Making a Relationship "LONG TERM"

[DancerEngineer]

Thanks guys! You are all amazing!!!!

 

After dance class she called me and said she was sorry she got so drunk and wanted to talk like she always does.

On the phone i made my intentions clear.

I told her I missed her and I would like to see her again.

She said," I would like to see you again too."

Then I asked her when we were hanging again, and she gave me the usual, "IDK."

So I just said, "ok, w/e, let me know when you free." and left it at that. So she just told me a little about her day and how sick she was and she told me to have a good last day at work, and said good night. Last I spoke to her.

-----

I WILL take ALL YOUR ADVICE. I am 'ABSOLUTELY NOT" hanging with her tonight.

If she calls me over tonight, I'm telling her sorry I made plans, and I asked you yesterday but you told me ,"idk." so I made plans."

 

I might hang with my other friend at her dance studio, or get dinner with my parents instead tonight.

----------

Now, Today is my last day at work since me and a couple of other engineers got laid off.

Thankfully it was a "buy out" and I still get paid for a few weeks after this week, so I am not completely unemployed, but these next weeks I will be more free and deciding on which job in the area I want to settle on.

This is good for me because these next few week I will still be getting paid and be working 100 percent of my time on job hunting, so then I can move out again. I don't want to move out till I know where my next job is located in the area. I like living close to my job.

---

I am assuming she is thinking now that I will have a lot of free time and can call me whenever she wants to summon me up.

----

So the question is, if and when she does call me up to come over or do something:

If she calls me and wants to do something fun that will involve possible hooking up and boyfriend and girlfriend stuff, I should absolutely come over, right?

BUT, if she calls me over and it doesn't involve anything a boyfriend and girl friend would do or anything that involves maybe hooking up, just tell her I am busy? I don't want to make up a lie. So not sure what to say to that?????

 

-----

Thanks again everyone. I feel more confident pulling back now.

Maybe it is my energy level at work right now on lunch break, but I did have a little panic attack after I got home from dance class last night because she canceled on me.

[Versacehottie]

Thanks guys! You are all amazing!!!!

 

After dance class she called me and said she was sorry she got so drunk and wanted to talk like she always does.

On the phone i made my intentions clear.

I told her I missed her and I would like to see her again.

She said," I would like to see you again too."

Then I asked her when we were hanging again, and she gave me the usual, "IDK."

So I just said, "ok, w/e, let me know when you free." and left it at that. So she just told me a little about her day and how sick she was and she told me to have a good last day at work, and said good night. Last I spoke to her.

-----

I WILL take ALL YOUR ADVICE. I am 'ABSOLUTELY NOT" hanging with her tonight.

If she calls me over tonight, I'm telling her sorry I made plans, and I asked you yesterday but you told me ,"idk." so I made plans."

 

I might hang with my other friend at her dance studio, or get dinner with my parents instead tonight.

----------

Now, Today is my last day at work since me and a couple of other engineers got laid off.

Thankfully it was a "buy out" and I still get paid for a few weeks after this week, so I am not completely unemployed, but these next weeks I will be more free and deciding on which job in the area I want to settle on.

This is good for me because these next few week I will still be getting paid and be working 100 percent of my time on job hunting, so then I can move out again. I don't want to move out till I know where my next job is located in the area. I like living close to my job.

---

I am assuming she is thinking now that I will have a lot of free time and can call me whenever she wants to summon me up.

----

So the question is, if and when she does call me up to come over or do something:

If she calls me and wants to do something fun that will involve possible hooking up and boyfriend and girlfriend stuff, I should absolutely come over, right?

BUT, if she calls me over and it doesn't involve anything a boyfriend and girl friend would do or anything that involves maybe hooking up, just tell her I am busy? I don't want to make up a lie. So not sure what to say to that?????

 

-----

Thanks again everyone. I feel more confident pulling back now.

Maybe it is my energy level at work right now on lunch break, but I did have a little panic attack after I got home from dance class last night because she canceled on me.

 

Oh gosh, appreciate the compliment and realize you may need to get there in steps (even baby steps) but you are not interpreting our advice correctly (well in my opinion).

 

*don't tell her you miss her--she hasn't done ANYTHING to warrant that. If anything, she needs to be worried that you are not still in this. Nothing needs to be said, just do in your actions.

