filter will naturally skew towards the better looking individuals. Unfortunately for most they set the filter too high, and so they get discouraged when they are not seen as "good enough" by those individuals. Also many people on OLD are not actually looking to seriously date, they are either just fooling around with the apps as a game or an ego boost, or they back out when they have to meet or interact with real life people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Maybe your photos are bad, or it's something about your profile. Women are just more picky online. I wouldn't recommend going on dates with women you're not attracted to. (At all) I don't think that's shallow, everyone has preferences. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 It just seems judging from online dating the women I message never reply back or even view my profile after I message them. I don't message them anything inappropriate or anything but I just don't get why some of them don't even view my profile after I message them. Also, I sometimes get messages from women but there's no physical attraction whatsoever to them. People tell me to just go out with them & try to build a connection but there's literally 0 physical attraction towards those women. I know for sure I'm decent looking in looks but not top tier looks but it just feels like to me that women on my own level of looks still think they're above me. I'd rate myself a 7 but do you have to even be above that these days to get with an attractive woman? I'm not expecting a supermodel or anything but I just don't get why anyone I find attractive wants to pretend I don't exist it feels like. Word of advise here would be your trying so hard and these women get more hits than you on whatever dating site your on right now. Change your photos and smile in all of them. Remove sun glasses too. Show off your pet with you in the photo and your car/truck/suv/boat etc. With you in or next to it. You really have to sell who you are not what want. Never settle for anyone you don't want to be with. In this world we are not always what we all want to be with that's how it is today. Don't judge your self as scale of number judge yourself as just being you the person who you really are inside. Set your choice to anywhere instead of nearby.. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 You have absolutely no idea how these women are "feeling" about your looks. You are making assumptions that are coming from your own insecurity about your looks. If you are going to make assumptions, you might as well make them positive ones. There could be a 100 other possible reasons. Just take it at face value . . . you can't please everyone and there will be way more women who don't connect with you than there will be ones who do. There reasons and feelings are their own and don't always have anything to do with you personally. It is what it is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 but it just feels like to me that women on my own level of looks still think they're above me... I just don't get why anyone I find attractive wants to pretend I don't exist it feels like. It seems that you don't have a fundamental understanding of sexual economics. What it comes down to is, they've got it, and you want it. You're a buyer in a seller's market... and these women, who you consider yourself on par with in terms of looks, are not impressed with the offer. They can afford to be choosy, and in fact from an evolutionary perspective, it's their job to optimize the gene pool, eliminate sub-standard males from reproducing. They do this by a sort of reverse auction process... they start the bidding high and lower the price slowly, incrementally, and only as much as absolutely necessary. Eggs are rare and valuable, and sperm has no value at all... any reasonably symmetrical woman could get laid ten times a day in the parking lot outside of the grocery store if she were giving it away. They aren't looking for parity in terms of looks as you presume, and they're not altruistic or sympathetic. They're looking for the absolute best offer in terms of genes and resources. So, while you're thinking that your self-ascribed 7 rating qualifies you to mate with a 7 female... they're probably thinking you're more like a 5, and they're only looking for men in the 9.5 to 10 range regardless. Your options are a) keep wishing and hoping that some woman will recognize your inherent value, b) lower your standards until you find a willing seller, or c) increase your offer by acquiring wealth and status and displaying it ostentatiously. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 It seems that you don't have a fundamental understanding of sexual economics. What it comes down to is, they've got it, and you want it. You're a buyer in a seller's market... and these women, who you consider yourself on par with in terms of looks, are not impressed with the offer. [...] So, women don't want sex. And if they want it, it's for the purpose of procreation only. Did I understand that correctly? Online dating also isn't about relationships or the need for attention, right? Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 So, women don't want sex. And if they want it, it's for the purpose of procreation only. Did I understand that correctly? Online dating also isn't about relationships or the need for attention, right? No, you did not, and per similar responses across a number of threads I wouldn't expect you to. You zoom to micro when I'm talking macro. I don't think elaborating for your benefit would be productive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 @NJ123 ~ Well you know how it feels when you go for woman you have 0 physical attraction to, maybe the woman you do like feel the same way about you? Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 If I see your photo, I can probably tell you what's wrong. I have seen bad photos and wondered why the person posted a photo like that. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 OP, perhaps lose the mindset that rejection implies or states 'better than' or 'lesser than'. It's simply two humans who won't be interacting. There are billions on the planet you'll never interact with. Some you choose not to. Some choose not to with you. That's all it is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 No, you did not, and per similar responses across a number of threads I wouldn't expect you to. You zoom to micro when I'm talking macro. I don't think elaborating for your benefit would be productive. Well, I think you are focusing on the micro, or rather reducing a multi-dimensional issue to one specific parameter. But you are right, I doubt we will ever see eye-to-eye on this one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheAntiHero Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 So when it comes to online dating, it seems there might be something to this article: https://theblog.okcupid.com/your-looks-and-your-inbox-8715c0f1561e It states that 80% of guys are unattractive to women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 4, 2017 Author Share Posted June 4, 2017 Your problem is online dating. A man's stock goes down drastically on there. Too many men messaging too few women. Simple supply and demand. If you are a 7 in the real world, you are likely a 4 or a 5 online. Most ladies that are 7's like you are getting messages from flaky, ghosting, use em for sex, player type guys who happen to be a 9 or 10. The ladies aren't all that interested in you, because even better looking guys are trying to get with them. This probably is about right. It's very annoying though dealing with it. Women that are above average looking have way more dating power than a guy that's above average unless he's in the top tier of looks it seems like. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 4, 2017 Author Share Posted June 4, 2017 It seems to me you are purely focused on looks and not focused at all on substance. Do you even care about whether or not you connect personally, that you enjoy her company, and your personalities blend? If you feel you're being treated as "beneath" them, I question if they simply see how shallow you are...or appear to be by this post. Online profiles are not necessarily the "big picture." It's always good to meet in person. The women who take the time to message you are seen as "less than" by your personal standards and sub par. I'm really not clear what you want, but what you want seems to be very superficial and shallow. No, I'm not just focused on looks but I need to be physically attracted to the person I'm with. Why would I want to be with someone I view as average or even unattractive completely? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 4, 2017 Author Share Posted June 4, 2017 Online dating benefits those who are in the top tier of desirability. Everyone wants "the best" for themselves and OLD brings "the best" right into everyone's sphere of contact. It is possible for anyone to message some of the best looking, most desirable people around, In real life you may have only one or two very good looking people in your circle and they would usually pair off with other good looking or desirable individuals and everyone else would pair off with everyone else. On OLD few want to pair off with Miss or Mr average as there is always better looking people around and everyone thinks they deserve better than what they can offer themselves. Every day new "better" people get added to the mix and the average people either feel they have to "date down" and don't want to do that, or they keep hoping they will somehow be chosen by the highly desirable people they pitch at. Faced with the "choice" of lots and lots of people, the filter will naturally skew towards the better looking individuals. Unfortunately for most they set the filter too high, and so they get discouraged when they are not seen as "good enough" by those individuals. Also many people on OLD are not actually looking to seriously date, they are either just fooling around with the apps as a game or an ego boost, or they back out when they have to meet or interact with real life people. I guess this is why I see so many of the same people on there whenever I make a new profile after a long time. No one is ever good enough for a lot of these women. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 It states that 80% of guys are unattractive to women. ...and that 2/3s of male messages go to the top 1/3 of women. If the OP is messaging the top third of women and he is just average then he is not going to get many replies. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 4, 2017 Author Share Posted June 4, 2017 It seems that you don't have a fundamental understanding of sexual economics. What it comes down to is, they've got it, and you want it. You're a buyer in a seller's market... and these women, who you consider yourself on par with in terms of looks, are not impressed with the offer. They can afford to be choosy, and in fact from an evolutionary perspective, it's their job to optimize the gene pool, eliminate sub-standard males from reproducing. They do this by a sort of reverse auction process... they start the bidding high and lower the price slowly, incrementally, and only as much as absolutely necessary. Eggs are rare and valuable, and sperm has no value at all... any reasonably symmetrical woman could get laid ten times a day in the parking lot outside of the grocery store if she were giving it away. They aren't looking for parity in terms of looks as you presume, and they're not altruistic or sympathetic. They're looking for the absolute best offer in terms of genes and resources. So, while you're thinking that your self-ascribed 7 rating qualifies you to mate with a 7 female... they're probably thinking you're more like a 5, and they're only looking for men in the 9.5 to 10 range regardless. Your options are a) keep wishing and hoping that some woman will recognize your inherent value, b) lower your standards until you find a willing seller, or c) increase your offer by acquiring wealth and status and displaying it ostentatiously. I know for sure the women I'm messaging are right at my level of looks or I'm even better looking than some of them. Yet these women think they're above me for whatever reason. It's just very frustrating but I guess since they have so many options that they think they're a few points above what they really are so as you say they're only going for guys that are 9s & 10s. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 (edited) It just seems judging from online dating the women I message never reply back or even view my profile after I message them. I don't message them anything inappropriate or anything but I just don't get why some of them don't even view my profile after I message them. Also, I sometimes get messages from women but there's no physical attraction whatsoever to them. People tell me to just go out with them & try to build a connection but there's literally 0 physical attraction towards those women. I know for sure I'm decent looking in looks but not top tier looks but it just feels like to me that women on my own level of looks still think they're above me. I'd rate myself a 7 but do you have to even be above that these days to get with an attractive woman? I'm not expecting a supermodel or anything but I just don't get why anyone I find attractive wants to pretend I don't exist it feels like. First, don't take it personally. OLD involves a lot of "matches" that go nowhere. It's like trying to find a needle in the haystack. Second, you are way too focused on the superficial. Honestly, you can't say from looking at someone's picture that you have no physical attraction for them. You may find them beautiful, or not, but it's really not fair to decide who you find attractive or who you would be a good date from a picture or messaging. You really can't know this until you meet someone, so your friends are very right when they tell you to go out with these women and try to build a connection. It's really easy to sit at home and rate women on their attractiveness, while never having to put yourself out there and take a risk. Dating involves rejection. But, it's only by putting yourself out there and meeting people that you have any chance of finding someone with whom you do connect. Edited June 4, 2017 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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