Making a Relationship "LONG TERM"

[Bastile]

It looks like you absorbed the most valuable lesson of Corey Wayne (or of any good dating coach really)--and of all of our posts here on your thread. I am happy to read this.

 

Very nice update thanks for posting!

 

I actually disagree.

 

Seems like avoidance to me. "I can't handle this, so I give up".

 

And yes, Corey Wayne's MO is about basically walking away. "Pull back, don't chase, you are the prize, etc". Encourages that mindset.

 

You aren't going to learn how to deal with issues by running away from them. Why not just minimize your investment instead? I really don't get it.

 

Mate, you're in your late 20's. This is your first girlfriend (if she can be called that). And you are taking a break because she got on your nerves.

 

To re-enter the game, when? At 30? 40? The game won't change. It'll still be the same. You'll face the same issues.

 

If you want to walk, then fair enough. But I think that's seriously worth pointing out.

[Imajerk17]

I actually disagree.

 

Seems like avoidance to me. "I can't handle this, so I give up".

 

And yes, Corey Wayne's MO is about basically walking away. "Pull back, don't chase, you are the prize, etc". Encourages that mindset.

 

You aren't going to learn how to deal with issues by running away from them. Why not just minimize your investment instead? I really don't get it.

 

Mate, you're in your late 20's. This is your first girlfriend (if she can be called that). And you are taking a break because she got on your nerves.

 

To re-enter the game, when? At 30? 40? The game won't change. It'll still be the same. You'll face the same issues.

 

If you want to walk, then fair enough. But I think that's seriously worth pointing out.

 

I usually like your posts mate, but I don't agree here.

 

Thinking that you won't meet anyone else is about the WORST reason there is to stay in something that clearly isn't working. Taking a break from someone who is getting on your nerves after only a month is precisely what OP *should* be doing.

 

It's not going to take OP a few more more years to meet another woman. LEt alone a woman who is more mature and is actually working and supporting herself. There are 7 billion people on this planet, half of them female. Let's encourage the OP to have some more faith in himself instead!

 

If someone is giving you this much grief this early on, there is no need to try to fix it. Move on to the next.

Edited June 20, 2017 by Imajerk17

[DancerEngineer]

I actually disagree.

 

Seems like avoidance to me. "I can't handle this, so I give up".

 

And yes, Corey Wayne's MO is about basically walking away. "Pull back, don't chase, you are the prize, etc". Encourages that mindset.

 

You aren't going to learn how to deal with issues by running away from them. Why not just minimize your investment instead? I really don't get it.

 

Mate, you're in your late 20's. This is your first girlfriend (if she can be called that). And you are taking a break because she got on your nerves.

 

To re-enter the game, when? At 30? 40? The game won't change. It'll still be the same. You'll face the same issues.

 

If you want to walk, then fair enough. But I think that's seriously worth pointing out.

 

If you read my post, I never said I was going to give up. If you read what I said, I said, I have thought about completely dropping this relationship in the past, but decided that would be a bad idea. Because no matter who I am with, i will have these issues and insecurities. So dropping this laureateship and staying single for the rest of my life is never learning. This is not my first relationship.

If this goes into an official relationship, this will be my third serious one. I have date many many girls, but I have had 2 serious relationships in the past. And to tell you the truth, every day was like this in the past with those relationships. I need to concentrate on learning how to deal with my insecurities.

The act of walking away is not dumping her. it is not giving her your attention and not pursuing as hard as you were in the past.

 

And i never said i am dropping her. I am simply giving her less attention and walking away and letting her come back to me and I should start thinking about dating other girls while I am at this. I still have yet to hear from her today, but I'm done chasing. She needs to put work into it too.

Edited June 20, 2017 by DancerEngineer

[DancerEngineer]

It looks like you absorbed the most valuable lesson of Corey Wayne (or of any good dating coach really)--and of all of our posts here on your thread. I am happy to read this.

 

Very nice update thanks for posting!

 

Thanks brother.

[DancerEngineer]

If anyone doesn't understand what I mean by walking away, here are a couple of videos.

 

This is what I mean by walking away. He says it very clearly and well.

[Bastile]

Excuse me. I was posting whilst watching the TV

 

I got the impression that you were going on some sort of break from women or something.

 

Which is normal to get your head straight for a bit, but there's a difference between that and avoidance.

 

With regards to Imajerk, I wasn't meaning that he'll never find anyone else. I was just meaning that it's better to learn how to manage things now, rather than kick it into the long grass.

 

But yeah, lowering your investment in her and increasing it in others is the way forward. It always was. You'll feel much better when you give less f**ks, and just start having fun with things.

[CandidJay]

Just tell her about it straight and if she's not willing to come to a compromise for a reason that you can't find reasonable, then that is definitely not the kind of girl you want, RIGHT? Why not take off and find someone else, instead of wasting your time playing noodles! Just saying!

