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heart in atrophy


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when you fall for someone harder than you expected.

you then see they aren't as into you as you are them...

so you...try to protect yourself.

i walked away. haven't said a word to him in a whole year.

i see him in my town, when he lives several towns over. its always close to my job, where he knows i work.

i think, "is he trying to get my attention?" why is he here when he lives and works 30+ minutes away?

does he miss me? did he wonder where i went?

why hasnt he called?

i just want him to be happy, even

if its not with me.

ill never have my answers bc i will never ask him.

he made it clear, he had no feelings for me.

Edited by ahsad
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I'm sorry you are hurting. Good for you for having the insight to know that you will never get the answers you seek.

 

 

Hopefully your longing for him will fade over time.

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I'm sorry you are hurting. Good for you for having the insight to know that you will never get the answers you seek.

 

 

Hopefully your longing for him will fade over time.

 

Thank you for your reply.:)

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If he made it clear he had no feelings for you, that is all you need to know. What he does after that is up to him and probably not relevant to you. This is the problem with one-sided relationships, we tend to assume they must feel something or as strongly as we do. It is hard to understand how they can not feel the same, but they don't.

 

The only thing that would suggest his feelings about you have changed or that he was not completely honest about them at the time would be if he made an effort to contact you in person. Seeing him somewhere near where you work could be a coincidence. He could be working nearby or know someone near there. I would not read anything into it. Only direct, personal contact showing deliberate intention is relevant here.

 

Sorry you are hurting. I know it is frustrating to feel something so strong when it is not reciprocated. It is one of those unfair tricks that the mind plays on us.

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you are very right and i completely agree with you. at the beginning of all of this,he was the first to state he liked me. he was the one begging me to call him. but it was all a lie. after he got what he wanted,he basically did a 180. he made it seem like it was all in my head and i was completely alone in what we did. i was in total shock standing in front of him. like there was NO way my face didn't show it. i was holding back tears and couldn't speak. he then said he had to go, he was busy atm, but for me to call him.

i took it as he probably pitied me for what he just did and how i reacted. i didnt call. i just walked away and told myself in my head i was going to be ok. literally i just repeated it to myself on my way home thru tears.

people who know him said he took alot of time off work after i disappeared and was very angry for quiet some time (not missing me, probably had to nurse his ego.) sometimes i focus on that to make myself feel better, he never got to see the sheer magnitude of the pain he caused me, all the crying. but he has made no effort to say anything to me directly. so when i see him, i literally drive past and don't even make eye contact. it hurts like hell but i am very proud of myself. he probably thought he had another sucker that would fall at his feet and beg. he is handsome has hell so im sure this is his routine. thank you for taking the time to reply, i really appreciate it.

Edited by ahsad
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