Making a Relationship "LONG TERM"

[DancerEngineer]

Also, you keep saying, Don't ask her out.

Coach Corey Wayne always says when the girl contacts you, make a date and hang up.

If I just ignore her, and give her the silent treatment, where will that go?

if i never ask her out, and tell her, "well lets do this another time" when she says idk, then how will I ever get to hang with her? I can't hang with her when she randomly ask me to hang? Then how is this even possible?

[DancerEngineer]

Her getting drunk had nothing to do with your not inviting her, but everything to do with her liking to get drunk. She really got the nerve. She couldn't even pay for the lesson, and got mad at you? Plus, she knows fully when the lesson is; so she will invite herself (knowing fully someone will be desperate enough to cover for her cost) if she's interested.

 

No, in the past, i told her I have swing class on Thursdays, and she said, "hey how come you never invited me?!?!?!"

[MidwestUSA]

Actually that is exactly what I did. She said in the past she isn't going to home depot without me. So that was kinda a given. I NEVER told her in the text last night that i was going to go to home depot. Instead I asked her for her availability to make a DATE instead. Not to be her errand boy. I am NOT ABSOLUTELY NOT going to home depot with her today. NO WAY!

When she said i have to see about Wednesday, I should have said, "well if you aren't sure, we will just have to do it another time."

I have NOT texted her at allll today. And I do NOT PLAN ON IT.

When she text me today, I will give her the, "well if you are unsure of your availability, I don't want to make maybe plans. I am too busy."

 

 

 

Okay, let's man up here a bit.

 

Do you want to date this girl?

 

If so, I suggest

 

Don't ask for availability, ask her out for a specific date, place and time. She hardly works, she'll be 'available' if she really wants to see you.

 

Stop giving her the 'well, IF YOU aren't sure' business. Stop all the if/then, and/but ambiguity.

 

There's no need to emphasize that you're busy, just BE busy. Offer up a specific date/venue. If she declines, oh well.

 

I gotta ask, OP, have your parents met this girl?

[JuneL]

No, in the past, i told her I have swing class on Thursdays, and she said, "hey how come you never invited me?!?!?!"

 

That's HER problem, period.

[DancerEngineer]

Okay, let's man up here a bit.

 

Do you want to date this girl?

 

If so, I suggest

 

Don't ask for availability, ask her out for a specific date, place and time. She hardly works, she'll be 'available' if she really wants to see you.

 

Stop giving her the 'well, IF YOU aren't sure' business. Stop all the if/then, and/but ambiguity.

 

There's no need to emphasize that you're busy, just BE busy. Offer up a specific date/venue. If she declines, oh well.

 

I gotta ask, OP, have your parents met this girl?

 

Got it. I thought the best way was to get the girl today when she is free and then suggest something on the day she says she is free.

If I just randomly make up dates, it is more of an opportunity for her to be flaky.

Yes, my mom has met her once. At our dance show in the past. She can't say much because she doesn't' know her much. I have met her parents many times, and I know her parents like me.

[DancerEngineer]

That's HER problem, period.

 

Yes. Noted.*

[DancerEngineer]

Everyone keeps saying, don't ask her out. Can we get this cleared up?

If I never ask her out, then how are we going to hang out?? LOL

 

What am I supposed to do instead? Just flat out ignore her and push her away??? This makes no sense to me.

[Versacehottie]

Also, you keep saying, Don't ask her out.

Coach Corey Wayne always says when the girl contacts you, make a date and hang up.

If I just ignore her, and give her the silent treatment, where will that go?

if i never ask her out, and tell her, "well lets do this another time" when she says idk, then how will I ever get to hang with her? I can't hang with her when she randomly ask me to hang? Then how is this even possible?

 

As far as I see it if you really look at what she said and what you said: you now have a half-assed, half-committed to date to help her at home depot!@@

 

I know you are still learning and granted she flipped it on you! But stop trying to rush for dates. You've already set up the dynamic where she makes all the plans and if you insist on following "coach" corey wayne, maybe you should really commit to how he says to do it and I'm sure that's not it. Basically in your conversation there was the equivalent of a pregnant pause--fricking let her LIVE with it. For once you just need to hang up or stop the text convo without asking to see her or pushing her to set plans with you. She is not treating you well--you show in that case that you are on the fence about her and not going to give her the same level of attention.

 

It was actually worse than just saying "let me know when you know". for one, effectively you were still talking about home depot and effectively she got you to open your schedule kind wide and then flipped it back around where she said she "thinks" she should be free. This after she just told you wednesday. I'm sorry she is so flakey!! it beyond her not being 100% interested in you. She is a mess. She doesn't like to commit at all. You know what the underlying tone of all that is: "if something better comes up, I'm not technically obligated." Sad thing is, she always gives you that line--so she doesn't appreciate you being good enough to make a plan with. IF she ever becomes your gf, you will look back at this thread and regret it, trust me. She IS a loser.

