How do I respond to a girl who likes something that I do not support?

[Hamos]

I find it hard to find the right words whenever a girl talks about something that I do not support.

 

For example, a girl talks about getting a tattoo. I do not mind small ones, but in general I am against them. I know I can tell her so, but I find it hard when we are not close. When we are getting to know each other, I feel like I should talk about them and not disclose my stance on it unless she asks first. It is especially so if she already has tattoos and is thinking of getting more.

 

Another example is when the girl is vegetarian. She talks about how great vegetarian food is, for my health and for the world. It’s great when it’s not on my table. But I find it hard to tell her this when she is all over it. I feel like I should praise her. Instead I talk about it without saying what I really think. Then there is the issue that there are only 2 places where I can take her to in town, and she goes to both all the time.

 

I consider myself to be open-minded enough to be willing to get to know them. But at the same time these issues remain unresolved and I do not feel comfortable. Do you have any tips?

[d0nnivain]

I try to appreciate the other person's passion about the thing I don't really care for.

 

 

I hate tattoos. My husband has 5.

 

 

As long as the vegetarians don't care that I'm a carnivore, I'm thrilled to be able to try new stuff. Vegan I can't do. I like cheese & ice cream too much.

[mightycpa]

I find it hard to find the right words whenever a girl talks about something that I do not support.

 

For example, a girl talks about getting a tattoo. I do not mind small ones, but in general I am against them. I know I can tell her so, but I find it hard when we are not close. When we are getting to know each other, I feel like I should talk about them and not disclose my stance on it unless she asks first. It is especially so if she already has tattoos and is thinking of getting more.

 

Another example is when the girl is vegetarian. She talks about how great vegetarian food is, for my health and for the world. It’s great when it’s not on my table. But I find it hard to tell her this when she is all over it. I feel like I should praise her. Instead I talk about it without saying what I really think. Then there is the issue that there are only 2 places where I can take her to in town, and she goes to both all the time.

 

I consider myself to be open-minded enough to be willing to get to know them. But at the same time these issues remain unresolved and I do not feel comfortable. Do you have any tips?

To thine own self be true. The thing about proseletyzers is that they are quite content to extol the virtues of their positions on you, but if you happen to have a contrary opinion, most will become offended that you're judging them.

 

How to respond to a diehard vegan who is about to launch into a presentation on the undeniable benefits of not eating meat? Tell her she's making you hungry, and you'd like to hear more about it over a burger and fries. You'll take the burger, she can have the fries. Do that, and you'll see what a person is made of.

 

Believe it or not, you don't have to agree on everything. But nobody needs people who won't let them believe what they will.

[thefooloftheyear]

The tattoo thing you can probably find middle ground...My experience with vegans is that most are self righteous to the point of being insufferable...

 

No thanks..

 

Eh...Id let my feelings be known early on...Do it in a playful way and don't act fatherly or anything....You don't want to sound controlling...You don't want to find out later that this is just something you can't deal with...

 

TFY

[basil67]

You don't have to express an opinion. When she tells you who she is, you listen, absorb and decide if you can live with it. If you can live with it, then you probably don't need to say much at all.

 

If you can't live with it, then call it a mis-match and move on.

[todreaminblue]

you be honest about not being into it and say you respect and appreciate her views,ask her questions about why she is so into it when she developed a love for tattoos,what is about skin art she finds beautiful...then you can go into art you do enjoy looking at..... a purposeful tangent into art talk because tattoos are an art form like them or not..... ask her on a date to an art gallery....or drive around checking out street art projects as a day date and grow minds that have opinions all of their own....and appreciate opinions that differ...it helps broaden horizons.............catch a train and see the art on station sidings ...have conversations about that art.......

 

its just not your thing ....... but there are variations of this particular art you could appreciate....art of this form is painful.....and detailed and a skill...often hours and hours of work.....and pain to have them..they are also normally a statement.....they have meaning to the person who wears them....something you can ask about....