[DancerEngineer]

Well like I said, this is an entire new degree(relationships) I am trying to cram in all at once.

When I was getting my engineering degree, i went to tutoring and got mentors. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have my degree. I just got a mentor/counselor, I will be meeting with like twice a week for this.

Walking away from a problem wont help me, so I got a referral and am getting a mentor. Its exactly what I need.

 

Thanks for all the help guys.

------------

She still hasn't text me today after texting me about the random gym text. Half you said i shouldn't text until she text me again, and others said I should flat out just ask her to do something on a definite time and date.

My counselor told me I should text her and simply say," hey, hows it going. lets make plans."

But its' too many mixed signals to know who to follow.

[MidwestUSA]

Your counselor's suggestion is exactly what you (and your 'gf') have been doing. It's vague, and it's not working for you.

 

No more hanging out, last minute, nonspecific plans. If you want to date her, ask her on a date. Firm day, time and place!

 

What's up with the dancing?

[JuneL]

So you have a free dating counselor? I hope you have at least given her the link to this thread so that she can catch up on the background of the whole situation, as I am positive you've omitted some important details like you did with the opening post in this thread.

 

I thought you agreed yesterday to follow Versace's advice and send the girl that preemptive text telling her of your change in schedule for Wed. If you really have nothing better to do, then you can pick up the phone impulsively on Fri, and tell her that you've had a long day and let's go for a drive to chill out now. If she wants to change your suggestion to something related to her errands, tell her you're too tired. NEVER EVER MAKE PLANS WITH HER IN ADVANCE AGAIN (she's gonna say idk and I can't see why not anyway, or ignore you altogether). She's gonna bombard you with those nonsense texts between now and Fri; just answer with "ok" "ic".

 

 

 

Well like I said, this is an entire new degree(relationships) I am trying to cram in all at once.

When I was getting my engineering degree, i went to tutoring and got mentors. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have my degree. I just got a mentor/counselor, I will be meeting with like twice a week for this.

Walking away from a problem wont help me, so I got a referral and am getting a mentor. Its exactly what I need.

 

Thanks for all the help guys.

------------

She still hasn't text me today after texting me about the random gym text. Half you said i shouldn't text until she text me again, and others said I should flat out just ask her to do something on a definite time and date.

My counselor told me I should text her and simply say," hey, hows it going. lets make plans."

But its' too many mixed signals to know who to follow.

[JuneL]

Your counselor's suggestion is exactly what you (and your 'gf') have been doing. It's vague, and it's not working for you.

 

No more hanging out, last minute, nonspecific plans. If you want to date her, ask her on a date. Firm day, time and place!

 

What's up with the dancing?

 

I think he's well past this stage: the girl has repeatedly ignored his proposed dates, flat out said idk or I can't see why not and then flaked on him. The only possibility for him to suggest seeing the girl is to pick up the phone impulsively and suggest getting together right at that moment. Also, NEVER EVER GO TO HER PARENTS HOUSE AGAIN.

[DancerEngineer]

Your counselor's suggestion is exactly what you (and your 'gf') have been doing. It's vague, and it's not working for you.

 

No more hanging out, last minute, nonspecific plans. If you want to date her, ask her on a date. Firm day, time and place!

 

What's up with the dancing?

 

Thanks! That is what she told me too. Any suggestions?????? I'm open to date suggestions.

I'm really glad I am getting a therapist. I am trying to learn a new degree all at once. I couldn't have gotten my engineering degree at a class A university without mentors and tutors, so i am very excited I can get one.

[DancerEngineer]

So you have a free dating counselor? I hope you have at least given her the link to this thread so that she can catch up on the background of the whole situation, as I am positive you've omitted some important details like you did with the opening post in this thread.

 

I thought you agreed yesterday to follow Versace's advice and send the girl that preemptive text telling her of your change in schedule for Wed. If you really have nothing better to do, then you can pick up the phone impulsively on Fri, and tell her that you've had a long day and let's go for a drive to chill out now. If she wants to change your suggestion to something related to her errands, tell her you're too tired. NEVER EVER MAKE PLANS WITH HER IN ADVANCE AGAIN (she's gonna say idk and I can't see why not anyway, or ignore you altogether). She's gonna bombard you with those nonsense texts between now and Fri; just answer with "ok" "ic".

 

 

Ok the last poster and my therapist both told me to ask her on a flat out straight date and stop saying,when are you free, and have something already planned, but you are saying otherwise.

My thoughts were to tell her, I am now busy on Wednesday, and to ask her to do something on Friday, but now you are saying I should just randomly ask her? ugh. It's like. I am getting so many different radio signals, I am getting so overwhelmed and tired and confused and I don't know what to follow now.

[DancerEngineer]

I think he's well past this stage: the girl has repeatedly ignored his proposed dates, flat out said idk or I can't see why not and then flaked on him. The only possibility for him to suggest seeing the girl is to pick up the phone impulsively and suggest getting together right at that moment. Also, NEVER EVER GO TO HER PARENTS HOUSE AGAIN.

