Making a Relationship "LONG TERM"

[JuneL]

Sorry for another small digression.

 

Is it just me, or are women out there also turned off by half-a$$ed, opened-ended questions like "what is your availability for this week?", "let me know your availability"?

 

I had a few weeks of OLD experience couple of years ago. There was this guy who had a brief chat with me on the OLD site. I would have accepted if he had asked to meet for coffee, directly and confidently. Instead, he ended the convo with a half-a$$ed, open-ended sentence "let me know if you want to meet up for coffee."

 

Anyway, the above is not relevant to the OP's situation.

Edited June 18, 2017 by JuneL

[DancerEngineer]

Sorry for another small digression.

 

Is it just me, or are women out there also turned off by half-a$$ed, opened-ended questions like "what is your availability for this week?", "let me know your availability"?

 

I had a few weeks of OLD experience couple of years ago. There was this guy who had a brief chat with me on the OLD site. I would have accepted if he had asked to meet for coffee, directly and confidently. Instead, he ended the convo with a half-a$$ed, open-ended sentence "let me know if you want to meet up for coffee."

 

Anyway, the above is not relevant to the OP's situation.

 

Wow, this is very frustrating. I laid out my plan in my last post and thought that was taking all of your advice.

And this is what Corey wayne says to ask. Ask for their availability so they can tell you when you free and then you suggest something during their open times.

Idk why people think I'm not busy. I had to turn down a bunch if invites by her last week because I was actually busy!

[DancerEngineer]

At this point, you are just running around in circles. You keep asking the same questions over and over again, listen to our advice, say "Got it," and then do the exact opposite. All of the questions you are asking have been answered above, repeatedly. You won't receive a different response that's more to your liking just because you keep asking.

 

Right now, it seems as though your entire life focus is on this girl and what she's doing and what she's saying. Your neediness and investment in this non-relationship drips off the page -- I can't even imagine how evident it must be in person. You happily accept crumbs from this woman. It's just mindboggling why you are willing to accept this.

 

Things would be vastly easier if you actually were busy and invested in other things in your life. Then, you wouldn't be glued to your phone and wondering what game to play in response to every text message, you wouldn't be wondering what "busy" excuse you have to come up with and exactly what to say, etc. You would just naturally BE busy and she would not be the center of your life. Do yourself a favor and make some plans for the upcoming week with friends, family, whoever. And when you are involved in those plans, turn off your phone.

 

I'll be honest -- I don't think she has much romantic interest in you. She likes the attention you give her and probably thinks you are a nice enough guy, but she sure doesn't act like she wants you to be her boyfriend.

 

 

Did you see that last post I posted. I made my entire outline and plan all on everyone's opinions! This is frustrating because I made an entire outline of how I am going to act from now on what is exactly what everyone has been telling me to do. I learned the hard way, and now I am making a firm decision to stick to it. After she sent me those rugs text and blew up my phone last night, I simply just send a text along the lines of,

"oh cool thats great. Do well at work. nite."

And I still haven't' text her back. I am now doing the opposite of what I have been doing. It's fathers day, and I am spending my entire day with my dad, and I don't plan on texting her back till the day is over if she does text me today...which she will. Like she text me ever single freaking day.

 

This past week it sure doesn't' seem like she wants me to be her boyfriend anymore. But the week we had sex, it seems like she was ready to bring up the what are we talk almost every second on top of telling me she loves me.

But yeah, of course duh. This past week sucked. I can very well see that.

Just got to stay busy on ME!!! NOT HER! Stay busy on ME!!!!!, and hope she gets back to that state of romantic interest she had a couple weeks ago.

[DancerEngineer]

 

 

Corey Wayne's stuff is about trying to manage a low-interest woman. It lacks even the consideration of inviting great people into your life. It's an extremely limited and flawed philosophy.

 

If you want a ltr, then stop allowing this woman to divert you to the extent that she has. You're going to have to go through a lot of different girls to get a really great relationship.

 

Stop micromanaging her, and get back to considering your goals.

 

Are you telling me you don't like the rules of Coach Corey Wayne's material?

