Severe confidence issues

[Bacardi Silver]

Ok I guess I just need to vent a little. I need help. For one I am a poor conversationalist. I am kind of shy and I don't talk very much. When I'm with a group of 2 or 3 I don't have a lot of trouble chiming in , but if I am in a large group I pretty much clam up and it sucks. I then get depressed because I think no one likes me. I don't have many friends, and when I'm w/ people that that aren't close friends, I am constantly worried that they won't like me. I am afraid to approach girls because I am afraid of not knowing what to talk about and them rejecting me. I take rejection pretty personally. When I see popular people at school surrounded by group of people, I wish my life that I could be liked as them. On the weekends I'm scared to go hang out with people because I figure they don't want to be around me. Plus my younger brother is a stud with a lot of friends and he rubs it in my face which then even more hurts my confidence.

Then this website preaches you have to be something special to get women, something I am not. I somewhat enjoy not being around people because then I'm not a nervous wreck.

 

Can I change? Are there like articles I can read to help me or tapes. My low confidence is somewhat ruining my life, to where I can't have much fun. What can I do to fix my issues. Please help

[suegail]

For one thing, I would say try to avoid constantly making comparisons. You can't be anyone other than who you are and if you become obsessed over the idea that you aren't as good as others there is no way to be happy in that state of mind. You'll feel trapped, you'll feel isolated - which is pretty much what you're describing.

 

You have nothing to talk about? What are your interests? If you have none, get some. Take up martial arts or running or music lessons of some kind or art work, and pick up books and actually read them through, discuss plot and storyline, become interested and enthusiastic. It's obvious that you're not by any means stupid, so why not show what you've got? Expand, learn, understand things, show off your knowledge...women usually like that sort of thing.

 

Don't spend time worrying what people are thinking about you. The truth is, most of the time they're busy thinking about themselves. That is a fact. Just lighten up and relax and be yourself.

[lindya]

Originally posted by suegail

For one thing, I would say try to avoid constantly making comparisons. You can't be anyone other than who you are and if you become obsessed over the idea that you aren't as good as others there is no way to be happy in that state of mind. You'll feel trapped, you'll feel isolated - which is pretty much what you're describing.

 

You have nothing to talk about? What are your interests? If you have none, get some. Take up martial arts or running or music lessons of some kind or art work, and pick up books and actually read them through, discuss plot and storyline, become interested and enthusiastic. It's obvious that you're not by any means stupid, so why not show what you've got? Expand, learn, understand things, show off your knowledge...women usually like that sort of thing.

 

Don't spend time worrying what people are thinking about you. The truth is, most of the time they're busy thinking about themselves. That is a fact. Just lighten up and relax and be yourself.

 

I think that's really good advice. There are many different types of personalities, and they all have their own strengths. If you took a noisy, extrovert and placed them in a large group of quiet sensitive types, the extrovert might start as self-conscious as you find yourself feeling in these situations you mentioned.

 

I usually find that in large groups, two or three individuals will tend to hold court, a few others might hang onto their every word...whilst some people will start to feel a little bored and excluded. The roles vary according to the participants involved. Look out for the other people who aren't getting much of a say, and strike up conversations with them. You might find those conversations more interesting than the group ones.