Can't stop beating myself up over mistakes with women.

[turokturok5]

I suck when it comes to women and I know it. I've accepted this and i'm trying to learn how to take chances and put myself out there more. However every time I do this, I manage to mess it up in some way and end up falling into a bigger slump than I was in before. It seems to be a vicious cycle. The most recent example - I stayed the night at a girls place who was interested in me and I didn't make a move. I have done this on more than one occasion. Usually i'd just get angry with myself and do nothing about it. This time I tried to salvage it by messaging her and asking her if she wanted to hang out again but she just blew me off. Now I feel depressed and can't stop analysing the whole situation and its affecting my ability to study for upcoming exams. Basically, my confidence and belief in myself has taken a blow and I'm really struggling to recover.

 

This seems to be a common theme in my life. I'll have a golden opportunity with someone i'm attracted to, i'll mess it up, fall into a slump, mope around for days, eventually pick myself up and start working on my confidence again, only to have it happen all over again. The most recent example I provided I regard as my most catastrophic failure and am going to make sure that next time I try make a move, even if that means getting harshly rejected. I think i'd rather get rejected than feel the regret I feel right now. But how do you NOT constantly beat yourself up and obsess over these things when they happen?

[d0nnivain]

If you recognize the mistakes -- not making a move -- change that behavior. Make a move next time.

[Bastile]

But how do you NOT constantly beat yourself up and obsess over these things when they happen?

 

By zooming out, and gaining perspective. When you do that, you realize that each woman is practice for the next.

 

And, you'll also find that most guys are full of sh*t. They talk mostly conquests and highlights. We've all missed open goals, and screwed up in ridiculous ways.

 

Develop perspective and a "boys will be boys" sense of humour about it all.

 

And of course, learn from your mistakes.

[babysacay]

Yeah, it's all about learning from mistakes and applying that knowledge to the next. I improve with each relationship and am more patient, less pressuring, and more go-with-the flow with each man I date. I still made mistakes with my most recent ex but I had made improvements I learned from previous men and applied them to my relationship with him. Now I'll take these lessons and apply them to my next relationship. Currently working on being okay being single like I was before my ex and working on just doing me because I think that really helped the relationship. For some reason, something shifted and I got anxious and pressuring again but I know I'll improve. Chin up!