I am confused on this. Half the post on here advocate him, and say if I follow exactly what he says and don't half ass it I will be fine, but then I get others telling me to stop following his stuff. It is mixed signals.

 

Yes, I want a LTR. That is exactly why I typed out my entire plan and decided to take an entirely different approach all on everyone's recommendations! I thought you guys were going to be like, "Thank God he is finally listening!" Did anyone read my entire outline and plan I typed out?

 

Yes, it is now about ME! NOT her! I am spending the entire day with my father today, and working on setting up my schedule for this week to work with my recruiters, so I can get my replacement job ASAP, and move out ASAP. For the record. I did NOT get fired in case if anyone was wondering.

I was on a contract and then got moved over to permanent, and then something happened with the company, and they had to lay off 4 engineers including me. It sucks, but it's life.

[Sweetfish]

Are you telling me you don't like the rules of Coach Corey Wayne's material?

I am confused on this. Half the post on here advocate him, and say if I follow exactly what he says and don't half ass it I will be fine, but then I get others telling me to stop following his stuff. It is mixed signals.

 

Yes, I want a LTR. That is exactly why I typed out my entire plan and decided to take an entirely different approach all on everyone's recommendations! I thought you guys were going to be like, "Thank God he is finally listening!" Did anyone read my entire outline and plan I typed out?

 

Yes, it is now about ME! NOT her! I am spending the entire day with my father today, and working on setting up my schedule for this week to work with my recruiters, so I can get my replacement job ASAP, and move out ASAP. For the record. I did NOT get fired in case if anyone was wondering.

I was on a contract and then got moved over to permanent, and then something happened with the company, and they had to lay off 4 engineers including me. It sucks, but it's life.

 

 

I was interested in this thread until I read you followed Corey...

[Bastile]

Are you telling me you don't like the rules of Coach Corey Wayne's material?

 

I said that back on page 1.

 

Yeah, I don't much like what he teaches.

 

I am confused on this. Half the post on here advocate him, and say if I follow exactly what he says and don't half ass it I will be fine, but then I get others telling me to stop following his stuff. It is mixed signals.

 

Man, do you just want me to tell you some much better books instead?

 

Yes, I want a LTR.

 

Ironically, you'll get a much better one by stepping out of this serial-monogamy mindset.

 

Not every woman you meet needs to be your girlfriend.

 

Did anyone read my entire outline and plan I typed out?

 

I was contributing to the thread from the beginning. I missed some pages here and there, but I don't recall any real "plan" as such.

 

Perhaps it would be worth clearly defining it for us, and yourself.

 

Yes, it is now about ME! NOT her! I am spending the entire day with my father today,

 

Good man. Family first.

 

Saw my dad today too.

 

they had to lay off 4 engineers including me. It sucks, but it's life.

 

Well, at least you can still dance.

Edited June 18, 2017 by Bastile

[DancerEngineer]

 

Man, do you just want me to tell you some much better books?

 

 

I was contributing to the thread from the beginning. I missed some pages her e and there, but I don't recall any real "plan" as such.

 

 

 

 

Well, at least you can still dance.

lol thanks. I love dancing. It's my happiness outside of work. That comment made me happy.

 

-------------------------

Yes! Better Books!

--------------------------

And Please Read Post #273. I spend a lot of time yesterday thinking about this and taking all the advice everyone gave me and decided to make a complete different approach all on everyone's inputs.

-----------------------

BTW, I got an email from Raytheon for an interview for 3 different jobs. They are AMAZING jobs and they will pay for my security clearance.

I am going to go through with the interviews and if I get the job offers which I know I probably will, I will accept them. Its scary because i have so much in San Diego I don't want to leave behind, but I know my career is most important. If and when i do get a job offer with them, maybe I can tell her that I still do care about her and would like to have her in my life, but I am accepting the job offer and she is welcome to follow me out there if she wants. But despite her response, I will still move out to Arizona.

[DancerEngineer]

So I guess other than my post#273

The only thing I have trouble in doing is texting. I now know to back off.