 

For wednesday just pretend like you misunderstood what you guys were going to do together or that you have resumes and job recruiting stuff to do that's more important. Blow her off. And we need a roll eye emoji!!!!!

[MidwestUSA]

Got it. I thought the best way was to get the girl today when she is free and then suggest something on the day she says she is free.

If I just randomly make up dates, it is more of an opportunity for her to be flaky.

Yes, my mom has met her once. At our dance show in the past. She can't say much because she doesn't' know her much. I have met her parents many times, and I know her parents like me.

 

I'm sure they do. You're an ENGINEER! I know it's standard to defy your parents when young, but ask yourself if this is the type of girl your parents would approve of.

 

After the drunkenness, the flakiness, and the party with friends whom you wouldn't be caught dead with, do you really think so highly of her that you want to pursue this? I mean, seriously, the gecko's uncle? It sounds like she and her parents are caught in some type of childhood time warp.

 

Getting back to basics, she doesn't sound like your type. I get that she's got a special place in your heart, having taken your virginity, but.....

 

just sayin'.

[Versacehottie]

I also know what I am going to say about the swing lessons.

 

The month of July they are teaching us a flash mob routine and the the first week of September we go out and do our routine in a flash mob. haha

 

I think its obvious she doesn't really take an interest in swing, since she likes Latin and ballroom more, but i'll give her one more chance to take it up.

 

Next time it comes up, i am going to say, "BTW, next week is your last chance to join us. if you don't want to join us, I'm going to find a new partner to learn the routine with. "

She might freak out and not want to lose the opportunity, or she simply might not be interested in it, which is fine. I don't expect her to be. I can't expect everyone to like every single hobby I have. But I will still be going and learning the routine with another partner.

 

And um give it up about the swing lessons with her!!! She had her chance--asking again is looking desperate & coddling her. If you want her to stop wishy-washy behavior than stop trying to pin her down for things she doesn't commit to the FIRST time!!!

 

You don't need to threaten her with having another dance partner. This girl most certainly gets around and will definitely figure that out or jump to that conclusion--after all it's how you met, right? Leave it alone. Keep your hobbies to yourself now (better for in case this all goes south) and better to just develop a relationship with her that is about you guys--not dancing, not geckos, not you doing sh*t for her. If she ACTUALLY likes you that shouldn't be a problem!

[DancerEngineer]

As far as I see it if you really look at what she said and what you said: you now have a half-assed, half-committed to date to help her at home depot!@@

 

I know you are still learning and granted she flipped it on you! But stop trying to rush for dates. You've already set up the dynamic where she makes all the plans and if you insist on following "coach" corey wayne, maybe you should really commit to how he says to do it and I'm sure that's not it. Basically in your conversation there was the equivalent of a pregnant pause--fricking let her LIVE with it. For once you just need to hang up or stop the text convo without asking to see her or pushing her to set plans with you. She is not treating you well--you show in that case that you are on the fence about her and not going to give her the same level of attention.

 

It was actually worse than just saying "let me know when you know". for one, effectively you were still talking about home depot and effectively she got you to open your schedule kind wide and then flipped it back around where she said she "thinks" she should be free. This after she just told you wednesday. I'm sorry she is so flakey!! it beyond her not being 100% interested in you. She is a mess. She doesn't like to commit at all. You know what the underlying tone of all that is: "if something better comes up, I'm not technically obligated." Sad thing is, she always gives you that line--so she doesn't appreciate you being good enough to make a plan with. IF she ever becomes your gf, you will look back at this thread and regret it, trust me. She IS a loser.

 

For wednesday just pretend like you misunderstood what you guys were going to do together or that you have resumes and job recruiting stuff to do that's more important. Blow her off. And we need a roll eye emoji!!!!!

 

Yes, that is exactly what I said I did, but I never said I was going to go to home depot with her today. Nor am i going to. I will ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Last night I should have declined the Wednesday offer and said, "well if you aren't sure about Wednesday, then we will just have to do it another time."

 

But I said the wrong thing...as always. I always say the wrong thing because I'm a moron and im getting sick of saying the wrong thing always.

But if the Wednesday thing comes up today, I will say, "well if you aren't sure about Wednesday, then we will have to do it another time."

And if it never comes up, I will be busy doing something else Wednesday and tell her she never made plans with me. So I am now busy.

[DancerEngineer]

And um give it up about the swing lessons with her!!! She had her chance--asking again is looking desperate & coddling her. If you want her to stop wishy-washy behavior than stop trying to pin her down for things she doesn't commit to the FIRST time!!!