 

*Starting with: why are you answering the phone to someone who flaked on you. She should be worried that you having fun with whoever you did take to dancing. Don't answer--she is jerking your chain.

 

*WTF: "ok, let me know when you are free" is PERMISSION for her to KEEP doing her idk and not making plans with you!!! She already booked you for friday (half-ass but still she knows you bought it) and now hasn't taken the opportunity to mention it last night or reconfirm. In response to both an "i miss you" and "when am I gonna see you again" she said "idk". WTF!! You are back burner and she is playing games. How you see this as success is not good.

 

*don't hang with her tonight under any circumstances. Don't answer, don't respond to texts. She will test you, I'm pretty sure of that. Tell her as you said: I made plans when you next speak to her--I suggest waiting until next week. The best way to deal with this and not having to lie--is to actually make plans, engage in your life!! You're happy about your job ending so go celebrate it--even if it is just with your parents. THEY are loyal to you; she is not.

 

*remember when you said you thought she was a loser when you first met her--your first instinct was right. she is a loser.

[DancerEngineer]

Oh gosh, appreciate the compliment and realize you may need to get there in steps (even baby steps) but you are not interpreting our advice correctly (well in my opinion).

 

*don't tell her you miss her--she hasn't done ANYTHING to warrant that. If anything, she needs to be worried that you are not still in this. Nothing needs to be said, just do in your actions.

 

*Starting with: why are you answering the phone to someone who flaked on you. She should be worried that you having fun with whoever you did take to dancing. Don't answer--she is jerking your chain.

 

*WTF: "ok, let me know when you are free" is PERMISSION for her to KEEP doing her idk and not making plans with you!!! She already booked you for friday (half-ass but still she knows you bought it) and now hasn't taken the opportunity to mention it last night or reconfirm. In response to both an "i miss you" and "when am I gonna see you again" she said "idk". WTF!! You are back burner and she is playing games. How you see this as success is not good.

 

*don't hang with her tonight under any circumstances. Don't answer, don't respond to texts. She will test you, I'm pretty sure of that. Tell her as you said: I made plans when you next speak to her--I suggest waiting until next week. The best way to deal with this and not having to lie--is to actually make plans, engage in your life!! You're happy about your job ending so go celebrate it--even if it is just with your parents. THEY are loyal to you; she is not.

 

*remember when you said you thought she was a loser when you first met her--your first instinct was right. she is a loser.

 

Got it. Thanks for all of that. Got it. Sorry i am picking up all this so slow.

 

I said, "ok, let me know when you are free" because that is what Coach Corey Wayne says to always just say when a girl bails on you. Say that and then go on with your life. So that is what I did.

 

So the questions i still have remaining are when do I hang with her and when do I not.

She WILL RANDOMLY call me to hang. When do i accept and when do I not accept.

i am assuming only accept if it is an opportunity to hook up and no just be her butler.

But if it is doing her errands and ****, make a counter offer and tell her I am too busy, right?

 

Dang, the week after we had sex she was blowing up my phone every single freaking day non stop trying to see me! What the heck. I can't wait till that happens again. i miss her a lot now. ****.

[clia]

Got it. Thanks for all of that. Got it. Sorry i am picking up all this so slow.

 

You should read Corey Wayne's book this weekend. That will keep you busy.

 

I said, "ok, let me know when you are free" because that is what Coach Corey Wayne says to always just say when a girl bails on you. Say that and then go on with your life. So that is what I did.

 

Can you explain to me why Corey Wayne advises doing this? (I know why, but I want to know if you understand the reasoning why because you really don't seem to be getting it. You need to understand the rationale behind his advice so you can apply it to your specific situations, so you don't have to keep asking how to respond and what to say and when to hang out. Here, yes, you used Corey Wayne's words, but you also told her you missed her and said/did a bunch of other stuff he wouldn't advise. You seem to be completely missing the point.)

 

So the questions i still have remaining are when do I hang with her and when do I not.

She WILL RANDOMLY call me to hang. When do i accept and when do I not accept.

i am assuming only accept if it is an opportunity to hook up and no just be her butler.

But if it is doing her errands and ****, make a counter offer and tell her I am too busy, right?

 

What do you think Corey Wayne would advise you to do?