But when do i make plans. I know I should NEVER ignore her.

But when i just randomly get a text from her that simply says.

"hope you had a good day with your dad."

IDK how I can turn that into a date. -_-

[Bastile]

So I guess other than my post#273

The only thing I have trouble in doing is texting. I now know to back off.

But when do i make plans. I know I should NEVER ignore her.

But when i just randomly get a text from her that simply says.

"hope you had a good day with your dad."

IDK how I can turn that into a date. -_-

 

"yeah, was good to see the old man. Let's meet tonight, 7PM?"

 

Doesn't always have to be clever. But then why are you still initiating with her?

 

As for books:

 

Rational male, 60 years of challenge, daygame mastery.

 

Rational male is basically essential. 60 years is one of the best things I've read on pub/club game, but all the skills are transferable and it has incredible insight. Daygame mastery is the best book I've ever read on game and life changing, but it's a bit complicated and meant for getting to a more advanced level - I bought it a couple of years back, and I think it's now out of regular print.

[clia]

Yes, I saw your post about your new plan (which doesn't sound that different from your old plan). That's what my last post was in response to. I've already repeatedly told you that I think you need to stop asking her out, at least for the short term. That remains my opinion. You need to pull back.

 

But here is more specific feedback:

 

When she reaches out to me again, I am simply going to ask her, So I suppose you want to get together soon?

 

Why would you do this?

 

If she calls me, I will answer, and ask her what her availability is, and she will most likely say, IDK, then I will flat out say, well if you don't know, get back to me when you find out and I have to go because I am busy. She will either tell me ok and make definite plans, or say she doesn't know.

If she says she doesn't know, I will simply tell her, "Ok, well I am busy at the moment, let me know when you figure it out",hang up and continue to not contact her.

I will keep doing the same thing, until she makes a DEFINITE date with me, and keep telling her that if she doesn't make that date with me, I will be making plans with someone else.

 

This doesn't work. You've tried it. When you tell her to let you know her availability, she takes that as meaning she can call you at the last minute and ask you to do something. And you accept (at least the past two times you have accepted this), so she thinks this is acceptable behavior. She seems to think this is what you mean when you say to let you know her availability.

 

So, you need to steer this back toward some kind of a plan for an actual date. If she asks you to do something last minute, decline. Offer an alternative. "I'm free on Wednesday." And leave it at that. Don't make a suggestion for a date, do not say anything more. Just "I'm free on Wednesday." You've thrown the ball back in her court. She can easily say "Great, let's plan to get together on Wednesday." If she is wishy washy and doesn't do that and then decides to call you on Wednesday at the last minute, then the answer is "Sorry, I already made other plans."

 

You show her by your actions (that you aren't available) that she needs to plan something with you in advance. You need to stop accepting crumbs and plans when she has nothing better to do.

 

------

The plan is to get her to give me her availability, and for me to make dates with her.

 

At this point, I think you are better off giving her YOUR availability, as I suggested above. But that's just my opinion. But if she doesn't grab it then and make a plan, then you are free to make other plans on that day.

 

The "let me know your availability" line works when you have asked her on a date, she says she can't because of X, Y, Z, and then you say okay "let me know your availability." You are past that. When you ask her out on a date, she ignores you. When you ask her availability, she ignores you. So, I don't think that is an effective way for you to proceed.

 

If she calls me up randomly and it doesn't' involve an opportunity for hooking up or sex to happen, I will simply tell her, I am busy, and she didn't give me her availability, so I have to go.

 

Okay, fine, whatever. But go and hook up and leave. Don't cuddle with her in bed until 5 a.m. Don't stay the night in the guest room.

 

But when i just randomly get a text from her that simply says.

"hope you had a good day with your dad."

IDK how I can turn that into a date. -_-

 

See my comments above. You don't try to turn a text like this into a date.

 

With respect to Corey Wayne, I haven't read his book; I've only browsed his web site. There probably are better books out there, books offering different kinds of advice, and some of his advice may be crap. However, what I gleaned from his posts is that he offers a lot of advice about how not to be a doormat and some good stuff re: boundaries, confidence, mystery, etc. You seem to need that -- that is why I was encouraging you to read his book.

 

And absolutely do not house sit for her parents. That's absurd.

[Versacehottie]

So I guess other than my post#273

The only thing I have trouble in doing is texting. I now know to back off.

But when do i make plans. I know I should NEVER ignore her.

But when i just randomly get a text from her that simply says.

"hope you had a good day with your dad."

IDK how I can turn that into a date. -_-

 

I second what clia said. There is NOTHING in here, especially based on your previous interactions with her, that warrants trying to turn THAT text into a date.

 

As we've been saying you need to bite the bullet and be willing to go without getting to see her in the near future, without sex, to get what you want with her in the longer term. (a balanced, respectful relationship & your dignity--there is no point in moving forward with her or anyone without that).

 

"had a great day with my dad, thanks" would suffice. And then ball is back in her court.

[Versacehottie]

If she calls me up randomly and it doesn't' involve an opportunity for hooking up or sex to happen, I will simply tell her, I am busy, and she didn't give me her availability, so I have to go.

 

No more her bailing on me, and blowing me off. And make dates at night that will lead to sex and hooking up. Simple as that.

 

 

 

The problem with this plan is that you always see every minor interaction with her as an opportunity to hook up and have sex with her. Every minor text, everything. If you are confident it will happen again (i think it will), you just need to stand you ground and have some patience.

 

I still think that you have very flawed ways of interpreting an logic you hear/read. You cherry pick the parts you want to hear and ignore the rest; much like your "relationship" with her. You are grasping at straws for the good parts with her and ignore the bad.

 

That she came around with an apology is "a start". Now don't go all misinterpreting that either!!!!! She is fickle and immature like I said about 20 pages back. She plays games that you quickly fall into the trap of. The "apology" is either a play in HER game OR the beginning signs that balance has the potential to even out OR a little of both. This is when you hold steady rather than fall all over yourself.

 

I don't know what to say about your long plan. It's sounds convoluted and as clia said basically THE SAME. Still passive, still all on her terms and i doubt you have the stamina to sustain it past wednesday. Sorry, i'm feeling puppy dog vibes. I hope you get the job at Raytheon, that would be great!

[DancerEngineer]

"yeah, was good to see the old man. Let's meet tonight, 7PM?"

 

Doesn't always have to be clever. But then why are you still initiating with her?

 

As for books:

 

Rational male, 60 years of challenge, daygame mastery.

 

Rational male is basically essential. 60 years is one of the best things I've read on pub/club game, but all the skills are transferable and it has incredible insight. Daygame mastery is the best book I've ever read on game and life changing, but it's a bit complicated and meant for getting to a more advanced level - I bought it a couple of years back, and I think it's now out of regular print.

 

Thanks!!!! I am going to order the book. LOL

------------

SO i texted her simple: "Thanks it was good. We went out to dinner. how about you?"

Her: "hey! i had lots of fun." *continues to text and tell me more about it.*

Her:"So i was thinking of going to home depot tomorrow"

*I am not her ERRAND BOY! I AM HER LOVER!*

Me:"Well i am going to be very tied up with recruiters this week and I have a lot going on tomorrow, what is your availability this week?"

-She learned her lesson from not being firm with me in the past.

Her:"oh i am free all day tomorrow"

- Sounds like she wants me to do her errands tomorrow. I am not doing this. I am only going on dates for now on. I will help her with errands as a reward for each date she gives me in return for now on.

Me:"What about the rest of the week?"

Her: "I am tied up Tuesday and Thursday"

Me: "How about if I am available tomorrow I will let you know about home depot and I will take you out on Wednesday. Cool?"

Her:"Oh so i see you are busy tomorrow with recruiters ok.. I have to see about Wednesday But i don't see any reason I can't hang on Wednesday."

 

Me:"Cool, well let me know when you figure it out so we can make plans. I'm exhausted and i'm going to go to bed because I have a big day tomorrow. Glad you had fun today. Nite!"

