Had sex with my ex, are we dating again?

[hannahsmith]

I dated my ex for 6 months. I really liked him, and only realised after we broke up that I loved him. I broke up with him because he wasn't giving me enough time.

Anyway we stayed friends and met up occasionally for tea and stuff. It hurt at first then I was comfortable as friends. Then about 10 months later I realised I was developing feelings for him again.

We went to the cinema in February and he came into my house. I didn't say that I wanted to get back together, because I didn't know, but we talked about our relationship. I went to bed utterly confused and the next day I text him saying that I don't know where that conversation came from last night but we should be friends. He said same so we just carried on as normal.

however my feelings got stronger and we were supposed to hang out on day but ended up just talking but it felt quiet coupley ie we were almost cuddling and talking about sex. The next day I confessed my feelings and said if he didn't feel the same I don't want to be in that situation again. I said that there wasn't much else to say, we could be friends but not close friends if he doesn't want anything else, because it would mess with my head.

 

 

he said he didn't want to lose me a a friend and wanted to meet up and talk about it. We met up and had a few drinks, confessed all

said we liked and missed each other and kissed. He said he thinks he wouldn't be able to give me what I want ad we would just break up again

I said fair enough but just be clear. I text him that evening giving him an ultimatum but he said he would thin about it and never responded.

 

 

we met up again and he kissed me at the end of the evening then I didn't see him for 3 weeks. then he came round to my house and we had sex. It was quite like what we did before. He then text me the next day but didn't respond to my messages. Is he playing me? Trying to do fwb or did I have a ons? Is he scared of getting back together?

 

 

thanks, and sorry for the bad formatting, rubbish phone.

[elaine567]

You offered sex he took it.

I guess FWB at best sorry to say. he has now gone MIA ...

He has told you he can't give you what you want and you will just break up again so believe him.

He isn't into you as much as you are into him.

Forget him.

[Sweetfish]

I dated my ex for 6 months. I really liked him, and only realised after we broke up that I loved him. I broke up with him because he wasn't giving me enough time.

Anyway we stayed friends and met up occasionally for tea and stuff. It hurt at first then I was comfortable as friends. Then about 10 months later I realised I was developing feelings for him again.

We went to the cinema in February and he came into my house. I didn't say that I wanted to get back together, because I didn't know, but we talked about our relationship. I went to bed utterly confused and the next day I text him saying that I don't know where that conversation came from last night but we should be friends. He said same so we just carried on as normal.

however my feelings got stronger and we were supposed to hang out on day but ended up just talking but it felt quiet coupley ie we were almost cuddling and talking about sex. The next day I confessed my feelings and said if he didn't feel the same I don't want to be in that situation again. I said that there wasn't much else to say, we could be friends but not close friends if he doesn't want anything else, because it would mess with my head.

 

 

he said he didn't want to lose me a a friend and wanted to meet up and talk about it. We met up and had a few drinks, confessed all

said we liked and missed each other and kissed. He said he thinks he wouldn't be able to give me what I want ad we would just break up again

I said fair enough but just be clear. I text him that evening giving him an ultimatum but he said he would thin about it and never responded.

 

 

we met up again and he kissed me at the end of the evening then I didn't see him for 3 weeks. then he came round to my house and we had sex. It was quite like what we did before. He then text me the next day but didn't respond to my messages. Is he playing me? Trying to do fwb or did I have a ons? Is he scared of getting back together?

 

 

thanks, and sorry for the bad formatting, rubbish phone.

 

You treat relationships very childish. I have also read your other threads to come to this opinion. You broke-up with your boyfriend and severed the connection he had with you and you say you love him, but give him MIXED signals which damages your connection even further. Its appears you keep playing the victim in this story and have trouble coming to the fact that YOU BROKE-UP with him and didn't workout the problem while in the relationship.

 

Now 10 months later he has already processed the break-up and has fallen out of love with you. It took dating other men and realizing that you cannot find another guy that easily. You had sex with him.. but the misconception is having sex will make a man feelings stronger or at least if we are having sex (are we together again?) Having sex with him was the worst move you can make... because when he has that sex and feels nothing special...it with further worsen the situation. It will be just sex.