 

In my opinion, you should not see her more than once a week. Whatever day you want. You need to create space and distance. So, since you last jumped on Wednesday, you should not see her again until at least next Wednesday. When she asks, you can handle it any number of ways:

 

(1) Tell her you are busy or have other plans. You shouldn't lie but please note that "busy" can mean binge watching Game of Thrones, reading a book, surfing the Internet, taking a shower, cleaning the house, doing laundry, or whatever. "Busy" doesn't just mean that you have to be out and about. You can also tell her you don't feel like getting together.

 

(2) Don't respond right away. Wait until the next day or several hours later, and then tell her you are sorry you missed her message, but you were busy. (See above.) You don't have to respond to every single text message or phone call right away and you don't have to jump every time she says jump. You have to get that through your head.

[DancerEngineer]

You should read Corey Wayne's book this weekend. That will keep you busy.

 

 

 

Can you explain to me why Corey Wayne advises doing this? (I know why, but I want to know if you understand the reasoning why because you really don't seem to be getting it. You need to understand the rationale behind his advice so you can apply it to your specific situations, so you don't have to keep asking how to respond and what to say and when to hang out. Here, yes, you used Corey Wayne's words, but you also told her you missed her and said/did a bunch of other stuff he wouldn't advise. You seem to be completely missing the point.)

 

 

 

 

I'm going to read his book this weekend.

That is what I will be BUSY doing.

 

Also, So i guess I should have still said, "ok cool get back to me when you find out." But I should have NOT told her I missed her and wanted to see her. Got it. Is that right? Or am i wrong on this logic?

 

Well i last saw her Monday, not Wednesday. So I am just going to tell her I am busy and I have to read a book for my interviews. Which is really Coach Corey Waynes book.

 

So when she gets to me, i'll say, "Sorry, I have plans and i am busy. but let me know your schedule of when you are free."

Right?

 

Also, not sure what to do if she simply just text me and says, "Hey" I am assuming just say how's it going? That is all, and see what she saiid, and then tell her I have to go, but get back to me on her schedule?

 

And if she says, "What are you up to?" Then flat out tell her I am busy. right?

 

Coach Corey Waynes book is on my desk at home right now. I am ready to pick up that think as soon as I get home and stay busy with it.

Edited June 16, 2017 by DancerEngineer

[DancerEngineer]

OHHH KAY!!!!! I just got a random text from her that said,

"Would you be down to house sit for us? We will pay you to watch our animals and you can bring your parrot. it could be nice for you to have a break from the rents."

 

she is going on vacation soon with her family. So she is asking me to house sit. I personally think this is a good idea. I think I should respond with, "heck yeah I will be down, well talk about it next time i see you."

 

This is a huge sign she wants me to stay in her life I guess. I never thought she would ask me this. I guess her parents want me to house sit for them when they are gone. hhmmmmmmmm I think it would be wrong to say no, and the parents would want me to do it. So i feel wrong saying, "no i am to busy" for this type of thing. And the parents are going to pay me.

Edited June 16, 2017 by DancerEngineer

[Versacehottie]

You should read Corey Wayne's book this weekend. That will keep you busy.

 

 

 

Can you explain to me why Corey Wayne advises doing this? (I know why, but I want to know if you understand the reasoning why because you really don't seem to be getting it. You need to understand the rationale behind his advice so you can apply it to your specific situations, so you don't have to keep asking how to respond and what to say and when to hang out. Here, yes, you used Corey Wayne's words, but you also told her you missed her and said/did a bunch of other stuff he wouldn't advise. You seem to be completely missing the point.)

 

 

 

What do you think Corey Wayne would advise you to do?

 

In my opinion, you should not see her more than once a week. Whatever day you want. You need to create space and distance. So, since you last jumped on Wednesday, you should not see her again until at least next Wednesday. When she asks, you can handle it any number of ways:

 

(1) Tell her you are busy or have other plans. You shouldn't lie but please note that "busy" can mean binge watching Game of Thrones, reading a book, surfing the Internet, taking a shower, cleaning the house, doing laundry, or whatever. "Busy" doesn't just mean that you have to be out and about. You can also tell her you don't feel like getting together.

 

(2) Don't respond right away. Wait until the next day or several hours later, and then tell her you are sorry you missed her message, but you were busy. (See above.) You don't have to respond to every single text message or phone call right away and you don't have to jump every time she says jump. You have to get that through your head.

 

Exactly^^^^!!!!!

 

I would also add that part of the reason IN YOUR CASE that you shouldn't respond with "ok, let me know when you are free" is because:

*Ok, indicates you are FINE with her idk response. At this point you should give her sh*t for her wishy washy answers. Teasingly ok.

 

*"let me know when you are free" can be ok to respond when someone genuinely has another obligation or genuinely doesn't know. When they are just jerking you around because they don't WANT to decide and want EVERYTHING on their terms, it is not the right response. Also IF you jump when she is ready to see you, your response is not as CW or anyone with sense means it to be. They/he/we do not mean it as an open invitation for her to decide to see you on a whim and then you clear your schedule and jump to make it happen and/or are waiting and on standby for that call from her saying she is ready to see you. You need to bite the bullet a few times and tell her you're not able to see her and let the chips fall where they may. You will get your real answer on how interested she is if you do this. (i think she will just keep playing games for a long time & that you don't have the willpower to do it but that's another story).

 

*make an appt with your therapist to discuss this behavior. It's LOTS of good examples that you can work with to analyze and build from. You need to stop worrying about what you can do to elicit a specific response in her and you need to start concerning yourself with what you want and need to do for yourself and build some self-worth. I'm not afraid that it will spill into narcissist territory with you. You just need to take care of yourself. You want to know how to hook more girls; you need to learn how to respect yourself and then others will.

 

I know it's hard if you are just learning but you are going about it the wrong way & have the wrong focus. The focus should be you. You are missing the point because you are intent on making her your gf and having more sex with her--all the while ignoring the very real fact that she is not worthy of your time or attention. You have to stay in an evaluating mode to SEE if she is worthy of you not be eager beaver to get to an end point. This is a mistake mostly girls make. She is failing at every point to show you she should be in your life. And you are failing yourself by not behaving in a self-respecting manner. Good luck.

[DancerEngineer]

Exactly^^^^!!!!!

 

I would also add that part of the reason IN YOUR CASE that you shouldn't respond with "ok, let me know when you are free" is because:

*Ok, indicates you are FINE with her idk response. At this point you should give her sh*t for her wishy washy answers. Teasingly ok.

 

*"let me know when you are free" can be ok to respond when someone genuinely has another obligation or genuinely doesn't know. When they are just jerking you around because they don't WANT to decide and want EVERYTHING on their terms, it is not the right response. Also IF you jump when she is ready to see you, your response is not as CW or anyone with sense means it to be. They/he/we do not mean it as an open invitation for her to decide to see you on a whim and then you clear your schedule and jump to make it happen and/or are waiting and on standby for that call from her saying she is ready to see you. You need to bite the bullet a few times and tell her you're not able to see her and let the chips fall where they may. You will get your real answer on how interested she is if you do this. (i think she will just keep playing games for a long time & that you don't have the willpower to do it but that's another story).

 

*make an appt with your therapist to discuss this behavior. It's LOTS of good examples that you can work with to analyze and build from. You need to stop worrying about what you can do to elicit a specific response in her and you need to start concerning yourself with what you want and need to do for yourself and build some self-worth. I'm not afraid that it will spill into narcissist territory with you. You just need to take care of yourself. You want to know how to hook more girls; you need to learn how to respect yourself and then others will.

 

I know it's hard if you are just learning but you are going about it the wrong way & have the wrong focus. The focus should be you. You are missing the point because you are intent on making her your gf and having more sex with her--all the while ignoring the very real fact that she is not worthy of your time or attention. You have to stay in an evaluating mode to SEE if she is worthy of you not be eager beaver to get to an end point. This is a mistake mostly girls make. She is failing at every point to show you she should be in your life. And you are failing yourself by not behaving in a self-respecting manner. Good luck.

Thanks man. Really appreciate it. i can't wait to finally read Coach Corey Waynes book.

 

BTW, see my above comment about the house sitting. LOL

[clia]

Also, So i guess I should have still said, "ok cool get back to me when you find out." But I should have NOT told her I missed her and wanted to see her. Got it. Is that right? Or am i wrong on this logic?

 

In my opinion, you should not have told her you missed her and you should not have told her you wanted to see her again. You also should not have asked her when you were going to hang out again. Like I've been advising for pages and pages, you need to stop asking her out. If you hadn't done so, you never would've even reached the "ok cool get back to me when you find out" part of the conversation. She ignores it, anyway! I mean, Jesus, you allegedly had plans with her tonight that she is blowing off.

 

Well i last saw her Monday, not Wednesday.

 

Sorry, I was thinking it was Wednesday.

 

So I am just going to tell her I am busy and I have to read a book for my interviews. Which is really Coach Corey Waynes book.

 

No, no, no. Stop volunteering information. If she asks you to do something, your response is "Sorry, I can't tonight" or "Sorry, I already have plans" or "Sorry, I'm busy" or "Sorry, I don't feel like it." Don't tell her you are sitting at home reading a book for interviews. Create some mystery. Let her think maybe you are out on a date or out at the bars talking to other girls. Obviously if she really presses, you don't want to lie, but you can also just be vague, tell her not to worry about it, and change the subject.

 

So when she gets to me, i'll say, "Sorry, I have plans and i am busy. but let me know your schedule of when you are free."

Right?

 

No. Stop asking her out; she ignores it when you do.

 

Also, not sure what to do if she simply just text me and says, "Hey" I am assuming just say how's it going? That is all, and see what she saiid, and then tell her I have to go, but get back to me on her schedule?

 

If she texts you "Hey," that does not warrant a response. Ignore it.

 

You are also way too hung up on this "get back to me with her schedule" stuff. Don't even ask anymore.

 

And if she says, "What are you up to?" Then flat out tell her I am busy. right?

 

Yes. "Doing this and that." "Busy." "On my way out." "Just got home." "Can't talk right now." "In the middle of something. Will talk to you later." But again, don't respond to texts like this right away.

[Versacehottie]

Thanks man. Really appreciate it. i can't wait to finally read Coach Corey Waynes book.

 

BTW, see my above comment about the house sitting. LOL

 

No, no, no!!! Why do I take all the time to write all that and you think Corey is the answer. I'm the one who "predicted" she would flake, right? And the others backed me up. You are only hearing what you want to hear.

 

And house sitting for her is a ridiculously stupid idea. Errand boy only.

 

*note: i know you said "man" and realize it might just be a figure of speech but I'm a girl which is why I KNOW she is jerking you around.

[DancerEngineer]

No, no, no!!! Why do I take all the time to write all that and you think Corey is the answer. I'm the one who "predicted" she would flake, right? And the others backed me up. You are only hearing what you want to hear.

 

And house sitting for her is a ridiculously stupid idea. Errand boy only.

Hu? What are you saying no to? What part is the no, and what part am I doing wrong other than the house sitting?

 

 

 

Well Her parents asked me to house sit. I don't want to say no.

Because this month I will be off work, and just job hunting, and that is a time I can get paid for house sitting while concentrating on job hunting. Its actually a win situation for me.

"So i think i should resound to her text in a couple of hours and say, Yeah, that would be awesome. We will talk about it next time I see you.

[JuneL]

I don't have time to write now, but I have to stop you before it's too late:

 

NOOOOOOOO for the house sitting ****!!!!!!!!

 

I hope you can hear how loud I scream the NO!!!

[DancerEngineer]

In my opinion, you should not have told her you missed her and you should not have told her you wanted to see her again. You also should not have asked her when you were going to hang out again. Like I've been advising for pages and pages, you need to stop asking her out. If you hadn't done so, you never would've even reached the "ok cool get back to me when you find out" part of the conversation. She ignores it, anyway! I mean, Jesus, you allegedly had plans with her tonight that she is blowing off.

 

 

 

Sorry, I was thinking it was Wednesday.

 

 

 

No, no, no. Stop volunteering information. If she asks you to do something, your response is "Sorry, I can't tonight" or "Sorry, I already have plans" or "Sorry, I'm busy" or "Sorry, I don't feel like it." Don't tell her you are sitting at home reading a book for interviews. Create some mystery. Let her think maybe you are out on a date or out at the bars talking to other girls. Obviously if she really presses, you don't want to lie, but you can also just be vague, tell her not to worry about it, and change the subject.

 

 

 

No. Stop asking her out; she ignores it when you do.

 

 

 

If she texts you "Hey," that does not warrant a response. Ignore it.

 

You are also way too hung up on this "get back to me with her schedule" stuff. Don't even ask anymore.

 

 

 

Yes. "Doing this and that." "Busy." "On my way out." "Just got home." "Can't talk right now." "In the middle of something. Will talk to you later." But again, don't respond to texts like this right away.

 

LOL Ok Thank you!!!!!!!!!! This was a very good post. I got it. Thanks for spoon feeding me and breaking it down.

 

The only question I have left is now that I am not going to be asking her for her schedule anymore, and she will be asking me to hang out and I will be telling her I am busy.

 

If I am never asking her to give me her schedule anymore, and if I am turning down all her invitations, then when are we going to hang????

[DancerEngineer]

I don't have time to write now, but I have to stop you before it's too late:

 

NOOOOOOOO for the house sitting ****!!!!!!!!

 

I hope you can hear how loud I scream the NO!!!

Please explain why so I don't make a stupid mistake! LOL

 

I am sure this is for the end of July.

I think the parents want to do it as a favor to me while I am in transition in between jobs to help me out and help me save money. Like I think she would appreciate it if I found my job and moved out of my parents ASAP, so this would also help me with that since I get money for it.

So my thoughts were:

"yeah, that would be awesome. As long as I don't have anything planned. We will have to talk about it next time I see you."

[DancerEngineer]

Yeah, so not she asked me, "want to come help me with the Patio when you get off work? Sill probably be took enough by then. if not just throwing it out there."

 

So the appropriate response would be, "id love to, but i made plans because you didn't confirm with me last night. LOL"

Right??

[JuneL]

I thought we've pretty much given you all the feedback you need and there is no need to repeat the same things over and over; apparently, you're still tone-deaf to all our advice. This is becoming amusing, to put it bluntly.

 

On the phone i made my intentions clear.

I told her I missed her and I would like to see her again.

She said," I would like to see you again too."

Then I asked her when we were hanging again, and she gave me the usual, "IDK."

So I just said, "ok, w/e, let me know when you free." and left it at that.

 

I was happy when I saw the bolded, expecting you to give her a lecture about her getting drunk just to bail out on your plan, but what follows is truly eye-opening. In what world is it okay to still express how much you miss someone and how desperate you want to see her, after being treated like a piece of $hit, repeatedly? You know, she didn't even have to make up some headache due to PMS, but told you straight she got wasted (probably with some guy?) and got a hangover. Again, she doesn't see you as someone she needs to impress.

 

I told her I missed her and I would like to see her again.

She said," I would like to see you again too."

Then I asked her when we were hanging again, and she gave me the usual, "IDK."

So I just said, "ok, w/e, let me know when you free." and left it at that.

 

I'm pretty sure Versace just forgot to bold this sentence in her post #227. Why on earth would you ask to hang out after being flaked on over and over again?

 

 

I WILL take ALL YOUR ADVICE. I am 'ABSOLUTELY NOT" hanging with her tonight.

 

This is the real gem from the whole post. You will "absolutely" not be hanging out with her tonight NOT because you're taking all our advice, but because she flaked on you yet again (surprise surprise!!). If she had told you it's okay for you to go help her set up the studio tonight, do you think you wouldn't drop everything and rush to see her after work?

[JuneL]

Yeah, so not she asked me, "want to come help me with the Patio when you get off work? Sill probably be took enough by then. if not just throwing it out there."

 

So the appropriate response would be, "id love to, but i made plans because you didn't confirm with me last night. LOL"

Right??

 

Don't say "I'd love to". Just say "Sorry already made plans. You didn't confirm last night."

[JuneL]

Don't say "I'd love to". Just say "Sorry already made plans. You didn't confirm last night."

 

Oops, wait at least a day to answer. You have a life.

[JuneL]

Oops, wait at least a day to answer. You have a life.

 

She's going to blow up your phone after waiting some time for your reply to her texts. DO NOT PICK UP THE PHONE. Wait a day and tell her not to be clingy and express to her that it's not respectful to blow up people's phone.

[JuneL]

*don't hang with her tonight under any circumstances. Don't answer, don't respond to texts. She will test you, I'm pretty sure of that. Tell her as you said: I made plans when you next speak to her--I suggest waiting until next week. The best way to deal with this and not having to lie--is to actually make plans, engage in your life!! You're happy about your job ending so go celebrate it--even if it is just with your parents. THEY are loyal to you; she is not.

 

 

Brilliant, Versace!

 

OP: I'm not sure if you have the self-control to wait until next week, but definitely wait at least 24 hours. Keep your answers as short as possible, and limit to 1-2 texts at most in your reply. She's going to bombard you with more texts and calls once you answer, wait until next week to answer those following texts/calls, or you can just text her a "not a good time now" text and leave it at that.

[JuneL]

Don't say "I'd love to". Just say "Sorry already made plans. You didn't confirm last night."

 

Since you should wait 1-2 days to answer, just say "Already made plans. You didn't confirm when we spoke on Thur." Do NOT further engage her text convo and absolutely do not pick up the phone when she calls one the weekend. If she keeps bombarding you with more texts and calls, just text ONCE "sorry not a good time." I know I'm repeating myself, but you have been tone-deaf to most of our suggestions.

[JuneL]

Just a few final thoughts:

 

No, no, no!!! Why do I take all the time to write all that and you think Corey is the answer. I'm the one who "predicted" she would flake, right? And the others backed me up. You are only hearing what you want to hear.

 

Versace and Clia seem to have different opinions regarding whether you should continue to follow CW's techniques, but I suspect each comes from the same rationale. The core issue here is, you have been following CW's techniques in a half-a$$ed manner, because you don't seem to understand the rationale behind these techniques, namely, you want to come off as someone who is cool and has a life and who is not needy/desperate. So when a woman gives you a vague answer the first (or even second) time you ask her out, saying "ok, let me know when you are free" makes you appear not needy/desperate. But here we have a woman who has flaked on you repeatedly and who has never ever agreed on any concrete plan with you. I'm sure CW's blood would boil if he knew you still gave her the same line. He would have told you to stop asking her out, much less saying you miss her and want to hang out again. I think the reason Clia told you to really read CW's book again was to make sure you understand the rationale behind those lines, and the reason Versace told you not to follow CW's book (blindly) was that you have delivered his techniques terribly.

 

On a related note, you seem to think of her blowing up your phone as a sign that she's missing you. I hate to break this to you, but she's just worried about losing an orbiter/handyman and, more importantly, losing someone she can control at her liberty.

 

And house sitting for her is a ridiculously stupid idea. Errand boy only.

 

 

Couldn't agree more. Are you not an educated professional? If you need to make some extra cash, can't you give SAT Math tutoring to high school kids or pick up some small gigs for setting up websites for people? I wonder how much they can pay you for such an odd job. In any case, avoid going to their house at this point.

 

 

 

Good luck!

[Bastile]

I think the reason Clia told you to really read CW's book again was to make sure you understand the rationale behind those lines

 

The actual rationale behind things takes a few years of experience, effort, and experimentation in order to really understand.

 

Reading any book several times will never be good enough.

 

Corey Wayne and the like is just training wheels meant to give the average guy getting stepped on a fighting chance. It's such a limited philosophy that following it religiously (and I use that word, because many of his fans are like a cult ) will actually hold you back in many ways.

 

Does he even talk about managing a rotation, enforcing boundaries, frame, etc?

 

It's the equivalent of having 30 minutes to teach someone something on the guitar. You want to make them sound half-decent, therefore teach them "smoke on the water". Still doesn't give them any real understanding of playing the guitar. And they certainly aren't about to improvise in a jazz band.

 

I'd recommend adding some other stuff to read just to shake yourself out of the rigidity (just do a simple google search). And having a more experimental and fun nature.

 

It's called game for a reason

Edited June 17, 2017 by Bastile

[JuneL]

 

Does he even talk about managing a rotation, enforcing boundaries, frame, etc?

 

 

Small digression, if I may: Do those women in your "rotation" all know you're having sex with other women simultaneously (and they are fine with it)? And you are fine being a member in some woman's "rotation" as well?

Edited June 17, 2017 by JuneL

[Bastile]

Do those women in your "rotation" all know you're having sex with other women simultaneously

 

Aware that I'm seeing others, yes.

 

(and they are fine with it)?

 

Very rarely.

 

And you are fine being a member in some woman's "rotation" as well?

 

No. But I hide that

 

I'm actually going to try and unlearn a lot of things, and live a bit differently. But a basic rotation would work wonders for OP.

 

In his late twenties and only having had sex once, most of the women he will date have had sex with more women than he has.

 

Play the field for a bit.

Edited June 17, 2017 by Bastile