 

Why never go to her parents house again? I don't get that.. Why is that bad? Please elaborate?

[DancerEngineer]

Your counselor's suggestion is exactly what you (and your 'gf') have been doing. It's vague, and it's not working for you.

 

No more hanging out, last minute, nonspecific plans. If you want to date her, ask her on a date. Firm day, time and place!

 

What's up with the dancing?

 

Thanks, that is exactly what my therapist said. I am glad I met with her. I need a mentor to get me thought this.

You have any date suggestions???

[DancerEngineer]

So you have a free dating counselor? I hope you have at least given her the link to this thread so that she can catch up on the background of the whole situation, as I am positive you've omitted some important details like you did with the opening post in this thread.

 

 

No, it is through my insurance.

I am paying for this. It will be like a guy I will meet with like twice a week to help mentor me and get me thought this. I got though engineering school with tutors and mentors, so this is a new degree to me, I need a mentor and tutor.

[JuneL]

Ok the last poster and my therapist both told me to ask her on a flat out straight date and stop saying,when are you free, and have something already planned, but you are saying otherwise.

My thoughts were to tell her, I am now busy on Wednesday, and to ask her to do something on Friday, but now you are saying I should just randomly ask her? ugh. It's like. I am getting so many different radio signals, I am getting so overwhelmed and tired and confused and I don't know what to follow now.

 

You can suggest something on Fri. It doesn't take an Einstein to predict what's gonna happen: she will say "idk" "I don't see why I can't meet on Fri"; then she's gonna tell you on Fri she went to a party on Thur and got drunk, and is having a hangover and has to flake on you again.

[JuneL]

No, it is through my insurance.

I am paying for this. It will be like a guy I will meet with like twice a week to help mentor me and get me thought this. I got though engineering school with tutors and mentors, so this is a new degree to me, I need a mentor and tutor.

 

Does this counselor specialize in relationship or dating?

[DancerEngineer]

You can suggest something on Fri. It doesn't take an Einstein to predict what's gonna happen: she will say "idk" "I don't see why I can't meet on Fri"; then she's gonna tell you on Fri she went to a party on Thur and got drunk, and is having a hangover and has to flake on you again.

 

No, I will try something I should have done completely different. Instead o saying, "well let me know when you figure out." I need to withdraw the offer and say, "well if you are unsure, then i don't want to make plans if you are unsure, so maybe another time."

 

THAT is what I should have been doing in the past. And I have done that in the past with her, and it worked wonders. She jumped and said, "Oh no im down!"

Like I said, i am trying to learn an entire new degree all at once here. My degree is engineering. Not relationships.

[DancerEngineer]

Does this counselor specialize in relationship or dating?

 

The one I met with today, yes, but I got a referral to see a guy who is specialized in this who will help me though this twice a week. It is like counselors you meet for short term issues very frequently. I just got the referral today, so i will be choosing one probably tomorrow. And it is exactly what I need.

[JuneL]

No, I will try something I should have done completely different. Instead o saying, "well let me know when you figure out." I need to withdraw the offer and say, "well if you are unsure, then i don't want to make plans if you are unsure, so maybe another time."

 

THAT is what I should have been doing in the past. And I have done that in the past with her, and it worked wonders. She jumped and said, "Oh no im down!"

Like I said, i am trying to learn an entire new degree all at once here. My degree is engineering. Not relationships.

 

She will say yes like she did with the swing class last Thur, but saying yes doesn't prevent her from flaking. I'm not sure why you're so against asking her to meet at real time. Honestly, she's not someone worth planning dates in advance with anyway. But I know you will keep polling people until you find one who tells you what you want to hear.

[MidwestUSA]

Dating and relationships are not a 'degree'.

 

Look, I was preengineering, I get the analytical part. I really do. But you need to let go of the idea that you can apply equations to life.

[DancerEngineer]

She will say yes like she did with the swing class last Thur, but saying yes doesn't prevent her from flaking. I'm not sure why you're so against asking her to meet at real time. Honestly, she's not someone worth planning dates in advance with anyway. But I know you will keep polling people until you find one who tells you what you want to hear.

 

Well I am willing to try it because i have never asked her like this and declined the offer if she gives me a 90 percent. I have never done it this way. And she also apologized to me on Sunday for flaking, so maybe she has learned that she shouldn't do that to me. But I guess I am willing to try it. If she flakes again, then you are completely right.

[DancerEngineer]

Dating and relationships are not a 'degree'.

 

Look, I was preengineering, I get the analytical part. I really do. But you need to let go of the idea that you can apply equations to life.

 

LOL Well any great date ideas then? I live in San Diego.

[MidwestUSA]

LOL Well any great date ideas then? I live in San Diego.

 

I'm not familiar, sorry, but surely there there are nicer things to do versus where I'm from!