should I try for a second chance?

[jimjam303]

let me set the scene three and half years ago.

 

I went to a gig with my best mate and his girl friend came, as in friend.

I know her as they would hang out a lot and in the past we knew each other partners at the time.

we get drinking and chatting about being single and weeks later we are talking every day, so I finally asked her on a date. it was a little complicated as we share a best friend but all went well and we ended up falling for each other.

 

we lived apart and the first year or so was amazing, we would always go on fun dates and were very much in love.

she has a very good job and I was working with children in residential care. the hours are hard and it was difficult to see her so I decided to move to the city with her.

 

this I feel is where things changed. I got a job working with children again, pay was not great and even though we lived together we did not spend quality time with each other.

I could see the cracks and how ever hard I tried to reconnect she would just push me away.

I started to feel very down because of the type of job and the one I loved did not show it back. I also did not know anyone in the city and money for me was tight.

so after what seemed like a year long brake up we split.

 

because of the friend situation we have to remain friend as there will be times we will be in the same room as each other.

I was seeing councillor as my job was stressing me out and I felt as if I had no-one to turn to and felt very alone.

I found it hard to understand why we broke up as we were so good at the start.

I ended my job and stated something new and this has been a big change in my life.

 

I did my very best not to contact her as she made it known it would never be.

every couple of weeks she would text and we might go for a walk and catch up or have a coffee.

at one point I told her I can't keep doing this as I have feelings. even with this she would still make the odd contact because she wants the friendship.

 

roll on this weekend

 

we are all going to a day festival together.

I get a text asking if I want to go for a drink to talk about my new job and hers.

(I also forgot to say when we both moved we some how ended up living 5 flats apart )

 

we ended up getting drunk as we are both in a good place about our jobs. as usual we had great fun together and laughed most of the night. we then got talking how hard it is as we both feel lonely and have no-one to share this with. she then talked how she felt sorry about not committing to the relationship, and how she has changed. it was the first time we have ever addressed the brake up and we are both still hurting 6 months later.

we both were open and talked about dating new people but found it hard.

 

we need up sleeping with each other.

the next day we talked about how this should not happen and she still wants to be friends.

for me sex was fun but it was what was said at the pub that has got me thinking.

because we both had to go to the festival we did not talk about it too much as I did not want to make things awkward.

we both had an amazing time and went home together and said good buy.

today we had lunch but did not address anything as we were hung over.

 

she has gone away for a week to see family.

and I'm thinking about posting a letter for when she gets back. or face to face talk.

 

do you think this is a good idea?

we both enjoy each others company and love each other in that way but she has fallen out of love. it would be nice to try a few dates and defiantly no sex.

I want to know if what she said was her way of saying lets give it anther go.

its all very confusing.

any help or advice would be welcome.

[jimjam303]

well loads of you have read my post but no replies.

 

I did not send the letter in the end and went for a text. she soon replied and asked for me to call her.

 

conversation was nice and relaxed as it allows is between us.

I then went in to what happened and what she said.

her reply was sorry I did not want that to happen and just want to be friends.

I explained why we can't be friends and I feel used. when we would go out it would feel like more then friends.

she was upset by this and I ended the call and for her to leave me alone.

 

I soon after got a nice text but I have deleted her her number and at this present time do not want her in my life.

 

I'm sure there are many on her that find that something special with an ex and get back together.

for me it comes down to choice and I have to respect hers and let it go so I can move on with my life.

[springy]

I am glad you got answers to your questions and hope you are able to stay strong. Hang in there.

[preraph]

Sorry it came to that. It is a difficult decision but you did what was best for you to move on, so it was the right thing to do.

[jimjam303]

deep down I knew it would end this way, even though it has been 8 months apart.

it was hard to say good buy to a good friend and one that I did see a future with.

but time will heal and I'm sure in time I will find someone that will make me smile again.

[preraph]

I'm hoping for you it's sooner rather than later. You seem like a smart and reasonable person, so I'm sure you will meet the right person in time.