 

try to understand the why and the whens if you cant appreciate the art itself.....

 

 

try to find something you are really both into to talk about..find some common ground....and if she is good person..with an open mind .she will be interested in your views as well..what you like and have passion for......deb

Edited June 6, 2017 by todreaminblue

[elaine567]

I think you have to be honest here. You cannot live your life not expressing what you really think. One that will get frustrating and two you are presenting a side of yourself to her that is not real.

If she gets the impression you are a tattoo loving, vegetarian then she is going be be mightily disappointed when you reveal you hate tattoos and love steak.

 

Dating is all about sussing out compatibility, so you need to be honest and stand by your own views and let the chips fall where they may.

[elaine567]

The tattoo thing you can probably find middle ground...My experience with vegans is that most are self righteous to the point of being insufferable...

 

No thanks..

 

Ok, but surely they think the same about you, are you willing to compromise your views regarding eating meat? I guess not, so why would they?

There is no middle ground either, you are happy with animals being killed for you to eat or you are not.

Society in general tends to be on the side of the meat eaters, so it is no surprise that vegans feel the need to be pretty forceful in order to get their point across.

[thefooloftheyear]

Ok, but surely they think the same about you, are you willing to compromise your views regarding eating meat? I guess not, so why would they?

There is no middle ground either, you are happy with animals being killed for you to eat or you are not.

Society in general tends to be on the side of the meat eaters, so it is no surprise that vegans feel the need to be pretty forceful in order to get their point across.

 

 

Here's the thing....And there will be people lining up to agree with me...

 

No one on the other side is asking anyone to compromise anything....so I don't get your point...

 

There is no "holier than thou", self righteous enlightenment, mentality among people that eat meat...No one I know would care if they were with someone that had lived a vegan lifestyle...as long as they didn't shove it down others throats and make people believe they are committing a crime against humanity for doing so.......

 

Its like the gun debate...No one I know really cares if someone doesn't own or like guns, and respects others anti gun viewpoints...The gun haters don't return the same courtesy...

 

Its as simple as that, really...No one needs to be lectured on adult behavior...Its a huge turnoff...Live and let live...

 

TFY

[NuevoYorko]

Why are the things that random girls are into your business, especially things as personal to her as getting a tattoo? I don't get why you have to address these things at all. Just decide if her being into whatever is a deal breaker or not and proceed accordingly.

[preraph]

My opinion is that since these people are being so outspoken about talking about those things to you, that you must just tell them in a lighthearted manner "I'm not into that, but each to his own." Because the vegans will go on and on about it trying to convince you (or themselves) and at some point if you are social with them, you will be coerced into eating at a vegan restaurant unless you tell them up front no. Tattoos, just tell her you're not into them.

[Bastile]

I find it hard to find the right words whenever a girl talks about something that I do not support.

 

For example, a girl talks about getting a tattoo. I do not mind small ones, but in general I am against them. I know I can tell her so, but I find it hard when we are not close. When we are getting to know each other, I feel like I should talk about them and not disclose my stance on it unless she asks first. It is especially so if she already has tattoos and is thinking of getting more.

 

Another example is when the girl is vegetarian. She talks about how great vegetarian food is, for my health and for the world. It’s great when it’s not on my table. But I find it hard to tell her this when she is all over it. I feel like I should praise her. Instead I talk about it without saying what I really think. Then there is the issue that there are only 2 places where I can take her to in town, and she goes to both all the time.

 

I consider myself to be open-minded enough to be willing to get to know them. But at the same time these issues remain unresolved and I do not feel comfortable. Do you have any tips?

 

 

You are on a date to have fun, not to discuss vegetarianism and "saving the planet" in any serious way. Not to be indoctrinated into eating vegetables.

 

The overriding point is that it's two people being social. So when a woman starts being anti-social, you take over and drive it into being something more acceptable to yourself and towards having a good date vibe.

 

Men lead.

 

Easiest way to do that is simply challenge her and/or joke about it with her. Starting with asking "why?".