 

Her:"Oh i should go to bed now too! nite! Thanks! :)"

-----

IN CONCLUSION: I HATE how i have to make mistakes to learn lessons.

I did almost everything right except for the line where I said "let me know when you find out."

-I SHOULD HAVE DECLINED THE OFFER.

I should have said,

"Well if you aren't sure about Wednesday, then we will just have to do this another time and said good night. "

This would probably have led to her saying,

"Ohhhh no no no no no!! i'm good!! lets do Wednesday!!!!"

I have declined offers when she wasn't' sure, and she freaked out and jumped to the offer.

-----------------

 

I am actually glad i am in between jobs right now. I grew up very sheltered and all of this is so new to me, so I have so much to learn. The thing is, the younger age you learn this stuff, the easier it will be, but since I waited till I was 28 to lose my virginity and get experience with women, it is so much harder to pick up. It is the same reasons younger kids can pick up languages faster, but as we age, it is harder to learn languages. It's Neuro science stuff. But that is another topic. But like I said, I am glad I am in between jobs right now because this is giving me a lot of time to learn this material and understand relationships. This is one of the ONLY areas of my life I struggle with. And if I can get this part of my life figured out, I'll be invincible! LOL

------------

So I am not texting he back today after she said good night. She will obviously text me some time today and ask how my day is going, and I will simply say, I am busy and ask her if she figured out her schedule.

She will then say, "Yeah I THINK I am free these times."

That is when I will DECLINE my offer which will lead to her making definite plans with me.

----------

This entire experience really is hard for me, but I will admit, i am learning a lot out of it, and It is a good experience for me. And I am glad to be getting all of your feedback. I appreciate all of you guys.

Thank you all. Basically spending my entire day in my back yard in the sun talking to my professional recruiters and tying to figure out my next job. Working on ME! NOT HER!

Cheer to everyone who gave me good vibes and great advice!

[DancerEngineer]

At this point, you are just running around in circles. You keep asking the same questions over and over again, listen to our advice, say "Got it," and then do the exact opposite. All of the questions you are asking have been answered above, repeatedly. You won't receive a different response that's more to your liking just because you keep asking.

 

Right now, it seems as though your entire life focus is on this girl and what she's doing and what she's saying. Your neediness and investment in this non-relationship drips off the page -- I can't even imagine how evident it must be in person. You happily accept crumbs from this woman. It's just mindboggling why you are willing to accept this.

 

Things would be vastly easier if you actually were busy and invested in other things in your life. Then, you wouldn't be glued to your phone and wondering what game to play in response to every text message, you wouldn't be wondering what "busy" excuse you have to come up with and exactly what to say, etc. You would just naturally BE busy and she would not be the center of your life. Do yourself a favor and make some plans for the upcoming week with friends, family, whoever. And when you are involved in those plans, turn off your phone.

 

I'll be honest -- I don't think she has much romantic interest in you. She likes the attention you give her and probably thinks you are a nice enough guy, but she sure doesn't act like she wants you to be her boyfriend.

 

See my last post.

[DancerEngineer]

Yes, I saw your post about your new plan (which doesn't sound that different from your old plan). That's what my last post was in response to. I've already repeatedly told you that I think you need to stop asking her out, at least for the short term. That remains my opinion. You need to pull back.

 

But here is more specific feedback:

 

 

 

Why would you do this?

 

 

 

This doesn't work. You've tried it. When you tell her to let you know her availability, she takes that as meaning she can call you at the last minute and ask you to do something. And you accept (at least the past two times you have accepted this), so she thinks this is acceptable behavior. She seems to think this is what you mean when you say to let you know her availability.

 

So, you need to steer this back toward some kind of a plan for an actual date. If she asks you to do something last minute, decline. Offer an alternative. "I'm free on Wednesday." And leave it at that. Don't make a suggestion for a date, do not say anything more. Just "I'm free on Wednesday." You've thrown the ball back in her court. She can easily say "Great, let's plan to get together on Wednesday." If she is wishy washy and doesn't do that and then decides to call you on Wednesday at the last minute, then the answer is "Sorry, I already made other plans."

