Is my friend manipulative?

[El An]

Hi,

So this particular friend I met 2.5 years ago and we became pretty good friends. I'm quite an emotional person and I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the end of last year. She is the more rational and logical thinker between the two of us. We got closer last year as she ended up being in one my classes and we hung out more and chatted a lot. However, since the beginning of this year, a few things have happened that kind of made me question our friendship

 

- Every time I would try to initiate conversation with her, she would look at me, ignore me and then talk to another person right in front of me

 

- She would heavily imply that I wasn't very 'smart' and would give a highly judgmental look at me (an example is when we were doing work in class, I asked her for help because I didn't understand how to do a question and she said to me: 'You know it's supposed to be your own work right?' The reason I don't ask the teacher is because he can't explain things very well so I end up getting more confused and hence I go to this friend for help when I'm stuck but this is what started happening)

 

- This kept happening until one day, she told me that I was too 'clingy' and because I didn't understand her subtle cues (e.g. the look, eye-rolling and overall ignoring) she decided to tell me upfront. It hurt me a lot and I felt disgusted at myself for becoming such a clingy friend.

 

-After this 'conversation', things became 'better' in the fact that I didn't talk to her as much or I didn't really initiate conversation with her as much

-In turn, whenever she felt that she wanted to show me something, she would start talking to me and whenever I wanted to talk to her, she would brush me off. This made me feel angry because it just seemed unfair? That she could talk to me whenever she wanted but the moment I talked to her, I seemed irrelevant?

 

-The 'heavily implying that I was dumb' thing also continued so I ended becoming quite sad because I knew that I wasn't as smart as her and I just felt horrible each time she did it.

 

And then eventually, came the kicker. A week or so ago, I had another conversation with this 'friend'. She ended up telling me that her and another friend of her's (who is also a good friend of mine) enjoyed 'predicting people's reactions'. She said that she 'enjoyed it when she got their reactions right'. Then she told me she 'sometimes triggered me on purpose' so she could get an reaction and that my 'reactions were predictable' and that was why she did it.

 

After that conversation, I ended up thinking 'Was it me just really over-reacting? Is she just a blunt person that she doesn't realise what she says sometimes? ' But now whenever I hang out with her, I just always feels sad and want to avoid her. Is it me over-reacting?

 

So what do you guys think? Should I break things off with her or am I over-reacting to the things she does?

Super sorry for the extremely ranty paragraph

Have a lovely day~

Ro

[darkmoon]

Get away from them

 

Manipulation is when somebody says things to make another person say things back. A sob-story is one example, where you feel obligated to help. Another might be forcing a friendship on somebody by being saccarine-like, even though you do not like or trust them

 

They are jokers who will not get far in the adult world, you sound a bit young yet, in fact, you are under-reacting, some would simply tell them to eff off

 

You get these idiots (or similar) wherever you go, lol

 

Make careful notes in class to study at home, or ask your teacher to please re-phrase what they are saying

[preraph]

She sounds kind of mean, honestly. I wouldn't trust her with anything too personal.

[Ieris]

You should break it off, real friends don't do the things she does. There is no point sticking around someone who makes you feel miserable, make some new friends.

[healing light]

Yes, you need to start avoiding this person and cut them out of your life. When you look back, the only thing you will regret is not doing it sooner.

 

She sounds like she has sociopathic tendencies--manipulating you deliberately to provoke an emotional reaction for fun. This is not a friend.

 

Also, I think it reflects very poorly on her, not you, when she made implications about your intelligence. She sounds arrogant on top of manipulative. Not a good combination--friends should be supportive of each other, not deliberately tearing each other down.

[marianjan]

of something more happened?

[IndigoNight]

I don't know if I would consider her manipulative so much as a lousy person with a superiority complex. She thinks she is better with you (and probably a lot of other people), and intentionally plays with your emotions to get a response. What she is doing does not require much manipulation, since she knows that you are prone to emotional responses (having your feelings hurt, etc). She likely enjoys making you feel bad, because she is probably not a happy person to begin with.

