Author wmacbride Posted June 9, 2017 Author Share Posted June 9, 2017 I dunno, Els... But while I can't speak for my entire gender, as long as the woman wasn't a flat out dud or "?cold fish", practically every man, if they were honest, would pick the better looking/better body woman over the one who had great bedroom skills...if everything else was equal...Every time... Women in general, are far more complicated in this regard than a typical man is...Sometimes I really don't understand why some women choose to make their own lives more difficult than it has to be...I see some project their own desires and needs and expect their SO to be compliant...Compared to women, guys have very basic needs...But if those fall apart, then they aren't going to be that much fun to be around.... TFY I think both sexes do this a lot. There are guys who have no idea what woman want, and assume that because they are enjoying themselves that their partner is too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 I dunno, Els... But while I can't speak for my entire gender, as long as the woman wasn't a flat out dud or "?cold fish", practically every man, if they were honest, would pick the better looking/better body woman over the one who had great bedroom skills...if everything else was equal...Every time... This has not been my experience (including personal/romantic, what I've seen from other couples, and what I've read from male posters in anonymous online forums). Also, it's not just about the skills/technique I think, but also about the attitude, the emotions involved, the knowing that the other person is attracted and interested and sexually turned on instead of just 'doing a duty'. But I think we should agree to disagree on this. Women in general, are far more complicated in this regard than a typical man is...Sometimes I really don't understand why some women choose to make their own lives more difficult than it has to be...Haha, does it really "make it easier" if we picked solely based on appearance though? I dunno, in terms of sex I would always want the man who is adventurous, willing to learn, has compatible sexual preferences and most importantly prioritizes his partner's pleasure/orgasms. Without all of that, his appearance would be meaningless IMO. I think my life would have been a lot worse if I had only been sexually attracted to extremely good-looking men (in a stereotypical sense). Compatibility and communication are key, but I think some guys do have the notion that they can take a woman, almost any woman, and "make" her (eventually) do all the stuff he wants sexually and that it is only a matter of time before she is fulfilling all his perceived needs... as if she is some sort of a blank canvas. She will learn to like all the things he likes... BUT it doesn't tend to work out like that, and that can quickly end up as a source of frustration and resentment for both. She has formed her own idea of the sex she enjoys, and he has his own idea of the sex he likes and sometimes never the twain shall meet. It is better to choose people based on who they actually are, rather than try to change them into something YOU want, as THEY tend not to like that and will naturally resist. Yeah, I think some people are guilty of that (of both sexes, too). They usually end up either learning very quickly that that doesn't work, or being very miserable all their lives. I do want to point out that "adventurous" or "willing to try new things" is a positive trait to me in and of itself. I expect a reasonable degree of sexual compatibility off the bat and would never try to engage someone who wasn't compatible and change them. But no matter how compatible we are, I need someone who is open to listening to me without judgement when I want to try new things, and who is willing to try them if he finds them to be within his limits. If a particular suggestion is not okay with him, that's fine, but if 10/10 of the new things I suggest are off limits, or if he judges me negatively for expressing desire to try something, then that wouldn't be good. It's not about wanting to change the other person, but about wanting to be able to evolve together instead of doing the exact same things for the next 60 years or so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 (edited) Haha, does it really "make it easier" if we picked solely based on appearance though? I dunno, in terms of sex I would always want the man who is adventurous, willing to learn, has compatible sexual preferences and most importantly prioritizes his partner's pleasure/orgasms. Without all of that, his appearance would be meaningless IMO. I think my life would have been a lot worse if I had only been sexually attracted to extremely good-looking men (in a stereotypical sense). . Well...You are a woman, so appearance is lower on your scale....That's exactly my point... And I believe any differences we have are probably clearly cultural..I get that.. Let's put it this way.... Most guys(even desirable and high level) will take an absolute moron/low intelligence level of a woman, if she can pull off looks, femininity and sexuality..Its been proven out a zillion times... Guys are like dogs...they can be easily trained to do whatever a woman wants, if they just give them the basic stuff they desire in a woman....Don't do that? Then that's when they start being obstinate, passive aggressive etc.. My advice to the typical woman is if they really care about the guy, or want him to change...Perhaps don't forget about the basic things..Keep it simple...Most guys will place a higher value on desirable waist/hip ratio than an advanced degree or some other skill that a woman may think makes them desirable.....That's not to say that those things aren't valuable or desirable.....They may not admit it, but its been my experience.. As always....mileage may vary... TFY Edited June 9, 2017 by thefooloftheyear Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmacbride Posted June 9, 2017 Author Share Posted June 9, 2017 I can only speak for myself, but appearance doesn't matter much to me. I used to though. One of the first guys I ever went out with ( I was about to turn 15) was absolutely gorgeous. He had long blonde wavy hair ( hey, it was the 80's...at least he didn't have a mullet:laugh:), he worked out all the time and had such a beautiful face. He was also an absolutely jerk. If being an ass was an olympic event, there wouldn't have to be a russian boycott for him to take home the gold. He was abusive, arrogant and thought every woman was put on earth for the sole purpose of having sex with him. I finally wised up to what he was( getting a black eye after being punched can really help you to see reality) and broke up with him. I spent the next ten years hiding from him, until my husband had a "talk" with him. From all of that I learned that looks really don't matter. My husband will be the first to tell you that he's not the best looking guy, but I would trade my pick of a million other guys to be with him. We fit perfectly well together. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 For me, desire went away when the emotional connection went away. Why did the emotional connection go away? I think a whole host of problems on both sides of the coin (What came first, the chicken or the egg? Does it even matter?). Still I tried my darnest because there was a time I REALLY enjoyed my H. But I guess he sensed that because he then felt undesirable. And round and round we go right down the rabbit hole. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 I can only speak for myself, but appearance doesn't matter much to me. I used to though. One of the first guys I ever went out with ( I was about to turn 15) was absolutely gorgeous. He had long blonde wavy hair ( hey, it was the 80's...at least he didn't have a mullet:laugh:), he worked out all the time and had such a beautiful face. He was also an absolutely jerk. If being an ass was an olympic event, there wouldn't have to be a russian boycott for him to take home the gold. He was abusive, arrogant and thought every woman was put on earth for the sole purpose of having sex with him. I finally wised up to what he was( getting a black eye after being punched can really help you to see reality) and broke up with him. I spent the next ten years hiding from him, until my husband had a "talk" with him. From all of that I learned that looks really don't matter. My husband will be the first to tell you that he's not the best looking guy, but I would trade my pick of a million other guys to be with him. We fit perfectly well together. Didn't you say your husband had an affair and cheated on you? Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 It's sad how we can hurt the ones we really care about the most, and usually, it's done without even thinking about it or realizing it. For example, after my husband's affair ended and we were working through the aftermath. We'd been intimate, and I had made some sort of positive comment about his "conformance". He replied " I've gotten some compliments on it lately". I know he didn't mean that the way it came out, and he had really just replied in what he thought was a joke and didn't consider the context ( he's never been a hurtful person). The logical part of me knows that it wasn't meant as a barb, but the emotional part was incredibly hurt by it, and even though I've tried, and can't square those in my mind. He's never been a hurtful person and yet he had and affair and cheated on his wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts