Making a Relationship "LONG TERM"

[DancerEngineer]

I am sooooooo appreciative of all of you.

----

Ill be honestly. I ****ed up last night.

She called me and told me to hang last night, so I came over thinking I was going to hang with her on top of helping her set up her ****.

I made this mistake. I confess I was wrong to go. I should have not.

You are all right, I was wrong. My thoughts last night is if she is inviting me to come over, I shouldn't say no, because she would stop inviting me.

----

So what happened last night is that I went over.

Helped her with her ****. She knew I was upset.

I told her I was upset she blew me of twice. She realized she ****ed up. started apologizing and kept trying to justify ****. Then she invited me to her friends party which was a horrible experience for me. it was a huge mansion in the middle of no where with a bunch of idiots on drugs. I felt like I was the only educated person there and everyone there was a spoiled brat who was simply a bad influence on her in her life. I do not like that fact that she associates herself with these losers. Bad influence on her life especially at her age.

I am NOT ever returning to that party.

I got mad and decided to talk to other girls out of frustration, and she saw I was talking to this other girl and asked me who I was talking to when I was driving her home. She was very jelous. I said, "who, I talked to a bunch of people."

I just made my way around and talked to as many people as possible.

Then when i got to her house, she was being a little stand offish, and then she told me to crash in the guest bedroom, so I just said,

"Actually I think im just going to drive home. thanks for inviting me. it was fun."

---------

NOW she is sensing I am upset with her and pulling back and she is starting to blow up my phone.

I got a text from her that said,

"Hey you up"- didn't reply

"I know you up sleepy head!" - replied and said, "hey sup?"

Her:"just making sure you got home safe" - didn't respond

Her: "would you send me the pics from last night." -didn't respond

her: "so I guess the makers fair is today in your area." -

*then i just sent her the pics. and said nothing after*

Her: "got them"

Me: "Cool"

Her: "So how you feeling?"

I have yet to say anything.

-------

i agree I ****ed up lat night and I failed to take all your advice. But I had to learn the hard way. Now I know.

BUT here is what I am still trying to figure out.

I know backing off is what I need to do.

BUT when is it ok for me to hang with her?

if I keep backing off and constantly keep telling her I am busy, she will give up and stop asking me to hang. When do I actually give in and hang with her?

 

-------

BTW, you all don't have to tell me I ****ed up lat night.

I KNOW I ****ed up huge. And know I understand deeper why because I learned the hard way.

But I guess I should have done that because I had to learn through actions to understand how it works.

---------------

All I am asking for i was advice now on how to handle it from here.

When do I hang out with her?????????????

My fear is that when she keeps reaching out to me to make a date, and I keep blowing her off, she will lose interest.

[Bastile]

I'm just going to say quick the points

 

- You did her chores

- You went and put up with her friends

- Then you got told to sleep in a guest room

 

Next time she starts initiating with you, tell her you're really busy but that she should come over to your place. Don't follow her lead.

 

Control the environment, so that you don't get dragged into daft situations. If she doesn't want to, then you can do the Corey Wayne thing of "maybe another time".

 

Then you forget about her until the next time she initiates, when you do the same sort of thing. She doesn't want to go to your place? "Maybe another time", etc.

 

Really should be at your limit with this girl now. Start going out with someone else, or at least trying to.

 

Don't beat yourself up over mistakes. But don't keep repeating them, either.

 

Chin up. You're a good guy, but you need to refine your boundaries quite badly.

[JuneL]

I do not like that fact that she associates herself with these losers. Bad influence on her life especially at her age.

 

Or maybe your initial gut feeling was right: she was one of those "losers".

 

 

 

My fear is that when she keeps reaching out to me to make a date, and I keep blowing her off, she will lose interest.

 

Excuse me: has she ever invited you on a date??

 

I agree with Bastile: you can offer an alternative. Or, you can do what she's been doing: impulsively pick up the phone one evening and ask her to go for a drive right now. Do not make any plan in advance.

[DancerEngineer]

I'm just going to say quick the points

 

- You did her chores

- You went and put up with her friends

- Then you got told to sleep in a guest room

 

Next time she starts initiating with you, tell her you're really busy but that she should come over to your place. Don't follow her lead.

 

Control the environment, so that you don't get dragged into daft situations. If she doesn't want to, then you can do the Corey Wayne thing of "maybe another time".

 

Then you forget about her until the next time she initiates, when you do the same sort of thing. She doesn't want to go to your place? "Maybe another time", etc.

 

Really should be at your limit with this girl now. Start going out with someone else, or at least trying to.

 

Don't beat yourself up over mistakes. But don't keep repeating them, either.

 

Chin up. You're a good guy, but you need to refine your boundaries quite badly.

Again, I know I ****ed up and failed to follow great advice, but I learned from it. so you don't have to tell me I ****ed up. I know I ****ed up, but I learned.

 

 

- You did her chores - I screwed up, but she thanked me a ton.

 

- You went and put up with her friends - OMG half the people there were just brain dead and unable to hold a conversation with! nothing but bad energy and bad influences.

 

- Then you got told to sleep in a guest room: I got told that because we got back at 5am in the morning and it's her parents rules. Not hers. I told her i was going to leave, and she said, well at least cuddle a little, so I cuddled with her just a little. And left. I did NOT sleep in the guest room. I drove home. I was NOT going to accept her pushing me away.

 

 

And Thank you so much.

I continuation from the text

I finally answered her last text after 2 hours.

Her: "So how you feeling?"

Me:Just chilling and reading a book for my interviews."

Her: "Great! I'm getting a matcha"

 

Everyone. I know I ****ed up. I made a mistake, but i am glad I did because now I understand more deeply why I made that mistake and how things work now.

 

But I will take that advice. Don't hang out with her unless she goes by my plans. Got it. So take the lead. Makes sense.

[JuneL]

My fear is that when she keeps reaching out to me to make a date, and I keep blowing her off, she will lose interest.

 

She's not going to lose interest; instead, she will learn that she has to play by your rules if she wants to see you: make plans in advance.

[DancerEngineer]

Or maybe your initial gut feeling was right: she was one of those "losers".

 

 

 

 

Excuse me: has she ever invited you on a date??

 

I agree with Bastile: you can offer an alternative. Or, you can do what she's been doing: impulsively pick up the phone one evening and ask her to go for a drive right now. Do not make any plan in advance.

 

Ummmm has she ever invited me on a date? ALLLLL THE TIME!

She is ALWAYS asking me at random times to hang out.

-The Sunday i lost my virginity to her, she asked me to go down town with her. I went, and i turned it into a fancy dinner and got us a room to have sex.

-Then she called me over the next day to hang with her and cuddle in her bed.

-Then she called me the day after to get lunch. I had to turn it down. I was busy.

-Then she asked me to stop by my house the next day. I was busy.

-Then she asked me to come over that Friday when i helped her with her website and we cuddled in bed and watched a movie, then i had to go to the guest room so the parents wouldn't catch us.

-Then she called me the next Monday out for dinner.

-Then I wanted to make plans, and she blew off my plans on Thursday,

-Then she called me over Friday....well you know what happened last night.. I ****ed up and didn't listen.

[DancerEngineer]

She's not going to lose interest; instead, she will learn that she has to play by your rules if she wants to see you: make plans in advance.

 

Thanks Got it.

[Bastile]

I agree with Bastile: you can offer an alternative. Or, you can do what she's been doing: impulsively pick up the phone one evening and ask her to go for a drive right now. Do not make any plan in advance.

 

I'm actually going to suggest that he stop initiating with her at all.

 

When you allow someone to reject you as standard, it starts to really lower your value.

 

Just allow her to come to you. Make small chit chat, but don't really invest in the convo. Allow her to invest, and allow her to suggest a date. Re-arrange the plan to get her over to your place. If she declines or makes excuses, tell her that's cool but you're really busy and you'll call her tomorrow.

 

Don't call.

 

If she doesn't call you, forget about her. If she does reach out to you, repeat the cycle. Low investment, getting her to your place, etc.

 

She's not your girlfriend, and you need to stop viewing her as such. She's not even in consideration. She's an annoying girl that you sometimes have sex with.

[JuneL]

Ummmm has she ever invited me on a date? ALLLLL THE TIME!

She is ALWAYS asking me at random times to hang out.

-The Sunday i lost my virginity to her, she asked me to go down town with her. I went, and i turned it into a fancy dinner and got us a room to have sex.

-Then she called me over the next day to hang with her and cuddle in her bed.

-Then she called me the day after to get lunch. I had to turn it down. I was busy.

-Then she asked me to stop by my house the next day. I was busy.

-Then she asked me to come over that Friday when i helped her with her website and we cuddled in bed and watched a movie, then i had to go to the guest room so the parents wouldn't catch us.

-Then she called me the next Monday out for dinner.

-Then I wanted to make plans, and she blew off my plans on Thursday,

-Then she called me over Friday....well you know what happened last night.. I ****ed up and didn't listen.

 

I see, and that's your standard for a date.

[DancerEngineer]

BTW!

 

I need advice from girls about touching.

After i dropped her off and went to her room, i was in her bed laying on my back decidding if I was going to stay and cuddle with her and love to the parents room before they wake up, or just drive home.

She is on her period and I was reading online that girls don't want to be touched during their PMS or period. I don't get this. I am not a girl. BUT here is a summary of what happened.

--------------

So I was in her bed last night and she wasn't very touchy with her fingers like she was pulling away, so I asked "whats wrong?"

Her: "nothing, "I just don't feel like being touched right now."

Me: "no prob"

*Then a couple mins later I got up from the bed and said i'm going to drive home while putting my shoes on.*

Her: "why? don't you want to cuddle? at least???"

Me: "You just said, you don't want to be touched!"

Her:"Well cuddling is different than touching. i'm just no in the mood for that right now"

Me:"yeah just for a little but i'm leaving in like 10 mins."

*So I laid there for like 10 mins with her and got out of bed and left.*

Her: "don't I get a hug????"

*Gave her a hug her and said good night and left her house and drove home very very upset.*

--------------------------------

That is when she started texting me today as mentioned in the above comments?

-----------

Can someone explain the touchy thingy to me? I don't get it. She said she dint' want to be touched, but wanted to cuddle? HU?????? That is like jumping up and down at the same time. How can you cuddle but not touch. I was just touching her hands and arms, and then she pulled back. Is this normal for girls on their period. She flat out told me she was on her period.

AND THIS IS WHY I AM TRACKING IT. My application was right. So I need to understand stuff like this to know how she feels! Please stop getting offended by it! I am trying to learn so I can be good to her!

 

I am not a woman. I think like a man. I don't get how women think. So if a girl could politely inform me on this situation, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

[DancerEngineer]

I'm actually going to suggest that he stop initiating with her at all.

 

When you allow someone to reject you as standard, it starts to really lower your value.

 

Just allow her to come to you. Make small chit chat, but don't really invest in the convo. Allow her to invest, and allow her to suggest a date. Re-arrange the plan to get her over to your place. If she declines or makes excuses, tell her that's cool but you're really busy and you'll call her tomorrow.

 

Don't call.

 

If she doesn't call you, forget about her. If she does reach out to you, repeat the cycle. Low investment, getting her to your place, etc.

 

She's not your girlfriend, and you need to stop viewing her as such. She's not even in consideration. She's an annoying girl that you sometimes have sex with.

 

Got it! Thank you!!!!!

I am so thankful for all of you guys! Thank you so much! I am glad you guys told me not to come to her place yesterday, and I am glad I made the mistake of going to her place even thought it did damage, but I am glad because i learned.

---

Ok, so every time she ask me to chill, tell her to come to my place instead.

Got it.

Only issue is that I am living with my parents house till I get my new job and move out again. I am in between jobs, and in a transition place in life.

Any other suggestions?

--

Also, I NEVER call her. She is the only one who initiates the calls. So should I just not pick up when she calls?

--

So next time she ask me to do something, is it appropriate to say, "sorry i have plans tonight, but you are welcome to join me Thursday for Swing, or come over. or do something else"

That correct?

---

I am hesitant to invite her to my house. I am a little embarrassed living with my parents, but thankfully I am getting a new job soon, and moving out. I would have moved out earlier, but I was on a contract with a job, and it ended and me and 4 other engineers got laid off from out job, so i don't want to move out till I know where my next job is located at. But it is my intentions to move out asap.

[DancerEngineer]

I see, and that's your standard for a date.

 

LOL I sense some sarcasm and you viewing me of being an idiot. I know I am ****ing up. Can you please elaborate?

I thought asking me to go down town at night, getting dinner, asking to come by and cuddle in her bed at night, and asking to stop at my place at night, and randomly texting me, "let me know if you want to go for a drive. ;)" are standards for hooking up and having sex?

 

But you say no?

[DancerEngineer]

I will say that after last night, my attraction to her kinda dropped a little. Which is good incase I get my heart broken.

But i still do love her and very much care about her and very much want this to work out. The choice to give her my virginity wasn't an easy choice. I let her take it because i really do care about her and really want this to work out.

 

 

But in order for it to work out, I have to stop my bad habits and learn. I'm reading Coach Corey Wayne's book today. LOL

So, what i have summarized and understood is

When she contacts me, DO NOT engage in conversation. When she invites me to do something, make counter offers that are only DATES and ONLY accept her offers if it is an opportunity that will lead to sex; otherwise simply tell her I am busy, and stop talking. Correct???

 

And i apologize everyone for being such a tone deaf brain dead slow to learn moron on this. It is how I was raised, so this is all really new to me, but I am glad I made that mistake lats night because I now understand all your thoughts and point of views better despite it causing damage.

And please. I know I messed up last night. I know. you don't have to tell me I messed up. I know, and I learned my lesson. I now have more knowledge and understanding under my belt.

Edited June 17, 2017 by DancerEngineer

[Versacehottie]

She's not going to lose interest; instead, she will learn that she has to play by your rules if she wants to see you: make plans in advance.

 

That's the whole point: if she the ability to be genuinely interested in you is there, she will be more so. If it never was, she will disappear. Win-win.

 

And stop blaming her friends for being a bad influence. She is just like them--therefore, a loser (by your definition). She is JUST the person you thought she was when you first met her! Along the way, you put her on a pedestal and got brainwashed. Surely CW has SOMETHING to say about putting girls on a pedestal (it's a BIG no in good dating).

[DancerEngineer]

That's the whole point: if she the ability to be genuinely interested in you is there, she will be more so. If it never was, she will disappear. Win-win.

 

And stop blaming her friends for being a bad influence. She is just like them--therefore, a loser (by your definition). She is JUST the person you thought she was when you first met her! Along the way, you put her on a pedestal and got brainwashed. Surely CW has SOMETHING to say about putting girls on a pedestal (it's a BIG no in good dating).

 

I hope you are right. Because I know her level of attraction at first was really high. And the night we had sex, I could tell she was debating bringing up the relationship talk. She was sooooo into it. Ill just back off and trust what you say. It's hard because of my anxiety disorder.

 

 

Well I have nothing against anyone at that party last night. I honestly have nothing but love for all of them. Everyone has their own story and can do what every they want, but I will say, it is not the environment I want to be around. I currently want to get my next job back up and focus on my career, so i can provide for a family some day and have a healthy life. I have partied in the past, and I don't feel the need to do so anymore. She also needs to get her career on track, and by her hanging out with those people, she is just slowing her progress down. Sure, those friends and place is a nice break from life, but when you have priorities in life, there is a balance. And partying wont help you.

[DancerEngineer]

So......my friend said maybe the touch thing was that she was mad at me for some reason. I can't think of a single reason for her to be mad at me for.

The ONLY think i can think of is last night I was talking to a million people last night at that party because I wasn't with her the entire time. It was a big mansion, and a lot of people around. At one point last night I was talking to this girl about our education. I was simply just a talk. She was a very attractive girl, and I saw her walk by and see me talking to that girl. I think she got jelous. So in the car when i was driving her home, she asked me, "who was that girl you were talking to?"

Me:"What girl? I talked to like a million people last night?"

her: "That girl in the dinning room?"

Me:"i was talking to one girl who brother graduated at the same university with me so that was interesting to listen to."

The conversation dropped there.

Could she have been upset with me that I was talking to another girl at the party? Which is why she didn't want to touch? or is the touch thing simply her mood at the time?

Because right after she told me not to touch, and I got out of her bed, she asked me, "don't you at least wanna cuddle???

other than that, i can't find a single thing she can be mad at me for. And actually, I am not afraid of other guys, because I know I am her best option at the current moment. So much confusion......

----------

[Versacehottie]

LOL I sense some sarcasm and you viewing me of being an idiot. I know I am ****ing up. Can you please elaborate?

I thought asking me to go down town at night, getting dinner, asking to come by and cuddle in her bed at night, and asking to stop at my place at night, and randomly texting me, "let me know if you want to go for a drive. ;)" are standards for hooking up and having sex?

 

But you say no?

 

Dude it's like this:

 

*You just want sex (or you want sex and then will see about a relationship): you are the guy in the relationship

*You want a relationship first and foremost: you are the girl in the relationship

*If you want a relationship & sex but aren't really getting it: you are the girl in the relationship.

 

Sorry your moves are all the girl ones. I'm being a little basic but yes as traditional things go, you are a needy girl. Stop that and see your results improve.

 

I can understand that you needed to learn the hard way that you messed up. But did you learn really??? Your overriding concern in the same post was to ask us "when you would be able to see her again"? You just got a little burned that's it. You are still angling to see her in desperation. What is different???

 

That's why a formula from a guru is not going to help. As bastille says, it's game. You don't have it--far from it yet. You need to rely on your instincts more--then you will be able to tell if she is being more sincere, see thru her bullish*t, and bottom line IF it suits you!! Otherwise until that point no to low investment. Don't act desperate.

 

Also has it ever occurred to you that it's still pretty weird that her parents let some guy spend the night (even if it's in the guest room). It's like that is a standard arrangement for "guys in her life" and her parents are fine with it. Meaning she does it regularly. That's why you got dad/uncle jokes and comments from them. If you're not her bf they should be wondering why you spent the night there. If they aren't, she does this a lot and they are fine with it. If you really want to win them over, don't spend the night over there. Unless he was a long time guy friend who they already knew, my parents' heads would be exploding if some new guy popped out of their guest room in the am. They probably know to some extent what happened between you and are just choosing to ignore it & let her do her shenanigans.

 

Which ps. how does house sitting save you money when you live at your parents. Stay at your parents and save your dignity!! Plus she lives there, WTF do they need a house sitter for? Jesus.

[Versacehottie]

I hope you are right. Because I know her level of attraction at first was really high. And the night we had sex, I could tell she was debating bringing up the relationship talk. She was sooooo into it. Ill just back off and trust what you say. It's hard because of my anxiety disorder.

 

 

Well I have nothing against anyone at that party last night. I honestly have nothing but love for all of them. Everyone has their own story and can do what every they want, but I will say, it is not the environment I want to be around. I currently want to get my next job back up and focus on my career, so i can provide for a family some day and have a healthy life. I have partied in the past, and I don't feel the need to do so anymore. She also needs to get her career on track, and by her hanging out with those people, she is just slowing her progress down. Sure, those friends and place is a nice break from life, but when you have priorities in life, there is a balance. And partying wont help you.

