Making a Relationship "LONG TERM"

[JuneL]

OP: You mentioned you have had a couple of relationships before. If I may ask: how did you meet those two girls (in college)? Were they of more similar background (e.g., more conservative, more into school)?

[JuneL]

Well I am willing to try it because i have never asked her like this and declined the offer if she gives me a 90 percent. I have never done it this way. And she also apologized to me on Sunday for flaking, so maybe she has learned that she shouldn't do that to me. But I guess I am willing to try it. If she flakes again, then you are completely right.

 

I sure hope you're as assertive to the girl as your tone on this post

[DancerEngineer]

Well I just simply sent a text and randomly said,

"hey how is your day going?"

I hope this ends well. -_-

[Sweetfish]

Well I just simply sent a text and randomly said,

"hey how is your day going?"

I hope this ends well. -_-

 

Great start to the devaluing process..

 

Time to move on to the next girl

[DancerEngineer]

Great start to the devaluing process..

 

Time to move on to the next girl

 

how is that supposed to make me feel better? Thanks a lot!

[DancerEngineer]

I'm getting so sick of always having to walk on thin ice for a relationships. i just want to be myself. All my past relationship have been this way. Part of me wants to just drop it because I am not sure the stress is worth any relationship.

How can I have this thread deleted?

[DancerEngineer]

I think I should delete this thread. Any admins can help me with this?

[Imajerk17]

What the.... OP you were doing so well just 6 hours and 2 pages ago!

 

Lemme get this straight: This girl flaked on YOU, and now, you are wondering how you can make it up to HER?

 

Anyway this is another problem: Too many cooks in the kitchen. You are taking advice and are getting differing opinions from Corey Wayne, everyone on your thread, your therapist, and probably even Donald Trump's attourney. No wonder why you are confused!

 

As my parting advice for this thread, I'd really advise you to stick with one or two mentors/sources of advice instead. As your therapist gave you what appears to be bad advice, maybe someone else instead. Your instincts this afternoon to move on from this girl for the time being at least were dead-on accurate, by the way. I wish you hadn't done anything when it came to her since.

Edited June 21, 2017 by Imajerk17

[DancerEngineer]

What the.... OP you were doing so well just 6 hours and 2 pages ago!

 

Lemme get this straight: This girl flaked on YOU, and now, you are wondering how you can make it up to HER?

 

Anyway this is another problem: Too many cooks in the kitchen. You are taking advice and are getting differing opinions from Corey Wayne, everyone on your thread, your therapist, and probably even Donald Trump's attourney. No wonder why you are confused!

 

As my parting advice for this thread, I'd really advise you to stick with one or two mentors/sources of advice instead. As your therapist gave you what appears to be bad advice, maybe someone else instead. Your instincts this afternoon to move on from this girl for the time being at least were dead-on accurate, by the way. I wish you hadn't done anything when it came to her since.

 

OMG! I am getting so sick of this. Yes my therapist told me to text her because I never responded to her last night and she thought she was waiting for me to text her. So I did that. I am getting so sick and tired of making alllll the wrong mistakes. I'm sick of this.

Well I sent that text and hour ago, and have yet to hear back. Maybe she is busy. She said on Sunday she had something going on Tuesday and Thursday, so maybe that is why she is taking so long to get back. IDK! I am just getting so sick and tired of all these cooks in the kitchen. Its too much for me to decide who to follow.

My therapist told me that it is very clear she is very into me by looking at the text, and by ignoring her, I will probably turn her off.

God why does this have to be such crazy rocket science!?! It's worst than learning Schrödinger wave equations in quantum physics.

Edited June 21, 2017 by DancerEngineer

[Sweetfish]

I'm getting so sick of always having to walk on thin ice for a relationships. i just want to be myself. All my past relationship have been this way. Part of me wants to just drop it because I am not sure the stress is worth any relationship.

How can I have this thread deleted?

 

I think another member said it best..

 

Do not act like a dog in heat and this is exactly how you are acting. You are putting way too much effort into this "relationship" and reading Corey Wayne books without even objectively looking at other books or sources is a big mistake.

 

Your emotions and reactions in this thread is exactly a motivating factor why women do not date nice guys as they are unaware of space and emotional control of ones self. When another guy is around her these are the guys that start to freak out. Thats why men and women sometimes stay away from virgins.