 

Regardless of her motivations, you deserve better than her treatment of you. How she treats you is not friendship, in any sense of the word. She doesn't deserve any explanations from you. Don't try to give her one, because she will just twist it around back onto you.

 

It is a good time to seek out people who don't think making other people feel bad is acceptable. There are lots of clubs, study groups, etc. in college, seek out one that suits you. Leave her to "predicting how people react", and find people who left their high school mentality behind to go to college to grow up, and better themselves. (Your description of her brings to mind movies like "Mean Girls" and "Heathers")

[todreaminblue]

your friend seems a bit thoughtless in regards to your friendship.......you arent overreacting at all......i have a suggestion as far as your classes go ...if i didnt get something in class or needed further clarification instead of putting my hand up drawing attention to myself.....because i was one of those shy kids.....i would mark next to the notes in my book inside the margin with a question mark....and i would see the teacher after class and ask if i could have five minutes of his time at lunch or recess or after school......to go through it and explain it another way for me.....then...smilin...i would have to run to my next class.....but i didnt have to ask anyone in class and i didnt draw attention to myself.....teachers never turned me down i guess i was blessed with teachers who loved to teach ..try it next time.....

 

 

and no ..you arent over reacting....dont take what they say to heart......let it blow over the top of your head,be vague aroudn them, they will soon give up.... dont give them the reaction they seek....i find changing the topic helpful with people like this.....deb

[fredvasco12]

You do not have to be with her

Run away from her:mad::mad:

Faster than you can

[alec007]

Hi,

So this particular friend I met 2.5 years ago and we became pretty good friends. I'm quite an emotional person and I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the end of last year. She is the more rational and logical thinker between the two of us. We got closer last year as she ended up being in one my classes and we hung out more and chatted a lot. However, since the beginning of this year, a few things have happened that kind of made me question our friendship

 

- Every time I would try to initiate conversation with her, she would look at me, ignore me and then talk to another person right in front of me

 

- She would heavily imply that I wasn't very 'smart' and would give a highly judgmental look at me (an example is when we were doing work in class, I asked her for help because I didn't understand how to do a question and she said to me: 'You know it's supposed to be your own work right?' The reason I don't ask the teacher is because he can't explain things very well so I end up getting more confused and hence I go to this friend for help when I'm stuck but this is what started happening)

 

- This kept happening until one day, she told me that I was too 'clingy' and because I didn't understand her subtle cues (e.g. the look, eye-rolling and overall ignoring) she decided to tell me upfront. It hurt me a lot and I felt disgusted at myself for becoming such a clingy friend.

 

-After this 'conversation', things became 'better' in the fact that I didn't talk to her as much or I didn't really initiate conversation with her as much

-In turn, whenever she felt that she wanted to show me something, she would start talking to me and whenever I wanted to talk to her, she would brush me off. This made me feel angry because it just seemed unfair? That she could talk to me whenever she wanted but the moment I talked to her, I seemed irrelevant?

 

-The 'heavily implying that I was dumb' thing also continued so I ended becoming quite sad because I knew that I wasn't as smart as her and I just felt horrible each time she did it.

 

And then eventually, came the kicker. A week or so ago, I had another conversation with this 'friend'. She ended up telling me that her and another friend of her's (who is also a good friend of mine) enjoyed 'predicting people's reactions'. She said that she 'enjoyed it when she got their reactions right'. Then she told me she 'sometimes triggered me on purpose' so she could get an reaction and that my 'reactions were predictable' and that was why she did it.

 

After that conversation, I ended up thinking 'Was it me just really over-reacting? Is she just a blunt person that she doesn't realise what she says sometimes? ' But now whenever I hang out with her, I just always feels sad and want to avoid her. Is it me over-reacting?

 

So what do you guys think? Should I break things off with her or am I over-reacting to the things she does?

Super sorry for the extremely ranty paragraph

Have a lovely day~

Ro

 

 

Absolutely manipulative. I have a friend like that as well, I wrote a thread on it.