 

Pretty sure with my limited psychology info that you are ruminating and/or living in the past. Relationships and life are fluid. They change from moment to moment. Things happening now will have bearing on how one feels in the near future. Therefore, stop holding onto the past. ACCEPT YOUR REALITY NOW. And it's not great, my friend.

 

Your focus should be getting a job and get your a** to your therapist. Your anxiety is contributing (maybe greatly) to this problem yet you seem to not want to deal with that. I've mentioned it 3-4 times and you don't say anything about going only that you are going to read CW's book. Unless he is an anxiety disorder expert and has chapters on that it won't solve all your problems.

 

You're a nice guy but this will mess you up for a long time if you don't handle it in a logical way. Logical: get a job, see your therapist, much lower priority, deal with your girl issues, which you may or may not decide to play out with this one girl. I'd say not to but who am I.

[DancerEngineer]

Dude it's like this:

 

 

 

Also has it ever occurred to you that it's still pretty weird that her parents let some guy spend the night (even if it's in the guest room). It's like that is a standard arrangement for "guys in her life" and her parents are fine with it. Meaning she does it regularly. That's why you got dad/uncle jokes and comments from them. If you're not her bf they should be wondering why you spent the night there. If they aren't, she does this a lot and they are fine with it. If you really want to win them over, don't spend the night over there. Unless he was a long time guy friend who they already knew, my parents' heads would be exploding if some new guy popped out of their guest room in the am. They probably know to some extent what happened between you and are just choosing to ignore it & let her do her shenanigans.

 

Which ps. how does house sitting save you money when you live at your parents. Stay at your parents and save your dignity!! Plus she lives there, WTF do they need a house sitter for? Jesus.

 

Well, I know she doesn't have guys come over regularly. And I spoke to her about her parents being ok with it, and she said something along the lines, of "you are just not allowed to fall asleep in my room because that is their rules, but they like you a lot and think you are a good guy, so they will let you stay in the guest room. "

She also said this to me after we had sex. This was the week she was blowing up my phone crazy. "I stopped dating the last guy because of this and that, but I think you are actually a really great guy." That was an amazing comment to hear, but sadly that was only how she felt back then.

 

Her family is going on vacation in a couple of weeks They have pets. So her parents want me to house sit for them and they will pay me.

Sure, I could use some money since I am in between jobs right now. My parents also charge me rent, but it isn't the crazy rent I would be paying if i was in an apartment.

[DancerEngineer]

 

Your focus should be getting a job and get your a** to your therapist. Your anxiety is contributing (maybe greatly) to this problem yet you seem to not want to deal with that. I've mentioned it 3-4 times and you don't say anything about going only that you are going to read CW's book. Unless he is an anxiety disorder expert and has chapters on that it won't solve all your problems.

 

 

That is all i am basically doing right now. I am working with a couple recruiters as of now, and I already have therapist appointments lined up. I even changed around my anxiety medication last week. of course getting my job and moving the heck away from my controlling parents is my number one goal right now.

I still haven't texted her back since she said she got matcha.

[DancerEngineer]

WOW!

 

I just got a text,

"Hey I just wanted to let you know that I am really thankful for you helping me out with the patio, and I am really sorry for not being solid with plans."

 

Nooooo idea how to respond. its like, I don't wanna come off as a dick when she says that, but I don't want to praise her too much for saying that because it will make me look needy.

This I have no idea how to respond to. I was not expecting to get a text like this from her. o.O

 

Would really love advice on how to approach and apology from her like this. Because i was NOT expecting to receive this.

Edited June 18, 2017 by DancerEngineer

[DancerEngineer]

So I have no idea what to say to this text, but I am going with my best gut feeling and thinking to say this:

"Hey Thanks. You are welcome. I am glad I was able to help you out. **** happens. Hopefully we can communicate better in the future. Have fun at work tonight."

 

Just simple as that and leave it at that. And send it after she has already left for work. Hoping she wont text me back...because i wont know how to respond.