 

You don't need to threaten her with having another dance partner. This girl most certainly gets around and will definitely figure that out or jump to that conclusion--after all it's how you met, right? Leave it alone. Keep your hobbies to yourself now (better for in case this all goes south) and better to just develop a relationship with her that is about you guys--not dancing, not geckos, not you doing sh*t for her. If she ACTUALLY likes you that shouldn't be a problem!

 

Well worded. I wont bring it up again. if she ask me to hang on a Thursday, I will just say, "sorry im at dance class."

[DancerEngineer]

As of now, I have not heard from her yet. The last we spoke was when she said good night to me.

I do NOT plan on texting her today.

I am sure she will randomly text me later and say something along the lines of, "what are you up to?"

 

So I guess I should just say, I am currently busy, right?

[Versacehottie]

Yes, that is exactly what I said I did, but I never said I was going to go to home depot with her today. Nor am i going to. I will ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Last night I should have declined the Wednesday offer and said, "well if you aren't sure about Wednesday, then we will just have to do it another time."

But I said the wrong thing...as always. I always say the wrong thing because I'm a moron and im getting sick of saying the wrong thing always.

But if the Wednesday thing comes up today, I will say, "well if you aren't sure about Wednesday, then we will have to do it another time."

And if it never comes up, I will be busy doing something else Wednesday and tell her she never made plans with me. So I am now busy.

 

Yes something like that is along the lines. You don't want to portray bitterness though. Here's what you should do: pre-empt her wishy washyness by getting back in touch with her tomorrow (tuesday) and say: "hey, just wanted to get in touch about tomorrow, my schedule changed and I'm not free tmrw now--I know you weren't sure either, just wanted to let you know what's going on my end. Let's go out one night soon though".

 

Someone else on this thread might want to word it a little shorter (less girly than I just did) but that is the gist. Basically get to her before she gets to you and jerks you around (which she already did btw). No worries, if she likes you, you will have a chance to see her in the future. You will be showing her that if her commitment to seeing you isn't solid, then yours isn't either. Plus then you have a chance for it not to be home depot errands!!! Don't you wonder why you are stuck doing all that junk with her when you have offered real dates??? That's weird user behavior on her end.

[MidwestUSA]

As of now, I have not heard from her yet. The last we spoke was when she said good night to me.

I do NOT plan on texting her today.

I am sure she will randomly text me later and say something along the lines of, "what are you up to?"

 

So I guess I should just say, I am currently busy, right?

 

 

It's perfectly fine to say 'nothing'. Let her wonder. Don't be at her beck and call for every breadcrumb!

 

Although you did say you were fine with last minute plans, as long as they led to sex. What is your final goal here?

[DancerEngineer]

Yes something like that is along the lines. You don't want to portray bitterness though. Here's what you should do: pre-empt her wishy washyness by getting back in touch with her tomorrow (tuesday) and say: "hey, just wanted to get in touch about tomorrow, my schedule changed and I'm not free tmrw now--I know you weren't sure either, just wanted to let you know what's going on my end. Let's go out one night soon though".

 

Someone else on this thread might want to word it a little shorter (less girly than I just did) but that is the gist. Basically get to her before she gets to you and jerks you around (which she already did btw). No worries, if she likes you, you will have a chance to see her in the future. You will be showing her that if her commitment to seeing you isn't solid, then yours isn't either. Plus then you have a chance for it not to be home depot errands!!! Don't you wonder why you are stuck doing all that junk with her when you have offered real dates??? That's weird user behavior on her end.

 

Good plan. I'm going to do something along those lines.

Also, I have never been dragged into doing crap like this for her ever since last week. We were always hanging out and hooking up. It was the same thing over and over again. It was awesome. I want that back.

[DancerEngineer]

It's perfectly fine to say 'nothing'. Let her wonder. Don't be at her beck and call for every breadcrumb!

 

Although you did say you were fine with last minute plans, as long as they led to sex. What is your final goal here?

 

Final goal is a relationship. Hooking up and having sex leads to a relationship.

me being her errand boy, leads to me being her slave.

[Versacehottie]

As of now, I have not heard from her yet. The last we spoke was when she said good night to me.

I do NOT plan on texting her today.

I am sure she will randomly text me later and say something along the lines of, "what are you up to?"

 

So I guess I should just say, I am currently busy, right?

 

what about don't answer until tuesday? and then you can say smtg like I just recommended OR what ever low investment sh*t she asks, give her the the same back. Match her step for step (though I really wouldn't want to be that boring but pretty sure she can deal with it).

 

Example: Her: what are you up to?