 

I read some of your post about how you want cuddling and spending time with her talking... this is great and all but at the end of the day

 

You being a man = cuddle time

You being sensitive = no cuddle time

 

And you are being sensitive and submissive. (Doing errands)

 

While saying "hey whats up" "hey how its going" sounds natural and safe it doesnt really open the doors to any conversation and is pretty lack luster specially if other guys are in the mix.. get me?

 

Think about it? Say she has multiple people communicating with her... guys, friends, and etc and you pop in "Hey hows it going" how are you pulling away her more valuble friends towards you? Just because you had sex means nothing.. she can get sex anywhere anytime anyplace.

 

What you should be doing is bringing her into your world and if you dont have one... no hobbies, no group of friends, no life or anything.. Corey Wayne nor LS can help you..

 

"Hey, xxxx Fri. Dave and busters go-karts, game?"

 

And guess what who cares if she goes or not. This is your world and what you like to do.

 

Its very self serving to have all these members help you and suddenly you want to erase all this information that could help others. One of the biggest problem i see with men is they want to get a female and drive her like a race car and they should treat her more like those old cars you have to wind up to get them started. Not to fast and not to slow. If you are going to text her... rather it be something funny you saw or read or you are meeting up. If not anything you say via text you might put your foot in your mouth.

[DancerEngineer]

I think another member said it best..

 

Do not act like a dog in heat and this is exactly how you are acting. You are putting way too much effort into this "relationship" and reading Corey Wayne books without even objectively looking at other books or sources is a big mistake.

 

Your emotions and reactions in this thread is exactly a motivating factor why women do not date nice guys as they are unaware of space and emotional control of ones self. When another guy is around her these are the guys that start to freak out. Thats why men and women sometimes stay away from virgins.

 

I read some of your post about how you want cuddling and spending time with her talking... this is great and all but at the end of the day

 

You being a man = cuddle time

You being sensitive = no cuddle time

 

And you are being sensitive and submissive. (Doing errands)

 

While saying "hey whats up" "hey how its going" sounds natural and safe it doesnt really open the doors to any conversation and is pretty lack luster specially if other guys are in the mix.. get me?

 

Think about it? Say she has multiple people communicating with her... guys, friends, and etc and you pop in "Hey hows it going" how are you pulling away her more valuble friends towards you? Just because you had sex means nothing.. she can get sex anywhere anytime anyplace.

 

What you should be doing is bringing her into your world and if you dont have one... no hobbies, no group of friends, no life or anything.. Corey Wayne nor LS can help you..

 

"Hey, xxxx Fri. Dave and busters go-karts, game?"

 

And guess what who cares if she goes or not. This is your world and what you like to do.

 

Its very self serving to have all these members help you and suddenly you want to erase all this information that could help others. One of the biggest problem i see with men is they want to get a female and drive her like a race car and they should treat her more like those old cars you have to wind up to get them started. Not to fast and not to slow. If you are going to text her... rather it be something funny you saw or read or you are meeting up. If not anything you say via text you might put your foot in your mouth.

 

Well then I guess i just caused damage and all I can do is wait. I'm still waiting. When she contacts me i intent to make definite plans and suggest something for Friday. I have no done her errands. I did NOT do her errands yesterday.

[DancerEngineer]

Actually, its just one freaking text. One freaking text shouldn't matter. Actually I am going to contact and admin and delete this post. I don't want it getting out and have her find this post some day. i feel I have gotten more anxiety reading people telling me I am making mistakes which causes me to freak out and make more mistakes. Everything was going fine before I started this thread.

[Sweetfish]

Actually, its just one freaking text. One freaking text shouldn't matter. Actually I am going to contact and admin and delete this post. I don't want it getting out and have her find this post some day. i feel I have gotten more anxiety reading people telling me I am making mistakes which causes me to freak out and make more mistakes. Everything was going fine before I started this thread.

 

This is BS as you would not have created this thread if everything was smooth. You would not be reading CW if everything was good. This girl has been flaky with you and you allow her to continue with this behavior because you want someone to submit to (become codepedant) but as I posted before you seem to not have a handle on your emotion as you say you are getting anxiety.

 

Sometimes you need to cut loose. Let her go and let her come to you. You are way too emotional over a text and response rate. This is a great indicator to women how you will respond to future problems..

