Do dominant men cheat more?

[Ahurtgirl]

If your husband cheated or if you're male and you've cheated, was there a dominance personality trait?

[mikeylo]

If your husband cheated or if you're male and you've cheated, was there a dominance personality trait?

 

People with different issues cheat. Most of them have low esteem , the ' dominance ' is just the outer shell.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yes, he is very dominant. Narcissistic tendencies as well.

[Cephalopod]

In the case of my exWW, she cheated with losers: weak, underachieving men who were no where near as successful or financially independent as I am. I'm not exactly an "alpha male", but I am no pushover either. The men she cheated with were chumps whom she was easily able to manipulate and control. With my exWW, it was all about control. She enjoyed having a harem of suckers who would jump when she said jump and crawl to her when she said crawl.

 

I never jumped for her, and she despised me for that. She never conquered me and never "got one over on me" once I had figured out what she was up to.

 

My exWW never asked for forgiveness or offered up any kind of apology, and she never will. But she did tell me once that I am the only man who she has ever really respected, and that she admired the way I stood up to her during the divorce. That kind of set me back on my heels I must say.

[RecentChange]

It's totally ancedotal - but the two men I knew who were stepping out on their wives were "dominant" in and out of the bedroom. Not that they controlled their affair partner, but they were the forward confident type, with a bit of a BDSM streak.

[Friskyone4u]

If your husband cheated or if you're male and you've cheated, was there a dominance personality trait?

 

When anyone figures out with certainty exactly what does or does not make people cheat, or any way to prevent it, that person will be instant billionaires.

 

The research on infidelity is all pretty suspect because who knows who the hell is being truthful. I think the only generally accurate thing is that a higher percentage of women are cheating now for a variety of reason and that the higher a woman's economic status the more likely she is to cheat because she has no financial dependence on men.

[Midwestmissy]

My wh had power in business and finances - compared to some. Like big fish in a very small pond success (at the time). He was insecure about where he had failed, and wouldn't discuss any of it with me. He was in a spiral of making bad decisions and trusting the wrong people when he started the affair. His friends and I tried to help him, he refused to hear that he was screwing up. The mow was in a really bad financial and professional place and saw wh as the easy way out. She worked for him and knew he was a part owner (again, small beans in reality). Married, serial cheater, a lot of kids, 50, and stuck in the solid middle with no prospects to move up. Wh liked that she thought he was a very rich and powerful guy.

 

She flattered and got a piece of him, he played his role and got flattered. It backfired for both of them. He told me he could be who he wanted to be with her, but the whole thing was an unsustainable lie with no reality, just a lot of deceit. Dominant? In his mind, yes. In his real life, his success comes from being a partner, not a pretend VIP. And from living authentically. Since making huge changes to his behaviour, he has had the successes he thought he deserved when he was acting like a tool. The most successful and powerful men (and women) I know don't often need to advertise their dominance.

[RecentChange]

Another thing of note.

 

With power comes opportunity. People may not like that fact but it is a reality.

 

Cheaters need two things, a character that allows them to cheat, and the opportunity to do so.

[mikeylo]

Another thing of note.

 

With power comes opportunity. People may not like that fact but it is a reality.

 

Cheaters need two things, a character that allows them to cheat, and the opportunity to do so.

 

Not necessarily. Everyone has an opportunity. Its the character that decides to cross over or not.

[RecentChange]

Opportunity varies.

 

There are a lot of guys bellyaching about how they can't get a single date.

 

The two men I had in mind. Both tall, good looking, fit, one a successful in house counsel for a prestigious company, the other a PhD educated, world traveling COO.

 

A good looking, rich, charming man is going to have more power and opportunity, more women to choose from etc then some "low value" socially akward dude.

 

Look at the threads about open marriages. Usually she can have the pick of the litter, while he can't find any takers.

 

It's not to say those with less opportunity do not cheat, they do, but they don't tend to have as many women throwing themselves at them.

[Southern Sun]

Another thing of note.

 

With power comes opportunity. People may not like that fact but it is a reality.

 

Cheaters need two things, a character that allows them to cheat, and the opportunity to do so.

 

I do think this is true. And by opportunity, I think that includes women being attracted to power. So besides "powerful" men having literal opportunities (travel, money, etc.), power and dominance is simply attractive, going back to our biological, evolutionary roots. Women are more likely to make themselves available to powerful men, like it or not. A man who has power, wealth, etc., has to be very rooted in real character and integrity to stay faithful. To maintain his ethics and morals in lots of ways.

 

But people of all walks of life will cheat. You'll find the man who has been run over his whole life by his dominant, bossy wife, stepping out with a woman is nurturing and sweet. Even the woman who is with that dominant, powerful man, who you might think would count her lucky stars to have "landed" that guy...she's stepping out with the artsy poet, the sensitive nice guy, everything her husband isn't.

 

It would be interesting to look at the numbers though. If we knew the REAL stats, I would bet that those considered highly dominant are more likely to cheat, in the grand scheme of things. Just because I don't think character and integrity is running rampant these days.

[waterwoman]

I love my H more than I can say but alpha male he is not.

[Bufo]

This post caused me to reflect on what I'd observed in my life. A common thread I've observe in male cheaters is lack of self reflection. They just do not critically analyze what they are doing by what used to be called "chasing women". And they tended to be outgoing leader types in their friendships with men. Alpha? I think so. They attracted women in a way more introspective men did not.

 

The two who first come to mind are on their third marriages. So the draw they have to women must run it's course. But they haven't changed. And the single chasers behaved the same way. Also tended to be Alphas - leaders of the pack.