 

You show her by your actions (that you aren't available) that she needs to plan something with you in advance. You need to stop accepting crumbs and plans when she has nothing better to do.

 

 

 

At this point, I think you are better off giving her YOUR availability, as I suggested above. But that's just my opinion. But if she doesn't grab it then and make a plan, then you are free to make other plans on that day.

 

The "let me know your availability" line works when you have asked her on a date, she says she can't because of X, Y, Z, and then you say okay "let me know your availability." You are past that. When you ask her out on a date, she ignores you. When you ask her availability, she ignores you. So, I don't think that is an effective way for you to proceed.

 

 

 

Okay, fine, whatever. But go and hook up and leave. Don't cuddle with her in bed until 5 a.m. Don't stay the night in the guest room.

 

 

 

See my comments above. You don't try to turn a text like this into a date.

 

With respect to Corey Wayne, I haven't read his book; I've only browsed his web site. There probably are better books out there, books offering different kinds of advice, and some of his advice may be crap. However, what I gleaned from his posts is that he offers a lot of advice about how not to be a doormat and some good stuff re: boundaries, confidence, mystery, etc. You seem to need that -- that is why I was encouraging you to read his book.

 

And absolutely do not house sit for her parents. That's absurd.

 

You are so right!!!!!!!

See my last post. I figure out the issues with me saying, "let me know your availability."

I said in my post above what I should have said instead. I think I figure out how to go about this in a better way. And I now it will work because it has worked wonders with her in the past.

But i hate how I have to make mistakes to learn. Because mistakes cause damage, but I am still learning.

 

And OHHHH please! If you have good books!!! PLEASE do let me know!

I am in between jobs right now and I have more free time to concentrate on myself. I am simply just working with recruiters all day to land my next job.

But despite that, I will ALWAYS BE BUSY IN HER EYES FOR NOW ON!

LOL You can see where I ignored her last night about doing her errands and let her know i was only interested in dating. I almost had it perfect last night, but I made mistakes, but i explained that in my last post what I should have said instead.

But for now on, I am busy concentrating on my self. Hanging outside on my lounger with my awesome Fox toy Terrier sitting next to me keeping me company and working on MYSELF! NOT HER!!

----

Thanks everyone for being so patient with me. I know it must be like talking to a wall trying to give me advice. I am just a slow learner in this area because I waited so long to learn this stuff. I grew up in the library. I didn't grow up with relationships in the past. But once I get this **** down, I will be invincible.

[DancerEngineer]

The problem with this plan is that you always see every minor interaction with her as an opportunity to hook up and have sex with her. Every minor text, everything. If you are confident it will happen again (i think it will), you just need to stand you ground and have some patience.

 

I still think that you have very flawed ways of interpreting an logic you hear/read. You cherry pick the parts you want to hear and ignore the rest; much like your "relationship" with her. You are grasping at straws for the good parts with her and ignore the bad.

 

That she came around with an apology is "a start". Now don't go all misinterpreting that either!!!!! She is fickle and immature like I said about 20 pages back. She plays games that you quickly fall into the trap of. The "apology" is either a play in HER game OR the beginning signs that balance has the potential to even out OR a little of both. This is when you hold steady rather than fall all over yourself.

 

I don't know what to say about your long plan. It's sounds convoluted and as clia said basically THE SAME. Still passive, still all on her terms and i doubt you have the stamina to sustain it past wednesday. Sorry, i'm feeling puppy dog vibes. I hope you get the job at Raytheon, that would be great!

 

Thanks a lot!

I actually did what you told me to do last night. I didn't bring up hanging out. It was a simply response of,....well see my post above. Where I explained it. I think it was a move in the right direction and I can tell that she is very catioous now of making plans after she knew she screwed up last week. But I explained where I messed up in using the statement ""let me know your availability."

I found out what I should be saying instead.

And HECK YEAH! THIS IS ABOUT ME TODAY! I am in my back yard with my awesome dog on the lounger in the sun, working with recruiters and making phone calls all day. I am not contacting her. She needs to contact me back first! I now know that when she said, a maybe that I have to decline the offer and say, "Well if you don't know, then well just do it another time."