[DancerEngineer]

This is BS as you would not have created this thread if everything was smooth. You would not be reading CW if everything was good. This girl has been flaky with you and you allow her to continue with this behavior because you want someone to submit to (become codepedant) but as I posted before you seem to not have a handle on your emotion as you say you are getting anxiety.

 

Sometimes you need to cut loose. Let her go and let her come to you. You are way too emotional over a text and response rate. This is a great indicator to women how you will respond to future problems..

 

Well it was all going great till I made this post. I started this post because i wanted to know how to turn dating into a long term relationship, but this thread is stressing me out more and more every time I look at it, and it is making me make stupid mistakes. That is why I said that.

 

You are right. That is why i am not double texting her. I sent her that text at 530 asking her how her day was treating her to make plans for this weekend, and she still hasn't text me back. And I do not intend to text again. I know what you mean. That is why i am not double texting. I just want to get my anxiety under control, and I feel as if not having this thread will help me have less anxiety. My anxiety is what is causing the issues.

[JuneL]

OP:

If I'm not mistaken, threads on here can only be closed but can't be deleted. In any case, I wish you all the best. Please continue to see a therapist for your anxiety. You sound like a very nice person, and I'm sure you'll meet some woman who deserves you.

[Sweetfish]

Well it was all going great till I made this post. I started this post because i wanted to know how to turn dating into a long term relationship, but this thread is stressing me out more and more every time I look at it, and it is making me make stupid mistakes. That is why I said that.

 

You are right. That is why i am not double texting her. I sent her that text at 530 asking her how her day was treating her to make plans for this weekend, and she still hasn't text me back. And I do not intend to text again. I know what you mean. That is why i am not double texting. I just want to get my anxiety under control, and I feel as if not having this thread will help me have less anxiety. My anxiety is what is causing the issues.

 

 

Buddy, I understand that after having a good time with her and having sex has made your brain go into over time. You will make mistakes and in college to have a long term relationship and lack social skills will work against you. My advice is to go to the breakup threads and see and read the mistake ppl have made.

 

You texted her a couple hours ago and you want a response now and you havent taken into consideration you took x amount of time to response to her. So you need to chill out and play it cool.

 

Anxiety kills relationships

[DancerEngineer]

OP:

If I'm not mistaken, threads on here can only be closed but can't be deleted. In any case, I wish you all the best. Please continue to see a therapist for your anxiety. You sound like a very nice person, and I'm sure you'll meet some woman who deserves you.

 

Thank you. I just need to get my anxiety under control now.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

When you meet the right person it won't be this difficult and stressful. You won't have to play any games with each other. You'll just be free to be yourself and things will flow naturally.

 

When you try to push something that isn't right, it will never work. If you ignore the warning signs then you will continue to date the wrong women over and over again.

 

You deserve better than that.

[DancerEngineer]

When you meet the right person it won't be this difficult and stressful. You won't have to play any games with each other. You'll just be free to be yourself and things will flow naturally.

 

When you try to push something that isn't right, it will never work. If you ignore the warning signs then you will continue to date the wrong women over and over again.

 

You deserve better than that.

 

Well I think the conclusion I have come to is no matter who I am with, I will have issues with anxiety. This is what caused me to make this post. Half the stuff I posted on this thread weren't even issues. I think the only thing that will destroy this relationship is my anxiety, so I need to focus on getting that under control.

------

 

BTW, it looks like she is on a hike or something. She mentioned a hike in the past, and said she was busy today, so I guess that i why she hasn't gotten back yet.

[Sweetfish]

Well I think the conclusion I have come to is no matter who I am with, I will have issues with anxiety. This is what caused me to make this post. Half the stuff I posted on this thread weren't even issues. I think the only thing that will destroy this relationship is my anxiety, so I need to focus on getting that under control.

------

 

BTW, it looks like she is on a hike or something. She mentioned a hike in the past, and said she was busy today, so I guess that i why she hasn't gotten back yet.

 

 

 

See what I mean... you are destorying the relationship by not keeping your cool. Its understandable the anxiety is hard to control. This is not a CW or LS resolve. This is a you resolve. You need to resolve you. Stop freaking out so you can enjoy the relationship.