You (a while later): in the middle of a bunch of things, U?

then whatever she writes back, just match--if she tells you a sob story, don't rush to help, sooth or whatever. If she tells you a funny story, match that, when it suits you to answer, i.e. not right away as you are busy doing other things.

 

I'll tell you what other guys do (more experienced, bf types), literally if i was to say her boring (actually needy but you don't see that) stuff, they'd drop off the conversation. They would just answer if a question is involved and slow the rate of response and if it gets too boring or they are 'in the middle of stuff" they just drop off. Even bf's, trust me. Because the only reason this is flying, is because you are more needy than she is. You are undervaluing yourself. You are above her level in character. Not as experienced but so what. Stop trying to pin her down. Basically you should be trying to date the world--this is your moment

[Versacehottie]

Well worded. I wont bring it up again. if she ask me to hang on a Thursday, I will just say, "sorry im at dance class."

 

no don't answer bc you are busy. Then next day you can answer. I wouldn't bring up where you were. Trust me she knows. If she asks you can tell her & say it was really fun, period.

[JuneL]

Final goal is a relationship. Hooking up and having sex leads to a relationship.

me being her errand boy, leads to me being her slave.

 

Speaking of errand boy, her saying that she will go to home depot only if you go with her is absolutely stupid and ridiculous. Again, it's her problem.

[MidwestUSA]

Final goal is a relationship. Hooking up and having sex leads to a relationship.

me being her errand boy, leads to me being her slave.

 

No, hooking up and having sex leads to hooking up and having sex! She got the errand boy as a bonus.

[Versacehottie]

Good plan. I'm going to do something along those lines.

Also, I have never been dragged into doing crap like this for her ever since last week. We were always hanging out and hooking up. It was the same thing over and over again. It was awesome. I want that back.

 

What???? I'm confused. I've only heard of two times doing that. (pretty sure). I've been meaning to say this because I want you to be real with yourself: do you ever wonder if it's bc you had sex for 1st and 2nd time with her that you think she is so great? Maybe it's just the act of sex? Go find someone else.

 

And yes as far as I can tell you have been doing stuff for her all along. You are cherry picking again. Even with just the stuff you've written here--you've MAINLY been an errand boy, back burner, ego boost for her. Sex was just a by-product that happened a couple of times. It wasn't that great. Have some more with others and get back to us.

[DancerEngineer]

what about don't answer until tuesday? and then you can say smtg like I just recommended OR what ever low investment sh*t she asks, give her the the same back. Match her step for step (though I really wouldn't want to be that boring but pretty sure she can deal with it).

 

Example: Her: what are you up to?

You (a while later): in the middle of a bunch of things, U?

then whatever she writes back, just match--if she tells you a sob story, don't rush to help, sooth or whatever. If she tells you a funny story, match that, when it suits you to answer, i.e. not right away as you are busy doing other things.

 

I'll tell you what other guys do (more experienced, bf types), literally if i was to say her boring (actually needy but you don't see that) stuff, they'd drop off the conversation. They would just answer if a question is involved and slow the rate of response and if it gets too boring or they are 'in the middle of stuff" they just drop off. Even bf's, trust me. Because the only reason this is flying, is because you are more needy than she is. You are undervaluing yourself. You are above her level in character. Not as experienced but so what. Stop trying to pin her down. Basically you should be trying to date the world--this is your moment

 

Ok, I kinda got that. I half understood that. But when she text tonight, she knows I am busy, because she kinda said, "Oh so you busy tomorrow."

so i have no idea how long it will take her to text me, but I am NOT seeing her today. But wait till Tomorrow to respond? I feel like that will make her think I am intentionally playing games.

 

Ok, as of now I know I should be her errand boy, and I should just be concentrating on dating her. But what should I be doing then?

[DancerEngineer]

No, hooking up and having sex leads to hooking up and having sex! She got the errand boy as a bonus.

 

Hooking up and having sex doesn't lead to a long term relationship? Ummm then what does?

[DancerEngineer]

What???? I'm confused. I've only heard of two times doing that. (pretty sure). I've been meaning to say this because I want you to be real with yourself: do you ever wonder if it's bc you had sex for 1st and 2nd time with her that you think she is so great? Maybe it's just the act of sex? Go find someone else.

 

And yes as far as I can tell you have been doing stuff for her all along. You are cherry picking again. Even with just the stuff you've written here--you've MAINLY been an errand boy, back burner, ego boost for her. Sex was just a by-product that happened a couple of times. It wasn't that great. Have some more with others and get back to us.

 

You think i like her because of just the sex? Well you are wrong. I liked her before I gave her my virginity. it wasn't an easy decision to give her my virginity. But I only gave it to her because at the time it seemed like it was going to lead into a relationship and i liked her. And it just so happened that the sex was great for both of us.