 

I remember being out with them and feeling embarrassed for the waitresses, secretaries, etc. they were talking to. Until I saw how a a shockingly large percentage of them ate it up. To her a potential relationship. To him another notch on the bedpost.

[dichotomy]

Let me flip it,

 

When Women (single or married) knowingly get involved with a married man - do they go with mild mannered or submissive men?

 

I suppose sometimes.....if the women are aggressive themselves.

 

Takes two to tango.

[onehalfmunky]

My husband rarely takes the dominant role and prefers my initiation and control. He cheated on me 5 years ago to boost his ego amongst his friends and co workers. He used the excuse of a make believe relationship between me and my college ex b/f.

That being said, I hope this helps you answer your question.

[Bastile]

My husband rarely takes the dominant role and prefers my initiation and control. He cheated on me 5 years ago to boost his ego amongst his friends and co workers. He used the excuse of a make believe relationship between me and my college ex b/f.

That being said, I hope this helps you answer your question.

 

Exactly.

 

All dominance shows is that a guy can cheat more, if he chooses. It has no bearing on inclination to cheat.

 

My father is an extremely dominant man. Tough to be around, sometimes. But he was always extremely loyal to the family.

 

Whilst my uncle has the same sort of dominance, yet will cheat on anybody and everybody. He typically has one steady woman and at least one side-piece. He's currently engaged to a woman in order to string her out, whilst he pretty much lives in the garage of his home keeping away from her most of the time.

 

Which begs the question which I have struggled with myself, if a man is so dominant, why the need to cheat in the first place?

 

If a man is truly dominant, then other people bend their will to his. Women accept his philandering (maybe reluctantly, but none the less). Or he is faithful because of weighing up the options and choosing to be.

[aurelius99]

I'm pretty sure there was scientific research which showed that testosterone levels have a direct, linear relationship with LIKELIHOOD for infidelity. Just like it's also linked to balding and premature heart disease. Before anyone knee-jerks and says they don't like generalities, please realize we are dealing with patterns. That's all science can ever do. But yes, I'm generally up to speed on science and reasearch, and I do recall the relationship has been verified.

[Babsinhealing]

My AP has only showed me his dominant side. At home with his wife and family he's just a quiet, conflict-avoidant, hard-working man. He suppressed it as his W is a very modest, "vanilla", conservative woman- in and out of the bedroom. But knowing him like I do for years- he's dominant- no questions asked.

[Bastile]

I'm pretty sure there was scientific research which showed that testosterone levels have a direct, linear relationship with LIKELIHOOD for infidelity. Just like it's also linked to balding and premature heart disease. Before anyone knee-jerks and says they don't like generalities, please realize we are dealing with patterns. That's all science can ever do. But yes, I'm generally up to speed on science and reasearch, and I do recall the relationship has been verified.

 

I come from a genetic line of men that have gone bald early, nearly all have heart problems, and have very high testosterone (which I've had checked by a doctor).

 

Never cheated on anyone in my life. And I've had women accept that I will date openly, as that is what I've been doing in recent years.

 

It's a choice. We aren't animals. The brain governs the body, at the end of the day. And I've witnessed different men make different choices with different outcomes.

 

And as I say, if a man is truly dominant, he shouldn't have to be running around undercover with a trenchcoat, sunglasses, and fake moustache just to spin some plates.

 

If he decides on serious relationships, then he should either do it properly or not do it.

[aileD]

I love my H more than I can say but alpha male he is not.

 

This.

 

He's damaged and weak and feminine in his romanticism if that makes sense .

[Cymbeline]

Let me flip it,

 

When Women (single or married) knowingly get involved with a married man - do they go with mild mannered or submissive men?

 

I suppose sometimes.....if the women are aggressive themselves.

 

Takes two to tango.

 

This is the truth. There is nothing that happens in any relationship that isn't a dance between two people. Nothing. A different partner might bring out a different side to someone, or have characteristics that encourage or allow new behaviours. But no one can dominate without permission from the other, and no one is submissive unless they are choosing to be.

 

And people who are dominant in heir daily lives frequently want to be dominated in sexual relationships, while those who lack power sometimes desire iit.

 

As Southern Sun says, money/status/ power in a man is an enormous draw to potential partners and creates many opportunities, often for men who had very little success with women when they were young and did not have these things.

[Furious]

If your husband cheated or if you're male and you've cheated, was there a dominance personality trait?

 

Cheaters come in all sizes from short to tall, fit or not, young to old, poor to rich, educated or not, extrovert or introvert. Lying combined with deception is a form of dominance I guess. The irony is most cheaters create the image of being a victim of being trapped and a victim of their mean spouse to their affair partner.

[Starswillshine]

I wouldn't call a man who gets involved in an affair as dominant. A dominant man would be one who is strong and independent.

[Cephalopod]

I wouldn't call a man who gets involved in an affair as dominant. A dominant man would be one who is strong and independent.

 

My opinion too. But biology often trumps good sense. Most women have the good sense to marry independent, working men who have their act together financially and otherwise. But when it comes to sex, their ovaries sometimes have other ideas, which is why some women (SOME!) marry a safe, responsible man while having a loser bad boy on the side for fun.

[Redhead14]

was there a dominance personality trait?-- Yes, the dominant personality trait is selfishness. On top of the inability to focus on the commitment they made, inability to face the fact that perhaps the relationship is simply unfulfilling and do what's necessary -- i.e. ask for a divorce, inability to anticipate or recognize consequences of their actions on their future and their families, and how that behavior may affect their ability to have relationships in their future. And, the lack of a conscience that is strong enough to affect their moral compass and their libidos and uncontrolled need for immediate gratification.