[clia]

You are hearing different advice from different people because, as Versace pointed out, this is not an equation. There is no "one" answer that can guarantee you a relationship. That's why there are a million and one relationship/dating advice books and websites out there. Different people have different strategies based on their own experiences. You asked for advice, so we are all giving your our opinion, based on our own experiences. It's not black and white, and there are a lot of nuances, though, which is why you are seeing inconsistencies. You simply have to decide what you are going to do.

 

Look, you are going to make mistakes. Everyone does! That's how you learn and develop your own experiences that you can apply to your actions in the future. So, try not to stress out about it so much. The reality is that you really haven't done anything "wrong." You seem like a nice guy. I just think you could play this a lot better than you have, and I think you are bound to get hurt if you continue on this road with this woman.

 

For what it's worth, though, I totally disagree with your therapist.

[Versacehottie]

You are hearing different advice from different people because, as Versace pointed out, this is not an equation. There is no "one" answer that can guarantee you a relationship. That's why there are a million and one relationship/dating advice books and websites out there. Different people have different strategies based on their own experiences. You asked for advice, so we are all giving your our opinion, based on our own experiences. It's not black and white, and there are a lot of nuances, though, which is why you are seeing inconsistencies. You simply have to decide what you are going to do.

 

Look, you are going to make mistakes. Everyone does! That's how you learn and develop your own experiences that you can apply to your actions in the future. So, try not to stress out about it so much. The reality is that you really haven't done anything "wrong." You seem like a nice guy. I just think you could play this a lot better than you have, and I think you are bound to get hurt if you continue on this road with this woman.

 

For what it's worth, though, I totally disagree with your therapist.

 

Ditto, on disagreeing with the therapist. Maybe he/she is 2 weeks back on the information or as someone said doesn't know the whole story which tends to come out in bits and pieces and be made rosy posey. I think essentially telling him to keep trying with her is counter-productive to OP working on his anxiety and self-esteem AT THIS JUNCTURE which are the most important thing going forward at this point.

 

Oh and to be totally fair to the therapist, maybe reaching out to her isn't exactly what he/she advised.

Edited June 21, 2017 by Versacehottie

[JuneL]

It looks like this thread is still open. While our exact opinions may not be the same, the main themes in this thread are pretty consistent:

 

1. This girl doesn't deserve to be your girlfriend; she's good for hanging out when you don't have better things to do only;

 

2. You shouldn't be her errand boy (particularly, shouldn't do the insulting house-sitting $hit for her parents);

 

3. You shouldn't respond to those texts of hers that are of no substance, except responses like "ok", "ic"; you should avoid reading too much into her nonsense texts (e.g., when she says she's going to the gym, take that at face value, instead of interpreting it as her indirect invitation for you to join her);

 

4. You shouldn't make plans with her in advance (besides the word "availability", you should eliminate the word "plan" from your interactions with her);

 

5. You shouldn't accept her last-minute suggestions to hang out (see remarks below);

 

6. Your first therapist's suggestion (if it's really her suggestion) to try making more plans with the girl is very bad advice. You should really print out a copy of this thread and bring it to the next therapist (or at least point him to this thread's link) so that he can understand the whole situation.

 

Don't you have to take writing classes in college/high school? If I were asked to summarize concisely the suggestions from this thread, the above would be my summary.

 

A couple of remarks for 5:

 

(i) Bastile suggested in an earlier post that you can make a concrete alternative to her last-minute suggestion to meet somewhere at that moment outside of her parents house, e.g., going for a drive; this alternative is a counter-offer to meet right away, and not planning something in advance;

 

(ii) I personally think that, when you have nothing better to do, it's okay to pick up the phone randomly and ask her to meet right away; again, this shouldn't involve spending time at her parents house; it's ok if she declines, but don't offer an alternative for another time;

 

(i) and (ii) show that you are taking the lead while not being overly accommodating.