[DancerEngineer]

So here is my plan,

I ****ed up over the weekend, and in conclusion our last text were like this.

Her: "Hey I just wanted to let you know that I am really thankful for you helping me out with the patio, and I am really sorry for not being solid with plans."

 

-Me:"Hey Thanks. You are welcome. I am glad I was able to help you out. **** happens. Hopefully we can communicate better in the future. Have fun at work tonight."

 

-Her 2 hours later when she get to work: "Thank you! I was able to find free parking! yay! "

-5 mins later: "Right away!" -referring to finding her parking spot.

-20 mins later: *she sends me a random pic of something I don't know what it is."

-10 mins later: *send me a bunch of pictures of rugs she want to put in her outside studio.*

 

I still have not texted back. I will not acknowledge her studio anymore. I want to be her lover. Not errand boy. If she ask me about the studio, I might say something along the lines of, "well talk about it in person."

 

When she reaches out to me again, I am simply going to ask her, So I suppose you want to get together soon?

 

If she calls me, I will answer, and ask her what her availability is, and she will most likely say, IDK, then I will flat out say, well if you don't know, get back to me when you find out and I have to go because I am busy.

 

She will either tell me ok and make definite plans, or say she doesn't know.

If she says she doesn't know, I will simply tell her, "Ok, well I am busy at the moment, let me know when you figure it out",hang up and continue to not contact her.

I will keep doing the same thing, until she makes a DEFINITE date with me, and keep telling her that if she doesn't make that date with me, I will be making plans with someone else.

------

The plan is to get her to give me her availability, and for me to make dates with her.

If she calls me up randomly and it doesn't' involve an opportunity for hooking up or sex to happen, I will simply tell her, I am busy, and she didn't give me her availability, so I have to go.

 

No more her bailing on me, and blowing me off. And make dates at night that will lead to sex and hooking up. Simple as that.

 

 

I hope this is the correct logic I have.

I spent all day reading Coach Corey Wayne's book and this is the conclusion I have drawn from this.

[Bastile]

The subject of the thread was “making a relationship long-term”. You've gotten completely off of that topic.

 

The reason for that is very important. It's frame (something else which Corey Wayne probably doesn't talk about, but is one of the most important things). You've allowed this girl to drag you into her reality of gekkos, guest-rooms, and druggy friends.

 

So, let's start talking long-term relationships. The simple fact is that this current marketplace is great for short-term flings, and is an absolute horrorshow for trying to build a great ltr.

 

Corey Wayne's stuff is about trying to manage a low-interest woman. It lacks even the consideration of inviting great people into your life. It's an extremely limited and flawed philosophy.

 

If you want a ltr, then stop allowing this woman to divert you to the extent that she has. You're going to have to go through a lot of different girls to get a really great relationship.

 

Stop micromanaging her, and get back to considering your goals.

Edited June 18, 2017 by Bastile

[clia]

At this point, you are just running around in circles. You keep asking the same questions over and over again, listen to our advice, say "Got it," and then do the exact opposite. All of the questions you are asking have been answered above, repeatedly. You won't receive a different response that's more to your liking just because you keep asking.

 

Right now, it seems as though your entire life focus is on this girl and what she's doing and what she's saying. Your neediness and investment in this non-relationship drips off the page -- I can't even imagine how evident it must be in person. You happily accept crumbs from this woman. It's just mindboggling why you are willing to accept this.

 

Things would be vastly easier if you actually were busy and invested in other things in your life. Then, you wouldn't be glued to your phone and wondering what game to play in response to every text message, you wouldn't be wondering what "busy" excuse you have to come up with and exactly what to say, etc. You would just naturally BE busy and she would not be the center of your life. Do yourself a favor and make some plans for the upcoming week with friends, family, whoever. And when you are involved in those plans, turn off your phone.

 

I'll be honest -- I don't think she has much romantic interest in you. She likes the attention you give her and probably thinks you are a nice enough guy, but she sure doesn't act like she wants you to be her boyfriend.