 

"Why did you decide to be a vegetarian?" Or get tattoos, or whatever.

 

That generally opens people up, while you stay neutral - not necessarily proffering a major inclination either way. It also leads to you qualifying her, rather than the other way around.

 

Women love talking about themselves, and by simply keeping her talking in a challenging manner, you will usually be considered a decent conversationalist.

 

Then you just look for an excuse to bust her balls and make fun of things in order to keep things light enough for flirting and to escalate things sexually.

Edited June 6, 2017 by Bastile

[Hamos]

Women love talking about themselves, and by simply keeping her talking in a challenging manner, you will usually be considered a decent conversationalist.

 

Then you just look for an excuse to bust her balls and make fun of things in order to keep things light enough for flirting and to escalate things sexually.

 

I am alright with keeping the conversation going, and asking her why she decided to become a vegetarian, etc. I guess I have been too appeasing when I could be more assertive and playful. Thanks everyone for insightful comments!

[elaine567]

Its as simple as that, really...No one needs to be lectured on adult behavior...Its a huge turnoff...Live and let live...

 

TFY

 

it is all about power really, if vegan was the way of the world and meat eaters were in the minority then people would be complaining about the "holier than thou" meat eaters who were trying to get their point across.

"Who cares if he eats meat or not, but I just don't want to hear him go on and on about it..."

 

Similarly, guns are the norm in America so anyone against guns is seen as the odd one out and no-one then wants to hear about his views...

 

The minority view always needs to try and get their point across to the "unbelievers"... and the "unbelievers" will always try to disparage the minority view.

[Eternal Sunshine]

it is all about power really, if vegan was the way of the world and meat eaters were in the minority then people would be complaining about the "holier than thou" meat eaters who were trying to get their point across.

"Who cares if he eats meat or not, but I just don't want to hear him go on and on about it..."

 

Similarly, guns are the norm in America so anyone against guns is seen as the odd one out and no-one then wants to hear about his views...

 

The minority view always needs to try and get their point across to the "unbelievers"... and the "unbelievers" will always try to disparage the minority view.

 

Very true. I don't want children for example and I constantly have to explain and defend on why I decided that. Yet people with children never have to explain anything.

[Bastile]

I guess I have been too appeasing when I could be more assertive and playful.

 

Quite possibly mate. And you have to catch yourself, if you find yourself doing that.

 

If she's really sexy, then she's probably used to men trying to appease her, and use any excuse for a connection.

 

“Wow, you're a vegetarian.... My mother's cousin twice-removed is a vegetarian too! We should definitely have some sex!”

 

It just leads to a woman taking it over, and the man getting run ragged. It's actually a boundaries issue, imo.

 

As for the point about only having two vegetarian places to take her, that comes under appeasement also. I'd dodge the issue until I was more certain that I saw her as someone to invest in.

 

It generally goes in stages:

 

Stage 1 for me is usually that I take them out for coffee, late night drinks, some sort of date where we are wandering around exploring a place, etc.

 

Stage 2 is more of a settling it down thing where I start having her in my place, and we watch movies and the like.

 

Usually happens within a few weeks. I would probably transition between the two stages by winding her up about being a veggy, and challenging her to change my mind with her cooking skills. I'd be the judge of that

 

See the difference? In one way, you are stressing – searching Google for specialist places to take her, trying to prove yourself worthy of the woman's intimacy. In the other way, you are dealing with her as an equal. If she wants to effect your opinion so much, she'll have to work for it. Then it becomes a fun game, rather than a browbashing.

 

I find it far better to have a steady date routine that you can run girls through. That way you know exactly where you are in the set, and you start to get very good at reading people. Trying to change and accommodate every new girl you meet is exhausting and counter-productive.

 

When you get on well, and you know each other better (not just that you are thinking of how hot she is), then you start to make more compromises for her lifestyle. Don't compromise like that for someone you don't even know well yet. It's still just early doors.

 

Try not to force a connection.