[DancerEngineer]

It looks like this thread is still open. While our exact opinions may not be the same, the main themes in this thread are pretty consistent:

 

1. This girl doesn't deserve to be your girlfriend; she's good for hanging out when you don't have better things to do only;

 

2. You shouldn't be her errand boy (particularly, shouldn't do the insulting house-sitting $hit for her parents);

 

3. You shouldn't respond to those texts of hers that are of no substance, except responses like "ok", "ic"; you should avoid reading too much into her nonsense texts (e.g., when she says she's going to the gym, take that at face value, instead of interpreting it as her indirect invitation for you to join her);

 

4. You shouldn't make plans with her in advance (besides the word "availability", you should eliminate the word "plan" from your interactions with her);

 

5. You shouldn't accept her last-minute suggestions to hang out (see remarks below);

 

6. Your first therapist's suggestion (if it's really her suggestion) to try making more plans with the girl is very bad advice. You should really print out a copy of this thread and bring it to the next therapist (or at least point him to this thread's link) so that he can understand the whole situation.

 

Don't you have to take writing classes in college/high school? If I were asked to summarize concisely the suggestions from this thread, the above would be my summary.

 

A couple of remarks for 5:

 

(i) Bastile suggested in an earlier post that you can make a concrete alternative to her last-minute suggestion to meet somewhere at that moment outside of her parents house, e.g., going for a drive; this alternative is a counter-offer to meet right away, and not planning something in advance;

 

(ii) I personally think that, when you have nothing better to do, it's okay to pick up the phone randomly and ask her to meet right away; again, this shouldn't involve spending time at her parents house; it's ok if she declines, but don't offer an alternative for another time;

 

(i) and (ii) show that you are taking the lead while not being overly accommodating.

 

Thanks. I kinda of want to end this thread here.

Thank you for taking the time to write this out. I really appreciate this. I'm going to save this post.

 

In summary the main think I need to work on is my anxiety over this and see a therapist to help mentor me on anxiety issues. That will fix a lot of issues.

 

She did text me back last night. She ended up staying on the hike and camping with her girlfriends.....but I can't over think that. I just have to think she was busy having fun with her friends out camping. So what.

[DancerEngineer]

Ummm guys. So I kinda need help and advice.

 

I noticed ever since that camping trip she went on which was Tuesday-Wednesday, she was never the same again.

On Thursday we got dinner and pizza, and she looked super depressed and weird. And then she said she was going to go home, and I asked if she wanted to stop by, and she said, I need to take a nap, so I said, i can join you.

Then she said the average, "IDK." This was all said in person after we walked out of the restaurant.

Then she text me Friday a random video of her gecko on her bed, and I ask her to do something on the weekend following the last min suggestion advice, and she said, well i have to prepare for my dance intensive workshop which is Monday and get to her stuff done but maybe. -Which was an excuse.

 

Then all the sudden I get a text from her saying,

Her:"I got a UTI! :( :("

Me:"How did that happen??? "

Then I looked up UTI online.

Me: "it says you can get it from sex online? related to the camping trip?"

Her: "no! lol you can get it from a lot of different reasons!"

Her:" I once got a UTI from swimming in a lake."

Her:* sends me a google description of UTI"

(I hope this doesn't mean she had sex with a guy on a camping trip and got a UTI, but I was told that you don't have to have sex to get a UTI, so I know I shouldn't assume anything.

 

Me:"Oh well that sucks. Maybe it was related to the camping trip and sanitary reasons or something. I hope you get better fast. Anyways I am going to try and go to bed. Good Nite!."

 

Then I never got a good night text back...

Saturday nothing at all. -She also works this day and has always texted me when she gets to work about finding a parking spot.

Sunday which is today. I still have yet to hear anything back...

Nothing.....

Allll the sudden her texting just randomly stopped. Completely. For no reason. What. The. Heck. I am trying to fight the urge to text her back, and I know I shouldn't. What are your guys's thoughts as to what happened? I don't get this. Coach Corey Wayne says if a omen stops texting like this, so nothing. And it is your inaction to her not contacting you that will make her want to contact you. So that I what I am trying to do. Is simply NOT text her, and just wait for her to contact me if that is ever. Thoughts on what I should do? Just wait? I don't get it.

------------

 

And lets says she did have sex with someone and caught the UTI, why would she even have to tell me? That doesn't even make sense. I don't get it. One of my friends was telling me she probably had sex with another guy on the camping trip which is why she got the UTI and was depressed when i saw her Thursday night for dinner, but I don't want to jump to conclusions. My mom told me she has also gotten many UTIs in her past and none of them were from sex, so I should't make that conclusion.

-----------

OK! Super random. She JUST text me right after I posted this and just said, "hey how are you?"