That WILL make her freak out and say, "Ohhhh no no no no no no! I'm down i'm down!!!!!"

It has happened in the past.

I guess i am just a slow learner. :/

---

I am not doubting I can get this relationship back on track, but I just have to learn. The week we first had sex was amazing. it seemed like she wanted to bring up being exclusive every single day. So I just have to stop being a MORON, and have faith that that attraction will come back.

I could tell in her tone last night she was talking very different and seemed like she was trying to respect me a lot more.

So maybe it was good I went to that party and screwed up. Because maybe it taught her she can't treat me this way. idk. But I need to get back to my emails and my recruiters.

My career is more important that some girl.

 

Thanks again for everything everyone.

 

Post #288 is where I realized where I was messing up with the same thing, "let me know your availability."

I now know how to use that in a better way.

Edited June 19, 2017 by DancerEngineer

[DancerEngineer]

I also know what I am going to say about the swing lessons.

 

The month of July they are teaching us a flash mob routine and the the first week of September we go out and do our routine in a flash mob. haha

 

I think its obvious she doesn't really take an interest in swing, since she likes Latin and ballroom more, but i'll give her one more chance to take it up.

 

Next time it comes up, i am going to say, "BTW, next week is your last chance to join us. if you don't want to join us, I'm going to find a new partner to learn the routine with. "

She might freak out and not want to lose the opportunity, or she simply might not be interested in it, which is fine. I don't expect her to be. I can't expect everyone to like every single hobby I have. But I will still be going and learning the routine with another partner.

[MidwestUSA]

I also know what I am going to say about the swing lessons.

 

The month of July they are teaching us a flash mob routine and the the first week of September we go out and do our routine in a flash mob. haha

 

I think its obvious she doesn't really take an interest in swing, since she likes Latin and ballroom more, but i'll give her one more chance to take it up.

 

Next time it comes up, i am going to say, "BTW, next week is your last chance to join us. if you don't want to join us, I'm going to find a new partner to learn the routine with. "

She might freak out and not want to lose the opportunity, or she simply might not be interested in it, which is fine. I don't expect her to be. I can't expect everyone to like every single hobby I have. But I will still be going and learning the routine with another partner.

 

No! Why would you do this?

 

Ask her if she WANTS to join you. Do not threaten to find someone else if she doesn't. If she says no, then go do your own thing.

 

Do you really want her joining you because she feels like she has to, to keep someone else out of the picture?

 

You've basically served your testicles on a silver platter to this girl. It's embarrassing to read.

[DancerEngineer]

No! Why would you do this?

 

Ask her if she WANTS to join you. Do not threaten to find someone else if she doesn't. If she says no, then go do your own thing.

 

Do you really want her joining you because she feels like she has to, to keep someone else out of the picture?

 

You've basically served your testicles on a silver platter to this girl. It's embarrassing to read.

 

OMG....I hate how I can never do the right thing. -_-

So I will bring it up one more time. And ask her.

She will say, "idk" or she will say, "i'm busy that day"

What are your thoughts in how I should approach this then. Can you elaborate more?

I was thinking of just saying the next time I see her,

Me:"so are you down to learnt eh flash mob routine with me?"

Her:" idk yet."

Me: "well if you don't know yet, that's ok, but i'll go ahead and find another partner if you aren't sure."

her1: "thats fine. I don't like swing that much."

her2: "ohh no no no I'm down!"

 

One of those 2 things will happen.

Edited June 19, 2017 by DancerEngineer

[MidwestUSA]

OMG....I hate how I can never do the right thing. -_-

So I will bring it up one more time. And ask her.

She will say, "idk" or she will say, "i'm busy that day"

What are your thoughts in how I should approach this then. Can you elaborate more?

 

Put the offer out there. Tell her you need to know by XX date. That's all.

 

She says idk or she's busy, you say 'okay'.

 

You're clinging to her last minute breadcrumbs, with all the 'hanging out' and errand boy stuff.