 

 

I broke up because he wasn't giving me enough time or attention

 

I've dated 3 other people and not felt the same way. I initially liked them more. The attraction was greater at the beginning and they were more exciting, but I got bored quickly and it didn't feel right.

 

You are playing your self..

 

The reality is its actually been 16 months now since you broke-up with your ex and you are the one that has been sketchy. What guy is going to take you seriously after you been going back and forth for 16 months?

 

You have gone from:

I LOVE HIM

I don't know

I'm utterly confused

I confessed my feelings

We should be friends

I didn't want to say I want him back

To an Ultimatum.

 

Its you that has confused him and NOW he has check-out just like you did when you broke-up with him so respect that and go NC.. because the more you give him sex and hang around the more he will get his need meet with out committing and he gets to protect his heart from you breaking it again.

[hannahsmith]

He has replied, nothing major. What do you think I should do? Ignore him and block him? Explain that I said I don't want to be messed around and block him?

[hannahsmith]

sweetfish, you are right. I suppose I am childish when it comes to relationships. I lost my virginity later than most and have only had short term relationships and many ons because I find it hard to build a connection/low self esteem too I suppose.

 

 

I need to think of hurting him too, so to completely cut the connection is probably the best thing.

[Sweetfish]

sweetfish, you are right. I suppose I am childish when it comes to relationships. I lost my virginity later than most and have only had short term relationships and many ons because I find it hard to build a connection/low self esteem too I suppose.

 

 

I need to think of hurting him too, so to completely cut the connection is probably the best thing.

 

 

I find that women with low self esteem tend to revert back to the one thing they value the most. Their feelings. However, if your feelings are a spinning compass.. you have to understand your partner too will be spinning. It would be best to cut this relationship and really find out what you want in a relationship and resolve any self esteem issues you have.

 

There is a probability you will break NC.. but at what cost?

[Withoutaqueen]

A lot of us guys like to go with the flow.

Unfortunately that gets us into trouble with the uncertain and dynamic feelings women will have. So it seems like he's playing with you, but what's really happening is you are sending him mixed signals by verbally playing it safe but acting not on what you are preaching.

He could done his part and not kissed, cuddle and made love with you, but most guys aren't programmed to reject sex which is a problem because a woman can turn that into "he raped me". I don't think you are that kind of person but it's a lesson for both of you to learn.

[hannahsmith]

I've told him that I was being selfish because he has said what he wanted and I said what I wanted, which were opposites. He asked if we want to meet up and talk. I'm not going to because that's how the situation with us kissing again 3 meetings ago happened. It won't help the situation at all, only us going nc I suppose.

[stillafool]

It makes no sense to meet up with him yet a 3rd time to talk about whether he wants you back. He doesn't need to see you in person to tell you this. He probably knows that meeting you will turn into sex. If he wanted you back you would know by now. He has made you a FWB.

[d0nnivain]

You can't be just friends with an EX & this is why. Sex is always lurking.

 

 

You want a relationship. He knows & has told you he can't give you the relationship you want. That leaves you apart.

 

 

Think long & hard before you end this & disappear once & for all. If he was offering solid companionship / relationship & you were demanding fairy tale 24/7 hearts & flowers romance, maybe your expectations need adjusting. If all you got now was what you had before & threw away, would it be enough? If yes, perhaps share with him that your expectations are more manageable & you'd like to try again. If you think getting back together is going to magically make him the BF you wanted but didn't have before, there is no future here.

[Withoutaqueen]

I admire you at least take responsibility for your criticism. This is all a growing pain for us learning how to cope with our feelings.

My lack of experience with women still essential makes me a novice at this myself.

[BC1980]

This is a tough lesson that a lot of women have to learn the hard way. Sex does not equal a relationship. Many women can't do the FWB thing because we get too attached to people we are having sex with. Generally speaking, men view sex differently than women. Women see sex as automatic intimacy and commitment, and men don't necessarily see it that way.