[clia]

Sigh.

 

------------

SO i texted her simple: "Thanks it was good. We went out to dinner. how about you?"

Her: "hey! i had lots of fun." *continues to text and tell me more about it.*

Her:"So i was thinking of going to home depot tomorrow"

*I am not her ERRAND BOY! I AM HER LOVER!*

Me:"Well i am going to be very tied up with recruiters this week and I have a lot going on tomorrow, what is your availability this week?"

 

There you go, asking her out again.

 

-She learned her lesson from not being firm with me in the past.

Her:"oh i am free all day tomorrow"

- Sounds like she wants me to do her errands tomorrow. I am not doing this. I am only going on dates for now on. I will help her with errands as a reward for each date she gives me in return for now on.

Me:"What about the rest of the week?"

Her: "I am tied up Tuesday and Thursday"

Me: "How about if I am available tomorrow I will let you know about home depot and I will take you out on Wednesday. Cool?"

Her:"Oh so i see you are busy tomorrow with recruiters ok.. I have to see about Wednesday But i don't see any reason I can't hang on Wednesday."

 

Why are even mentioning Home Depot? She didn't even mention you going with her, so why are you volunteering for this errand? What the heck are you thinking? She didn't even ask you to go, but as Versace noted above, since you leap on everything she says as the opportunity for a date, you started filling in the blanks.

 

In my opinion, you should've ignored it. So what if she's planning to go to Home Depot? Good for her. In my opinion, you should've just changed the subject after she said that. Or just said "Oh, cool." Or whatever.

 

(For what it's worth, I would be willing to bet my left arm that you will end up at Home Depot with her tomorrow.)

 

If she would've asked you to go to Home Depot (which she didn't), you could've then said you were busy with your recruiting stuff, and then said you were available on Tuesday or Wednesday or whatever day, as I advised above.

[clia]

I also know what I am going to say about the swing lessons.

 

Honestly, she flaked on you already. I think you should drop it and invite someone else.

[DancerEngineer]

Sigh.

 

 

 

There you go, asking her out again.

 

 

 

Why are even mentioning Home Depot? She didn't even mention you going with her, so why are you volunteering for this errand? What the heck are you thinking? She didn't even ask you to go, but as Versace noted above, since you leap on everything she says as the opportunity for a date, you started filling in the blanks.

 

In my opinion, you should've ignored it. So what if she's planning to go to Home Depot? Good for her. In my opinion, you should've just changed the subject after she said that. Or just said "Oh, cool." Or whatever.

 

(For what it's worth, I would be willing to bet my left arm that you will end up at Home Depot with her tomorrow.)

 

If she would've asked you to go to Home Depot (which she didn't), you could've then said you were busy with your recruiting stuff, and then said you were available on Tuesday or Wednesday or whatever day, as I advised above.

 

Actually that is exactly what I did. She said in the past she isn't going to home depot without me. So that was kinda a given. I NEVER told her in the text last night that i was going to go to home depot. Instead I asked her for her availability to make a DATE instead. Not to be her errand boy. I am NOT ABSOLUTELY NOT going to home depot with her today. NO WAY!

When she said i have to see about Wednesday, I should have said, "well if you aren't sure, we will just have to do it another time."

I have NOT texted her at allll today. And I do NOT PLAN ON IT.

When she text me today, I will give her the, "well if you are unsure of your availability, I don't want to make maybe plans. I am too busy."

[DancerEngineer]

Honestly, she flaked on you already. I think you should drop it and invite someone else.

 

it's annoying. She got mad at me in the past for not inviting her to it. Then she decided to get drunk instead. so...idk...w/e... -_-

[JuneL]

it's annoying. She got mad at me in the past for not inviting her to it. Then she decided to get drunk instead. so...idk...w/e... -_-

 

Her getting drunk had nothing to do with your not inviting her, but everything to do with her liking to get drunk. She really got the nerve. She couldn't even pay for the lesson, and got mad at you? Plus, she knows fully when the lesson is; so she will invite herself (knowing fully someone will be desperate enough to cover for her cost) if she's interested.